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Hoarding Help Message Boards : The Daily Chat : What Are You Doing Today?
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What Are You Doing Today?

Posted: 26 January 2019 - 10:55 PM
Holy badger, Batman - I didn't realize the file needed resizing! My apologies if I screwed up the board!

I'll just show myself out now...
Posted: 26 January 2019 - 10:53 PM
Just popping back in with a couple stray things. Was going to mention to SubC that I think the decision to buy the book you use regularly is a good one. Our town got the new main library built, but it has so much of a greater emphasis on computers and tech, and less on physical books.

I suppose that's inevitable. But before they moved and had book sales and got rid of quite a few books, there were certain ones they always had on hand, ones that I didn't want to own but referred to now and then. And they instituted a $3.00 fee for each Interlibrary Loan item! So now I feel more inclined to purchase some books in physical form again, which goes against my downsizing goals. Electronic books work in some cases but not all. So I think you were right to buy that book you know you'll use.

The other thing I came back to add was this, for Tatoulia:

Posted: 26 January 2019 - 10:52 PM
Just popping back in with a couple stray things. Was going to mention to SubC that I think the decision to buy the book you use regularly is a good one. Our town got the new main library built, but it has so much of a greater emphasis on computers and tech, and less on physical books.

I suppose that's inevitable. But before they moved and had book sales and got rid of quite a few books, there were certain ones they always had on hand, ones that I didn't want to own but referred to now and then. And they instituted a $3.00 fee for each Interlibrary Loan item! So now I feel more inclined to purchase some books in physical form again, which goes against my downsizing goals. Electronic books work in some cases but not all. So I think you were right to buy that book you know you'll use.

The other thing I came back was this, for Tatoulia:

Posted: 26 January 2019 - 09:05 PM
Pretty awesome. Now, allow me to distract you with this shiny object.
Posted: 26 January 2019 - 08:35 PM
Amazing all the other things you can accomplish while you are procrastinating. :D

Posted: 26 January 2019 - 08:30 PM

Changed sheets
Two loads of laundry
Spent zero money
Hung up an etching that has been sitting around
Wrapped all gifts and assembled package to go overseas
Filled out customs paperwork
Vacuumed bedroom.

The badger will find me shampooing the rug Sunday. I have the machine, cleaning solution and no excuses left.
Posted: 26 January 2019 - 06:33 PM
Wow. And to think the power to ward off the animals is in my hands.

Just changed my sheets and picked up stray Kleenex and other things on the floor. About to vacuum.
Posted: 26 January 2019 - 06:10 PM
Hi Subclinical
Hahaha Cats are so weird. :D

A book you use all the time for teaching is a necessity.
WTG! Your Heart Daughter!

Hi CriticalMass
I am still concerned...
How did that electrical wire get split?
That was so scary (((HUG)))
I believe the DNA kit tells what parts of the world your ancestors came from.
Like 47% Native American
16% Irish
23%northern European
Stuff like that.

You can run but you can not hide :P

Beautiful day until now.
The clouds have rolled in blotting out the last rays of the sun.
Had a full line of laundry hung out. It all dried nicely.
Went out and did a very little cleaning up/out in the garden area.
Some yard decorations were old, weathered and sad looking so I finally tossed them out.
Did a bunch of other miscellaneous stuff inside too.
Steven is again doing some churning of the driveway hoard.
No sign of anything going away.
Posted: 26 January 2019 - 05:55 PM
GROWLLLL..... >:$



Posted: 26 January 2019 - 05:42 PM
CM good work weathering the storm on your computer cord. I am so grateful the problem and the sparking were discovered before anything really awful happened. I hope your work isn't lost.

I spent the whole day out of the house and by myself. It was nice just being me. I hung out with BF for a bit afterward and now I'm making dinner. And doing laundry. And worried about the wolverine.

I will keep you posted.
Posted: 26 January 2019 - 04:18 PM
Using computer at the library - y'all won't believe why...

Last night I was going great guns on my pay stubs, the end was in sight, I was tired but wanting to push through. Suddenly a popup on my screen says the battery is like 6% and to plug the computer cord in. So I hurry to try and do that, because sometimes I do unplug it with my foot accidentally, one of the perils of working in tight spaces.

Frantically checking plugs and the battery is not showing plugged in no matter what I do. I quickly did one more Save of my file. What I discovered finally was a split in the insulation of the cord, right by where it plugs into the computer. It was sparking - even after I unplugged it - that power box contains capacitor(s) so it was still "live" so I took it outside so it wouldn't start a fire. Sheesh.

So, had to order a new cord assembly from Amazon; it'll arrive tomorrow. But I was so mad! Trying to do something good to improve my life, and my rotten luck that seems to accompany such goals caught up with me. I just hope the BIOS or whatever has enough battery power to survive till the new cord arrives.

SubC, I am not laughing about smoothing the papers before starting, because I have done similar things!

it's fun to order a Ken doll and know he will arrive promptly, unlike all the crazy shenanigans of trying to get a real human boyfriend - LOL! (Don't worry, I'm not into anything weird with the dolls.) There is an empty set of drawers set aside in the storage unit for the Barbie collection's recent additions. At some point I'm going to have to keep fewer of the dolls with me at the house, and trade out. They're temporarily in stacked plastic shoeboxes.

Motown, you might like the book Cut the Clutter and Stow the Stuff - I found its method pretty user-friendly. I think that's the book (I've read so many clutter books it's hard to remember for sure, LOL!) but I think that's the one that says to have a container for things that DON'T belong in the area you're currently sorting in. Then at the end of your work session you take the basket round and place the items in their intended places - or at least what you will be designating as their intended places, as sometimes that's in the future.

It helps keep you from getting sidetracked with the extraneous items, and to stay focused on the category you are currently dealing with. And you can also have a trashbag for trash and a donation box and such along with the basket as you work.

Definitely second SubC's advice to "move 'em on out" ASAP! I donated a couple of books to the library bookstore since I was coming here. They were duplicate copies. I did buy two others... they're smaller sized, if that counts for anything!

SubC, the story about your room is very intriguing. In that clutter support group I was going to, I picked up an advice tidbit that said instead of trying to pick out what to get rid of, pick out what you most want to keep - and I find that works for me. The "if there were a fire what would you rescue" approach.

And I can relate to your mom and dad making storage elsewhere for your leftovers - my parents did the same - even to the point of my dad building shelves and my mom organizing the stuff neatly. Now some of it was when I was trying to have a floral and craft business and the floral arrangements we all hoped would sell, etc. But inadvertently they were enabling my acquisition tendencies.

Executive function, oh my, yes. I didn't receive my ADHD diagnosis till age 35, and I don't think I stumbled upon the executive function concept until after my parents had both died and I was living in their house (and hoarding, and trying to save the house from foreclosure, and unemployed, then later pursuing disability).

So my poor parents didn't realize why I struggled so much with acquiring and indecision and such. Did I ever mention that as a preschooler I hoarded those plastic streamers they used to have on a garland by gas stations and other businesses? There was a gas station across from my grandma's and I used to pick them up in her yard and keep them in a brown grocery bag. They were my "ribbons" and I cherished them. Mom told me later she secretly thinned them out, discarding the really dirty ones.

So I guess I'm a "natural born" hoarder! I got an Ancestry DNA kit for Christmas; I wonder if it'll show mutations that made me a hoarder - science has found at least one. I'm not sure how detailed those kits get - probably they're more about your ancestors, as per the title. It'll be fascinating to find that out anyway.

Well, everyone just keep on in the battle, that's all we can do - solidarity!
Posted: 26 January 2019 - 10:13 AM
Good morning! Great to have such a nice newsy post, SubC! That must've been great fun clearing out your room. I too moved a lot as a child and I could never understand how someone could live in the same place year after year. When in grad school, I had the same apartment for several years, and it was the longest I'd ever lived anyplace. Now I'm here and I'm happy. I am grateful to have lived in so many homes and in so many places. The few things that survived all those moves were very precious to me but I've managed to get rid of most with the tools and skills I've gotten here.

I swear I'm thinking about the rug. I'm going to finish my coffee, run a few errands on this beautiful sunny day, then vacuum then shampoo my rug. BF will help me with the tv Santa brought me either late tonight or tmr afternoon and I want the bedroom to be vacuumed with no signs of badger or Wolverine.
Posted: 26 January 2019 - 08:15 AM
You guys are so funny!

I hope the rug gets shampooed!


It is wonderful that you are making so much progress on your paper! I would have been tempted to start by carefully smoothing out each sheet and then telling myself I already reduced the pile by 2/3.

Do you have a spot for the Ken doll when he arrives? I think that is the most important thing in deciding about getting him. My dolls got in such a mess when I didn't have spots for them any more. As i've been puttering around i've actually still found a few here and there and it's added up to refilling an entire bin I don't have a shelf for. But at least they are being gathered in one place and not tucked away in drawers or the backs of cabinets. I will keep working, and I will find shelves for them.

I'm glad Steven didn't shop! Maybe his churning will unearth something he can toss. Ever hopeful.

Motown, I hope you're feeling well this morning. I know it's overwhelming. I agree with the "just start anywhere" philosophy. Set a timer for 5 minutes and tell yourself you will quit after that even if you only moved one piece of paper. Then you can decide if you want to do another 5. Establishing the habit is important. Also, a lot if advice is to sort things when you are working, but when it is so much, The sorted things often get set aside and reabsorbed, so I would say, anything that can leave the house, remove it as soon as you find it - take it to the trash can or the recycling bin, or your car if you are going to give it away. Take it to the room it goes in. Especially if that room is inhabited by someone else - if the kids realize they actually have to keep their stuff in their space, they may be more willing to let stuff go or not bring it home.

We moved a lot when I was a kid, and then we stopped for a while. When I was a young teenager, I got this great idea to remove everything from my room (furniture too) clean all the surfaces, and then put everything back one item at a time, choosing exactly what I wanted and exactly where it would go. Like moving! The house was always nicer after we moved. The hallway was a disaster for over a week. I piled stuff in the living room. My mom not only put up with this - she washed my curtains. When I was done, my room looked fantastic.

But, I had a huge pile of stuff I wanted, but I didn't want in my room. My mom had never heard of hoarding, or executive function. She was a saver raised by savers. So instead of taking the oportunity to make me really look at the stuff and determine if I REALLY still wanted it and why, and then making me put it back in my room. she helped me find places to stash a lot of the items in other parts of the house and she filled boxes to store in the attic for me. Boxes my father brought to my house in a u-haul truck 12 years and 4 moves later.

And of course, I promptly rehoarded my room with new stuff.

Tillie, your cats are funny too. Mine hates his litter box. It's the potty of last resort for him. The way we feel if we've been at a big outdoor festival and it's late afternoon and we realize our only option is the port-o-let. If he gets shut inside for a long time, he dashes out the second you open the door. Even in the rain. I keep it clean (which is easy since he rarely uses it) he just seems offended by the idea of doing his business in the house.

He was out in the cold all night, so we've been having lots of snuggly cat time this morning.

Tatoulia, I didn't even notice about the weight. Honestly, my loss was jump started by being so sick. I was losing a pound or more a day for almost two weeks! Then I gained a little back, and it stabilized and I lost a few more to hit my goal. It was not worth it though. Your way is better.

I am really really impressed at your financial accomplishments! That is a huge load with the assessment. My car was only 4 figures and I am hoping to pay it off this month - which will be my big financial accomplishment for the year.

I am not doing the "no spend" challenge, but in my continued quest for accountability - I ordered a book last night. It is one I use for teaching every year. I had a copy and I think I loaned it to someone, but someone says she did not borrow it... it is just too much hassle to keep getting it from the library. I found a paperback to pass on, but I ordered the new book in hardcover for durability, so it will take up more space. I need to take another look at my teaching shelf. I also ordered vacuum bags, but those are consumable.

Today I finish off the evaluations, possibly restock hay and straw (might put that off until tomorrow) clean up the mess that accumulated in my house this week (I am at a point in my life where I can catch up on dishes and laundry every week! papers are a different story, but they at least get cleared off public surfaces.) meet my dd and her dh for dinner, and go to a concert with dh.

I saw my heart daughter yesterday and she showed me pictures of her kitchen. The dishes were a little behind, and the side counter was a little messy, but the floor was clean, and the shelves were neat and she has painted it her favorite color and added two stools to the island so she and heartgrandson can sit there to do projects or eat, and she said it wasn't always cleared off (it was in the picture) but it was cleared off every night that he is home. (Shared custody) i'm Very proud of her.

Ok, end of book.
Posted: 25 January 2019 - 09:10 PM
Posted: 25 January 2019 - 07:22 PM
CM! I didn't see your post! WOWIE! You are doing this! I am so proud of you, as is the Ken doll.
Posted: 25 January 2019 - 07:20 PM
I'm home from work. Started to feel a chill at the office then a little nauseated on my way home. I stopped at grocery store and only got grocery items, milk, margarine, bread for mom, etc. I took the train home because the milk was heavy.

Now I'm here and in my pjs. I can tell kitty is glad to have me home.

Tillie, the cats go inside to use the facilities! Oh boy.

I'll wrote more later. I think there'll be a badger here soon.
Posted: 25 January 2019 - 07:03 PM
Hi CriticalMass

Working through all those papers!
It will be so nice for you when it's all done, digitized and gone.
Use sewing for your dolls as a well earned reward. :D
Posted: 25 January 2019 - 05:57 PM
Just a flyby to say I have gotten 2/3 of the way with my data entry of the pay stubs project. I'm to the 2000s! These are 3-folded sheets of paper so the stack is really only 1/3 the size it looks.

Then I remove any Social Security, name, address, etc. info - might just be able to mark through them with black Sharpie, otherwise rip that part off for the shredder. Quick and dirty, take no prisoners. Paper that has no personal information can just go in recycling. And then I'll be DONE!

I ordered a Ken doll from Ebay today - I've been much better about the Barbie collection, and it was reasonably priced to fill a gap (Kens from 2000-14 or so, when they still had rooted hair and some even had legs that could bend at the knees). I hope to shift away from paperwork for a short interval to make some clothes for my own dolls and to sell, and to plan some quilts for church.

But I'll keep going on paper decluttering without too much of a break, because even though it's tedious, it's satisfying knowing that paper won't be coming back! My recordkeeping is more and more electronic and streamlined; it's merely the backlog during the crazy years of moving that still needs to be dealt with.


Steve, welcome if you're still here - I'm Catholic too. What order are you in novitiate for?
Posted: 25 January 2019 - 04:45 PM
Good Afternoon Everybody

Hi Motown
WAY TO GO! sticking with this "no spending" challenge!
Eventually it will start making a difference.
The challenge will go on through February and then we will regroup and see if we will continue.

I understand about being dead tired when you get home.
But see if you can muster up just 5 minutes daily to do one quick thing.
Something like a five minute dash to fill up one small trash bag or clearing off a few inches of a counter or table.
This way you can be proud of your accomplishment daily even if it gets messed up by the crowd that lives there too.

Hi Tatoulia


Worked outside in my garden from 11:00am until 2:00pm.
Very happy with what I got done there.
Had windows and the front door open airing out the house.
The cats were out there with me for a little while then they went back inside to use the litter boxes and take naps.
So funny that they won't potty outside in the dirt.
Such a beautiful day, clear blue skies, warming sunshine.
Decided to quit when my back started complaining or I would still be out there.
Had some toast & chocolate almond milk and soon I will get in the shower.
Steven did NOT go shopping today!
He actually has been out in the driveway sorting (churning) through some of the stuff he has there.
Posted: 25 January 2019 - 04:26 PM
Motown!!!!!!!! Yay you for getting some rest in. Sounds silly, but......I find if I stay hydrated I can tackle the tasks better. Stay hydrated! We can work on the piles!! Great job not spending. Feels remarkably good, right?
Posted: 25 January 2019 - 02:53 PM
Wonderful to hear, er, read (?!), good reports from everyone on their accomplishments. It is inspiring. I always have good intentions but then I get home and life happens and I fall into bed at 10-ish completely exhausted but without any sense of accomplishment (because I accomplished nothing). So I always think well I will make it up tomorrow but apparently tomorrow never comes! LOL!
Thinking if I can shake this yucky headache and feel productive tomorrow when I get up ii might try to tackle the dining room. Right now there is literally a path to walk through and the stacks/mountains are so high that they are having landslides. There are papers and books and phone chargers and dog crates and off season clothes and the odd sock basket and the whatchmacallits and the thingamagigs and the doodads and.....

So, anyway, I haven't been spending money unnecessarily. Feels good. Not going very far to help with the bills but maybe over time if I can keep it up and get any kind of tax refund at all that can go toward bills also.

Peace, love and happy weekend!!!
Posted: 25 January 2019 - 11:35 AM
SubC forgive me for not congratulating you on your weight! I swear it's not sour grapes on my part!

At office but checking in. I'll need a badger knocking at my door to get the rug shampooed. It's easy.
Posted: 25 January 2019 - 10:21 AM
Good Morning Everyone

Hi Subclinical
Thank you for the LOL about "Steven thoughts" ;D

WAY TO GO! reaching your Healthy Weight Zone!
Blood pressure readings in a medical setting should be adjusted for people with white coat hypertension.
I suffer from that too. ;D

YEA!!! for a full can up at the road!!!
Plus there was that insulation scrap that went away too.

This whole process of decluttering and cleaning is all about self care.
We all deserve to live in a healthy safe environment.
The journey to getting there opens our minds to also decluttering and cleaning up our physical health.
The process of decluttering and cleaning brings forth emotions, thoughts and things we fear to examine about ourselves.
We declutter and clean those too.
This is all about self care and loving ourselves and each other. (((HUG)))

Hi Tatoulia
What is the hold up with shampooing the rug?
Is it hard to do?
Do you have what you need to do the job on hand?
Would you like some badgering, nagging, constant reminding?

Your financial accomplishments in 2018 are fantastic!
You are making very logical plans for paying off the cards and making good plans to reduce future debts.
Credit cards make it too easy to buy things.
Paying cash keeps reminding us to stay within budget.
Plus if the money is not in our pocket, we can't afford to impulsively over buy.

The dark chocolate almond milk was so wonderful to dip my toast in.
Next time, I will ask him to bring me home another loaf of bread.
Good thing is that almond milk always has an expiration date a lot longer than cow milk.
I have until the end of February to finish both cartons.
Today I am planning to get outside and do some things in the garden.
Still so much to do out there but next Summer it will be a lot easier to care for than it has been in the past.
Posted: 25 January 2019 - 07:47 AM
It was a good week, SubC! Your husband is right! You've accomplished so much this week. I'm impressed. And inspired.

Well that's a good frame of reference, SubC. Even after my mother said, no more nightgowns. I bought her two. Then I didn't give them to her. I got them in August and gave them to her just after Christmas, which ended up being perfect timing. She has no room for more things and just because I think it would brighten her day, I can do so by stopping by or working on a project with her. Thank you. She also lets me know when she needs things so I shouldn't be jumping at every sale that walks by me. Oh, maybe I'm the one walking by the sales (sheepish grin)

Good plan on Steven, Tillie. He bought two. That's a lot to get through. But delicious.

I appreciate all of the support and guidance. I paused last night to think about my financial accomplishments in 2018: I lived through the five-figure condo assessment (my share) and I got rid of my debt (also five figures) on one credit card and then I closed the account. I know exactly how much I have on the two other cards. One, once it is paid off, will never be used again (I don't even know where the card itself is) and the other will be put in a drawer for an actual emergency. So I'm planning ahead on this.

I truly hope to accomplish some household things this weekend. Like shampoo the bedroom rug.
Posted: 25 January 2019 - 06:27 AM
Hi Steve,

I would definitely say remove the guns. I'm not very knowledgeable about the whole religious life thing, but out here - remove the guns is a very clear primary step. Try not to get emotionally tangled in the process (which is hard) just keep focused on the practical, verifiable goal of "no guns".

Tillie, I love your thoughts on the process as taking care of ourselves. So very often we get bogged down in the overwhelming ness of our physical environment, we forget that the whole point of that environment is to nurture our lives.

Tatoulia, you are doing a great job! I hope you do find that $20 bill. I actually found one once blowing across an empty parking lot at a time when I really needed it.

I can't remember where the quote is from - a book I read - but there was a line in it about "life had made her a giver. And when life has made you a giver, though there may be times when your hands are empty, your heart is always full." That is you. Remember that what your mom needs most from you is your company and all the sweet things you do to help her be able to live well in her home, not presents.

If you are tempted to buy a present, think "is this something the person really needs, or am I thinking Steven thoughts?" :) that will stop you!

(But honestly, I could adapt to an extra carton of dark chocolate almond milk... as thinking for himself goes, that one seems ok....)

I haven't mentioned this before, because I wasn't sure if it would last, but my weight is finally just inside of my "healthy goal" zone I wouldn't mind losing 5 or so more pounds, but if I just tone up a little, that would be great. 10 more pounds would be too many. It's been a long time since I could say that. The timing is good because I have a doctors appointment on Monday. The last few times I gave gone in thinking "I know I should be eating better, and exercising more, and my weight needs work..." but this time i'm even expecting my blood pressure to be good, so maybe it will be (normally I have significant white coat hypertension.)

I don't think I told you, but I got one full can up to the road yesterday. Dh said it was a good week.
Posted: 24 January 2019 - 11:33 PM
Hi Tatoulia

This whole process has all been about taking better care of yourself. :D

First it was the excessive clutter and lack of cleaning in your home.
Then it was about nutrition and better habits.
Now it is all about lessening your worry about the finances.
You have done so well, I know you will conquer this latest challenge too.
Good luck with your financial plans. (((hug)))

No, you did not mention the nutritionist.
That's really great!

So happy that you are content and feel complete with no need to shop.
I'm sure your Mom is enjoying all the nice things you have already bought her too.
Keep up the great "no shopping" challenge. ;D

As Steven was preparing to leave to go shopping again today
I asked him to please pick me up something very specific.
Thought this way I might get something I truly wanted.
I have been craving some dark chocolate flavored almond milk to dip my butter toast in.
He got me exactly what I asked for!
But I only asked for one carton of it and he got me two cartons.
Posted: 24 January 2019 - 08:09 PM
We cross posted! And I'd forgotten I not only posted earlier today while at office but that I managed to post it twice!!!
Posted: 24 January 2019 - 08:08 PM
Hi Tillie, I do think my self care is important, even though I sometimes forget it. I had a program at work tonight and walked part-way home and then BF picked me up. We drove around a bit and talked. I moved the massage appointment by two weeks. I'll feel better having it then. I'm feeling committed on the money situation and in midFebruary will see if my ideas will work. I get a smallish bonus in February and a larger one at end of March. The February isn't so much a bonus as it is I'm cashing in last year's unused vacation time. I get plenty of vacation time each year. So have some thoughts re what to do and I'll know soon if I can make it work. More info to come as I get it. Then the big yearly bonus is in March. They sent out the dates for the payout. I don't know the final calculations on it yet but it's generally pretty nice. But not enough to wipe out the credit cards. I'll need to take a look at my idea and meet with my financial planner and get his input.

I missed the garbage pickup on Tuesday so I'll have plenty to take out tmr AM. I just finished up shredding my mail. Very mild out. I have window open to air out a little and for kitty to get some fresh air.

For my birthday (March) I'm going for a refresher course at my nutritionist. Did I already tell you that? I'm looking forward to it. I haven't yet scheduled it because I'll gave to see the weather. I generally take the week surrounding my birthday off. I'll probably just take a couple of days this year. I spend my actual birthday with my mom. But being early March, I'll not want to schedule the nutritionist til I have a handle on the weather. She's quite a drive away.

I have no urges to buy anything. I feel really good. It's like a light switch. My decision on nutritionist doesn't feel like random spending. I'm being thoughtful. I also have no desire to shop or buy random blouses or shirts or the never-ending purchase of pjs and bathrobes. It's great to have the urge being suppressed in favor of prioritizing me. Tackling the debt worry. I've also stopped the continuous shopping for my mom. I'll get her food and necessities but I haven't bought her any new bedding or towels or clothes. She hasn't even noticed, because she has plenty of everything.

I am going to do some meditation and hoping that my rough time in January smooths out. I'm still not quite sorted out at the office. But my house is neat and clean, so st least I can let the self-hatred go.
Posted: 24 January 2019 - 08:07 PM
True words A Friend

We can only help each other when we come with open hearts and helping hands.
A friend.
Posted: 24 January 2019 - 06:06 PM
Please do not insult anyone on this site. We can disagree but this is not a place where we cast drug addicts, hoarders and cross-dressers as villains. We can support you but please no insults. Not toward anyone or for any reason. We are respectful to everyone. Which is why I said please.
Posted: 24 January 2019 - 04:50 PM
Hi Tatoulia

I personally believe that for you massages fall under necessary very beneficial self care.
You worry about so many things.
You get sick from worry.
You don't do self care because you are sick and distracted from worry.

Keep looking in the streets and gutters as you walk around getting exercise & fresh air for that 20.00 bill tip. ;)
Posted: 24 January 2019 - 04:44 PM
Hi Steve
You can do both.
First do the responsible thing that you CAN do.
Once you do that your hands are clean should he physically harm anybody.
Then separate yourself from the whole mess.
Easier said than done, but you can find your way through meditation/prayer.

As a surgical assistant I can tell you that saving lives and alleviating pain and suffering is extremely satisfying.
Just sitting with someone, holding their hand means so much.
Posted: 24 January 2019 - 04:23 PM
So this is where we can talk about other things besides hoarding, right? Why not, since I do not hoard and am a survivor.

Next week I begin volunteer work in the Emergency section of a hospital. It will only be four hours a week, but it will get my mind at least partially off of things for that time.

I don't know if I ever explained this, but I am in my second year of a Catholic novitiate, that is training to be a religious brother. I'm trying hard at this, but the horror of what is going on with my brother on the outside gets to me. If it were the hoarding alone it wouldn't be so bad because I actually never see it. I live an hour away and don't visit. But with threats to murder, the revelation of cross dressing (see my other posts on another thread), etc., it's hard to let go of the worry. Believe it or not, I've even had to worry about him being killed by someone else, because the riff raff he has allowed to stay there are just as crazy. I've actually had to call the police out of fear that someone else had done something to him.

I've got to get my bearings. Unfortunately where I live doesn't help. You'd think living in a monastery would, but in fact I get little emotional support here. I'm learning not to speak about it with people here because they just don't understand. They say I'm too involved with my brother's life when actually I'm not involved at all. It's just all up in my head all the time due to my previously mentioned OCD. But where does the OCD end and real life begin? We are talking real, concrete threats he has made to people's lives here. They tell me to let go, but at what cost? Risking other people's lives? I have the power under state law to get his guns away from him. I am the only one besides the police who has this power. I've been told by my spiritual director to get the guns removed. I've been told by my superior to get a lawyer to help deal with financial issues.

How can I let things go and do things like this at the same time? Why do otherwise sensible people tell me to let it go when they know the potential for MURDER is involved??? What are they thinking?? Yes, if a person is living separately and is a drug addict I can see the argument for detachment. But detachment isn't good if you have to RISK OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES for it!! If you know a murder could be committed and you have a means of lessening or even stopping the chance, then you do it! There is no discussion, no debate. You just do it! Those were the values I was taught. I didn't know I was supposed to be taught otherwise! I didn't know it was a good idea to detach yourself so much that you say to potential murder victims "Sorry, you're on your own, suckers!"

Sorry, I meant to talk about other things. I can't have a brother become a murderer. I had a friend decades ago become a murderer once. I can't have a family member become the same. I've got to go to him and try a compromise where he at least surrenders the ammunition. If that doesn't work out, I have to pull out a restraining order on firearms form. It will prohibit him from having guns for a year. If he dares me to do it, we go to court, where I destroy his defense by presenting everything I have, shocking him that I know so much and virtually guaranteeing the removal of the weapons.

And next week I begin helping to save lives at Emergency. I imagine that saving of lives will be a lot more fulfilling than this one.
Posted: 24 January 2019 - 02:18 PM
I had suspected that the presents were some sort of ?making amends' situation. In his mind.

I moved my massage to two weeks from Saturday. I'll still need the tip money yet will feel more comfortable spending it in a measured way, once I have two more weeks of only essentials spending. I have quite a bit in massage gift cards and I will make a plan for one service a month. I also enjoy the foot reflexology very much. So once a month to help me focus and relax will be well worth the tip! I just don't want to be making exceptions so early on.
I asked the cleaners to come next week instead of this week.

I'll discuss my debt reduction in the coming days.
Posted: 24 January 2019 - 02:18 PM
I had suspected that the presents were some sort of ?making amends' situation. In his mind.

I moved my massage to two weeks from Saturday. I'll still need the tip money yet will feel more comfortable spending it in a measured way, once I have two more weeks of only essentials spending. I have quite a bit in massage gift cards and I will make a plan for one service a month. I also enjoy the foot reflexology very much. So once a month to help me focus and relax will be well worth the tip! I just don't want to be making exceptions so early on.
I asked the cleaners to come next week instead of this week.

I'll discuss my debt reduction in the coming days.
Posted: 24 January 2019 - 11:21 AM
Good Morning Everyone
"Tea Clink!"

Hi Tatoulia
So good that you are plotting and scheming on ways to eradicate the debt.
If you find a 20 dollar bill blowing down the street you could use that for the massage tip.

I really wish he would not bring me "gifts".
It's never anything I would want or need and he gets angry when I don't want it.
Plus he only ever brings me things when he has done something he shouldn't have done or not done something he should have done.
Then the things just get added to the hoard making it even more huge.

He has been out shopping almost every day since he retired.
He has not taken care of anything around here.

Nothing I need from the store so I will not be going into town today. :D
Kitchen is very clean, laundry is all caught up.
Will do cat related tasks & sweep.
Other than that I need to find something pleasant for me to do today.
Might even get in a little yardwork if the weather is nice.
Posted: 24 January 2019 - 07:30 AM
Ps thank you for your help and support in my worries. Greatly appreciated. I have a massage scheduled for this weekend (gift card) but I may need to put off for a week due to other ideas of how I might like to spend my Saturday. Also, I don't want to spend the tip money right now.
Posted: 24 January 2019 - 07:27 AM
I too don't want too much salt in my food, Tillie. I accept that pizza is salty so I have it infrequently. I would love a piece of your bread right now with a glass of lemonade!

I need to finish getting ready for work now. Another long day in front of me but I can do it.

Very rainy here today and very mild temperatures. Wacky weather.

Glad we are not spending this month and next, Tillie. I do not want a stadium cushion, no matter what it says.

I've been working on my debt reduction plan. I'm making some progress on how to get this knocked down and how to get away from the oppressive interest. I'm working on the various angles and feel more positive, now that I'm dealing with the negative.

Coffee clinks.
Posted: 23 January 2019 - 11:34 PM
Good Evening

Hi Tatoulia
Wish I could tell you to not worry so intensely
and that you'd comply.
When my big orange kitty boy is worrying himself sick I have been using that Feliway and it helps him calm down.
I spray some on a blue washcloth and pet him with it.
But I suppose that wouldn't work on you. ;D
WTG! deleting the store emails!!!

Hi Subclinical
YEA!!! that bag is GONE!
So nice that you are again finding open space. :)

Had the couch quilt washed and hung out today.
Made another pitcher of lemonade.
Then I made two loaves of banana, cranberry, walnut bread.
Got the kitchen all cleaned up, again.
Steven went out shopping again today.
He brought me an overly salty pepperoni pizza with bacon.
I do NOT like bacon and have issues with excessive salt.
He bought himself a pizza so now he has/had two.
He also brought me a cushion, the kind you sit on in the bleachers at a sports game.
He thought it had written on it my school's name and mascot.
It doesn't.
Even if it did I still would not want it, have no use for it.
Posted: 23 January 2019 - 10:58 PM
Oh I'm so happy about the insulation, SubC. Happy for you and the new owner! Great work.

I napped then went to the lecture. Fantastic evening.

Feeling much better. Thank you for the well wishes.
Posted: 23 January 2019 - 06:36 PM
Tatoulia, I hope you're feeling better.

The lady came and got the insulation. So that was good.
Posted: 23 January 2019 - 02:43 PM
Oh Tillie how sad about the cat dishes. That is so hard.

I was sick with worry Monday and Tuesday to the point where I was physically ill. Isn't that something? I slept well last night so that was good.

Motown I'm excited about the financial challenge! Glad you will be joining us! So far so good for me. I delete all the emails from stores before reading! Please take good care of yourself. I am very concerned about your health.

Did laundry today. Good feeling. All folded and put away. I have something to do tonight and I'm just so tired. I generally have dinner with girlfriends before the event but I'm skipping the dinner due to finances and other reasons. I told them all that yesterday.

I'll just do the lecture portion.

Having trouble staying awake.

Keep up the good work! I like your husband's philosophy. A bag out is a bag out.
Posted: 23 January 2019 - 07:20 AM
Thank you Subclinical (((hug)))

An empty corner!
So true, there will always be more plastic buckets.
Posted: 23 January 2019 - 06:59 AM
Tillie, you were brave to move the dishes. Take your time. It's hard.

The insulation is in my car. That's my big job for the day. I also put the battered, dirty plastic paint buckets that were in that corner in the garbage can - there will always be another empty plastic bucket.

So, now the corner is empty.
Posted: 22 January 2019 - 09:05 PM
Yesterday I went into the cabinet where I keep the kitty dishes.
I removed some so now there is only service for three in there.
I put Poohkie's and Marty's dishes on the top of the pantry shelf.
Out of sight.
Still not ready to eliminate them but now when I go get out kitty dishes I am not faced with the other lonely unused ones.
Posted: 22 January 2019 - 07:34 PM
Hi Subclinical

YEA!!! the evaluations are turned in!

WTG! for eating down all the before Christmas food items in the house.
I count that as a BIG plus.
Great the insulation scraps will be recycled.
Your DH is right, bags going in one way or another is plenty.

The laundry dried very nicely today.
I keep a quilt on the couch since all the cats sit on the couch.
I will get that washed and on the line tomorrow.
I have another "couch quilt" so will just swap them out.
Posted: 22 January 2019 - 06:42 PM
Oh Motown, I hope it works!

I try to come here and confess all the non consumables I buy. Tomorrow i have to do a giant grocery shop. We have pretty much eaten up everything from before Christmas. But I don't count that.

Also tomorrow, I am taking the contractor bags of leftover short pieces of insulation to school in my suv, and a lady is coming down after work to get them! So I don't have to throw them away!

Dh says, as long as he bags go one way or another, that is plenty for this week.

I turned in the evaluation I knew I would get done, plus the one my boss said I did gave to do. So, six more plus the ones I am holding.

Stay warm Tatoulia!
Posted: 22 January 2019 - 03:51 PM
Hi Motown
My fingers are crossed for success for you too!

Great that you haven't been thrift shopping since "last year".
So happy you will be joining us in the no spending challenge.

Hi Tatoulia
Happy you have a good plan in case of power outages.
Miss Kitty will just have to grin and bear being relocated along with you.

Did a bunch of laundry and all the linens are drying out on the line.
Cold day but sunny with a little breeze.
Posted: 22 January 2019 - 02:00 PM
I haven't checked in in several days and have not got time today to read all the posts and catch up. What I did see was the Tillie challenge for a no-spend January (buying only absolute necessities). I'm in! I have not been to Goodwill since LAST YEAR! (granted it was December 30th but whatever! :)) So I have skipped a few would-be purchases and I have to try to make it a challenge for the whole year as my medical bills are skyrocketing and my debt isn't going to get paid down like I had hoped because instead of paying on the debt I will be paying on the medical bills. Ugh. Also, had the second procedure to break up the kidney stone on Friday and it may or may not have worked. If it didn't (I won't know until follow-up x-rays on Feb 1) then the next procedure will be a lot more invasive, painful and expensive. I have EVERYTHING crossed that this one worked but the doctor is apprehensive.

Anyway, just wanted to drive by and say that I, too, accept the challenge. Yay for us saving money and not adding to the clutter! Just watch us go in 2019!
Peace, love and happy budgeting!

Posted: 21 January 2019 - 09:14 PM
WTG SubC!!! Great work! And solid reasons for having a few not finished. They are done, just not finished! Great work!!!

Oh and a very frosty shout-out to everyone's cats, bunnies and other furry friends!

I have nothing to show for the day. Just too cold. My house is impossibly drafty. If we lose electricity, the kitty and I can stay at the BF's house, which is warm and toasty and not drafty at all. I used to bring her with me to his house, back when I first got her. She loves being there but the transitions are hard. She doesn't travel well at all. ALOT LIKE ME!

Well goodnight dear hearts, I don't think we will lose electricity. It has happened only once the whole time I've lived here. We had manhole explosions. Before I had kitty. I had met a guy at a party who had just moved in with his SO, so I called him to see if I could stay at his empty apartment. And so I did. BF lives far enough away that it would have to be a massive outage to affect us both.

Take care and I'll see you tmr.
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