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Hoarding Help Message Boards : The Daily Chat : Hoarder in the family
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Hoarder in the family
   

Porter
Posted: 20 January 2018 - 10:36 AM
One of the great things about owning a home is paying it off before you retire, and having a cheap place to stay .

However the majority of us live in apartments , and the rents increase each time we move.

A pro of being able to rent, is trying new places , closer to a park this year, closer to a zoo the next, in Paris ther after, in London the next, near some the grands kids one year, near the others the year after that.
Or nearer to people whom can come clean her house once a month.

In my opinion , I wish I could afford it myself.

The question is what to do after moving away from a ruined dwelling?

It's easy to over look hiring a cleaning service.
I had one for a short time while my wife was Ill.
They kept the kitchen and bathroom clean, but also cleaned where she slept. And my wife's weekly laundry. I worked on the hoard , but once i moved the hoard into a storage, I kept cleaning the other rooms.
My brothers wife would come once a month and take all our plates , bowls and flatware. Wash them in her dishwasher, to her is was nothing, to me it was the greatest thing every, because I'm slightly germaphobic. I make the dishes worse , but ingoringing the dirty ones til I have non left, then switch to plastic ones. But once a month my sister in law help hit the reset button.
Thing is once my sister in lawstarted this I felt so akward about letting take dirty disgusting germy dishes that kept them somewhat clean, at least rinsed off.

But she was only a block from where we lived.

So just saying , moving her hear you or your sister may prove a better situation for getting more help, not letting it get out of control in the first place. And when it does , move back near the other daughter.

I help my mom with her garage. Shes the one I get the hoarding from. I can go in there and make everything accessible , come back a month later and there's no path.
However if I came back 6 months later it would be up to the ceiling. She's 30min away.
I ask her make chili, then head up there and do the work. Then eat a bowl or two, my brothers show up and they help out in either closets or cleaning the floors so that's there's a paths nothing blocking stairs or hallways.

The once a month dinner is not just a gathering, we sons conspire to keep her house functional. But we've never told her that it's the plan. Luckily she's keeps her kitchen and bathroom room spotless. But we help with the other areas.
However
Purge , s a discussion topic.
We slowly ask her if things need to go. It's not easy asking a hoarder for purge items to sell or donate , I simply can't go to storage anymore, as she can get so hateful that throws things at us. But her living spaces we don't discuss, plan or talk with about. We just do it, sometimes while she's busy in the kitchen with my brother , I go off and start in the garage. And they their tasks . Thing is the grand kids stay there from time to time. So we take an active role in keeping it safe for everyone.

I wish she let us hire a maid.
I wish I could afford one.
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Anonymous
Posted: 08 December 2017 - 08:45 PM
Ok thank you for the advice! I really appreciate it!!
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Tillie
Posted: 08 December 2017 - 06:36 PM
Sounds like your Mother's health and safety is greatly at risk living there.
I suggest you contact Adult Protective Services.
You could explain the situation to them and ask a million questions and get answers
all without revealing your mom's identity until you are sure that's the way you want to deal with this very serious situation.

Good luck and best wishes
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Anonymous
Posted: 08 December 2017 - 05:32 PM
I'm in need of some advice. My mom is a hoarder and hasn't let anyone's in her apartment for several years. When my sister and I were allowed in before it was bad. My mom also suffers from depression and bipolar disorder. Recently, she broke down and told my sister she needed help so we took her to the hospital and she was admitted. Knowing that she wouldn't open up her hoarding, I privately mentioned it to the social worker. When I talked with her to tell her we could bring clothes up, it became a heated discussion with her adamantly saying no do not go to my apt and get anything. I dropped the conversation there and told my sister we had to go see what the conditions were like. If it is anything like her car, we knew we would be in trouble. Unbenost to my mom, my sister and I went in and practically broke down in tears. You could barely get the door open and there was no open floor space anywhere. There was mold on the walls as well. My mom has fallen several times and has had extremely difficulty getting up, sometimes hours on end before she gets back up. Now my sister and I understand why she falls. My question is, do we anonymously call the leasing office, while she's in the hospital, and have them check the place so we don't have to bring it up with our our mom and that she has to deal with the leasing office? She has no idea we know what she's living in nor do I think she thinks we know she is a hoarder. I don't think she's ready for help unless it's mandated and I'm very concern that when she finally is discharged from the hospital her mental status is going to suffer again because of the hoarding. Plus I strongly believe the hoarding is a coping mechanism for whatever happened to cause the severe depression and whatnot. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!
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