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Hoarding Help Message Boards : The Daily Chat : Where and how to start
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Where and how to start
   

Porter
Posted: 31 March 2017 - 10:11 AM
Glad you posted.
Tillie. I could not have said that any better.

Not trying to make a suggestion with my post.
But let you peek into my world for a glimpse of another hoarder.

I collect memories.
I had a TBI when I was young.
From then on I was disconnected from past.
Not amnesia, but I forget so much I can only sense my past except for the big traumatic things.

However when I pick up an old brush. I remember whom it belonged to. Someone I loved . I hold it and look at it and become flooded with the all the preciousness.

Even if the brush is dirty and unusable . It's like a portal to my past. How I wish this wasn't so.
A day or so later all that memories are out of sight out of mind until I touch it again.

I have only 1 object from my dad. I would be extremely defensive if someone tried to eliminate it from me. .

OK though . A whole house worth. I get it . It's a hoard. I have one. Myself, I followed Tillie's advice and I agree with what's she's saying to you're situation.
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Tillie
Posted: 30 March 2017 - 06:30 PM
Hi :)
A good book for you to read is
"Digging Out".
It was written for people who have a hoarding person in their life.

At her age she will never change.
But you are allowed to remove hazards in her home for her own safety.
Let her keep most all her stuff but make pathways wider for emergence personnel to enter.
Reduce the height of the stacks to prevent them falling and burying her.
Make sure all doorways, halls and windows are clear for fast escape in case of fire.
Remove fire hazards, etc...

Most of all tell her you are doing this for her so she can remain living independently in her own home.

See if you can find a counselor who deals with hoarding to be the spokes person for you.

Pretty much just leave her as she is.
She is too set in her ways and trying to fix the problem will just end in fights and hurt feelings.

Good luck and best wishes :)
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Eddie
Posted: 30 March 2017 - 02:58 PM
I am going to jump in here fast and hard.
My mom is a serious hoarder. The 83 year old type with incredible social skills and a love of nature and people.
At home she is a hoarder. Pathways to rooms piled near the ceiling, most rooms stuffed, sleeping on a 1x5 foot are of her bed and a house that is falling apart.
All of the love and attention is not helping her to throw away a twig. She collects things regularly in the mountains around L.A.
She has alzheimers, a boyfriend of 60 years, and is feisty as anyone on earth, all 80 pounds of her.
She drives, and she fights.
Ok now... to most people who know these diseases it is all perfectly common.
Have been dealing with this with the help of siblings.
We have achieved nothing.
Every attempt ends up in a fight.
Someone should have a fasr answer by now.
I am a solution minded person. I just need to know the following:
What is the most direct way to get control of the situation without causing her to go into histerics.
I have never been successful at helping her beyond ignoring the problem and taking her out to eat.
When my sis and i try we end up going through the equivalent of a box or two of things and secretly throwing things out.
At this rate we will have just one room clean by the year 2060.
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