Karl, I wish I could say I have made progress but I have not. I have thought about it several times and pushed it out of my head.

At the moment it isn't a high priority but I still think the accountability is a good thing.

LR, phone calls are tough for me too. I've gotten a little better in the last year or so of just making myself dial quickly before letting myself think too much. Bandaid approach, I guess lol But I hate it and always feel like I've made a fool of myself. I'm hoping with practice and a kinder inner monologue I can beat that one.

The cycle of shame is so true for me. So so true. It's really at the center of all my troubles.

((hugs))

Thanks so much for your posts :) I've managed to pull up the site for the wedding album and start the process. Hopefully I can keep that going. I did finish (last week) a shelf of framed pictures of family with a couple from our wedding on there. And of course one of the dog! Every little project I finish makes me feel a little more capable of doing the next.

I am so glad I finally went to the dentist. I hate being touched, hate that things go in my mouth, just so much OCD stuff involved that I really had to use my therapy coping steps to talk myself through it. I felt so ashamed that I had gone so long without an appointment and was sure I was going to get bad news. BUT I made it through the experience, they were very nice and while I do have two more appointments for minor fixes to some older dental work I am happy to be taking care of it. I've moved from the worry stage to knowing what the issues really are and taking steps to fix them. A year ago I literally would not have been able to do that. Progress!!

Hi, Jess. Perfect topic for me. Yesterday, I did two tasks that I had definitely been avoiding and started on a third that I had been (only slightly) avoiding. Like the example you gave, the first two ended up being more simple and less stressful than I had imagined they would be. The third task (not yet finished) appears that it will be more complicated than I originally thought; two out of three isn't bad.

I relate to many of the types of worries, thoughts, and feelings you mentioned, such as the "what if I say the wrong thing" or "what if I'm reprimanded" kinds of worries; I often have trouble with making certain types of phone calls because of those types of worries. I've been noticing the past few days that I strongly want to avoid feeling a sense of shame. The very avoidance of certain tasks, of course, makes my life more unmanageable and gives me more things to potentially feel ashamed about, so it can be a vicious cycle.

Just as you said, I do find that breaking a task down into small parts is very helpful. Something else that is helpful but that I often forget to do is to plan a reward of some sort for myself after having finished certain parts of a task or after having spent a certain amount of time on the task. Actually, that alone . . . planning to spend a set amount of time on the task and then planning to take a break . . . is very helpful in and of itself for getting me rolling.

Often, just being able to put words to my fears and concerns makes a potentially scary situation more manageable. Writing/journaling about the situation or talking about it with a friend or confidante can help in that regard (if I'll actually do it!).

Looking forward to hearing more from you and others on this topic. Thanks for starting it.

Thank you Jess :)
I am rather isolated, with very few friends.
This message board is my outlet for all my frustrations dealing with living with a hoarder.

About that wedding album...
treat it like a job.
Dedicate half an hour daily to laying out your absolute favorite photos.
Then go do other things.
Come back to it daily until you feel you have picked the best ones and have them arranged in the best order.
Give yourself a deadline to complete this, like two weeks.
Fear of doing something imperfectly is very common so people put off doing so many things.
Honestly, the worst that could happen is that some day you may decide to make another wedding album.
Maybe for your 25th wedding anniversary. :)

That has to be so frustrating. I hope you are not too isolated where you are. I'm not sure what your situation is with others to talk to and be with but I hope you have a good outlet to have your voice heard. I think it's great that you have your clutter free zones and you held strong on having places of your own ((hugs))

Today I'll pick:
I'm avoiding designing my wedding album. We got married in 2012 and paid for a photography package that includes a wedding album, I just have to choose the pictures and where they will go. This, for whatever reason, seems like an unscalable mountain of a task. I get completely overwhelmed every time I sit down to attempt it.

I have the digital versions of all our photos but it would be really nice to have a nicely-bound professional album of our favorites. I guess I'm afraid of doing it wrong? Of making the wrong choices and ruining it? I'm embarrassed that it has taken me so long too. I took a positive step by emailing the company to see if I could still order it after all this time and they were very nice and sent me a link to complete the process online. Now I just have to get it done.

I don't know why but I was imagining their response back to me would be them scolding me and telling me I waiting too long and it was expired so there was nothing I could do. I imagined no one in the history of weddings ever waited so long to take care of this task. My imagination pushed me lower and lower. The reality was so much simpler and nicer than I let myself believe it could be.

Great topic. :)

I know what I am avoiding.
Really hate being yelled at and otherwise traumatized just for mentioning things with the house that are broken/falling apart/needing immediate repair, etc...
So I avoid talking.

I constantly have to ask myself, "What are you avoiding?" It's a part of my nature to run from things and it's cemented firmly in me as a lifelong habit. These things that I avoid give me a brief wave of relief when I turn away from the thought of having to get it done and then they follow me around like a thick fog of guilt and shame.

When I confront the thing I'm avoiding I can begin to take care of it or break it into manageable pieces and knock them out one by one.

Sometimes it's something small, like answering someone's message. I avoid responding because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing and then it's in the back of my mind all day making me feel anxious and bad. Sometimes it's a chore I should do. Sometimes it's a big matter that seems too overwhelming to even deal with, like getting a job or buying a house. Finishing college. Whatever.

So I've been asking myself when I feel anxious and awful on a bad day... What am I avoiding? Why exactly am I not wanting to do it? Sometimes it's really painful to think about. Sometimes it is the push I need to get it done.

I was just thinking it would make me feel less alone if anyone else wanted to share. Maybe someone else would feel that way too...

One of mine for today was answering a message from an old friend. I dreaded it for several hours this morning before finally getting to it. I had so much negative self talk going on, "Will he think my message is too short? Or rude? Will he regret even writing to me? What if I say the wrong thing. Am I being funny enough?" etc. etc.

I have to remind myself to change those thoughts to more rational and friendly speak, like what I would say to someone else in the same situation. Funny how I am so unkind to myself sometimes where I would be supportive and sweet to anyone else.