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Hoarding Help Message Boards : The Daily Chat : New beginnings....
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New beginnings....

Posted: 03 March 2015 - 06:42 PM
Yes MW....that is exactly what the point and purpose was. A safe place that could be created with mindfulness and a little effort and support from others.. Some respect and removal from those who will not give that kindness and gentle support that personally I think we all deserve. It makes no sense to me for anyone who does not make that effort to be coming here, as normally that is goal of how conduct is to be in support group/website(hopefully life period).

Do not understand how anything else could have been read into what this thread had been created to be. Seems you as well have heard some of what I have when people have felt safe. Maybe experienced or witnessed as well? If this site is to be supportive, that needs address, although so far the one little attempt to create a safe thread was either clearly misunderstood or very unwelcome. Thank you for sharing your interpretation, as well as are awareness as well.

Roxie, you are exactly right. Although, we can only take responsibility for ourselves when all is said and done. When those causing issues are not actively seeking assistance for them, it is not another's responsibility to bear that brunt(especially on a support site when vulnerable). Sometime's removing ourselves is ok too, as Dianne did.(or mainly has)....although am perplexed by it being a logical or necessary solution on a site meant to be supporting those reporting being hurt or aggressed upon.

I was trying to create something here so that it would or could not thread that would be safe. Glad you have not seen it, although I have and even on the boards. It has not been just one or two or three people who have experienced this either from what I not only have witnessed, heard and as well have experienced. As well in chat where I have heard, seen and experienced it...there is someone unaware as well. When people do not feel safe to speak and share for those reasons in a support site, something is not right.

A friend said to me yesterday that it is terrible I shared what I shared to try and make things better for all users of the site, after which it was twisted to make me look to be the bad guy.

If the site is not ready and people are not open to create support here that would hopefully be respected, honoured and embraced for those who have not found it or experienced aggression and judgement instead or along side so is a conscious choice as the information has been shared and an attempt has been made.

I choose to hope clarity will come to those it needs to in order to support that, although this thread may just be a loud and clear example of the capacity for communications? Hopefully there will be some changes and space made for what the goal was, although not up to me to decide that part.

Dave, thank you for the posted well wishes.

Posted: 03 March 2015 - 11:17 AM
I hope your medical procedures today are helpful and you have recovery progressing to good health again.
Posted: 03 March 2015 - 10:58 AM
"Healing, then, can be regarded as the establishment of a balance and equanimity in the midst of discomfort and agitation. We are healed when we can bring forth harmony out of the discordant strains of our life. And in my experience, one of the most effective ways of establishing such a balance and harmony is through care." Stephen Levine.

Both hoarders and non-hoarding family members of hoarders have insight of use for those who do not have harmony in their lives due to extensive and overwhelming gathering and saving. The reality with which "My Hoarder", "Your Hoarder", "Our Hoarder", must deal is often composed of the universe of all those folks (and more). Care extended by each person for self and others.
Posted: 03 March 2015 - 10:17 AM
I have not been to any chat session but I had been a regular poster here until health issues kept me away. I personally have never experienced negativity here. I do suspect that personal issues can rise up in a group setting like this, and that is something for each of us to attend to in counseling or some way.
Posted: 02 March 2015 - 09:58 PM
There have obliviously been some hurt feelings on chat, meetings and the threads. I think it would be hard to keep that from happening, but some who come here are pretty sensitive, hurt or damaged. If there is a way to encourage and not hurt or run them off I think we should try.

I'm only posting to say that this is not just an issue of one person being hurt. I have heard from more than one person in chat whey they felt safe to say how they felt.

I don't have a solution, but I think G was just trying to create a safe thread.
Posted: 02 March 2015 - 08:21 PM
So much for the intended purpose of this thread, although glad to see people are having fun at least.

I do not think of(or did not) think of this thread as anymore mine than I have or did think of any other threads as anyone else's specifically.

They are all ours and this one WAS created for a specific purpose as explained.

Anyhow, just back after a long day medical procedures and more no laughing here(after my day or about the concerns shared).

Posted: 02 March 2015 - 07:52 PM
Still laughing out loud, thanks for the humor!!!! On cold day you can wear wool socks over other socks, would that work? Or cut toes out and put over gloves. Still like them on wipers better, give the van benadryl
Posted: 02 March 2015 - 07:44 PM
I was going to put some wool socks I am allergic to on my van's wipers, but I was having trouble with the idea of seeing the van lift it's hind wheel to scratch behind the windshield.
Posted: 02 March 2015 - 07:10 PM
Thanks for clarifying things Cory. Happy to hear your work world is so busy and successful you deserve it. You offer hope to so many.
Dave I always get a smile when I see your name pop up, my socks are still competing with yours. My socks can now cover all the feet in a village.
Posted: 02 March 2015 - 06:01 PM
This IS your thread. There have already been many threads started to share challenge coping and victory for daily activity, cleaning/cleanup and shopping issues, among others. Starting with the daily chat thread itself.
Posted: 02 March 2015 - 12:39 PM
Cory, I created the thread for the reasons of people having already left this site due to divions hoping to provide a safe place which was not being found(great positive helpful supportive people...people that had been here for a long time although could no longer deal with the negativity or chose not to be around what has been shared). That concerned me, hence the thread. Some had felt worse from and by those not just sharing, although using negative language and judgement about hoarding despite this site being as well for hoarders to receive support. Have not seen anyone be unsupportive including myself to anyone who has a friend or family member with a hoarding issue. In fact quite the opposite. I am assuming those who are here for support due to having a friend or family member who is a hoarder need to discuss and be supported around that, while those who have clutter/hoarding issues are looking for support specific to and around working on that with others of similar issues or with experts.

I agree division is not normally a good thing(as well as a last resort if all else has failed) and ideally would not be necessary, although if this site is to support both hoarders and friends and family of appears there needs to be a place for people to also go and support each other in their own area of challenge as they ARE different issues. Also good for those to remove themselves from common areas if unable to be kind, supportive and non judegmental of the other group due to personal issues(yes it happens/has happened). Some are also not ok to share with others of different issues any longer

What your not wanting to happen, already has(did long before I came here as well) and this thread is not against those who are here for support due to having a freind of family member with a hoarding issue....rather to provide a safe place for those with hoarding issues should they choose to return or others if they really just want to and are only comfortable to share among others with the same issue(some have experienced harsh judgemental comments instead of support from those that do not understand, although regardless has NOT been support). It is the exception, although sadly has happened/happens enough to have caused evident issues amongst the population here(detailed reason as to why this thread was created).

Been here long enough and heard enough to have seen chat grow from a few people to a group of usually about 20 a meeting, as well as now see the message boards activity dwindle down to a few posters. Hear of those who have been so affected by negativity and attacks that even after 6 months will not post and others who have not yet left thinking about it. So yes my post and this thread is a positive and legitimate attempt to get back members who have left, as well as keep some who may be bordering to even feel welcome here(despite message board activity currently being minimal). This is not MY thread, it is a thread created by what appeared to be a need and provide a place that seemed to be lacking....for those affected by what amost sounded like bullying.

We would love to have an expert in chat meetings or even on the boards more often. We all kmow you have helped many, although there is a difference between yourself and someone who currently has issues with someone in their life due to hoarding/challenges getting organized. Most people here are kind, although have heard of folks who have left due to bearing the brunt of others who have been very unkind. Possibly a good idea to contain or provide a place for those who have those type of issues needing discuss or having a place to do so, along side of providing a safe place for others if that is what it takes for this website to be a supportive welcoming place for all.

Thank you for this website and all the work you do. We would love to have you in the Sunday night, even the Tuesday night meetings....or even other professional experts active not only there although out here on the boards too if any are willing. It could be part of a fresh start for the website which could draw some departed members back or at least prevent the same or similar issues from occuring, as sadly...positive or not has happened(nature of safe thread).

Hopefully this response has provided clarity around what seems to have been misunderstood.

Hope to see you again soon....
Cory Chalmers
Posted: 02 March 2015 - 06:42 AM
G,I appreciate your message, but have concerns about it. I created this website, message board and online support group to help anyone and everyone affected by hoarding. There is a lot to be learned from listening to what everyone affected by hoarding has to say. I ran the support group for 3 1/2 years and have never been affected by hoarding myself, but really helped the people that joined. People that suffer from hoarding can learn a lot by listening to those that live or have lived with a hoarder without the family drama or emotion that is typically involved. And just the opposite is true about those affected by a loved one with hoarding learning from those that suffer from it. Having your own message board post is one thing, but the Sunday night online support group is and always will be open to all, even if I have to come back and moderate it. The last thing I want to see is the users of this site become divided, as that will not accomplish everything this site has been able to do over the years.
Cory Chalmers
CEO Steri-Clean Inc,
Host - Hoarders TV Show
Posted: 22 February 2015 - 01:56 PM
Hi Guys!

I am starting this thread as it has become apparent that there somehow is not a seperate thread for those who have clutter issues to report on our challenges, triumps, receive peer support on decluttering and cleaning OR just be able to vent.....which is seperate than some here working that do not have clutter issues(although report along side of us, despite the focus of their reason for wanting support being a friend of family member who has a hoarding/clutter issue).

Let's see if it helps and works well for keeping suport going for and within a peer system for those struggling with the same challenges. Together we CAN do this.

For those of you challenged with a friend or family member whose hoarding is affecting you, please take no offense. We are also here to support and feel for you as well(just in a different place on boards or in Sunday nights in chat), although it was time to make a seperate thread so as not to confuse the different abilities/skills/challenges/goals which can cause hurt and conflicts. Maybe you guys can have your own thread when you need your issues kept safe, as while I have not seen anything but support for those who are friends and family memebers or IS different and the support might be different in that venue as well. All in all, we are united and can learn from each other...just seems we need even "one" seperate thread for us.

We cannot work along side of those who do not have the same issues feeling supported always, as though we are the same...when we are not.

Some here also choose to refer the person in their life with clutter issues or hoarding as "MY hoarder", which has also been shared to be demeaning/dehumanizing/clearly unsupportive and pretty much a slap in the face as far as ones value and worth if they do have these issues. No one is another's possesion and if someone dislikes another so much, maybe leaving would be better than taking it out on others who have the same issues. We know manmy of you have tremendous compassion for along with much love and concern around supporting your loved one, although sadly there are some it just does not appear do. So this is our "safe" thread.

We are all worthy, valuable, have rights, deserve to be treated and spoken to and about with dignity and respect...hoarder or not. Sadly even on a hoarding website, hostility or unresolved issues with that friend and family member by some can hurt those of us who are very vulnerable and fragile in our journeys ... here seeking the support Cory has also made this website to provide.

This thread is to support and work together towards a clutter free life with others in the same boat.

Lots of love and peace....
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