Thank you Tatoulia!

My boyfriend doesn't know (yet) about the shower issue. I'm trying to use a November 1 deadline as motivation to at least clear out the area by the pipe so I can have someone come out to repair it before he begins the move-in process. After my last experience with a plumber I'm feeling extremely nervous though. As of right now, the plan is that he will begin moving in at the beginning of November. He's going to keep the lease through November so he has more time to move. I figure it also gives us a few weeks to make sure we'll be ok living together. I've never lived with someone before so this is extremely scary.

He's been at my house but he hasn't seen the worst room and he hasn't seen how bad the kitchen and utility room are. I consider my living room, bedroom and bathroom to be clean, but I realize that by most standards they are absolutely not. He says we can work together to find a balance between my way and his way. He also has two cats and I'm dreading the extra cleanup that will be required with them around.

I'm considering moving some stuff (like the electronics that need to be recycled) into the garage, but I fear they will end up just staying there forever. I also recognize that those are not my "major" issues, but sometimes I get hung up on them. Like, I have an old stereo set at the end of my bed. It doesn't work, it's just gathering dust, it's sitting on a table and there's a ton of stuff piled up under and behind the table. Every time I plan to clean it out, I let myself get stuck on the stereo system and don't make any progress.

I feel like when I see pictures of hoarder houses, a lot of times my feeling is "that's not THAT bad..."

I'm also really messy at work. My desk is a disaster. My boss finally gave me a deadline this week and told me I have until next Friday to clean it up. I have talked to her a bit about my hoarding issues and she's actually pretty understanding, but she said she's concerned that it's impacting the way other people at work perceive me.

Hi Mel, you have a lot going on there! You might wish to look into some of the companies listed here for some help with the clean up. I also suggest keeping the lines of communication open with your boyfriend. For example, How does he feel about having to shower off-site? What are his feelings about your hoard ? I know you have a lot of things you are facing and trying to work through. I am sure that the community here will help you with tips and support.

I should also add... my house used to belong to my grandmother, and when she passed, my mom couldn't face going through the stuff that was here, so, for example, most of the pots and pans and glassware and all that belonged to my grandmother and I've never used them and they're taking up 75% of the kitchen cabinet space. Some of her clothes are still in the closet, some of her things are still in the storage areas, etc. So not only do I have all of my own stuff, I also have all of her stuff. I also have lots of things I don't know what to do with - an old stereo system, old vcr, old tvs,etc. I know I need to take these to electronics recycling but I never seem to find out about them until it's too late. I have probably 1000 cds and 100 vhs tapes and dozens of books. I hate the idea of just throwing them away. I'd like to take my grandmother's stuff to my parents house, but my dad has alzheimer's and my mom is his primary caregiver and the last thing she needs is more stuff to deal with.

Hi all, I'm a new poster here. It's really been helpful to read through some of the threads here.

I grew up in a not-particularly-tidy home. My siblings became fastidious cleaners because of it, I became a hoarder. I've lived alone in a small house for 14 years. Some of my issue was papers - my mom was paranoid about identity theft even before it was a common thing, so I was too afraid to throw away ANY papers that had my name and address on it. This meant I always had a big pile of stuff that needed to be shredded, then the pile would get too big, i'd put it aside in a box or a bag, and start a new pile. My dad was also a big collector, with the theory that if one free thing is good, 20 free things is better.

My house does not have a basement, but there are 2 bigger closets, 3 small closets, and 3 overhead storage areas. All of these are completely full of stuff. My stuff just got out of control, I work full time and I didn't invite most people to my house because it was messy, so I just let it get worse, and then I started to get overwhelmed by it. A couple of times I tried to clean it up but just gave up. Most of my stuff is papers, clothes, garbage, and stuff I don't know what to do with. I have no pets, but I've gotten mice in the house several times. I keep traps out but I find droppings sometimes. Thankfully, no other pests (yet).

The worst is when something breaks/needs to be repaired in the house. Several years ago, the toilet wouldn't flush and I had to call someone to come out. I was so embarrassed about it but I knew I needed it fixed. The guy was not nice at all. He was really rough with my stuff and when he was routing from the outside of the house it sounded like he was breaking the pipes. He eventually was able to fix it but made no effort to hide that he was disgusted. There's a pipe that leaks if I turn the shower on so I haven't showered at home in probably 5 years (fortunately, my gym is only 5 minutes from home. i often go there only to shower). Right now, the place where you can access that pipe has a bunch of stuff in front of it.

A little over a year ago, most of the house was filled with stuff to probably about 2.5 feet tall with pathways throughout. there was a path to the end of the couch, a path to the kitchen, a path to the bathroom, and a path to the end of the bed. You could only walk to about halfway down the length of the bed on one side. every other side was filled with stuff from the wall to the bed at bed level. Even the bed was partially covered. I couldn't open most of the closets because I couldn't get to them because of all the boxes and stuff in front of them. Then I started dating a really great guy and I really liked him. He lives in an apartment, and at the time he had a roommate. On our third date he asked if he could come over. I said no, because the house was too much of a mess. He insisted he didn't care what the house looked like. We ended up making plans for him to come over the following saturday. This gave me one week to make at least a couple of rooms passable. I took a week off work and cleaned all day every day for a week (at least 8 hours every day). I managed to get the living room (the first room you see upon entering the house), the bathroom, and the bedroom in reasonably ok order. They weren't clean, but compared to how they were before, it was a massive improvement - you could walk through the whole living room, bathroom and bedroom, on all sides on the bed, and I was even able to use the closets because I had gotten rid of or moved everything that was in front of them. It was physically and emotionally exhausting. I also have asthma (have since I was a kid) and all the dust and everything that got kicked up had me miserable. I had dozens of bags of garbage in the garage, it took me months to get them out of there because I could only fit one or two in the garbage can with the rest of my stuff every week. I donated probably a dozen bags of clothing to charity.

He has been very kind about it. He is a minimalist, his apartment is practically empty. Not only is there no clutter, there's just very little stuff in general. I've set parameters at my house for what rooms he's allowed to be in and loosen them when I have more stuff cleaned out. I have a second bedroom where a lot of stuff got thrown when I was running out of time before his first visit, and that room is really really bad. I haven't let him see that room. I made a bunch of progress on the dining room and kitchen (he loves to cook so I'm trying to make the kitchen as good as I can). But there's just so much more to do. Ever since his roommate moved out, I found excuses to go to him instead of having him come here. He's been here some, but mostly I go to him.

We've been dating for a year and are talking about moving in together soon, probably in November or December. I've expressed my concerns several times to him about his minimalism and my "messiness" in one space. He said that he loves that my house is "so full of life" and that we can work together to find something that works for both of us. His ex-wife was a collector and he said he learned a lot from her about what to *not* do. He's really wonderful and I don't want my hoarding issues to drive him away. We're both in our 40s.

In the meantime, I not only need to try to clean out the second bedroom, I also need to do stuff like clean out some closet and storage space for his stuff, plus clean all the pots and pans and stuff in the kitchen that have been in the cabinets for years and very likely have had mice on them (I almost never cook, I mostly do stuff like a bowl of cereal or a sandwich for a meal). I don't have a dishwasher so everything has to be done by hand.

When I consider that I only have a few weeks to get the house to a place where we can move his stuff in, I feel horrified. I'm even more horrified when i consider that he has a few larger furniture items he'll want to bring with him so he might need help bringing stuff in, which means letting strangers into my house, which is really freaking me out. I keep thinking of more things/places that need to be cleaned - under the bed, under the couch, the drawers in the cabinet by the front door, the utility room, etc.