Good Morning Everybody :)
"Tea "CLINK!"

Hi CriticalMass :)
So sorry that so much is wrong with the van. :(
That CAPTCHA is just rubbing it in...
Really hoping that it doesn't take very long to fix and that the cost is something not too steep. (((HUGS)))

Thank you Ena and Joan for your input on my color choice.
Your feedback really helps to bolster my confidence in the color choice. :D

Hi Tatoulia :)
WTG! for all that cleaning! :D
FANTASTIC! keeping the two counters clear & clean!
That's not easy, counters are the hardest to keep clear.

Hi Subclinical:)
Hi Anonymoniker :)

Gently lightly snowing this morning but not sticking.
Today I need to do some cleaning here.
Tomorrow I go buy the supplies.
Decided on a pair of jeans and two blouses that I will sacrifice to the painting project.
I don't keep around old clothes to have on hand should I need to paint.
I've found that I always have something on hand that is almost soon to be retired due to being old and well worn.
Need to buy some spackle. Checked out Steven's spackle and it's more than half dried out and is growing lots of ugly gray mold. :O
Good thing I looked and not just trusted it to be OK.
LOLOLOLOL ;D

Keep enduring, Joan. Endurance and resilience are important for survival.

I have dusted the bedroom. Am getting ready to vacuum. Have a load in the washer and am keeping my two counters clean and clear. Dishes done/sheets changed. This report is a combination of what I did yesterday and what I am doing today. I am also sweeping up as I go.

I do need to get to mom's tonight to change her sheets.

I am so sorry about the vehicle problems, CM.

Wooo! CM, that's a good one, that Captcha.

I hope the closing is temporary.

I realized this afternoon that waiting for things to start happening is now one of my biggest challenges. For me, nothing is overwhelmingly distressing right now, but I do need to give myself time to build my inner reserves. Any time I just hit walls in the past I would engage the "sit and pout" method. I sit until the universe tells me what I am to do, because nothing I try seems to work.

It is a challenge to stay open to serendipitous outcomes when you are stuck in one place, health-wise especially. It seems as if time stands still there with you. Sometimes it does. It feels as if you are thrown back into a strictly survival mode of operation. Who needs it? Endurance is the name of the game. Sounds simple, but in practice a tough road, very tough.

Another update -

Friday afternoon, the mechanic called about the van, but not with good news.

There seems to have been a "domino effect" cascade of events with that starter/solenoid affecting the ignition switch - and then he found that the ignition switch problem has fried the wiring.

I don't know when I'll get it back or how much it will cost. Trying to pray, hope, and not worry. What else can I do?

(Captcha says "LANE CLOSE") :O

Just laughing about kidding.

Tillie, that Seamist green does look nice. Soothing but bright, not depressing. Just enough to perk you up.

Ena, good work to hire somebody. It's what has to be done sometimes. Best wishes for staying put, where you want to be.

HAHAHA‼️‼️‼️

Ena
WAY TO GO! hiring help!
That's a really big step!
Make that therapist appointment for March because that's not a long wait since most people have to wait a lot longer before they can get in.
Please relax and enjoy your new found freedom from clutter.
Yes it can be scary worrying about "what-if?" something is gone that later I may want but don't go borrowing needless worry. (((HUGS)))

Hey Subclinical
TRIPLETS!!!
Poor tired & sore Mama goat. ;)
So glad you have running water.
WTG! for your birthing skills!

Thank you all for your thoughts. I posted in the other thread. But long story short, I hired a company to help my clean up. My apartment is the cleanest it's been in two years. Im kinda emotional about it. I'm past broke now but if I get to stay in my apt it will b worth it. I have a call with the leasing manager on thurs to set up a time on fri.

Porter

I agree with subclinical and Tillie, go out and have fun. There's nothing wrong with that.

Tatoulia

All those redecorating plan u have with ur friend sound amazing.
I totally get how time can get away from you and having a plan to get you to May is a good idea. Before my panic of losing my apartment I was worried about having my place up to par by the rim my sister visited me in November. Now I just have to keep it nice. As long as I'm still here... and if not 😔 then the place I move will have to stay nice.

Tillie

I totally looked up that color, it's nice!!

Subclinical

Yay for the goats!

CriticalMass

Yay for getting laundry done that's always a challenge.

Joan

Thank you

Triplet bucklings.

She wasn't kidding on the third one. He was breech and stuck. I had to turn him and pull him. I am tired and frozen! But I have running water!

Good Morning Everybody

Hi Joan :)
HaHa "kidding" around...
I tacked the paint sample cards up on the wall and have been looking at them day & night during different times when the light changes in the room.
There is one that always looks lovely to me no matter the light.
Glidden Seamist green.
The other colors only look good in certain light and sometimes they even look horrid.

Hi Tatoulia :)
Take a breath!
So much to do and plenty of time to do it.
Make a plan as to what you want to tackle first, break it down into bite size pieces.
Post your plan of attack here and especially all your victories so we can all cheer you on.
(((HUGS))) :D

Going to tidy up the place today.
Tomorrow will do some cleaning.
Tuesday I will go to Dollar Tree and WallyWorld and get everything I need to paint the ceilings.
Once the ceilings are painted I will go buy the wall paint.
Steven has been very nice about my plans to paint.
He even said he liked the shade of green I'm thinking of getting.
When I told him the cost of this project he did not complain, like he usually does.
Besides, this entire project will only cost around 65.00 total.

Porter, for what it's worth, I wouldn't give a fig for what anyone else thinks. You suit yourself. Do what you think is right and what makes you happy.

Tillie, I am following your painting exploits with interest.
Good for you.

Tat, remember to breathe.

SubC, are you kidding me? (heh, heh)

CM, Ena, keep plugging along. Anony, hope you are OK.

Hello everyone!

I need to get cracking here! My designer friend comes in from Switzerland in May. I have put in to take a week off from work but don't expect to need all those days. We will finalize paint colors, move furniture, decide on fabrics for sofa slip covers, finalize built-ins for bookcases, art, wallpaper, and other things so I can then do house on a schedule.

I need to pare down before then. Won't be embarrassed, I just want her to be able to concentrate on executing plans and not having us do organization/clean up. I am excited to know that soon we will be back on track for this!!!


We are having massive work done in my building which means a large assessment. But I'll be glad that the place is being maintained--we are taking care of the masonry. Wil take a few months but we need to do it. Meanwhile I feel that financially I can't catch a break. This will eat up my bonus, my vacation days cash-in, plus another chunk of $$ I don't have. But it will be fine. I'll see what I can consign and just move forward.

Good day with mom then brother today. Brother made me get up early and when I got to his place, I couldn't reach him. I called, texted, had his neighbor bang on the door, etc. so I went to goodwill, dropped off some bags in the trunk, spent an hour with BF, then picked up mom for groceries. Brother called, I finished mom's shopping and took her home, then took him out. Looks like I have tomorrow "off". I hope I can work on the living portion of my house and slowly migrate to the library area. I want to be ready for friend's visit. I want to not be rushing too much when she gets here.

We know how this time ends up bring the night before. I can't let this three months pass without some heavy and hard soul-searching.

Hi Subclinical :)
Bet the heavy nanny goat will have nice big twins. ;D
Not a problem with getting the paint I need. I will just go buy it at the hardware store or WallyWorld.
Sad thing though is Steven's large paint hoard is so useless for any of our needs.
YEA!!! for recycling that box of scraps at school! :D

Porter,
By all means
go out for dinner with your friend!!!
That would be a very, very good thing to do for yourself.
Don't listen to people who don't understand friendship and socializing.
People may talk but who cares what they think.
You need to socialize with people, both male & female.
You can't dress up all in black and hide away from the world to please people because that would be the worst thing you could do for yourself.
(((HUGS)))

Porter, we are pretty much the same age. You only get one life. It belongs to you. As for what other people will think - the only "other people" I can think of with a stake in this is your daughter. You have sounded like a good father, so I assume that you are not going to take action that you think will hurt her. In the absence of any strong objection from her, i'd say if you think the lady would be receptive, ask her out!

Tillie, I am sorry about your paint mismatch! I hope you get to spiff things up to your liking.

Cm, I am hoping your van troubles end soon!

Tatoulia, i'm Glad my goats are making you smile. They make me smile too.

Hi Joan!

Ena, hang in there. We are pulling for you!

No chicks in the works right now. The next goat looks like she might deliver tonight though. I'm sure she will be glad, she's having such a hard time getting up and down!

I took a box of scraps to school on Friday for my students to do an art project.

Slept in a long time as just trying to heal from a long week at work .
The jumping rope iscoming along nicely. And the uphoria and hope are passing as it's a hard thing to keep on doing.
But I know it shreds fat, and helps with stamina.

I said something to a family member about akin a woman I know out on a date. And was told it was too soon . What will people think?

Too soon for what?
Going out with a friend on my best behavior is. Negative somehow?

Friendships and trust don't just happen overnight , I can't go to my family with anything without being discouraged .
---
I think the main thing was Living in the hoard made impossible to love myself. And to a degree unlovable by anyone else. I'm still a hoarder, I try to let go of it, but I just can't throw out something's . But for now it's all in the basement or closets I'm not using, and 1 room upstairs. So the house I live in , by myself is clean but lonely. I'm only 49.
I'm broke but I don't owe anything to anyone.

I mean I guess I'm struggling with death do us part.

We were so unhappy together , I never cheated on her , i never cheated on either wife in 29 years never cheated.
But I know they did , I stuck to vows not just for them , but because my vows were made to them and god.
It's been 4 months .

Too soon! I feel like if I don't get back out there it may become too late. I don't want to get in my own way for a companion by someone else idea of being alone because of what unknown peope might think.

Cleaned out my car and picked up the yard while the temps were not fridgid.

Good Morning Everyone :)

Hi CriticalMass :)
YEA!!! for finding the way to get the van to the mechanic!
Fingers are crossed that the repair is fast and relatively painless.
Yes, I've seen it too. How a little bit of unsorted assorted clutter magnetically draws other stuff to it until it becomes a scary big pile. ;D
WTG! for getting some laundry done.

Planning today to get outside for a bit and do some yardwork garden stuff.
Have some nice compost that I want to get raked into my flower/herb garden.
Thinking that I may have decided on a "Spring Green" color paint for the living/dining room walls.
A little darker/deeper than what I have now.
But first the ceiling must be painted so I will concentrate on accomplishing all the purchasing for that. ;)

Steven has a large hoard of gallons and 5 gallon buckets of paints he has bought at yard sales and thrift shops.
Absolutely none of this paint is the right kind of paint I need.
He said he was saving lots of money when he bought it all.
But he doesn't paint, doesn't know, never learned what all is involved in painting and choosing the right paint for the job. :(

Finally, progress.

I have been trying not to go nuts without the van. It hasn't been easy. One big holdup has been just getting it to the mechanic's. Finally I found out that my car insurance not only has roadside assistance, but that I wouldn't have to pay up front.

So after a couple days where my mechanic was caught up in his own crises, today I finally had the van towed to his place and he's working on it. Maybe I'll even have it back this evening.

I'll be starting to dig out of the clutter that has tried to take over. Even such silly things as my tote bag - when I'm going places by myself in the van it's my "survival kit," but when I had been getting rides from others, I took things out of it to lighten the load.

The things from the bag, library books, paperwork needing done, etc., are piled badly near my bed, and there's a lot of clutter in that area of my room. Soon now I'll be able to repack the tote and go through the other clutter that glommed onto the pile - we all know how that goes. Some mysterious force of the universe akin to gravity or magnetism, only more powerful.

Hoping next week will be the beginning of much better progress. I did get a couple loads of laundry done this week, which felt good.

Joan, "ROAD DINNER," LOL! :O That is too funny!

Good Morning Everybody

Hi Subclinical :)
How's everything out on the farm?
I suppose soon you will be getting some new baby chickens too. ;)

Hi Joan :)
We have to do what we need to do to survive.
But I hope you are in a position now to toss out any old and spooky foods so you aren't tempted to try them.

Hi Ena :)
While cleaning & decluttering it is important that you keep a regular schedule for eating and drinking enough water.
Number one priority is to always take care of ourselves first because if we don't we won't be able to continue for very long.

Hi Tatoulia :)
Hope today won't be too long and hectic for you.
That you get home with plenty of time to eat and cuddle Kitty. ;)

Yesterday I made potato salad with lots of celery, scallions and olives. Also made 9 hard boiled eggs to go with it.
Then I cleaned up the kitchen.
Today I want to go to the hardware store and get some of those paper paint samples and price some items.
I think if I make plans to paint the dining/living room areas it will help lift my spirits.
Dollar Tree has paint tarps, paint trays and rollers all for a dollar each.
A lot cheaper than the hardware store. I've used them before and they work as well as the more expensive ones.
WallyWorld has ceiling paint for just under 10 dollars.
Right now the walls are a beautiful pale green and I want to keep with the green but maybe a little different shade?

Welcome, Ena, we are here for you!

I too find that reading past posts helps me!

SubC, your remark about bring "up two goats" is so charming. I kept smiling thinking about it.
Have to finish getting ready for work. Did not get home til after 10 last night and then had to still make dinner.

I've been reading through past posts and I've gotta say I'm truley inspired.

You all have been through so much and keep going and keep improving. And support each other so much.

I'm hoping to get thru the next week without a heart attack and without getting kicked out of my apartment. And if that happens I'm really going to be better about staying on top of this.

Yes, it is a good feeling to have fresh food in the house.

Often in past years I was too sick to get food. I began hoarding food, which was necessary at the time. Now I have mucho historical food. I am not even sure what is bad and what is not. I have given myself bad food poisoning from eating old food, so I mostly eat just food recently purchased.

Survival first, clean up later.


PS - The captcha is "ROAD DINNER".

Tillie, i'm Glad you got out and got food!

I cleaned some cardboard out of the studio barn today, and found a book I can get rid of.

Of course, i'm Up two goats... :)

Congratulations Subclinical!
Tiny newborn kids are soooooo cute.
Happy you have your water back on.

Hi Tatoulia
WAY TO GO! for the scrubbed counter!
Doing maintenance is what keeps us from falling backward, it's so very important.

Went grocery shopping.
Came home and put the stuff away and laid down for a few minutes and ended up sleeping four hours.
Happy that I now have some fresh food in the house.

Congratulations!!

Hi everyone,

Stop worrying about me now! I have been out in the barn.

The water is back on, I have a snow day, and I have my first kids of the season - boy/girl twins.

Twins are the easiest. They are a good size, mama's udder gets emptied properly, and everyone gets enough to eat!

The mom tricked me (I thought she would go last) and had them all by herself in a back corner of the barn while I was warming up from fetching water from the pond and eating my breakfast. They are very cute! I wish I could show you a picture.

That is very sweet about Twinkles and Scooter, Tillie. Joan I am thrilled about your yoga class! I do know how isolating life can be. When I was going through my diaries and shredding them, I felt very odd and different. I'm glad you have yoga. And I'm glad I have everyone here.

SubC oh dear. I am so sorry about the water and the worries it must be causing you and your family. Fingers crossed.

I am home today, doing laundry, dishes, etc. working. Looking at areas to maintain. Scrubbed one of the kitchen counters this AM. I only have one small load of laundry today.

Hi Subclinical
How horrible to be without water.
Hope no babies needed birthing last night.
Good luck and best wishes that it gets turned on today before you get home from work.

Hi Joan
WAY TO GO! for getting to yoga.
Great job sorting out some of those papers.

Planning on going to the grocery store today.
All out of fresh produce.
Really, really, really don't want to go out.
Want to just keep sitting here staring blankly out into space.
Marty was Twinkles best friend, they were always together.
Scooter has been trying to help Twinkles by now always staying very close to him all day and night.
It's very sweet.

Up in the night.

Yesterday was a Big Day for me. I finally began to feel well enough to "drop in" on a second yoga class, so I did. The extra yoga really helps.

Monday when I got up I sorted some papers and threw out some old bulletins and envelopes. Papers are really hard for me. I am drowning in papers.

The isolation of my whole situation is staggering.

We have online bill pay.

Normally dh types in the amount and then the bills get paid.

Apparently the November water bill did not go through. Which would not have been a big problem, except that we never got the January water bill. Or any late notices. So I got home tonight to discover that our water has been turned off and no one can do anything about it until tomorrow after I leave for work.

I will be hauling buckets from the pond for the animals in the morning and then going to work unshowered.

Do me a favor - ask the universe not to make me have to assist with a goat delivery tonight. I really don't want to scrub down with snow.

Hello Everybody

So very nice to read what you all have been up to.
WTG! for everything!

Been eating better last 2 days.
Today I washed my hair and did laundry.
Tonight I will sleep on clean bed linens.
Little by little, me and the four Fur babies are getting accustomed to our new normal.

Glad you are feeling better, SubC. It's certainly been a tough go for you. You are doing an excellent job on keeping an eye on the incoming vs outgoing. I'd congratulate you on the weight loss but gee whiz--at what a cost. You poor thing.

I had dr appt this afternoon and wore a mask while on elevator, in waiting room, etc. I unfortunately fainted during blood work. They were good to me/got me apple juice and water. My blood pressure dropped 30 points. I felt well enough to walk home and stopped at mom's. She was doing very well. Was in the dining room. I sat while she and her dessert. She had made her bed herself--and was in very good spirits. It was very nice sitting with her.

As soon as I got home I hopped in the shower. Do not want this bug going around.

My trash and recycling are out. Im now going to putter a bit.

Take care, everyone. Tillie sending you love and comfort.

Porter, the rope jumping is impressive!

I finally felt well enough this morning to get back on the exercise bike. I've lost 7 pounds since Christmas. I'd like to make it 11 by March. One nice thing about being sick was that it killed my appetite.

Tatoulia, I hope things went well with your mom today. Nice job on the bathroom and counters!

Renee, it sounds like you are making great progress also.

I went back to the food bank this morning. They were glad to see me, and also glad my sick self stayed home. Jim wasn't there so I ended up bringing home two big garbage bags of bread. It's all commercial bread with preservatives, so it will keep a long time in the garage, but also, I don't want to give much at a time to the chickens.

I also collected the recycling again. Everyone had gotten out of the habit.

Then I went up to the animal health store to buy vaccines (no kids yet) and stopped at a thrift where I bought a divided silverware tray for my drawer. (I was looking for Mocs.)

I got groceries on the way home, and dropped off some trash. After falling way behind on throwing out the feed bags, I am finally almost caught back up to my best progress. Good thing, because soon I will be using feed faster.

Tillie, I am thinking of you.

Renee, thank you for your kind words and sage advice.

I am working from home today. Have done almost all of my laundry and put it away. I've done some puttering in the kitchen and am dangerously close to having all of the counters cleared. I've changed kitty's box and I've cleaned up her fiid area. She's a messy eater.

I think I need to plan to wipe down my bathroom sink and vanity every other day and then an actual scrubbing once a week. I want to make this as automatic as I've made it to gold and put away my laundry and keeping dishes out of the sink. I know I can add this back into my regular chores. I used to hero an acceptably-clean house and now that I'm better able to not hang on to stuff, I need to add another task to my regular stuff.

Hope everyone is having a good day. Keep up the good work!

I have dr appt this afternoon and afterward will stop by mom's to put new sheets on her bed. Today is the day they go get laundry and I know she cannot put the sheets in and I also know she won't ask the aides for help. So I will do. Small thing.

Way to go Porter! Jumping rope is tough! Keep up the good work.

I'm sorry you're discouraged Tatoulia. Dealing with aging parents is a big part of my stress right now too. I understand. Sometimes I get so frustrated it's all I can do to shut my mouth.

Take care of you. Like they say on the airplane, put your own mask on first, and then put the mask on the people in your care. I have a hard time putting myself first. But since I joined this group, I have been taking care of myself like I quit doing in 2004. I feel like im coming out of hibernation. It feels good. Now that I can use my stove, I've been actually cooking instead of just nuking a frozen dinner etc. it feels great.

I'm amazed at how much better I feel, even though I have not even finished one room. But my mind is healthier already.

Thank you for sharing and for being here for the rest of us to learn from.

Eating properly will help, even though at times it seems hopeless. I too have to figure out my dinner tonight.

I shredddc papers last night. The mail really catches up on me so quickly.

My mother had a mini breakdown last night. She was angry and mean. To me, to the people at assisted living, etc. I kept trying to lift her up but she just got meaner. She told me I have to check in with her before going anywhere. I told her I won't be doing that. I was calm but very very clear. No doubt mom will get in touch with my sister, who is an irrational alarmist, and then I can get it from all ends.

I'm going to go to my grocery shopping and mom's now--sans mom as I am not up for it.

I spilled a bottle of water on my sofa. I have no idea how long that will take to dry.

I feel terrible about everything today.

Only wanted to jump rope to see how long.
I was counting skips. Instead of timing it.
I skipped 382 times before missing.
Im absolutely shocked. In the past I've always struggled to get back to 100 skips. Perhaps it's effect of doing such hard labor at work.

I'm over the moon.
Like the guy who gets to push the button before launching a rocket.

10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
blast


Skipping rope is a fat burning rocket.

Today im so focused on exercise, as I've lost almost 20lbs since I started my job. I know how to lose weight, but unable to keep from coming back once I stop the at loss menus.

So today I'm all about resolve ,
My back porch is becoming an outside mini gym.
Today after getting down to 235lbs
I'm. Startin to jump rope again , it hurts my knees and hips when i jump at weight above 210.
But my work is causing about a 1/2 pound a week of loss.
And my arms are currently pumped up strongervthan they ever been.
So today I resolve to start jumping rope and doing jumping jacks to help get close to 210. By august.

hello

just checkin in
haven't been doin much
kinda sorta been keeping up with dishes & laundry & cat stuff
all 4 cats have been needin/demanding lots of extra pettings and lovins

so, what have you all been up to?
today my plan is to eat properly, as in real food, not just snackin and get outside for some fresh air and sunshine



Oh Bla Dee Oh Bla Da...
life goes on

I'm so sorry tillie.

So beautiful to put him back into natures cycle.

Oh Tillie - {{{ Huge hugs }}} Marty was special, now he has the universe - he can chase the tails of galaxies and bat at stars. Tears coming to my eyes.

I'm still down the rabbit hole of vehicle repairs, more on that later.

Very sweet. Thinking of you, Tillie.

Dear sweet Marty. Great cat. Tillie if you don't have it, might I recommend Judith Viorst's book The Tenth Good Thing About Barney? Sweet book about losing a cat.

What a beautiful resting place for Marty.

Tillie, I am sorry. I know Marty will be deeply missed. He was so lucky to have found you, and I know he meant a lot to you as well. Be gentle with yourself for a while.

Renee, I live on a farm also. I have chickens and goats. Just dairy goats right now I had a couple of fiber goats for a while, and plan to get them again - i'm a beginning spinner. And also had alpacas for a bit when the kids lived at home. We had to put one down, so my thoughts are with you on a difficult day.

Your progress sounds wonderful though. Yes, so much of the progress, change, and growth, happens inside you first. Then the outside stuff starts slowly and picks up steam. It can be rough when the people around yo7 feel like "nothing is happening" and you know that the whole world is shifting around you.

I'm sorry Tillie❤️ Hugs

Thank you all for your encouragement. Today was chopped up with a trip to town. I live on a farm and a trip to town is not 20 min and home.

I raise Alpacas and sheep and use their fiber to make things and yarn. Tomorrow I have to put to sleep two animals; one is a favorite who's been here since the beginning. I've had a sad cloud over me all evening, but I have not numbed out with food...a huge success.

I can't believe how my spirit lifts up when I see my kitchen! Even though it's far from clean, I know I'm on the path finally. This is such inside work. I've had friends who've offered to come over and just ?trash everything' and be done with it! But I know I'll just start again if I don't do it this way...staying present, feeling the feelings , understanding the process, letting go thoughtfully.

Thank you for being here. You inspire and buoy me. Good night!

Tillie, so sorry.

He stayed long enough for the eclipse.

An eclipse csn hasten these transitions, providing an extra boost of energy to accomplish the move.

We are all still here and support you.


PS - I tried to post this several times, but it just wouldn't post, despite trying different things. Now I am trying a last time, with a new CAPTCHA:


cuora GARFIELD

I have something I want to share with you all.
Did not want to talk about it with anybody before because talking about it would just make me too sad.

Several months ago the veterinarian discovered a large mass upon x-ray in Marty.
What I had been doing for Marty was akin to hospice care.
We had a lot of good cuddles along the way. Last night he lay on my chest under the blanket and purred.
Watching that lunar eclipse I knew in my heart it would not be much longer.
This morning I knew that today was the day he needed to cross that Rainbow bridge.
Tomorrow we will place him in the very center of my flower & herb garden.
There is a lovely chrysanthemum there already that I will dig up and then place back after the hole is refilled.
It was the right thing to do at the right time to do it.
He will be greatly missed. :(