Hi Mel, Dianne and Tat. I made it through the party yesterday and today I am just exhausted, and it is a gray rainy day, so appreciate the solstice reminder.
The part I did not want to say was the person that sat next to me at first party was the CEO of the company, so that is why I was extremely nervous and said dumb things. He is extremely bright and optimistic, so it was not a person that forgets things. The nurse that was quitting has now decided to stay so looks like I just need to let go of my self criticism as well as my hopes for having extra income.
The conversation last night covered feelings of joy and contentment, which I have little of. The big lightbulb went on, when they discussed all the work they do to stay happy, read spiritual things, meditate, etc. I always thought they were so happy because life was easy for them, I was amazed that they do daily things to maintain spiritual contact, all different but that was the thread that ran through all, it takes work. I have thought why do that work, since I will always be negative and depressed, so today I did read spiritual things until I found one that resonated with me. I felt a few minutes of joy, now it is time to read something else, since the blues are creeping back in. The thought of daily discipline in any form seems foreign to me. I thought I could try something new even if it is only for today.

Thank you Dianne! I heard an ad on the radio yesterday that said something like 'this weekend is the winter solstice, which makes it the shortest day of the year. This means in a few months it will actually still be daylight when you leave work!' That made me laugh. Have a great solstice!

Hello all!

Dianne, Diane and Tatoulia, so nice to see you all here!

Diane, I find that most people don't remember much that happens at parties - most people are more interested in what they're saying and how they're perceived than they are about what someone else might have said. Also, I have a friend who had a big fancy house built a little over a decade ago. Last year she told me that the old, tiny house she and her family lived in until they had the house built had 10x the character of the big fancy house. She said she just figured the character would come in time, but after a decade it still wasn't there. I have noticed that, I know a few people who have had houses built, and maybe it's because people worry about keeping it "new", but even years later they just don't seem very lived in. I hope your rib is healing well!

Dianne, I am totally with you on the 'do it later' meaning months or years (or never!). Sometimes it's so hard when it feels like every day is just always the same old stuff. It makes me thankful when I can check in with all of you and see what's new, how things are going, etc. It's so important to make sure that we do nice things for ourselves - that we take care of ourselves and do what we need to do. Sometimes it does mean putting things off another day because of pain or discomfort. Sometimes taking care of ourselves means pushing through something that's difficult. But at the end of the day, you are the one who has to make sure that you're taking the best possible care of yourself.

Tatoulia, I love your party trick. I also find, as a person who is both introverted and has social anxiety, that a lot of people would prefer to talk to someone who is a good listener than someone who is a good talker. Of course, this can mean getting trapped in a boring conversation, but with the right person it can be truly fascinating. I'm so happy to hear about your chair finding a new home without you having to figure out something to do with it, and I also really love that reminder that we are not here to be all things to all people. It reminded me of a few years ago - one of my uncles died unexpectedly and when I was getting ready to go to the wake, I insisted on packing ibuprofen, allergy medication, pepto bismol, kleenex, contact case and solution, etc into my purse so I would have it *just in case* someone needed it. I think it was my way of dealing with my feelings about the situation, but still. I hope work calms down a bit for you soon!

I haven't had a chance to post much lately but I'll update you all below. Will try to keep it brief (ha ha). :)

I've also been very busy at work. I'm working most of the week this week, just off Weds and Thurs, so with most people off I should be able to get ahead on a few things (I hope).

Things have been quiet at my boyfriend's work, so he's been home early a lot recently, and he's on winter break from school (almost done, he'll graduated in June), so he's been vigorously cleaning. A lot of times he works on stuff when I'm not home, and when I return he's made some major progress and has boxes of things for me to look through or bags of clothes to sort through or whatnot. Last weekend we cleaned out some of the kitchen cabinets and sorted through the glassware to decide what we were going to keep and what we were going to get rid of. We packed up two large boxes of glassware to take to the local resale shop for donation. I mostly washed dishes as part of that process. We agreed on almost everything when it came to what to keep and what to get rid of. There were a couple of odd glasses that I liked, one with fishes on it and one with geese on it. I wanted to keep them, he wanted to donate them. I said I was willing to part with the geese if I could keep the fish, so we agreed to that.

My kitchen faucet still needs to be replaced. Last weekend he wanted to take a crack at it but once he looked under the cabinet at the way the pipes were set up, he seemed a lot less confident. I gave him an out by pointing out that the plumbers would be able to make quick work of it since they do this for a living, plus they could install shutoff valves which would make things much easier if we decided to replace the faucet again at some point in the future. He seemed really relieved. I was too, he's a handy guy but with my very old (60+years) set up, I'm positive it would be a huge pain to try to switch out. I was having flashbacks to my childhood where my dad would make us hold the flashlight and whatnot to help him with his projects, which invariably ended up taking 2 or 3 times as long as it had to. I was hoping to call this week to schedule someone to come out to replace the faucet but I was swamped all day at work and didn't think about it when I was at home. My boyfriend is taking off the whole week after Christmas so hopefully I can have them come sometime that week and if I can't be there, he can.

The scariest news is that on Friday was I was out (at work, then out doing laundry, visiting some family, and having dinner with my sister), he started working on the 2nd bedroom. I'm horrified and embarrassed. He keeps assuring me he knew what he was getting into but I just feel so stressed about it. Yesterday morning I was trying to sleep and I woke up because I could hear him working in there. I asked if he could please stop because it was making me anxious. He did and came in and snuggled with me until I felt better. He's wonderful and he definitely is doing everything he can to help me feel loved and supported. I just feel so awful. He's cleared an area about 3 feet wide by 6 feet long. He said he just had to go piece by piece, and like he did before, he sorted things into boxes - one box for CDs and movies, one box of stuff to be shredded, one box of stuff for me to look at and decide if I want to keep it. He also filled two bags with clothes and one bag with sheets and other bedding for me to look/sort through. He made no comment at all about what I can only assume was a metric ton of mouse poop in there. This is the last space the cats haven't been in so they've been reveling in being allowed in the room. I'm hopeful that the smell of cats throughout will help repel the mice.

Speaking of mice, I must have at least one mouse in my kitchen, though I haven't seen it and the kitties haven't caught any that I've seen. A couple nights ago I couldn't sleep and I made a peanut butter & jelly sandwich and put the knife in the sink. When I saw the knife later the next day, it had the distinctive look that I'd come to recognize as the look of a peanut buttery knife that had been "cleaned" by a mouse. I haven't seen any poop on the counters or anything, but it's also possible that my boyfriend cleaned it up and didn't say anything to me. I set a trap in an area that cats couldn't get to but nothing was caught. The place I'd like to set it would be way too easy for the cats to injure themselves.

I ordered a lot of my Christmas gifts this year online and it lead to half of the kitchen table being taken up with stacks and stacks of boxes. I was feeling a little anxious about it and I could tell my boyfriend wasn't particularly comfortable with it, so last night I decided to start wrapping presents. As part of this I unboxed everything and put them into the biggest box so I could just take stuff out of it and start wrapping it. I ran out of labels so I switched to doing christmas cards for a while until I went to bed. I'm happy that almost all of the boxes are now in the recycling bin ready to be gotten rid of (hooray!). I have insomnia tonight so I did all the dishes and wiped down some of the surfaces in the bathroom and cleaned the toilet. I told my boyfriend I'm concerned about him starting to feel like I'm taking advantage of him or something because he's doing all this cleaning. He assured me that he finds cleaning relaxing (I SO can not relate to this) and he feels loved and supported by me too so I shouldn't worry about it.

I hope everyone is well and if I don't get to check in before then, I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas (for those who celebrate Christmas) and a great week!

Diane I must confess I feel happy whenever I see that you've posted--glad you are here!

I have to run to help my brother but let me tell you a little party trick. If I'm feeling uncomfortable or out of place, I find the "story-teller" or other interesting person at the party, and I sit next to him/her. This way, I don't have to talk AND that person's fun and goodwill rub off on me. Once at a party I sat next to the piano player when the sing-along started and guess what? People found me interesting.

I bet you looked beautiful last night. Enjoy tonight. Eat a good meal and continue feeling grateful for what you have! You are an inspiration!

The chair going to a new home was a great way to start my day, thanks Tat. Boxes do mate, most do not know this fact, thanks for going public with this incriminating information. Plastic tubs also mate, even when empty, that is how I broke my rib, stacking them up high in mating position.
Loved the reminder we are not storage facility for stuff for others.
Thursday I worked all day, then yesterday went to office party at a nice restaurant, then to friends new house, huge house, with lots of storage. Looking at it empty, I realized she will have everything put away neatly, I would still stuff every cabinet, I still have to let go of more stuff. Nice thing was I was happy for her and no feelings of jealousy. I was aware her house cost nine times more than mine, and when I got home, I was happy to be home in my tiny place, and it suits my needs, just need to continue to make it less cluttered so I can feel happy and comfortable in here.
At the party I was nervous and said some things that I regret, played over and over in my mind, had to stop myself and realize I just need to learn from it and do better in next social situation. Making my self miserable and losing sleep because I said some things that were dumb do not help the situation. Before I went I had lots of reasons not to go, since I have social anxiety, and avoid crowds, put the big girl panties on and went anyway, so a pat on the back for that. I dressed in a spectacular outfit I found when cleaning out closets last week, so that helped me have courage to go. Today I am going to a smaller party of a close friend and people I know well. Already talking myself out of it, saying yesterday wore me out, and I will go anyway, knowing I can leave after a half hour if it is too much to deal with. Party is at another fancy place, seems I have friends much wealthier and classier than I am, so feeling "less than" today. It will be a good chance to practice being grateful I was invited, be quiet rather than say dumb things, and relax and enjoy others. Dianne and Tat you have helped me so much this week, thanks for our friendship, gives me a solid feeling knowing we have each other in our thoughts, supporting each other to try new things and new behaviors.
Today I will bring more firewood in, clean kitchen, dishes washed put away. One load of laundry. Hang clothes up that are strewn around while trying to find outfit to feel fantastic in yesterday. I can wear the same outfit today since it is all different people and a different city, takes that pressure off.
Dianne and Tat, looking forward to reading how your day went today. Holiday hugs to you.

ALL are leaving my house.

Not BALL ate leaving my house.

I have six packing boxes here from presents sent to me (some are corporate gifts), two mailing tubes and a giant styrofoam cooler that had meats in them. These came yesterday. BALL ate leaving my house. Not even keeping one. Why? 1) no room 2) they accumulate quickly 3) they might mate and make more boxes 4) these all came to my house yesterday -- that means they are plentiful in the universe and I do not need to store and keep and hold as though I am a warehouse.

Let's keep it going, Dianne!

Thank you everyone for your encouragement. Last night I took out a large upholstered chair from my place and put it out with the garbage. I'm pleased to report that when I got up this AM, someone had already taken it! I am happy about that. It was a nice and expensive chair but not my style and it was aggravating me. The true lesson of the story is actually a little different. I knew that chair wouldn't fit in my car so I couldn't take it to goodwill. I actually know of a family that needs furniture right now but they are an hour's drive away and again, it won't fit in my car. So I decided (much as I did while dehoarding my house over the summer) that it's simply not up to me to be all things to all people. So I took it out last night--my house is not a warehouse for other people. No longer. I don't need duplicates and triplicates just in case someone would or could or maybe or might need it. My house is for me.

Felt good--not a drop of guilt as I regain my life.

Diane, I know what you mean re laundry. I worked hard this summer to instill new habit of folding laundry as soon as it is done. And guess what, it takes no time at all! Unbelievable. But if I let it pile up it takes forever. I've been a lite lax with everything lately and it makes me unhappy. But I will focus on the positive instead.

I am stressed re work and family and my house is making me crazy. Stuff all over living room. Maybe tomorrow night I can deal with it. Bags and boxes and wrapping paper, etc. feel very stretched thin at work and by family. Looking forward to Christmas and enjoying a few days off.

Diane I'm glad you had some dog company. Very soothing. Please do all you can to keep yourself safe and healthy. I bet that rib really hurts. I am happy to have contact with you. You are never far from my thoughts.

Dianne with two nns--hope you are well and keeping it together. It's tough keeping up with everything so remind yourself of your progress.

Tat and Dianne, warmed my heart reading your posts, so proud of you for all you do. Tat I am so impressed that you cleaned out that storage area, that is such a great improvement, amazed you got it done already, and while working and helping mom.
It helped me to get back to this board, today I worked on pile at the end of the bed, takes about a month to grow again. I always think, I will never let that happen again, and guess what--pile grows, mostly clean laundry I did not put away. "Do it later" never happens. I vacuumed most of the floor today, after having two visiting dogs for 5 days. Thanks for the well wishes on the rib. Takes about 6 weeks to heal, so just have to be careful.
Tat and Dianne, I appreciate that you have both been on this board consistently, and help new people, thanks.
I stopped a few times today and focused on my choice to enjoy shopping in my bedroom and the craft room, not so much punishment and dread, instead as doing it to benefit me. I feel less alone today with both of you, thanks

Many thanks for the update, Diane. I am pleased to hear of your progress. I'm proud that you've joined a group and it has helped you with bags of clothing! Boy I used to be the ins wanting everyone's stuff. I still don't want anything and am working hard on the stuff I still have. Diane, I completely cleared out my storage space--10' by 12' and left it for good at end of November. Very little came into my house. Can you believe it? Who knew?

Again many many thanks got the update! Keep up with the hard work! So proud of you. Keep your chin up-- tough time of year.

Freezer room kept pipes from freezing when -20 degrees, so it is so great, thanks for asking, and no leaks in that room. I have had to deal with other leaks, and happy I reroofed that area after I stepped through the roof earlier this year.
Soup is on and would love to share a bowl with you Tat.

Just got a warm feeling reading your note Tat, I have missed our little talks. You are so strong and able, you will get through this stress you are dealing with. I think a deep breath helps me more than anything when dealing with stress, which we have had plenty of!!!
I broke a rib two weeks ago putting empty containers up high, fell on a pointed chair back edge, so has slowed me down. A friend is teaching a class called "Good Grief" for the first time. I am taking the class to support her, and it has brought up a lot of feelings of loss and sadness, good side is that class puts things in perspective, grief is just part of life, and I forget I can choose to be happier, even with short dark days, frozen fog, physical pain. Still difficult for me to choose to be happy, feels like I am breaking long held rules from family, must just keep working and be productive, bad to have fun. I put Christmas lights up and when they are on, makes place seem warmer and happier in here.
In class we visualized our grief, mine was a huge pile of clothes, so last week I went through all closets and filled bag after bag with good clothes I do not wear. My trunk and entire back seat was full of donations, so took it to class to show how I worked on making grief smaller, then to thrift store and dropped it all off after class. One woman from class grabbed a bag of silk skirts and asked to keep them, I said yes, then closed trunk, she keeps too much stuff, and I did not want to encourage her. Need to get rid of so much more so can relate to your clutter creep. Thanks for checking in with me, I have missed you, hugs to you

Diane !!! How are you ? How's the freezer ro holding up? I've become a little frayed at the edges due to work pressures and I'm struggling with holiday clutter in the house. But hearing from you erases all of the stress. Much love--I think about you often and am glad to hear from you. Take good care and let me know when soup's on; I sure could use a comforting bowl of homemade soup!

Thanks for the holiday wishes Cory, same to you and yours!!

Cory!!! How nice to hear from you! Happy Holidays to you, your family, your crew! This forum has gotten my house together and made a big difference in my life!

Thank you, Dianne, for the encouragement. I feel a little unravelled these days. House has stuff everywhere. Didn't get to bedroom project (taking out all non-furniture and putting stuff back in, as a way to reduce the stuff). I did spend yesterday on me and my errands. I wrapped gifts in AM so I can mail today and I went to Goodwill with the childhood box of books. Also got a bag together here-- had started it last week but was only half full. before I went to car I went into bedroom closet and pulled out three blazers I won't wear again. I'm glad to get that stuff out. It doesn't show, but mentally I feel lighter.

Need to get to PO today. I might need to go another day this week and if that's the case, so be it. I don't have everything ready just yet. It's a time waster for sure but such is life.

Hope everyone is well. I'm somewhat self centered these days and I apologize. I'm just trying to hold it together and I don't mean to forget anyone. Would love an update from Mel.

Dianne every little trick helps... Just today I found myself tempted to buy multiples of something due to good price. I reminded myself I was only getting ONE, for my brother, because HE needs it.

I got rid of several large, nice, clean boxes from crate and barrell today. They held some if my holiday ornaments and I was decorating a tree at my brither's house. I got rid if the boxes and put in recycling bin because I can put all the ornaments in a big Rubbermaid tote. I have several empty totes left from the Great Storage Space Clean-Out of 2014. So I got rid of the boxes.

Took a look-see in my car trunk tonight and found a wonderful box of old children's books. Only kept 4--will give two to my boyfriend for Christmas (books are in French and he may have had the books as a child--French is his native language) and two that I'd like to keep. A year ago I would've needed all of them. PROGRESS!

Much love to everyone, with special love to Diane and Tillie, in the off chance they check in sometime.

Hello everyone. Mel just do what you can and keep the lines of communication open. I too would feel badly but probably not guilty. I feel guilty about so much stuff but having someone else clean just doesn't register on my guilt scale (lucky). What would cause me anxiety is losing control of my stuff. So I applaud you for finding a way through your anxiety and your hoard. Don't feel guilty. He ses to enjoy helping you and building a life together. Just keep breathing.

Dianne--I took no small measure of relief in reading your hesitation re shipping boxes. I found myself starting to hoard gift boxes ( after throwing out maybe 40 or 50 this summer) and had to stop myself. It's just difficult when they are foil or have Christmas scenes or seem sturdy. So far have only kept one. Not bad! As to shipping boxes, I threw them out (recycle bin) except for one that I am using. See? Each year we get shopping boxes, no need to hoard!

Thinking of everyone!

Dianne, don't second guess yourself! There's nothing wrong with boosting the signal for folks who need help. Your big heart and generosity are wonderful!

I had a new embarrassment with my boyfriend cleaning yesterday. My house has old plastic baseboards (at least 25 years old, maybe way more). As he's been cleaning and rearranging, he's found a few places where the mice clearly chewed themselves some big holes. He commented that they looked like mouse holes but he didn't think they could chew through that kind of material. He wants to replace the baseboards anyway but he showed me the holes and I was feeling really embarrassed.

He's on a break from school (he's finishing his degree in the spring) so he's been using his time to clean. He completely cleaned up and rearranged the living room (which exposed one of the mouse holes), and the dining room (which exposed 2 more). He's done a really nice job but it means the areas I've worked on look even messier in comparison. Yesterday was garbage day and by the end of the day he had already completely refilled both the garbage and the recycling bins.

Truthfully it's kind of nice to just come home to all this stuff already cleaned up as long as I don't think about it too much. He said it's very relaxing for him to clean. I feel so lazy just coming home from work and sitting on the couch in the living room that he cleaned up and rearranged and eating the dinner that he cooked for us. And I feel guilty that I made this huge mess and he's doing so much of the work to clean it up. I just don't want him to feel taken advantage of. I try to tell and show him all the time how much I love and appreciate him and all his hard work. And he tells me he does it because he enjoys it. But I just can't relate to that at all.

I just started ordering Christmas gifts and I'm starting to feel anxious about the extra stuff and extra boxes. I know it's temporary but still.

I hope everyone is having a good day!

Tatoulia and Dianne,

It warmed my heart to see the lovely support here tonight. Tatoulia, I'm sorry you were having a rough day. Dianne, you always have such wonderful, thoughtful things to say. I am so glad that we all have each other.

Pulled it together tonight. Worked extra hours, ran some errands with BF and wrapped a few gifts.

I realized one thing: I have an extra chair in my apt. I had taken a chair out if storage to take to mom's. I took a chair out of her house that I wanted. I have a chair I want to get rid of but I don't think it will fit in my car. If I can figure out how to get rid if it, I will feel better. If it isnt raining, I'll put it out with garbage for Friday. Maybe someone will take if-- very nice from a nice store but it's not my style. Otherwise garbage will pick it up/checked with the city.

I hope everyone is doing well. Thanks again Dianne for your help.

Never ending battle. Stuff stuff stuff. But as I write this, I realize, that's a good thing -- it's just stuff. That's all it is. And stuff --well I can deal with stuff.

I'm thinking iof a project for the weekend. Take everything out of my bedroom except for furniture. Then one-by-one put things back in. Maybe that way I could cut down on 50% of the treasures on my dresser, night table. I bet it could work! Those treasures will then be sent to goodwill.

I bet my bedroom (so pretty--big bow front, 12' ceilings) would look even nicer with fewer treasures in it.

Yes I've calmed down nicely. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you.

You are so sweet. I just came on to say I took a nice hot shower and am now enjoying a nice cup of decaf tea with honey. I put my pjs on and feel very comfortable. In the process, the world's cutest cat (the fact that she's mine is purely coincidental) woke up and joined me on the couch.

I've reassessed how much work-work I've done the last two days and I am pleased with my progress, and there's still a few hours left in the traditional work day! (I try to work from home two days a week). All of my laundry is done.

I will take your solid (and much appreciated) advice. I think I will make a plan to work x number of extra hours tonight, then I think what will make me happiest is to wrap the gifts that are bring mailed. At that point, my place will seem cleaner and clearer. I will save the wrapping of the family gifts for another night, when I can play Christmas music or stream Rudolph via Netflix.

In my furor earlier I got half a goodwill bag done. Huge quantities of unopened bath salts that if I haven't used by now, I deserve to let them go. I will still have some if I feel like hopping in the tub this winter. (A favorite past time ftom years gone by). I also put in a scarf that I bought a few weeks ago when I was cold and not at home. It is drab and not me, so I've washed it up and put it in the goodwill bag.

Thank you dear Sis. You really helped today. Thank you for helping me to take a few minutes to prioritize and to breathe. The tea is delicious (decaf Irish Breakfast Tea--shall I make you a cup??).

Much love,

Tatoulia

Stress at work. I've been trying to figure it out. Very stressful time at office. Extra work upon extra work upon extra work with very real, concrete deadlines due to changes at the office.
Also I have packages to wrap and mail, so extra stuff in house. Pressure, pressure.

Thanks for asking me that question I've been trying to figure it out myself. See, we are sisters-- thinking alike, struggling alike, waving goodbye to things!

Yikes! I've decided to just follow the saying if you want something done, give it to a busy person. And I will work extra hours tonight and I will wrap gifts and I will make two bags to go to goodwill. And I'll check in here!

Yes I'm having quite the outburst today. B

Thank you. I'm upset and frustrated. Even though things are in their place, I still feel overwhelmed by the number and amount of possessions. I'm really upset and frustrated and mad. Why do I own all this stuff??? Why?? Why is it still here? I cleaned out a 10' x 12' storage spot, filled to the rafters/up, down, back, forth, hither and yon. I cleaned out my kitchen cabinets, my bookshelves, my closets, my floors, tables, chairs )not my dreaded closet though--sometime later we will discuss) and I still feel completely overwhelmed. There's too much stuff. Too much. I cannot $&&}?€>| believe it.

I need to get one bag ready for goodwill today. Then I need to do a second bag.

I still own too much #£<^!,<£** stuff. It's too much. Just too much. After all my dehoarding and trashing and donating and everything else, I just own too much stuff. This is so frustrating. I need to get rid of more. MORE. I feel like I'm having a meltdown. I need stuff out of here.

Still too much. TOO MUCH. Sorry. I'm having a moment.

I really liked what you had to say, Dianne. I do feel, at times, that I am given more than I can bear. Am grateful to have a moment where it's less.

I will write more later--house is a furious mess--yesterday's volunteer activities went well but ended up being all day. 10:45 to 7:45. It made me happy to do it. Finished shredding the final tote of financial records today. Now I need to do some serious soul-searching as I get rid of more stuff. Decisions are getting harder. But I realize i can get rid of even more stuff. And so I will. Even though everything has a place now, i would like some empty space.

Hello to everyone--will catch up more later.

This is a test

Looks like I put MV instead of MW on my last post. Looking at the cabinets I did see that some stuff that I never use was on an easy to get to shelf and some stuff I do use was up higher - hummm now I'm not good at organizing, but even I can see that is something which I can change.

The dishwasher is running and now I am going to sit for 15 min and work on strategy.