Good Morning Everybody

Hi Subclinical
You're welcome (((hug)))

That was your first go-round tackling those emotionally charged bins and you did great.

When we first put fabric items in bins/boxes they are fluffed up with air.
Over time they compress down, all the air fluffiness is pressed out of them.
So they end up very compacted.
The things you have repacked into the bins are now a bit fluffier, more air between the fibers.
This is why it still fills most of the bins even with a lot of items removed.
Don't let that depress you, you have made really great progress.

Have a wonderful day today :D

Hi Tatoulia
Hi CriticalMass
Hi you all :)

Beautiful cool morning, high 50s.
Perfect time to get busy doing yardwork, so much to be done.
But he is still sleeping...

Today I need to vacuum.
Need to do a pedicure.
Plan to play with the dollhouse.
Have the new items in there but want to arrange things nicer and hang the spoon rack on the wall.
Hoping Scooter won't want to "help" me. ;)

Tillie, i'm Glad your day was better and also your back.

Thank you for being so supportive yesterday.

I can't believe how tightly I had managed to pack those bins. I'm sad because I felt like I was doing really well choosing things to discard, and I thought I would be able to empty the two cardboard boxes and maybe even have an empty bin for some of the things that are still in the pile. But visually there is no sign that I worked except a big pile of discards that gives me no satisfaction to look at. (In fact, I need to avoid looking at it so I don't get tempted to backslide.)

It's like when I tell dh I have been working in a room and he can't tell. But last night he saw how exhausted I was and he was nice to me. He even asked me about why getting rid of the fabric was so hard. And he listened. And he promised that if I need fabric he will buy it for me.

He says I have to take a break today and do something different because my brain needs rest.

❤️Dd and ❤️gs are coming by this afternoon.

Tatoulia and Critical Mass, how are you?

And shout out to Joan and others who don't come by often.

Well, today was better.
My back wasn't hurting all the time.
Made my potato salad and cleaned the kitchen.
Took a while because I would stop often and rest my back then get back to it.
Watered my flowers, have 5 deep red roses blooming now.

YEA! WTG! Subclinical!

That is a really GREAT start!

WOOHOO! for getting rid of a LOT of stuff!

Now enjoy the evening, eat some ice cream and have some good solid sleep.

You really did FANTASTIC today. :)

I have six bins of fabric that are sorted out and labelled.

I have eight bins that are partly or completely unfinished, plus two boxes.

I got rid of a LOT of stuff - if I had to pack it up again, I would need at least one more bin, maybe two. But everything was squashed and packed so tightly that I only have about 1/3 of a bin of empty space.

This is very frustrating and I am exhausted.

This. Is. So. Very, very hard.

And I cannot quit. I cannot stop and give up and tell myself I will get to it later.

Later doesn't come.

The default is not "it goes back in the bin." The default is that if I cannot sort through it, it goes in a bag and it leaves.

I am not there yet. It might be better for it to leave, but in the long term, I believe it is better for me to face what I have done and keep making decisions. I need to get through the doubting and the second guessing.

I need you guys to tell me I am going to make it.

I started out sorting out bins and then putting them back, but I kept aging to get them back out and change what was in them because every bin s so mixed up. I have six bins out in the new room right now because it has a big open floor space. It is a mess. I can't even tell how i'm Doing. I must be making some progress, because I know I have gotten rid of things, but I feel like every bin just explodes and takes up twice as much space.

The bin of feed sacks is neatly racked.

That's it. One, out of 14+2.

I took a break and cooked myself lunch - with vegetables. I ate a pint of frozen applesauce instead of a pint of ice cream.

I am trying.

Good Morning Everybody

Hi Tatoulia :)

Hi CriticalMass
WAY TO GO! sorting through some of the piled up stuff!
Good luck reorganizing the dolls to make them fit in the boxes.
Once the room is better organized and the storage unit better organized it will be easier to figure out ways you can do crafts without them being ruined before they are finished.
Keep up the good work chipping away at obstacles. :)


Hi Subclinical
Give your brain time to adjust to this next sorting out phase.
You are just now starting to look at the things in these bins.
Things you haven't looked at in a while.

Open some bins, sort through the items and let your brain process what's there.
Sift & shift things around for a bit, churn a little.

Before long your brain will start to make order out of the chaos.

The nice thing about dollhouse fabrics is we don't need to hold onto a great length of yardage.
I had several yards of the perfect fabric for reupholstering the sofa and 2 chairs in the parlor.
But I only kept a foot which is more than enough to do the job.


Yesterday was the perfect day to do yardwork.
Cool and overcast.
Steven spent the day inside the garage...
Today is another good day to work outside, cool and overcast.
Tomorrow the sun and heat will be back.

Woke up this morning to the smell of smoke, there is a grass fire somewhere nearby.

Think the stress is making me feel so sick and tired.

CM, I am glad you were able to make some space in your room. Isn't it weird how new tools (different bins in your case) often help us approach the problem better?

Tillie, those are good thoughts, but I am ok with giving the fabric to st. Vincent's if I can just make myself part with it. (Like the reuse store, I feel like I am joining a fee based fabric library) actually, the reuse store has fabric sometimes too.

I opened one bin last night and found some things to part with, but I am getting in my way. My brain keeps automatically listing all the things I could make from every piece I touch. I need to find some objective standards to use.

Maybe I will find the feed sacks and treat them like my favorite dress (is the project i'm Envisioning more or less fun/important than fixing my great grandmother's quilts?)

Maybe I need to sort by project (if I have a shoebox full of dollhouse fabrics, I have enough!)

I don't know.

Dh liked my shoes.

Ooh, I like the concept of "curating" my doll collection! It just sounds much nicer. I think it was SubC awhile back who mentioned that things with faces are harder to sort and let go of.

If dolls I decide to let go of can go to kids who will appreciate them I would feel much better.

Back in the early 90s, among other crafts, I discovered polymer clay. And polymer clay dollmaking. I only made 3 dolls and starts on others. I bought many little face, arm, and leg molds for small dolls (which would go on a stuffed cloth torso). That's a hobby I got really captivated by, and a bucket list thing. I still have those marvelous molds.

It's been difficult to attempt polyclay because of shortage of space, pet hair and dust, and the whole process of taking out the materials and working then having to stow it away, especially pieces that aren't ready for baking. But maybe I can figure out a portable way.

This evening I did more with neatening up the dolls, and in the process I'm also moving other piled stuff - mostly books and papers - found a bank statement for March 2018 that I knew had to be somewhere, tossed some obsolete things, & other misc. It's giving me hope that this room, small though it is, can be reclaimed as useable space to live in rather than just wade though from door to bed and back. Yay!

A nice dress that would/will come in handy at a time when you would have to go out and try & find a proper dress for the occasion is not clutter.
Think of it like snow shoes, you might need them some Winter if the snow is deep and you need to get to town.

Too bad the new red Mary Janes aren't perfect to wear with that dress.

Good luck channeling your stubbornness super powers!

Is there a quilting guild there that makes lap quilts for elderly folk?
Or someone who makes quilts for homeless puppies & kitties?
Knowing the fabric was going to a good cause is helpful when making decisions.
I give all my fabric items to the animal shelter, towels, sheets, table cloths, blankets, drapes, etc...
I am very generous when it comes to animals.

So sorry Tillie, they are eu 40, too big for you, just right for me.

I was sad when I went to put them away, because I had just the right number of shoes for my shelf.

I realized one pair only matched the dress I am not sure about, so I put the dress on. I forgot that it has hidden pockets. I love pockets. It is a very fancy dress and it is possible that dh could take me to a work thing where I would need such a fancy dress, and then I would have to buy one - probably with no pockets. So I hung the dress back in my closet and this story has a sad ending.

But I will keep an eye out for a pair of shoes to let go.

And dh plans to retire in six years. By which time i'm Sure the dress and shoes will be the last unnecessary things in my house.🤣

The dishes are stacked with the plaster molds in my studio. I am totally amped up to go out and use them tomorrow, but I am going to channel my stubbornness super power and sort fabric instead.

My children had a video game when they were kids where you built things using Tonka trucks. If you started the skyscraper and then tried to drive the excavator away to work on the sports center, the foreman said "finish one job before you start another." It was early generation electronics, so it had a funny cadence. To this day, my kids still mimic it to each other when they think someone is getting ahead of themselves. Not doing that is part of how I got into this mess. So I am listening to the little tonka foreman in my head. No casting plaster until I finish the basement.

And clean out more studio space to work....

CM, I think curating your collection is a great idea if you are ready. Especially if you can pass the ones that are more play worthy than display worthy on to some children.

Good Afternoon Everyone

Hi Subclinical
OK, that happens...
Sometimes we just need to set something aside for a while then rethink.

Meantime try to use or wear or display the item to see how we truly feel about it.

I want those shoes!
My favorite color is red and my favorite shoes are Mary Janes!
What size are they? 7 1/2???
:D

Thrift shops around these parts would accept a wheelbarrow wheel.
I see a lot of horse tack and chicken feeders & such.

OK, so the dishes are for your arts & crafts and a future teaching aid.
Is there a space to keep them until needed?
Make sure they don't get buried and lost in the back of a cupboard.

Hi CriticalMass
When we start to make a collection of something we tend to pick up what we find.
Then over time we can see that our collection contains some very fine pieces and some ho-hum not so great pieces.
That's when it's good to fine tune our collection, keeping the best and releasing the ho-hum ones.
With collections "Less Is More", quality over quantity.


Just made & ate a grilled cheese sandwich.
Have done very little today because for some unknown reason my lower back really hurts, especially when standing.
Doing much better today not having sugar cravings.
Did not dream of cake last night either.
Maybe I'm over the hump?
Sky is covered with thick high clouds making it sorta muggy. :p

Moving slower today than I expected and not real sure why. Perhaps yesterday was too exciting. Woke up just not organized, and with the remnants of kooky dreams not cleared from my head.

Worked some though with the Barbies in my room, trying the plastic sweater box instead of shoebox sized boxes. I think probably it will be more efficient, streamlined in appearance and less precariously stacked. It's an interim solution most likely.

Feeling myself easing more into the idea that my doll collecting needs to cap soon, and I may even be willing to let go of a few, such as near duplicates, to a worthwhile charity. Maybe to one of the groups that gives them to poor children. I saw one in which the ladies make a few outfits to go with a doll. Kind of up my alley.

Will ponder that. I will need a couple more sweater boxes, but the shoeboxes will be going to storage. I can put loose items in them over there. Smaller boxes are good for dealing with as I get older and if (God willing) I ever get my own place, they'll be easier to move. If someday I'm even more streamlined in general, well, I can give the boxes themselves away.

Weelll... it's almost 4:30. How to best use this fragment of an afternoon...

Ok, that went somewhat badly.

When I was packing things up, I rescued a dress from the donate box (actually, I left it in the donate box - which lives in my basement, but I need to think about it some more.)

I went in to the thrift store to look at/for white belts, black dress pants, and immersible blenders. I bought a pair of red leather Mary Janes and two glass covered casserole dishes that I think will be excellent for making plaster slump pottery molds. My rationale being:
I don't make casseroles because they are hard
All the casseroles sell out at the fall sale
A slump mold would make making a casserole a lot easier
I'm teaching a unit on plaster slump molds next year and I have to demonstrate with something.

I really like the shoes. They are in near mint condition.

The thrift shop would not accept the wheelbarrow wheel. So I stopped at the farmer's market and gave it away. Then I bought myself a decadent chocolate brownie from the dessert lady. Which I already ate. Dh gets a blueberry scone.

Good Morning Everyone
"Clink!"

Hi Subclinical
YEA! for waking up this morning to that big clear counter!
Nothing sitting there, nothing waiting to be gotten to.

Enjoy being outside today cleaning stalls and running errands.

You are so much better at making good keep/toss/donate decisions now.
I am confidant that once you get into those bins & boxes you will be able to meet your goals.
Some of those projects are so old you will no longer be interested in doing them.
Some of the materials won't look as appealing any more since you know where to find fresh new ones.
Since the last time you looked at this stuff you have seen new projects that you would like to do some day.

Let getting a new & improved sewing machine all set up be your inspiration. ;D

I used to sew all the time.
Clothes, quilts, toys, curtains, etc.
Now I don't want to sew as much.
Have enough quilts and clothes and all that.
But I did have a WONDERFUL time using up all my fabric stash making rag rugs and buying more yardage to make even more rag rugs.
But now I have enough rugs and gifted some too.
Someday I will think of another project that inspires me.
The thrift shop always has beautiful high quality cotton fabric and it's priced so cheaply.

It would be nice if I would step into the present time and get a phone/camera and learn how to take photos and how to post things on the internet.
I love looking at Tatoulia's photos.

Also, can I just say how much I appreciate having a place where I can SAY that I have 14 bins and two boxes of sewing related stuff without feeling like I am going to face the following:

So, you must sew a lot.
No, actually. I used to.
What's the last thing you made?
A decorative pillow for my daughter's bed. Well, actually she made it and I helped.
Oh, for her new apartment?
No, for her bed at home.
How old was she?
13.
And now she's 22?
Yes, but i'm Going to get back to it.
Look of incomprehension/judgement

I made dresses and vests and pants and costumes and curtains and quilts, and toys...

And now I just use my sewing machine to mend stuff. When I even bother to do that.

A bag of fabric at st. Vincent's is $5. Two bags would be too much for a bin. I need to write that on a sign I can see while I sort. Unless the fabric is sentimental (I have a piece left over from making my wedding dress that dd2 might want for a ring pillow or something for her wedding) or hard to replace (I have a box of antique feedbacks intended for fixing up my great grandmother's quilts) I should donate it and know I can get just as good back later.

Heck, dh would buy me a better sewing machine if I cleaned out space to keep it set up all the time and cleared out an entire rack of bins.

Ok, water break over.

Good morning!

Tatoulia, all that walking is terrific! And time spent grooming tigger a very important.

Tillie, I am dollhousing by proxy. Someday... I wish we could see pictures.

It was very strange and a little disorienting to walk past the scullery this morning and see the big counter empty.

The next area I need to tackle is my fabric/sewing stash. Now that I know where everything is, I have 14 bins plus two big boxes, not counting specific projects that are sorted into another area called "unfinished projects".

I know that that is ridiculous, and I have a very conservative goal to get down to 12 bins on the first sort out. The 14 bins are racked, but the big boxes are not, so if I got down to 12 bins, I would have two empty bins available on the rack and two fewer boxes in the "what am I going to do with this?" pile.

But then I think, getting down to 12 bins means getting rid of 1/4 of the stuff, and I may not be able to do that when I open the bins and look at the stuff.

I kind of want to get started, but today must be stalls and packing up donations, and thrift store and ticket.

Hello all you chatty Cathys

Hi CriticalMass
Lecithin supposedly helps with triglycerides.
Last time I had my blood tested was at a health fair and I was doing fine, but that was well over 20 years ago. HaHa


Hi Subclinical
Yes, fire is very cleansing and final.
That was a very good way to release those unrepairable things.

WAY TO GO! making paper progress and dinner and a better scullery too!


Hi Tatoulia
Very glad you have been able to get out for walks.
YEA! for the cleaners!
Sleep sound in your fresh clean bed.

That's so sweet of you and BF to work together to groom and comfort Tigger. (((HUG)))

Keep up the work you are doing straightening out and easing your mind, Spirit and body.


I think Steven is trying to hoard by proxy by wanting me to get that other box.
What I have all laid out covered half the coffee table.
I'm quite content with what I have.
I evaluated both boxes and bought the one with the most and best accessories of the proper size.

Red Flag warning, 1st one this fire season.
All that rain we had grew lots of weeds and wild grass and sage brush.
The winds are vigorous.
Burning anything is strictly forbidden along with driving off road, fireworks, smoking outdoors and target practice.

Steven worked a few minutes with the weed eater after I came home from the store.

Tomorrow I will make potato salad then clean the kitchen. :)

I am so happy to read all of your posts. Everyone is doing so well and so much! I have not done a thing. But I'm sorting through my brain and taking care of my body.

I walked and walked and walked tonight. I also combed Tigger while BF held him. We are working on his matted fur. Some of it was shaved by the vet. I sang to him while I did it even though he's deaf now. Piano Man by Billy Joel.

I'm stopped at the grocery store and bought mom a few things and took them to her. It was nearly 10. I never even felt the time pass as I walked.

I will sort through everything.

Cleaners did a great job and I have clean sheets.

Going to bed now. Keep up the good work!

Tillie, your little box sounds lovely! I wish I could come see it all set up. And I am glad you did get a cake after all. ;)

I'm also glad Steven is trying to be nice to you. I know you can't count on it, but I am happy when it happens. Like when you get rain. (Preferably instead of me)

CM, you sound better! It's nice that you got to quilting. I hate that feeling when you are talking and you suddenly realize you are well out of the group's comfort zone. If it is a purely social situation, I usually double down. As well be hanged for a sheep as lamb....

Make your appointments!

I made progress on my papers. I also sorted out the box with the moth damaged things and then burned the box along with a few of the things in it that I didn't think I could clean/repair. It was hard and I was sad, but now it is done. I like that about fire - it is very clean and final and releases the components back to the world.

I made dinner and the scullery is better too.

Ah yes, the triglycerides - had a friend who cut out sugar for that reason so definitely makes a lot of sense. She took niacin supplements and gave me some to try. Slo-Niacin. I take them at night (when I remember) and even though they say no flush, once I did get a bit of a flush, so I now just take a half of one when I do.

My levels are just at the borderline, but I'm one of those people who are like "But... but... when I was younger I had really GOOD lab readings!" and I want to think I have a young body for my chronological age. Hee hee.

CriticalMass

Lets make a deal...
you sew for your Barbies and get them all looking posh
and I will deck out my doll house.

Between the two of us we have all the bases covered. ;D

Hi CriticalMass
GREAT! the vitamins are helping.
We function so much better when we have the right nutrients in our systems.

Glad you went quilting.
It is hard maintaining around "regular" type people.

Nice that you went for a visit with that lady.
I know it means a lot to her.

Hope you get the plants potted soon.
They will add some nice joy.

Sounds like you are doing much better, less scattered and torn emotionally.

Sugar...
In my family we have a problem with high triglyceride levels.
It is an inherited thing.
High triglyceride levels cause sudden death by heart attack.
I have had relatives just drop dead at a young age from this.
Many relatives were dangerously close to death even though they felt alright but blood tests raised red flags.
Our bodies take excess sugars and turns them into triglyceride and stores them.


Forgot to mention...
In that miniature stuff is a tiny decorated cake.

Tillie,

We keep cross posting because you possess the ability to be more concise, LOL! And I take forever and words words words.

The doll house miniatures sound fun. I'm afraid to do much in terms of that for my Barbies because "real estate" is at a premium just for the dolls themselves!

Have fun!

Hi everyone,

I think my vitamins are working! My mind is clearer, my worrying less. When it is bad, I can worry about every tiny thing that aggravates me personally, to whether the world is going to Hell in a handbasket and how long it will be till we get there. (This is something my faith tells me I should have more hope about - that God will sort it out - but when I'm depressed, it gets difficult to just let go, even when I am well aware it's above my pay grade.)

But I'm better. That's what matters. So I plan to keep taking those vitamins.

Today I went to quilting. I'd skipped for mental health reasons both days last week and yesterday. Not that quilting is stressful - I do have to be careful not to let my quirkiness show too much around the more conventional ladies or things can get awkward. I love them dearly, but they don't have a clue what it's like to live inside my skull, and I forget that to my peril.

It went very well. Afterward, I went and visited my elderly lady whom I sit with. She has had new hired caregivers so I haven't been filling in. This was just a social friendly visit. She was quite happy to see me. Her son was with her but he works graveyard shift and was sleeping. I helped her sweep her back deck and then we watched some EWTN (Catholic TV).

Yesterday I had moved my vinca flowers, the ones still needing potting out of the bunch I'd bought. They'd been on the front porch and I don't think they were happy in the shade. So I put them out in the sun again. Until I get them into real pots, I must watch that they don't get dehydrated in the nursery packs. But I didn't want to give them transplant shock AND a move at the same time. May pot them tomorrow.

After I came home this afternoon, I wrote a little on my satirical novel. I've been starting to shape the plot, list the characters, etc. for awhile, and I'm signed on for July NaNoWriMo Camp, have a "cabin" (group of fellow writers) with chat already active. I feel like this is going to get off the ground. My writing, like everything else, I flit around but I'm going to focus as best I can, in between other obligations such as the bunny club, and summer doings such as gardening. And decluttering...

Also, heard from my friend who was hospitalized in the spring. She's doing great, is beginning to coordinate things for eventual transfer to a more independent living situation. I'm so thrilled for her. Wish I were able to drive highways and had money, I would go to where she is to visit and help. I'm pretty confident that I'll get to visit her at some point with my roommate's help, it just probably won't be right away.

Found out my roommate has the entire week off next week. She will go visit family for the 4th, that's their big time. So I can have some night owl time and party with the cats and rabbits. And pray no one burns the neighborhood down with fireworks.

Tillie - I'm curious about something, if you don't mind my asking - if you're not diabetic or otherwise physically unable to tolerate sugar, why so strict on it? I ask because I have found that if I restrict anything too much I do crave it more and that can backfire.

But I know, discipline with pleasurable things is something we each have to find our own path about. That's been brought home to me in the past year with my Barbies/other dolls - how I am reining it in but it took awhile to be willing, and I probably need to be sure I'm being accurate with myself re whether I'm really spacing out new purchases like I intended, and overall slowing down and beginning to think "I have just the right amount, don't want more, may even let go of a few."

Regarding the Barbie obsession, too, and the frazzled and volatile moodiness of last week before resuming my vitamin regimen, the science nerd in me recognized I'm probably looking to balance my brain's dopamine. I think I'm getting there with it.

I may be rambling a bit. But be that as it may, I like to check in with you all. The BADGER may need to remind me again to make those medical appointments - tomorrow I think I'll be home and it'd be a good time.

Good Afternoon Everyone

Hi Tatoulia
(((HUG))) YEA! for expressing yourself to your sister!

Make sure to stay well hydrated in the heat.
A cool wet washcloth on the back of the neck is cooling.

Hope the cleaners came and your bed is all made up.
Sunday visiting sounds lovely.

I want an official will and last wishes but Steven refuses to even talk about it.
He's on the house deed so I need him to sign to make my desires official.
So simple, everything goes to Nate even though Nate doesn't want anything but he understands why I don't want to die without a will giving it all to him, to shut my gold digging money grubbing siblings out.


Hi Subclinical
YEA!!!! HAPPY DANCING!!!!!
You have your clothesline back!!!!!!

Good luck with your plans to get the ticket, gas up, toss trash and dropping off donations.

You ARE doing very well.
Along with all that sifting, sorting, organizing and purging you have also taken time to do other more enjoyable things and have kept up with life on the farm.

WAY TO GO! putting things in the waste basket!


Went into town today.
Stopped by the thrift shop to drop off donations.
Went inside and found 2 boxes of assorted doll house accessories.
Looked through both and bought one box.
It had so many sweet little unique and quite old items that will be lovely additions in my doll house.
Books with printed pages, metal cheese grater & sieve & spoon rack with the spoons.
A woven straw basket the size of my little finger nail, articulated scissors, Chinese checkers & backgammon, boxes of Cracker Jack and much more.
But the coolest is a teeny tiny jack knife that opens.

Then I went grocery shopping.
I slowly walked past the baked goods and candy and kept right on walking.
Bought potato salad fixins & fruit, tea & mayo.
Only bought the other things written on my list.

Showed Steven my miniatures all laid out on the coffee table.
After a short time he came back inside and said
"you said there were 2 boxes?"
then he put a twenty on the counter and told me to go back and buy the other box.

Tempting but I'm tired and it's hot out now.
I am very happy playing with what I have.

In a few minutes I will start watering the grass and garden.

Tatoulia, I am very sorry for you about your sister, but I am SO glad you stood up for yourself!

You are being very good about your money. It was sweet of your hairdresser to let you put it on account. Just be careful that you don't start snowballing expenses from month to month. I am proud of you toughing it out on the air conditioning. More walks! There is air conditioning in the mall. ;)

I used to take the kids to the library or the 75 cent movie theatre on super hot days.

Sounds like you have a nice weekend planned.

I am doing wash and hanging it on the clothesline. I have missed my clothesline!

Today I am struggling through piles of papers and also working a little on the basement. I have bravely put some bits and pieces into my wastebasket that "normal" people would put in the trash without a thought.

I think tomorrow I will drive up to the county seat and buy my fair ticket. I will also drop off things at a thrift store that is on the way, and bag up my wastebasket trash because I will need to get gas, so I can toss it out next to the pump.

I am not really sure when I buckled down on the basement. I got my new shelves 29 days ago this afternoon - so I started the work after that. But I was reading that most inpatient programs run 28 to 90 days. Since I worked on evaluations quite a bit at first, and had most of a week vacation with dh when he took off work, i'd say mine is going quite well.

Hanging on. Not going great. BF is helping me a lot with the grief from my sister. Won't bother to recount it but I finally let loose today as she has now upped the ante. And I told her off.

Cleaners are today, I hope! I've stripped my bed so they can make it for me! Someone is hogging the washer. But I did sneak in a load and now it's in the dryer.

This coming weekend, a girlfriend of mine has invited my mother and me over. We are looking forward to it. Then Sunday BF and I are visiting with our friends who have the two kids we love so much.

I am getting my hair cut & colored tonight. I'm short on cash but he'll let me pay him next week payday. He is very kind to me as he knows how much I do for my family.

BF and I are being very strong with both our families right now. We discussed our wills and he knows he gets my house and life insurance and he is leaving all of his real estate overseas to one of his sisters, who is less fortunate than the others. He's also stopped sending them extra money. He needs to do some planning for his US business and real estate, which again I think should go to his sister. I neither need nor want any of it. I changed will to protect him and take care of him. I have pensions, etc to take care of me so I'd prefer to see his sister get everything. He laughed when I mentioned that if he doesn't survive me it'll go to my rich friend. Then he said, she'll know how to handle it so that's a good choice.

So I'm obsessing. It's hard.

It's so hot here and I need that new AC in the living room. I can't afford it til next week.

Good Morning Everyone

Hi Subclinical
Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.
Yes, dangerous because out there I have the opportunity to buy cake fixins.

WTG! for less MOOP!
YEA! for DH acknowledging your changes!

You are doing GREAT making changes in the way you do things, learning new housekeeping habits, new ways of thinking about things!

It's not easy and it takes time to develop new habits.
At the pace you are going, by next Summer you will have those days where you can relax and do all the things you really want to do.
Decluttering and organizing will be conquered.
There will always be housework but not a backlog of it.

You are the best person to help dd2 if she wants help and will listen to you.

Sorry your Mom sounded exasperated.
At times you just need to be reassured you are making the right decisions.

Sorry about the moths.
Even in uncluttered homes those things still happen, we just notice the damage sooner. :(


Off to town...
Will think of diabetes and obesity whenever cake comes to mind.
I don't have them and I don't want them. ;P

Today is one of those days when it is hard to breathe.

I found some things in the basement with moth damage and I am not sure how I feel. It is sort of a getting hit when you are numb feeling - resignation?

I am looking out the window at a beautiful summer day. No rain at all in today's forecast. And I am imagining what it will be like next summer when I have a day like this and I actually have a garden out there to go enjoy. When everything doesn't feel like an uphill climb and I don't smell like stress all the time.

I have to believe that will happen.

Dh commented on the scullery this morning. He said "hey, it seems like there is less MOOP* in here." I said "there is." And then I told him about the counter cleaning and bag washing. He looked at me silently and I said "I know, you're thinking it shouldn't be this hard." And he said "I like to wash things as they get dirty." I said "i'm getting better." And he said "I know, I can see it."

*MOOP - "material out of place" - could be trash, could be dirty dishes or laundry, could be car keys, groceries, or mail. I like it because it is a very nonjudgmental term. It says nothing about the person the MOOP belongs to and nothing about the item except that it doesn't belong where it is.

I have to think of this as physical therapy for my brain.

Tillie, you frightened me.

You mean dangerous because you will want to buy cake, right?

I hope that you get a good break today and feel refreshed.

I put my clothes line back up yesterday and washed the cow curtains again and hung them to dry. Then I laid them on the bed in the room where I want to hang them. I am going to ask dh about it this weekend.

I talked to dd2 on the phone last night. she was shocked that I am still working on the basement with the nice weather this week. She thinks she is also a hoarder (I am not surprised.) she talked about shopping for the high and buying things and then not wearing them and needing to clean out her closet constantly (her biggies are shoes and clothes)

I really want to help her while she is young. (Also, I am noticing that a lot of stuff in my house is hers, so it would be nice for me if she made decisions sooner rather than later.)

I called my mom again yesterday. I think she is losing patience with me. She told me that if something had been given to me, it was mine and I should just do what I want with it. But she said it in an exasperated voice, not a reassuring voice.

I will talk with her when I go home next week. But for now I will stop calling and asking things.

There are some sentimental family things I am going to need her support on.

Good Evening Anyone

Have to get away from here tomorrow.
Trees were scheduled to be watered tomorrow so I watered them and the lilac hedge today.

Going into town will be dangerous for me.
Every time I sleep I dream that I'm making a cake.
Different type of cake every dream.
Angel food, German chocolate, devil's food cupcakes with chocolate fudge icing, etc...

I really want to eat a cake, a whole cake.

Put myself on a strict NO SUGAR diet and I'm suffering.

Too much stress around here with everything that never gets done and cake would make me happy.
So tomorrow I will go away for a few hours and I will try real hard not to think about cake.

Good Morning Everyone

Hi Subclinical
That's a lot of "baggies" needed washing.
WTG! getting to them.

I always wash mine when I wash the dishes and there's never more than three to do.

Having a video to listen to/watch does help when doing those kinds of tasks.
Keeps our minds occupied.


WAY TO GO! making yourself a real lunch!

This time of year I often will do a load of laundry, hang it out over night to dry & bring it in in the morning.
That way I'm not having to go out when it's too hot out and the stuff doesn't fade in the moonlight.

Slept badly last night.
Too many upsets on my mind from interacting with him yesterday.
He's still in bed and by the time he gets up he will say it's too hot to do yardwork.
When it's nicer in the evening he will say it's too late to do yardwork.

I am physically unable to do all that yardwork any more like I used to do.


There are a few dishes to wash, the usual cat related stuff to do and not much else.
Really need to cut & file my fingernails today.

This morning I cleared off the big counter in the scullery.

And then I put on a video, scrubbed out the sink, and spent an hour washing used ziploc bags that had piled up on the counter. After the first five bags I started to hate it, but I made myself continue until the counter was covered with tented up bags drying. It took the whole 58 minutes and change of the video.

Then I assessed the situation:
There were 28 bags, so it takes about two minutes to wash a bag.
When I consider the alternatives, I do not mind spending two minutes to wash a bag.
But ten minutes is my limit, so I cannot let them pile up, so I have to wash them right away, which means I have to keep space clear on which to dry them.

Then I decided I was hungry.

But it was too early for lunch, so I made myself put away a load of laundry and fix a real lunch before I ate.

There are 22 more bags waiting.

Tatoulia, I am glad you feel a little better. Your sister is not your responsibility. You care so very much, but it is not your job to fix her.

Enjoy your lunch. I'm glad the ladies brought it.

Tillie, I was horrified about the weed eater, but then I remembered that where you live, leaving it in the driveway does not mean it will be soaking wet by tomorrow. Hopefully he will actually use it today.

I don't think I will lose the punches again, because they will be in my work area in a drawer labelled "punches". Based on what else was in the bag, I still had children living at home when I bought them.

Today I have to go to the grocery. I will also drop off the boxes of frames.

Good Evening Ladies

Hi Subclinical
I'm glad your DH noticed and told you he appreciates the revolving art display and the unclutteredness of the new room. :)

If he keeps up with the positive reinforcement the ice cream stash won't go down so quickly.

YEA! that the punches will go into the cabinet and hopefully you will never forget about them again.

Hi Tatoulia
Stay strong (((HUG)))
Is there any chance you could tell her that her emails are upsetting you and you already have enough on your plate to try to deal with?


My muther would always tell me the most upsetting things, things I had no control over.
I would try to change the subject but she would persist.
I had to get very forceful with her that I would NOT listen to any more of her gossip.
Fortunately, my father was present during one session and he made her stop.

Sometimes we must speak up for ourselves, our mental welfare, our peace of mind.

Happy you got in some walking today.
Those endorphins feel so good.


Well, he got the handle properly attached to the new weed eater, read the manual and got it fired up, works as it should.
Then he turned it off and laid it down in the driveway and went into the garage where he has remained ever since.

I watered the grass & garden this evening.
There is a lovely breeze and it was so pleasant to be outdoors.
The rosebush I planted on Poohkie's grave has a beautiful deep red rosebud blooming on it this evening.
She would have loved to eat that.

I'm better at the moment. Thank you so much for being here for me. Thank you so much for supporting me. Thank you.

Bf did a bit of the walk with me and I cried and mentioned the things that were pressuring me and we sort of laughed about it. I like to laugh my life away. After he went back to work, I just walked and walked and walked and walked. I took one break to write to my sister and tell her how sad I am that I cannot help her and her BF. She's been escalating things and I've been proud of myself for staying strong but it's still a terrible burden for me to carry. I offered my car, she didn't get back to me, so I've done what I can do. She just sends emails with escalating problems and it is putting pressure on me.

I feel like my responsibilities are getting the better of me right now.

So I walked and walked and walked and I am much improved.

And yay Tigger. Strong heart beat. Vet shaved a big portion of his fur because he's no longer grooming himself and he's giving us some issues when we try. So she shaved off one of the mats. Poor kitty.

SubC you are remarkable. I am so proud and pleased and happy and inspired!!!! Yes let's hope it's contagious and that both Steven and I catch it ASAP.

Tillie he listened and acted! Excellent! Now let's get rid of the old weeders since they've proven to be irreparable yet replaceable!!!

The walk helped my spirits. But mainly, it was your support. We will get through this, together. Thank you so much. I knew I could count on you.

I will read your posts. I have skimmed them but not digested them.

Ps cleaning ladies told me around 3 that they could come today or Wednesday but I could tell they wanted to do Wednesday because she said there were only two of them. And so I said Wednesday works and she said, okay let me bring you your lunch. She dropped it off at 5:00. That's very loving and very sweet.

My little metal drawers will be perfect for the punches! I actually still have some drawers empty in them because I have been slow about organizing and very picky about what is "drawer worthy".

Tatoulia, I am happy about tigger, but poor you.

Can you tell us about what is troubling you? I also want to know if there is anything at all we can do. I am so sorry to hear that something that should be bringing you joy is causing you pain. You give so much happiness away, you deserve bushels for yourself!

Dh mentioned tonight that he had noticed that I have not "invaded" the new room. (I did put one picture of each of our birth kids on top of the piano) and thanked me. Then he said that he noticed that I had left most the boxes under his speakers empty (stacked cubes, open in front) and that he had been enjoying the revolving art display. So I put two more pieces of pottery in them.

Hi Subclinical
I hope those cool little copper punches fit neatly into that multi-drawer craft tool cabinet.

WAY TO GO!!!
Especially proud of you for letting that unfinished project go!
Sometimes it's just best to move on from somethings.

YEA! for getting outdoors and doing all you did!
It's good to switch it up and do some indoor and outdoor in a day.

I too wish you & Tatoulia were contagious and could infect Steven. ;)

Hi Tatoulia
Is there anything we can do or say to help smooth you out?
So sorry, so very very sorry (((((HUG)))))

Tigger's heart is strong and his organs are fine. Dr thinks he's still enjoying life.

Meanwhile I'm so frazzled that I can't stop crying. I'm trying to walk the mall but I'm crying too much. I'm extremely sad and frazzled. Stuff I should be proud about is just causing me pain and sadness. Thank you all for being here for me.

Cleaners came too late/I had to go to tigger's dr appt and so they dropped off my food and said they'd see me Wednesday. I thought that was really nice.

Omygoshomygoshomygosh!

Crosspost!

Tillie, that us WONDERFUL!

Tatoulia, I hope the cleaners came and made you feel calm and cozy. I am worrying about you a little bit. I hope your bf is taking good care of you for us.

CM, did you take your vitamin?

Tillie, that is a lot of stuff.

This morning i disbudded (horns) the last pair of baby goats. I also trimmed some trees up higher to walk under, took the compost out, burned the burn box, and carried a box of things that have turned up in my basement out to my studio. - At one point I bought some cool little copper punches, and then I "cleaned up" the bag into the basement (probably to clear the table for dinner) forgot about them and never unpacked them!

Some of the other things in that bag went straight to the donate box. (I'm not counting any more).

I spent three hours struggling with an unfinished project I found that seemed like a great idea at the time, and then stuck the project and all its associated stuff in the donate box too.

(Wish that was contagious and I could infect Steven for you)

And I made dinner.

He actually listened to me!!!!!!!!!!


He returned home with a new in the box weed eater bought at a regular store!!!!!!!!

He is assembling it now.

It is more powerful and more versatile than that old piece of broken crap.

Cost $100.00.

Now lets see if I can get him to use it everywhere it's desperately needed.

??????????????????????????????????????????????????

Little after 2pm here.

I just had a bit of lunch.

Have filled half the back seat & floor of the car with donations.
Looking for more to add to my
"Going Out Of Business" sale.
I will no longer cook or bake like I used to when there were people here to share the food with.

I kept 4 square Tupperware containers of various sizes and 4 round containers of various size.
Viciously pruned down my cooking & baking utensils.
Found some clothes in good condition, acceptable style & color but "I'm just not into them".


He has gone shopping to purchase things to use to try to fix that old ancient broken weed eater.
Financially it is not logical to dump more money into it.
Also, he has no expertise in fixing anything mechanical.
And he does not have the patience to even try properly.

Hi Tatoulia
Hope you get your wish for lots of calming evening walks.
(((hug)))

Very frazzled. Am walking but not my nighttime soothing walks. Hopefully tonight. Cleaners'may be coming today.

Need to soothe my frazzled soul.

Good Morning Everyone

Hi CriticalMass
Wonderful that you visited the art museum exhibit!
Wishing you even more exciting experiences this Summer.

Hi Subclinical
Good luck getting the barn all set up for the baby sitter.
So very sorry Dh doesn't understand that you can't do it all at once.
That this takes time and you have been doing an absolutely amazing job with what you've done there.
Going from 5 boxes down to 2 is fantastic progress in the right direction.
Well over 100 items out this month was so wonderful to hear.
We "see" you (((HUG)))

Hi Tatoulia (((hug)))


Yesterday morning I got 2 loads of laundry done and sharpened the knives.
Then was feeling sickly, laid down and took a nap.
Felt crummy the rest of the evening.


Steven got out one of his several old used broken weed eaters and spent a few minutes swearing violently at it as he tried fixing it.
Gave up and retired back into the hoarded squalorous stinking garage.

If he had invested in one new weed eater instead of buying old used broken ones he would have spent less money overall.
He said he asked his "friend" to help but the "friend" declined.

Good Morning!

CM, that is great about your food.

I am feeling a little bit better this morning.

I am reminding myself that this is a marathon, not a sprint. My goals for June were my closet - did that, and 50 things - blew that away!

My basement is a summer goal. And I have two more months in summer.

I am going to visit my mom the first week of July. So, my goals for this week are to get the barn in good shape for the farm sitter, and to think of areas/items I might want to offer my mom and sort those out. These may very well not be in the basement.

It is not supposed to rain until 10:00 today, so I will do some work outside this morning.