Hey there --sink all fixed! I need to clean bathroom now before putting soap fish, toothpaste etc back in there.

Took out all recycling and garbage. I think I'll just shred tonight--that will be my "one bag" for the day.

Anony, always here. You are special and wonderful and bring a lot to my days. It seems impossible now, but you will get through it.

I'm glad to hear from you--I keep checking in to see how you are. I don't know where you live, but you need to know that your friendship and kind and loving spirit are felt in the northeast. And that's something nice you can repeat to yourself.

Thank yall for such kind encouragement...

Plumber has come & gone! I'm
Running a load of laundry justvto make sure there are no leaks or other problems. So far so good!

I shredded two volumes of diaries while he was here and I've decided not to read them anymore. Just want to shred them. Need the shelf space!

Tillie two days in a row we posted at the same time!!

Plumber coming now. More later.

Anony--we are here to get through your grief. It's ok, we are here. And your house is important. Anony, this is a guy who loves bouncing between the ladies--you, then back to ex, then back to you (who at that point was the ex) and now to someone else. I think this is what he does. He just ping pongs around.

You are so much more important than him and his version of love. You just are. We will help you get through this. This is his pattern, not yours. You are not defined by him.

Having skimmed some of my old diaries as I shred them, let me tell you, I had forgotten how I once let someone treat me that way--several months of just controlling my emotions and it hurt. But there was clarity to be had.

you are much too wonderful to be treated this way. He doesn't decide the fate of your living situation.

Take care.

Anonymoniker
Please don't allow this person to rule your emotions any longer.
He is no good.
He has been jerking you around for far too long now.
You deserve better than this.
(((HUGS)))
Have a good cry then go wash your face.
Treat yourself kindly and be gentle.
Start building your life again filled will nothing but positive and genuine people.

Sincerely, Tillie

He already met someone else. I am devestated. I cant believe he could so easily get with someone new. I know he would never really be there for me....i dont want to be with anyone else....i know this has nothing to do with fixing my place up, except that i dont care about it anymore........

I washed my hair last night, Tillie, and it felt so good. I actually have three sets of sheets right now so one is going to get the boot. I don't need more than two, plus an extra top sheet for kitty in the summer. I have one set of sheets for my fold out couch, which is also enough.

I knew going in to Jan that my 30% reduction of all things was a big amount and I remain dedicated to this amount. I will tackle kitchen tomorrow while plumber is here and will strive for 2 bags out. Will I meet the 30% goal? Of course not but it's a great goal so I can't stop now.

I'd love to see your rag rugs, Tillie.

Hi Tatoulia :)
You sure have been a busy bee ;D
WAY TO GO!!! with another bagful gone from your home.
I have showered and shampooed my hair.
Cleaned the kitchen and am doing some laundry.
Until the weather improves I only do smaller items that I can dry inside on the racks.
Have my sheets in the hamper waiting for a sunny day.
These winter days are why I have more sets of sheets than a person with a clothes dryer would have.
But Marty (the cat) loves to sleep in the hamper and doesn't mind.

;)

Hi everyone! I took the bag of clothes to goodwill, but not before adding another pair of very nice pumps that I won't wear again. I didn't take comforter to good will because I had enough to carry as it was.

I'm doing laundry and making dinner. Will write more soon. How is your day going??!!

Sorry to hear that the new neighbors are creepy., Tillie. That's especially tough given your close friendship with your former neighbors.

I changed sheets and got a bag of clothes together including one pair of shoes. Pretty red velvet pumps that I bought years and years ago--velvet not suede--wore only a handful of times & I am sure someone will be happy to get these! Timeless heel and toe shape and in pristine condition. The rest of the bag is all work clothes, suits & blouses.

I have also decided to get rid of a comforter that is cleaned and laundered and in a clear plastic bag. I bought it cheap, it's not my color scheme, I used it two seasons only. Very expensive but I bought on a huge markdown because I couldn't resist. I couldn't resist. So while I'm better at dealing with Justin Case, my bargain hunting is weak. I'm getting better and will get even better. .

Hey everyone. Going to change my bedsheets then get dressed to visit with mom. I'm going to get together a bag from the bedroom to take to goodwill. Wish me luck!

What are you doing today??!!??

Good Morning Everyone :)

Hi Tatoulia :)
I am jealous of your weather. ;)
WAY TO GO!!! with your donations and tossing worn out things!
I suppose that you could sort the dishes into three piles.
Not chipped, not too badly chipped and very chipped
then let the badly chipped plates go?
Wonderful plan to just fill a bag with anything and just get it out. (((hugs)))

Yesterday I started preparing the fabric strips for my next rag rug.
Still have a ways to go yet.
Today I must wash dishes.
Put it off yesterday so I could do other things.
Another gloomy dark overcast day here. :(
Without my neighbor friends here, I find that I am getting lonely.
New people who bought their house are creepy.
Always keep the curtains shut day & night and dogs, cat and kids inside all the time, in the dark.
Lots of other creepy stuff going on there too.

Anyways, almost 10am so I better get dressed. ;D

TTYS :)

Hi Tillie! We had sun and decent temps--30F--today. The air was very nice.

Got 3 bags to goodwill--bag of books, bag with coats and one skirt and bag with slippers. I also threw away some slippers that weren't suitable for donating--too worn.

I'm running dishwasher now. Then I'll be in a spot to see if I have enough plates if the chipped ones take leave.

Successful day with brother and then took catfood to mom's. BF is fighting a bug so he's home resting.

Will talk to everyone soon. I've showered and going to wa Ch a movie on Netflix. Not sure which one.

Before I get mom out tomorrow, I need to fill a bag. With anything. Doesn't matter what. Just out.

Good Morning Everyone :)

Hi Anonymoniker :)
YEA! for your loose tooth finally falling out.
I remember that happy feeling from when I was a little kid and the wiggly tooth finally came out.
You said that you have decluttered enough and now need to clean.
WAY TO GO!!!
Cleaning is so much easier to do when the excess stuff is out of your way.


Hi CriticalMass :)
Great plan to ride out this ice storm by taking the time to rest. (((hugs)))

Hi Tatoulia :)
Sounds like you had a good day & evening yesterday.
Fingers crossed that Monday you get a bathroom sink that works. ;)

Cloudy, overcast and cold.
Was supposed to be only partially cloudy today,
oh well.
Another three day weekend for him. ;/
Can never accomplish much with him underfoot all day, day after day.
Oh well.
Really looking forward to nicer weather when I can go outside and do stuff in my tiny yard. :D

TTFN :)

Tatoulia, Thank you! Im actually celebrating my annoying loose tooth FINALLY coming out the other night!!! CHEWING!!! YEA!!! ha ha Im going out to my favorite fancy restaurant tomorrow night & a raw vegan buffet next week!!! I dont have Netflix but i watched 'Batman Begins'again, one of my most all time favorite movies of all time!!! It hits home on so many personal levels! I need to work out stuff to start on the greenhouse...it seems to make the most sense at this point...symbolically, in many ways... ~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~ Love to all!!!~♡☆♡~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~

Tatoulia, Thank you! Im actually celebrating my annoying loose tooth FINALLY coming out the other night!!! CHEWING!!! YEA!!! ha ha Im going out to my favorite fancy restaurant tomorrow night & a raw vegan buffet next week!!! I dont have Netflix but i watched 'Batman Begins'again, one of my most all time favorite movies of all time!!! It hits home on so many personal levels! I need to work out stuff to start on the greenhouse...it seems to make the most sense at this point...symbolically, in many ways... ~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~ Love to all!!!~♡☆♡~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~

Hello everyone! Home from work and making dinner. Brought mom a few nice meals and some fresh fruit - dropped off on my way home.

Anony, first and foremost--we need to celebrate that you have gotten rid of so much stuff that you can move on to a new phase! That is fantastic! Go you! Please take good. Are of yourself this weekend and please put a limit on any crying jags. If you have Netflix maybe watch a movie?

Cm I'm sorry the car isn't fixed and that it's such a frustrating mess of missed connections and misunderstandings. I am so sorry. This must be just so aggravating. You need to take care of yourself!

Tillie, we had snow last weekend but so powdery and light. It's long gone after two 50F days this week.

I heard that my plumber is coming on Monday and I've been asked to have a little patience. I was only aggravated that one day and feel fine now.

I'm relaxing with kitty and dinner should be done soon. Hope to report on some progress. Thank you for the dishes advice. Might as well use the non-chipped ones!

Well, got one part of the confusion sorted with the mechanic. Way too long a story to go into. He's had his own crises so the last repair will have to wait just a while longer. Right now we're supposedly in for a weekend of ice storm, though. Yuck. But I've done all the preparation I can do, just have to ride it out now. My hope is that I won't need to drive anyway till it melts.

I plan to just decompress from the stress this weekend. If the decluttering mood strikes, great. If not, naps at this point will help me regain a little sanity and let go of the tension and anxiety.

Had another of my infamous vivid detailed dreams about a giant flea market type event. Exhausting. That's why I like naps - if I don't sleep over 3 hours, I don't go into REM sleep and I don't dream. I wake feeling so much more rested when my mind hasn't been going 90 mph!

Hi all! Im thoroughly confused & stuck. Im actually not needing to throw out stuff anymore, as much as needing to clean & repair & redo things. Ive been hit with on-my-own-ness strong from 3 sides & for now i need to create some stability in my life. I think the answer for now to bring that comfort is to get a greenhouse & plant food! ....even that has challenges that i wish were simple.....
~♡~I hope you all have a beautiful day!~♡~

Good Morning Everyone :)

Hi CriticalMass :)
Sorry about another vehicle delay. Sigh ;/
Stay safe and warm when that next storm hits there. (((hug)))
Great that you are holding off on buying storage containers until after you have decluttered.
Having the exactly right amount and coordinated/uniform storage will help you keep your things organized and it will not look as haphazard as an assortment of different types of containers. :)

Hi Tatoulia :)
WAY TO GO!!! You are doing FANTASTIC!
My thoughts about the dishes...
If you have enough dishes that you do not need to use the chipped pieces, then get rid of them.
Every time you look in your cupboard and see these chipped pieces it makes you unhappy.
Never ever keep things in your home that dredges up any unpleasant feelings. (((HUGS)))
And I feel the same as CriticalMass that when we have open space, we allow something good to come in. ;)

Snowed ALL day yesterday. Finally stopped at sundown.
Very heavy and wet snow.
Supposed to be clear days through this weekend.
Maybe I will get the chance to hang out some laundry.
Still haven't decided what I will do today.
There is stuff that I want to do and stuff that I need to do and other stuff that I should do.
LOL ;D

Tatoulia, I vote for going ahead and letting go of the dishes that are chipped. The reasoning being that when we clear out the stuff that's no longer really working or that we don't really love anymore, we make room for something new to come in. I believe it's God's way of getting us to surrender and trust - some folks have other interpretations but the point is that if the space is already taken, the new can't come in yet.

Tillie, you're right about too many storage containers too soon. I get tempted to get them, and occasionally I succumb and get one or two, but in general I'm holding off. Having limited funds helps with that! And when more stuff is gone I'd like to aim for a fairly uniform system of like containers and shelving, which is easier to coordinate if I wait and do it when I know what I'll need and how it will be arranged. Buying containers piecemeal just perpetuates confusion and disarray.

Had another day of delay re the mechanic and the check - and it had sure looked promising at one point, then it fell apart - and so did I. It's too crazy to explain. My unreliable memory played a part, but then it's hard to keep track of things with all the delays thus far. Even a person with a better memory than mine would find it difficult, I think. Right now I can only wait and see. I just wish we didn't have an ice storm predicted. That's going to multiply the complications of the weekend and I sure do pray we don't have a power outage.

Sigh. The storm is due tomorrow evening. We've gone to the store and all that. A few things to do earlier in the day, then we wait and see what comes.

Why not get rid of the chipped ones? Why should I eat off of chipped plates? No reason at all.

I vacuumed and shredded some more. Time to gather up the garbage for tomorrow's pickup. Thanks everyone. I just need to keep posting. It's the best thing for me. Helps me move toward my vision.

Oh! I should re visit my picture later!! It will help remind me of what I am striving for. I bet there isn't a chipped dish in sight.

Mainly shredding and cleaning tonight. Went through books again with very little progress. I got two diary volumes shredded. I'm not discouraged re the books because I had gotten rid of so many a few years back. I have been impressed with my letting go of treasured books this go round but I've reached my limit on it for now.

I did up all the dishes and polished some silver. I am trying to decide what to do about my dishes, and I think Tillie you could help me here. I would guess my everyday dishes are about 19 years old now. They were expensive, which is why they've held up so well. However, now several of the plates are chipped. I think it's service for 8, and I haven't had a dinner party in many, many years. I'm not ready to just get rid of these and buy new dishes. I'd rather wait til I find some dishes I really like. Do I: keep using all the dishes or dispose of the chipped ones now? Thank you. I need this decision made for me. I don't feel strongly one way or the other. I just need advice. If I were to have a dinner party now, I'd probably use my mother's china or if it were Christmas, I'd use my Johnson Bros Christmas dishes.

My dresser has been cluttered for several months so I'm working on that tonight too. Do little bits here and there tonight. Going to quick vacuum before too late.

Bag of books in car. Need to fill another bag tonight. Of anything/doesn't need to be books.

Tillie, i can picture you watching the snow and enjoying a cup of tea!! Very nice image.

I am going to take some donations up to the car now. I have to go to the car and one day of having a few bags in car won't be a bother to the friend who uses it to drive her son to the bus stop.

I'll write more later. Thank you for the continual encouragement everyone. Tillie I keep repeating 30% to remind myself! I'm so pleased with my decisions these days.

Good Morning :)

Hi Tatoulia :)
Glad your walk and visit with Tiny Cat helped. (((hugs)))
Wonderful that it's warm enough to open your windows!
I am jealous. ;)
You are doing amazing with your 30% reduction!
WTG! :D

Yes, it was me who said not to run out and buy any sort of storage/organization containers.
When first starting to declutter many people think they need the proper containers to get organized.
Then too often those containers just become additional clutter themselves.
First you need to start reducing the volume of items.
Then get like with like, in or near where they will be kept permanently.
Once you see what you are keeping and where it will be stored, then you can start thinking about storage/organizing containers.

Buying padded dish storage organizers to keep precious dishes safe on the closet shelf is the right thing to do now Tatoulia.
This will protect them throughout the year and you will enjoy using them for many years to come.
(((HUGS)))

Snowing pretty good this morning.
I'm enjoying watching it out the window as I stay warm inside, drinking tea. :)

TTYS :)

Hello! Another warm day here. Beautiful. Working from home so I have the windows open. What a treat.

I put some of the plates in the soft sided containers and it is a perfect set up. They will still be on the same shelves in closet but it looks neater and safer. I must go work now and push toward a 30% reduction as both Saturday and Sunday are good days to get bags to the donation center!

Will report later! So, what are you doing today??!!??

Congratulations CM!!! So happy for you--you got out, you cleared your space of yarn & everyone benefitted! Also, congrats on winning the Internet!

I am so sorry about your car situation--cabin fever is no good! My situation hasn't changed re the sink but I'm good with it. We have other people to call if need be.

Was 40F warmer here today than yesterday--what a joy. My walk was great and cured what aggravated me, I stopped by mom's with some bread and played with the tiny cat (who has been eating well and looking well since our scare last summer when she was under five pounds). Then came back here to work.

I have my windows open and it's cool and nice. I ordered some of those soft vinyl padded things to store dishes (like what our grandparents used) because I think I can better store mom's china (which I love and will use on holidays) in them. I have had mom's china in my dining room closet since I cleared out a lot of the books on the dining room closet shelves. I remember once Tillie or someone else suggesting not to get too many storage things unless you need them. I think these are a good idea. They arrived today. Time will tell.

Good evening

Tatoulia, you have a frustrating situation with your plumber, I have one with my mechanic and that whole situation of trying to get repairs on my vehicle! I feel your pain! Hoping we both get resolution very soon.

Was someone mentioning Internet addiction awhile back? Because I finally had to force myself to log off the computer - it was running slowly no doubt due to all the uncleared caches and besides it's a 7-year-old computer (and I pray it keeps chugging along because I can't afford a new one!).

Anyway, Internet addiction - okay, I have my ADD brain and my mind is always chasing squirrels - but I think this cabin fever made it worse, because I tend to sit here while waiting for the phone calls that might mean something will happen with the auto repairs or something. So I counted - I had 3 windows open, with 12, 12, and 13 browser tabs respectively for a grand total of 37! I WIN!!! LOL!!!

Nothing happened today re the van, either - the check still hadn't reached him, and he was busy on another job and apparently didn't have time to squeeze me in. Maybe tomorrow.

But one really good set of things happened, and that was that my roommate felt well enough to want to go to lunch, and on the way I got my prescriptions at the drugstore and dropped off those two big boxes of yarn I mentioned way back when at a church.

They were really happy to get them and I am really happy to get about 6-8 cubic feet of stuff gone to someone who will put it to good use! They make prayer shawls and hats for the homeless and baby blankets etc. I still have the yarn I really loved and am knitting and crocheting my own stuff to donate to charities - but this way I don't have to feel as overwhelmed and pushed to get it done. And I don't have to "feel sorry for" the yarn I don't really like and keep it around out of pity. Yes, I do that - no, I did do that. Past tense. I am not doing it anymore! Justin Case can find some other sucker! HAHAHA!!

Tillie I'm trying not to be frustrated with the plumber. I just got aggravated over the situation only to realize that being aggravated isn't good for me. So I'm going for a walk instead.

Good Morning Everyone :)

Hi Tatoulia :)
Good luck getting your bathroom sink! ;)
WAY TO GO!!! with keeping on with the 30%! (((hugs)))

Rained & rained and rained all last night.
The cats were extra snuggly and had me pinned uncomfortably in bed.
One on my arms & one on my legs. ;/
Really need to run the vacuum today but other than that I haven't decided what I'll do yet.
The sun is shining this morning!

TTFN ;D

Hi Tillie! Glad you have the oranges and cat food!
Hi CM! The vswings in the temperature are very stressful physically. We are dowling with that here too. Sorry about the continued problems with the car. I hate that feeling of being prevented from getting things done! Is there anything you can work on in your to in the meantime? Maybe change the sheets or clean the floors? Something to expel the frustration & something you can feel the pride of accomplishment? That frustrated feeling really makes me crazy.

I still don't have a bathroom sink. I've stopped noticing it. I really need some resolution to this. But in the meantime, I'll work toward my 30% reduction.

Will report back later. Just wanted to check in. Anony--keep your chin up.

HI Everybody :)

Hi Tatoulia :)
Thank you.
Hope you are able to stay indoors out of the cold.
(((HUGS)))

Hi CriticalMass :)
Sorry you have so many different factors keeping you from just making any solid plans.
Just do the best you can for now and hopefully things will smooth out soon.
(((hugs)))

Went into town this morning.
Was a cool but nice day that quickly became dark, windy and extremely cold.
Anyways... got cat food and some more oranges and some other stuff.
No need to leave home again for a while now.
Snow and rain predicted for every day for at least the next 7 days.
Very happy to get the rain & snow to help with the drought. :)

Hi everyone

Tatoulia, way to go with the 30%! It's a nice tangible way to mark progress, I bet. And good call on going ahead and taking the one bag - now it's out of your life and you don't have to worry about it at all.

Anonymoniker, I can relate to having various "skeletons in the closet" and how tricky it can be sometimes to know in your heart that you have left the past behind but maybe others don't believe you. I'm fortunate in that most people who saw me at my worst aren't in my current circle. The very few who are have been loyal and witnessed my growth process and in some cases I've been able to explain how I went off the rails and that I've learned from my mistakes. Hoping you will find positive people who acknowledge your sincerity in the here and now.

Well, as for my decluttering progress, it's been a bit stalled out lately. I'm still waiting on my shock absorbers. I might get them tomorrow. There was also a mixup on whether the assistance check from my church had been sent to my mechanic - it hadn't. The lady from the help ministry called today and was apologetic. Supposedly the check went out today. At least the mystery is solved of why day after day went by and he didn't receive it. 

My roommate has been very sick with a respiratory bug. I put her on the prayer line yesterday and she is doing better today. Our weather here has been widely varied which makes it hard to recover from stuff like that. Today it's springlike, 67 degrees, but freezing rain is predicted for the weekend. Looks like the winter is just going to be crazy for awhile. 

Mentally all this confusion and uncertainty has been taking its toll on me. Today is better but yesterday I felt discouraged and at loose ends. I sure hope some of life's loose ends will get tied up - that would free up a great deal of mental energy and I'd feel like I could make at least some forward progress. In which area of life would depend on the money and weather - if I had favorable finances and weather I could work on decluttering my storage unit. If not, I could focus on projects at home. Seems like right now mostly what I do is wait - to hear from the mechanic or the church people - and then see what I end up with the money, time, etc. to attempt. A frustrating way to live for days and weeks on end. Hoping after the rocky start the week goes better. :)

Tillie I'm sorry about the flooding threat. Here it is bitterly cold.

You are so good to the kitties. And us.

HI :D

Hi Anonymoniker :)
Sorry you have been treated badly (((HUGS)))
Please take this time to take care of your own self.
Make your happiness and wellbeing a priority in your life.
You can't change others but you can change to start building your life your way. :)

Hi Tatoulia :)
Sounds like you are doing GREAT towards your 30% reduction goal!
(((HUGS)))
WTG! for tossing the DVD player you never use anyway! ;D
YEA! for getting the garbage out for collection.

Busy morning.
Scooter had an early Veterinarian appointment.
When he returned home I started doing stuff like some laundry and cleaned the kitchen, etc.
When we found Scooter he was very young and sickly.
I bottle fed him and medicated him and made him healthy but his eyes still have issues and probably always well.
His Mother and siblings all perished before we even knew they were there, under an out building at the college.
Hoping to get to town tomorrow for some provisions.
We are alright here but there is a lot of flooding starting and more rain expected this week.

TTFN :)

Hello I'm back--sitting in my terry bathrobe with the hood.

Ok, I got rid of my DVD player since I haven't used it in an age. I put it in recycle bin. I don't have the remote and so I junked it. I have put the two coats in a bag to ge donated so no turning back now. I got the garbage out--long week if I miss the early Tuesday AM pick up.

It's very cold in Northeast. I either from home today but nothing more than maintenance--laundry, dishes. Cannot do anything if real substance because work eats up all my time.

I continue to move forward and feel very good re 30% goal. Just gonna do it. Will shred papers a little later on. For now I want to do a few things before Antiques Roadshow.

Anony: I am sorry to hear about the latest developments. I enjoyed the 'swept under the rug' remark. Look, I don't know if this guy is good for you or not good for you. but he's definitely not a good partner in dealing with your hoard. I personally don't like seeing you ping-ponged around by him. No matter what happens, he's the wrong person to help you with your hoard.

Don't give up. Don't let anyone or anything thwart you in your efforts to clean up your home. No one has that power over you. The power is yours.

Anony, we will talk later. I have to run garbage out and shower then watch national news.

......and this i tried to sweep under the rug(ha ha a little hoarder humor), but it is really haunting me...my boyfriend broke up with me again a few nights ago, threw all my stuff at me to leave with, then text me he was sorry the next day....ive had bad dreams & felt insecure about everything & everyone since...it means i really can only depend on myself....i guess im that way anyway....part of me wants to cling to everything here & part of me wants to fix it up on my own!

......and this i tried to sweep under the rug(ha ha a little hoarder humor), but it is really haunting me...my boyfriend broke up with me again a few nights ago, threw all my stuff at me to leave with, then text me he was sorry the next day....ive had bad dreams & felt insecure about everything & everyone since...it means i really can only depend on myself....i guess im that way anyway....part of me wants to cling to everything here & part of me wants to fix it up on my own!

....yes, and he is an amazing worker, a creative home fixer upper& would be an incredible help....im just needing to shift things...my new years resolution is partly to let go of my birth family & rely only on myself....all else is a plus, but nothing expected or depended on....

Relationships & hoards are tricky business. Just keep working toward a balance.

Tatoulia, thank you for your response! Actually, i did realize within a few minutes that i was wrong. I think it was what happened just before that was why i reacted. As we were driving toward my gate, he said hed like to fill in the holes using the dirt along the edge of the dirt road. I told him there is an irrigation ditch there & it needs to be built up like that. Also, this is not my property, nor my legal easement & there is no way im gonna allow messing with my farmer neighbor's place! Then the next thing he did was mess with my place without asking me. I felt like it was at least partly an act of rebellion....but it was just a piece of cardboard, however, i do not like to bury trash. Had he asked me, idve prefered it in the trash pile to go to the dump...but then, maybe burying it is better? Id planned to burn it. Im very unsure of everything right now, but i still feel it is no one's right to mess with another's stuff or property.

Tatoulia, thank you for your response! Actually, i did realize within a few minutes that i was wrong. I think it was what happened just before that was why i reacted. As we were driving toward my gate, he said hed like to fill in the holes using the dirt along the edge of the dirt road. I told him there is an irrigation ditch there & it needs to be built up like that. Also, this is not my property, nor my legal easement & there is no way im gonna allow messing with my farmer neighbor's place! Then the next thing he did was mess with my place without asking me. I felt like it was at least partly an act of rebellion....but it was just a piece of cardboard, however, i do not like to bury trash. Had he asked me, idve prefered it in the trash pile to go to the dump...but then, maybe burying it is better? Id planned to burn it. Im very unsure of everything right now, but i still feel it is no one's right to mess with another's stuff or property.

glad you are doing better, Tillie. Getting an upper hand on sinusitis isn't easy.

Anony, the clarity is important and I'm sorry it came at a cost (of feeling ridiculous and snapping at BF). Next time you feel that coming on, try a little trick I use. I take a breath and fast forward five hours. Am I going up feel sad and stupid and embarrassed and apologetic if I make a big deal about x, y, z now? And that helps me find perspective. Here's an example:one day taking brother grocery shopping and he was being particularly nasty. I wanted to tell him to bugger off and then I stopped myself and collected my thoughts. I realized that I'd be making things worse, we wouldn't get our groceries, he'd be mad and swearing, and then later on, I'd feel terrible about myself for not just soldiering on. I imagined myself crying and ashamed for not taking the high road and just letting the day pass. Let me know your thoughts. It helps me. May or may not be useful to you.

I am glad Anony that you have help with your place. Just keep moving forward and remember, you really will be happier with more space and fewer things. And if not, well then, we willl take it from there. I'll even send you my junk!!😉

I got the bag of books to car and to donation place. I took brother for groceries and he was lovely. Now that we spend less time together AND he has made friends, AND I've learned to let him be himself and not baby him, things are much better. Still a work in progress.

Well I am waiting now for BF to help with a few errands, after which I will come home and cook dinner. I'm hungry. Is but no time to cook and make dinner. I will also put those coats in a bag and further my quest to 30% less by end of January.

I'm happier just thinking about it. THANK YOU ALL. You are great friends and I love it when you post!

Hello to all! It seems everyone is making headway either in action or in decision!
I have experienced such a direct effect of my clinging to the way things are at my place, and the recent hurt from being excluded by my birth family. A lot of how it got this way was from an impossible situation i was put in years ago that caused a falling out with my sister. She had a grandchild & didnt want me to know, or her son didnt. When i look at how they see me, they could easily think im still doing drugs. That would make sense for they way they have been to me. There is nothing i can do to prove im not. If i bring it up, it could cause even more trouble. At the same time my awesome boyfriend is trying to help me clean things up & i can see how ridiculous i am being. I got upset cuz he buried a piece of old cardboard i was using to start bonfires for the cleared brush. I dont know why i reacted that way. It was a piece of cardboard....i am a mess right now, but at least im a mess with increased clarity?! :D