Definitely heed the messages!,

Good afternoon!

Tatoulia,

Good to see you. I'm glad the eating is going better.

The universe is sending me messages -
yesterday, new, nice yoga mat very cheap.
Today - pulled something in my hip lifting Buddy.

Things seem to be escalating. I don't want another message tomorrow, so I'm planning to get up in the morning and get back to yoga!

The equipment for the solar is all installed, and most of the trucks are gone for good. Three guys will come back on Monday to run wire and hook everything up, and then we will have solar power!

Hi everyone! You've all been so busy and making good progress! Interesting discussing on cutting down on working/volunteering and SubC's experience with someone else getting double the money. It is hard to know our worth. And to figure out that it's okay to have our own needs and putting aside the, what will they do without me?

I used I do backup for a person's job at work. He was the sole person in his role and I was new at my company and wanted to learn more about my opportunities and company activities. I ended up stuck as backup, which ended up being pretty hard on me because it was so much work and would frequently derail my usual work around all holidays (winter holidays, 4th of July, Presidents' Day, school vacation week, etc) because he'd want to maximize his days off and he had kids in school. I had no issue with that except I couldn't take off the day before or after a holiday if I was covering for him. He was a planner of his vacations and would always check with me, but I'm more of a spur of the moment, take a day off here or there. And I'm not going to derail someone because he has a family and needs to plan things out. And his work would cause me a lot of stress. Every year my manager would say, we will see what we can do to get you off of his backup but then he'd do nothing. So about ten years in, I finally decided to make it my manager's problem. I said that I'd be taking time off and maybe he or the VP could do backup and just like that, they found TWO people for backup and I was off for good. Bottom line:We allow people to treat us this way. We allow people to think it's our job to find a replacement. It isn't. Companies and organizations can and will move on after having a person step back and if they cannot, then they are really poorly run. So set a realistic time and resist the urge to say, but I can extend it if you like or can work more hours if you are stuck. Just tell them, that unfortunately as of XX you will be cutting down your hours to YY and that you are giving them time to find your replacement but unfortunately the date is firm. I'll be standing by your side supporting you.

Things are going pretty well for me right now. Am finally back to getting my binge eating under control. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a store window and it's shocking. I will be seeing BF in just under four months so this is important to me I walk everywhere and I want to be able to continue to do so. I want to be healthy as I head into the rest of my life.

I'm keeping things much neater here,too, which is so nice for me. Lovely, really.

SubC I'm excited for the solar panels. Are they installed at this point or do you still have the workers around? The noise and disruption would be really hard for me! Glad to hear lthey are neat and respectful.

Ttyl.

Good morning!

Ooof! Full day Lila! Good luck today!

I need to correct my math error - my successor was paid twice as much as I was, so that is a 100% raise, not a 50% raise. I know it's silly, but I don't like being on record with a math error.

Yesterday I left the house and did a bunch of things.

I started with filling my car with gas, then stopped by a thrift store that has good frames. Found the one I was looking for, plus nine more nice ones at only $1 each in a standard size that Dd has been looking for. I will count them in, but offer her her choice(s) and count them out if she takes any. I will use whichever are left for pictures of the boys most likely. Also bought: a new yoga mat, four new foldable storage boxes with Velcro lids, a little train set for Birdy, and - thing I am most excited about - a large plastic Lego brick with two drawers to store Legos. I have wanted one (or many) of these for a long time, but they are $45, which is ridiculous. This one was $3! So I know I am feeding dopamine to my inner squirrel, but I feel like they were practical choices that will help me continue to organize and purge.

Then I went to school to drop some things off, and the city studio to work on glazing a lamp I made. The lamp is going to take forever. The school stop was extra long because I ran into a friend who also teaches there but was out last year due to a family health crisis. Her son is doing great now and we enjoyed catching up.

Stopped to grab dinner from a food truck and walk in a park with Dh on the way home.

I have the boys today, so I need to get my chores done and tidy up.

post 2 today. Been a long time since I've done that!

Today I stayed home. I
- unloaded, loaded, and ran the dishwasher
- hand washed some stuff
- wiped counters
- washed and sorted (and ate some) cherries
- was given produce, put it away
- made crispy eggplant
- washed 2 loads of laundry and dried them (putting away before bed)
- welcomed a nice couple of young boys who offered to weed my front yard and would not be paid for it (mom wanted them to learn to work, so my front yard looks so much better!)
- called and reported a change of income on my insurance
- listened to small children screaming and crying literally 75% of the time all day, omg, a rough day
- spent time with the dog and washed her dog bowls

I am still exhausted. I am working most of the day tomorrow and likely staying home Sunday.

I think I will get this laundry put away and go to bed. I have to get up early, shop for my event, and work 9 to 4ish. See you on the other side!

omg, SubC, I would be crushed, too, if my job paid my replacement much more than they paid me!!! I think that is a GREAT point about 'if nobody else cares enough to do it.' I may use that mindset to drop a few more things that do not give me joy or feel like it is MINE to do.

Thankfully my boss is super attentive to my needs and has gotten me two significant raises within 2 years without me ever asking for a raise. In fact I am making about $8/hour more than I was when I started almost 3 years ago, plus have now gotten more hours, plus I do get paid vacation and such. I just think that since I started as a volunteer, some of the things that are not really "my job" have hung on with me still doing them. Some I don't mind, and some is too much. I am basically quitting one volunteer position in February that is about 10-15 hours a month. Someone has to find a replacement, so I am looking for someone because they will be working with me in my actual job. But even if no one is found, I'm out.

Today is my day off for the week since I have an event tomorrow. I might also take a half day at some point Sun or Mon.

My house is now at the point it is beyond my ability to keep it as nice as I'd like. People who live here are not helping enough but I am done with all the asking/bothering. My next step is to hire someone (for yard work) and for cleaning the carpet (again) and maybe even a one time house cleaning, and have the people who live here pay the cost for those things.

What are you up to today?

I need a good and easy recipe for Japanese Eggplants (the long skinny light purple ones!) I make stir fry but need some other thing to make.

Good morning!

Lila, I am really sorry about your work situation. Health insurance makes me so angry! Ds has super good health insurance and Birdy has only cost them $115. That's prenatal care, birth, at home follow up for bilirubin, pediatric visits, immunizations, and an ER trip two weeks ago (he's ok). Dd also has pretty good insurance, but Buddy has cost them over $40,000 which includes maxing out their per person out of pocket on him two years in a row plus prenatal care and DD's birth related expenses. With Bean they actually sat in an ER parking lot for two hours once deciding whether or not to go in. They finally decided no.

I don't think anybody should have to make decisions about medical care based on price unless it is fully optional care (like if you want a nose job.)

Dh originally delayed his retirement two years because of insurance (now he has changed to a new job within the company and put the whole retirement plan on hold because he is no longer miserable - so, solar panels!)

The solar panels are actually direct to grid, so they will cut out if the power goes out - we did not install battery back up. But we have net metering in our state and they should break even around the 11 year mark and then start saving us money. We are fortunate to be able to make the up front investment. Also it just makes me happy to power my house on sunlight instead of coal.

About your volunteering. Is whatever you are doing worth the strain and exhaustion and general toll it is taking on you TO YOU. Because if it is true that no one else will do it if you stop, you care more than anyone else and should stop if it isn't worth it. If you stop, either someone who cares enough will find away to do it or have it done, or it won't be done because it asks more than it returns.

When my kids were babies, I worked for a church. Finances were really tight - community food program, if it's less than 3 miles we walk tight. I was part time, I could take the kids with me, I could walk to work, and I made almost 20% over minimum wage, so I felt like it was a really good job. Church members gave me hand me downs because they knew our situation.

When I left, my replacement was a member of the church who did not have small kids at home, did have a husband with a really good salaried job, lived in a really nice subdivision and drove a nice car. They gave her a 50% raise over what I was making - literally doubled the pay for the same job. Because basically, that was what it took to make her feel like the job was worth her time and nobody else wanted it. Not because she was worth more, but because she believed she was worth that. I was crushed. If they could afford that the day I left, they certainly could have afforded more while I was there. It would have made a big difference to me. But I didn't ask, and they didn't care enough to offer.

The experience taught me a lot. People will take whatever you are willing to give, and they will give you as little as you are willing to settle for, and it's not always because they are bad people. It's just that if you don't put yourself first, you can't expect anyone else to.

hi SubC! It sounds like you are quite busy. I think it will be cool to have solar panels (more independence huh?). Also books are a tough thing. Someone just left me a huge heavy box of children's books, so I am giving them all to TotsFam without looking through them. I have enough.

I have been so tired. I worked 11 hours yesterday. I only have one day off this week and I am so exhausted that whenever I sit down for 20 minutes I fall asleep. I also am having headaches. I really have to keep up with my work hours now so I can afford health insurance. I am finding it hard to keep up - especially with still having too many volunteer hours. I have cut back a lot of that, but some, they rely on me for, and I need to figure out how to manage this. In a month I will have MORE volunteer hours, and I am doing things I have done for 7 years, as a "good will" gesture, but it really needs to cut back. It is hard to do that when my coworkers are truly depending on me doing it, and they are also friends, and I have had no luck finding anyone else to do it. If they would pay me for it, then I would not have to struggle so hard to get my hours. I find it relatively easy to work a total of 35 hours a week including the volunteering, but beyond that it gets sketchy. Mainly because of the nature of the work. I could be full time if I was allowed to do more visits, but for now, this is what it is.

I am sitting here with a headache and almost falling asleep. I worked 11 hours yesterday. I should work a couple hours tonight but I just can't. So, I will go to bed early and work tomorrow.

Goodnight...

Good morning.

I have been puttering around the house. I am feeling stressed because there are many workmen and trucks all around my house. They are lovely - they put all of their trash in bags and take it away, they don't play loud music or swear that I can hear, they don't feed the goats, they are careful about my fences and digging near trees or flowerbeds, and none of them smoke. But there are a lot of them and everything is very orange and high vis and the equipment is noisy and it is just a lot for me. It will be very worth it though!

I spent some time looking over a bookshelf in the basement. I have 20 books to give Birdy, so that is 20 things out. I am working on some other areas as well, so I will update the tally thread later.

Good morning!

I did not get all of the flowers moved yesterday, but I did a lot. My body is definitely feeling it today. It's good for me though. I may have to dig up the rest this evening and park them in a wheelbarrow for a while.

I also burnished some pots for firing. I wanted to do more hand building on some of them, but unfortunately I didn't cover them well enough and they were too dry. The burnishing made my elbow hurt, but I quit after a reasonable number instead of obsessing over getting everything done, and it is ok this morning.

This morning I have the monthly brunch at the studio, and then thrifting with dd1. This is becoming a monthly tradition. Today we will probably be looking for clothes for the boys. Also, she is still searching for wooden bookshelves, so she has asked me to bring the truck. I need to look around and see if I have any donations to take as well. I haven't been posting in the tally thread lately because I've been shopping, and my outs and ins have been balancing each other. Mostly used books and replacing sheets and towels that were old, worn, faded, or stained. I hadn't bought new linens in a really long time!

Hello Lila!

Sounded like a good start to your day! Don't be too hard on yourself about the ending. Sometimes when we are very tired we just need to give in and start over the next day.

The horrible heat here has finally stopped. We had a torrential downpour on Thursday when the boys were here, then yesterday was really pleasant. Today is supposed to be pleasant as well.

The community yard sales in the "town" (general store, restaurant, church, tiny park, post office, closed tractor repair shop, houses) 6 miles from me are this weekend, but I did not go yesterday and probably won't today. I'm trying to focus on my home. Especially with the good weather that lets me be outside.

I woke up with a migraine yesterday (and today) but they respond to medication, so I managed to spend yesterday morning working on digging out my garden. I didn't get hot until noon, when I came in and did fall into two hours of mostly wandering around the internet and eating before I managed to shift my focus and get out to my pottery studio. I ignored all the housework, so today I have piles of dirty dishes.

Dh and I are getting solar panels starting next week! It has been in planning and process for years. I am excited, but the lines will go through my flowerbed and my goat fields. Dh says they may have to remove part of my fences - eek! But I am rolling with it. My task for this morning is to move a lot of flowers. I'm very grateful the heat broke!

My big exciting news for this week (besides the solar panels - lol!) is that my name finally came to the top of the waiting list for studio membership in the city studio. I had a membership before, but let it go because I felt like I wasn't using it enough to justify the cost. Then I regretted it. So I filled out the forms and sometime next week they will assign me a space. - Two large shelves where I can store my stuff and call the store to have things "delivered" so I don't have to be there during store hours to get supplies - hopefully near the hand building area, but I am not picky. I'm looking forward to more space and not having to take home all my stuff, wash my shelf down, and stop doing wet work there for a week every 6-8 weeks.

CM, send up a flare if you are around? I am becoming worried. I try to tell myself you have new in person friends and just don't need us as much, but would like to know you are ok.

hello! Finally, I am home from my long trip. It is so good to be home. I am exhausted, though.

This morning I
- swept up big piles of dog hair
- washed a few dishes
- took out trash
- played with my dog
- read on the deck and had coffee
- made some eggs with chives and toast
- unpacked most of my stuff
- spent time with Tot
- washed towels and clothes and dried them
- sorted receipts

then it devolved into watching tv and eating chips and candy and falling asleep on the couch for a few minutes.

Looking forward to catching up!

Good morning!

I am home. Feeling refreshed and more focused about all the things I have to do. My farm sitter is coming back this morning to help with a couple of things that are easier with four hands and bringing her teenager for the learning experience.

It was hard to leave Birdy yesterday, but tomorrow I will have Bean and Buddy, and I have a lot of plans for today.

Glad to hear you are having a great time, SubC!

I did a bunch of laundry and cleaned the cat boxes and took the garbage out. Went to a good, free lecture at the library tonight. My friend met me and afterward we went for a very nice dinner.

Goodnight, everyone

Good morning!

I am at Birdy's house (everyone else is asleep)

We are having a great time!

He loves his riding toy, he is cuddly and sweet andbusy and rarely fussy. Mostly happy all the time.

We went to the renfair and had a really good time (except for a few brief sad moments when Birdy swung on his momma's skirt and did a face plant) I was tempted by some of the wares (and have put a few on my "thinking" list, but only bought experiences (like riding the pirate ship swings with Birdy) he loves rides!

Good morning!

Tatoulia, I'm sorry about the not sleeping. Not sleeping makes everything harder.

Tonight I sleep at Birdy's house. :)

Yesterday Bean, Buddy, and I finished the summer reading program! (Teachers at regular schools go back Aug 7 here, so the program ends the 3rd.) Bean and I got t-shirts. Buddy also got a t-shirt, but his xs is a dress -Lol! We also got coupons and free kids tickets to the state fair. I will not be taking them to the state fair, and they are young enough to be free anyway, so I wish I knew someone to give the tickets to - they are worth $10 each!

I am taking a noisy ride on toy to Birdy's house (with his parent's blessing) never to return, so that balances the t-shirt and I am not going to add the in/out to the tally thread.

I try to do good things for future subc, but lately it's a challenge just to not make her life harder. It has not been a productive summer. Maybe this trip will be a reset that lets me get myself back on a better path.

When we get back, I have three weeks of summer before our back to school teacher meeting and classroom work days. One more pottery class. 4 Bean and Buddy days, a fridge full of milk and eggs, and an overgrown garden. Then a week and a half to prep my room and get ready for classes, and I go back to teaching, but only two days a week.

Ok, gotta get ready to head out!

Hi everyone!

Haven't been sleeping well. I never sleep well, but I've been up between 2 and 6 each evening/early morning. I'll have to see my doctor. I do take prescriptions at night to help with my sleep, and have for 40 years, but we need to adjust the smounts.

I did a few things this AM before work that made a huge difference. I cleaned both cat boxes. Then my cleaners were here. So when I got home I was ready to take the garbage out. I just tell myself, make your future life easier.

I'm home from office and I've showered.

Before the other cleaner took my clothes, I was able to add substantially to the bag. The clothes and shoes are so great; I'm hoping the recipients wear them in good health.

Time to relax a bit.

Good morning!
Slow and tired start today.

Having the boys and class with a late night is always a lot. I'm not taking a class in the next session, but hopefully I can get into a routine of working in my home studio.

The weather is supposed to be better here the next couple of days and I need to spend the mornings (tomorrow plus whatever I can get myself moving for of today) working in the garden. I also found a small spot to leverage in the studio for some forward progress - nothing big, but a spot potentially better organized and a few "useful" items going in the recycling. They aren't counting as outs because they are saved packaging like tins and boxes.

CM, I hope you are too busy with new pickleball friends to post and not having a hard summer!

I did resist working! And I had a good day at the office! I had cleaned the kitty boxes so when I got home I was able to take the bags to the alley. I then showered. I'm just reading the NYTimes now. I'm not sure why I didn't read it yesterday.

It is cool and nice and I have the windows open and the ceiling fans on. Feels like luxury.

Hope you are enjoying your time with the boys!

Hi Tatoulia!

Did you resist work?

Nothing in my house gets wiped when it isn't dirty! Far too many things don't get wiped when they are!

I am still struggling to keep up, although the baseline isn't too bad I guess. We managed to host Dh aunt and uncle on short notice last week. Without me crying. And when I look at the tally threads, there are still 200 fewer items in my house than there were at the beginning of 2024.

I hope your bf is safe. D2 got a plant. Honestly, that seems about right. He wasn't a bad guy. But I feel like a plant is an adequate replacement.

I dropped trash off at the gas station on my way to work in the studio today. (I also bought gas)

I have the boys tomorrow, so I need to get to bed.

I went to the ymca today and it felt good to be there. I'm doing two loads of laundry now. We just finished up a thunderstorm, which was fun since it moved through quickly. It has definitely cooled down the atmosphere.

I have a lot of work to do tmr and I'm trying to decide whether I should log in tonight for a couple of hours. I try to stay firm about not working weekends.

I'm going to do the dishes and clean the cat boxes. I took the recycling out already. The I do need to gather up the garbage. If I do it now, it's like a gift to myself because I'll be tired from work tomorrow and won't want to do it. I don't want to do it now, but I like the idea of setting myself up for a pleasant evening tomorrow.

Hope everyone is doing well.

That sounds like a fun evening, SubC! And that's nice that your daughter does have a good social circle. I am sad for her, too. I do hope she finds someone that is worthy of her time and affection. For the most part, I've been able to choose appropriate men. There is one I look back on with a fresh set of eyes. He was manipulative and mean. Otherwise, I've been really lucky. I've also had long stretches without anyone, and those have been great, too. I've been handling the long distance thing with the BF pretty well and so far our leap of faith is going strong. I am looking forward to seeing him in December. I have purchased my plane tickets and have all of our hotel rooms set (I've requested the same hotel rooms as last year's trip). I haven't bought our train passes yet and will do so in December. He will wait to buy his tickets since he is in an unsettled area of the world right now.

I have my recycling gathered to take out, I am doing better on small daily tasks such as sweeping the floor and wiping down the counters even if they are clean. I generally don't do too much of this since the cleaners perform a thourogh cleaning each week but I'm doing it to give the place a fresher smell. I generally only wipe the counters with spray once an evening. Ditto the bathroom vanity.

Going to the gym today. Picking up the cat's meds. That's it for an agenda. Not bad!

Good morning!

Tatoulia, the school service is a little different because we pay a base rate plus a per pick up. Pick ups are Wednesdays, but we can cancel any pick up by the Monday before or add extra. My school is small enough and with a tight enough budget that this cost is worth the building manager's time. That's why I usually stop by the municipal lot on my way to school.

I did get permission way back when I cancelled my trash service to drop a lunchbox sized amount of trash in my classroom can every week. I almost never need to do that though.

Yesterday Dh stayed home all day and worked on our driveway. The heavy rains have washed gullies into it and he needed to regrade and add rock.

I worked on pottery and did some laundry, and then we spontaneously contacted some friends and invited them to meet up for dinner. Shockingly, they were free, and we had a great time. I'm feeling a little better today. But my weight has crept up a lot this week.

Our friends' son is married and lives in the same city as my youngest. The "kids" are less than a year apart and were raised like cousins. He hosts a monthly social activity he has been inviting Dd and her bf to, so I updated them and he is now going to be tasked with examining his social circle with an eye toward inviting some single friends for her to meet. I told my friend "I don't want him to set her up, I would just like her to start socializing with a higher caliber of men." Her personal track record is poor. Literally no one in her life has ever been sad after she breaks up (we are sad for her when she is sad, but no one has ever said "I will miss him." - my friend said the social event group won't miss him either.)

This morning I am going to work in the garden and around the house, and then I need to go to the downtown studio to finish some things for class.

Lila! I'm sending you some relief and peace! Still glad to hear from you!

Subc, I too am anti preppie and never wore a polo or anything monogrammed in my life. I discovered the high quality of the Lacoste towels many years ago and put up with the little alligator. Plus, with my SO being from overseas, he saw the brand as French vs preppie and so I adopted the same attitude toward it! I'd completely forgotten my bad associations with the brand, esp in high school. In any event, that l'affaire amour is now over due to quality. And the flat weave towels are working out beautifully. Even in this humidity they are drying up in the blink of an eye.

I buy vintage Fieldcrest and Wamsutta percent sheets and pillow cases from Etsy. I scour Etsy for that brand and others and buy the ones from my childhood that are embroidered etc. I have to put the time in because most are full or twin and I need queen. Plus they need to be white with embroidered edges to give me the feeling of my childhood. I used to buy the very expensive Frette sheets from the Frette store but my income and priorities have shifted over the years. And with the advent of Etsy, I can find things that make me happy. I have four sets of sheets, which is a lot but they are on regular rotation.

With respect to the recycling at work, I see no issues. I think I told you when my mother died, office services put a very large shredding bin by my desk and they told me to bring in as much as I need to. They still allow me to use the regular shredding bins for my weekly shredding because my office is paperless and we do not ever exceed, let alone meet, the minimum requirement each pick up. So that's been a good thing for me. After my shredder broke, I no longer wanted to have it in my home taking up space and leaving bits of paper places. So this is my solution until I retire.

Will check back in a while. Trying to wake up.

Good morning!

Hi Lila! I'm glad you are "ok", but sorry you are having such a rough time. Hopefully the work trip has some down time in a nice clean, quiet, uncluttered room.

CM, I am still worrying about you! I know you like to write long, informative updates, and it may feel daunting because it has been so long. But just "I'm doing ok." Would be enough.

My bunny's ears are nearly better, but he has six more days of ear drops. He doesn't seem to mind them.

My youngest broke up with her boyfriend. Feelings among her friends and family range from "ok." To "oh thank god!" But she is sad.

I am still trying and failing to keep up with the garden, the dairy and egg influx, the animal care, and the household maintenance, and make pottery. I am getting to spend time with Bean and Buddy. I think I am dealing with some depression, which doesn't usually hit me in summer, but it has rained so much, it is dark all the time. And with the humidity, it's been too hot to do much outside.

Every day I think "today I'm going to turn this around" and every day I end upon the couch with half my goals unmet snacking and watching comedy or music videos online. I think I need to stop setting goals and just try to get through the day asking myself "what is one thing I can do right now that would be a better choice?" Poco a poco.

Right now I can restart the load of laundry I forgot in the machine yesterday.

hello! omg, it has been 3 weeks? I have not caught up but want to post while I can. I have missed you guys and will be catching up on your posts today to see how you all are doing.

My computer broke down at work. It was dead so everything took twice as long to do. I also got 2 new work projects and it was nuts trying to get everything done. I also had an MRI and a trip out of town to the oncologist - everything looks good/stable so thank God for that. I have felt ill for about half a week, mainly migraines with nausea that will not go away. Maybe from the MRI contrast, I don't know. But today I got a day off. I did not even get to walk shelter dogs but once in the past two weeks.

And, I am leaving on a work trip out of state in a few days and will be gone for over a week. I'm sorry for worrying you all! I thought about you a few times but never got on to post. In fact, my memory is worse and I am very concerned about that, but the Dr has already done a brain MRI and bloodwork and such with nothing showing up. So please pray for that to resolve.

My home is a mess as you can imagine. How am I ever supposed to get on top of it? ugh. I need help!

Well, I am going to take some meds because the migraine is coming back. Will try to remember to check in later!

Good morning!

Tatoulia, thank you so much for coming by. This summer I have been realizing how much I rely on this group. CM and Lila, I am still wondering and worrying about you.

I'm sorry about your towels. I've been a fieldcrest girl - but they are having the same problems. I bought new sheets and towels this summer, and they just are not as good. I have to confess that I was one of those kids with the anti-preppy dead alligator polo. Mostly though, I don't like embroidered logos or decorations of any kind on my towels or clothes.

I'm also really sorry about your AC problem. Will you be able to find a suitable box? I can't believe they would expect you to keep the original! But I am glad you have glasses! And good for your SVP! I only know how you do ant work through you, but you win awards, and you are definitely the kind of person people want to work with.

Yesterday I had to go down to school to take care of a couple of in building things. I took the recycling to drop off, but the municipal lot was being repaved, and the dumpster was gone. I used the school one instead. I haven't actually asked if I can do that, and I know it costs us money to have it emptied, but also, I have become a little cynical about the fact that I am hourly and do not get paid for summer work. Every other teacher costs far more in garbage collection as well. (My payroll taxes pay for the municipal bin.)

Dh printed some 8x10 family shots from my in-laws' anniversary party for us and the kids. I had two frames in the basement (score! Stash used!) but stopped at the new location of my favorite thrift store to buy more that I needed. I really like the new shop! I dropped off things from my "go" pile. I had added a few more, but I also picked up a few discards at school, so I will figure out the tally later today when I unload the car. Anyway, I explored the whole shop, but only bought the frames I needed (I bought one extra for me to frame something I have been wanting a frame for - and that is now done - I don't think I will count that in, because the art was already counted and now they are one piece, properly displayed.)

I have been having a much less productive summer than usual, and my weight is creeping up. Part of it is the heat and humidity, but I am concerned that my age is catching up to me. I also need to spend less time on YouTube/the couch, and more being active. And work on irl friends. I was listening to a piece on the radio yesterday, and the guest was talking about that. She said she realized she didn't have a village : "I didn't even have a villager". That is also me. Currently I see my "friends" at the pottery studio. I put friends in quotes because we don't do anything outside of the studio, make plans to be there at the same time, or have each other's contact info (except Instagram for a few of us who are semi-professional). I have had one in person social contact with a non-relative whose phone number I have since school ended in May. It lasted less than an hour. I have also had several phone conversations with my farm sitter.

I went to the library last Friday during the fiber arts time to check out the group even though I can't participate during most of the year because I am at work. I didn't take anything, I just eavesdropped. The group was small, clearly older than me, and everyone was crocheting (I don't). None of those are dealbreakers, but the entire conversation was negative - tearing down husbands and other women, criticizing books they had read and trips they had taken.. I don't need that in my life.

Anyway, my point is that if I'm going to keep working on focusing on people and experiences over things, I might need to find some more people.

Subc, I can picture the toys and the quality of the fabrics in the clothes. All of this makes perfect sense!

My first pair of glasses arrived today by mail so I have them. And, I received a text that the other pair I ordered from a different place are in! It is much too hot to walk to the eyeglass place so I'll go over the weekend. Cooler weather is on the way.

The woman picking up the clothes has yet to come so I'm continuing to add to the bag. Including a very lovely cashmere scarf in an equally lovely color (reminiscent of Tiffany blue) and another beautiful navy scarf that I no longer wear. You may not know this but I don't wear black. Navy all the way for me. So the bag is growing and I'm proud.

Speaking of fabrics, the towels that I swore by over the years, LaCoste, aren't the same quality anymore. The towels get pulls in them and the cotton feels like it's coated in something. I like bath towels with a rougher feel. This summer I've been using a flat weave Turkish towel that my friend sent me from Turkey. So I found the website and ordered three more. The flat weave dries very quickly and I like the feel of it. So I'm very happy with my purchase. As I've mentioned, I don't mind paying shipping costs because I really only wanted to add three white towels and I can't even remember if there was a free shipping option to the US. I don't need more than three more towels. I keep four towels and one nice towel for guests. I may hang on to two of my older, good quality LaCoste just until wintertime when I can figure out if the Turkish towels are enough for me. The rest will go to the cat shelter.

I was up in the night from 215 to 645 due to problems with my new AC. And in order to return it, I need to box it up. I don't have the box as it was delivered here July 1 and it worked the first week. It's long gone to the recycling.

Worked from home today and will be back in the office tmr. I did have a talk with the SVP about my fear of a layoff and he said, emphatically, that I will never, ever be the subject of a RIF and in fact, he's never letting me go. He said that I'm terrific and that if I forget this, I'm to stop by his office because he will never let me leave. I feel so much better.

Because I was very unfocused today due to exhaustion, I need to be on my A game tmr and I'll stay past the summer Friday hours.

SubC, houseguests are exhausting. And some more than others. Be kind to yourself.

Shout out to CM and Lila!

Good morning!

Hello Tatoulia! I am so happy to see you!

I'm very sorry about your glasses. That must be dreadful. If I lost my glasses, I would be in real trouble. I have several back up pairs that I do not feel are at all excessive. Even though the ones a couple back do give me headaches. I hope the new ones appear soon!

I also hope that your company is able to keep you. I am sure that they want to.

The clothes and toys come back to me because they are a curated collection of well loved and in some cases irreplaceable hand me downs. In the case of toys and even a few clothes - from multiple generations. There are some that are simply plastic things that the specific child loved and chose to save (we kept baby/toddler toys out and accessible until we moved when my youngest was 7 because our friends in the homeschooling community had babies and toddlers who were here often), but I did not love - those are handed out with "don't bring this back". There are clothes that get worn out or too damaged and don't come back, but there are also new things that get added, but the total space is limited- There is a rack in the basement designated "the baby library" with well labelled bins by size or developmental age range. there is only one bin for 2T/3T, and there is one smaller one for larger things - soft organic cotton pajamas, a beloved shirt, high quality boots, a sweater made by a relative..

My heart grandson used the pajamas more than once as a small boy for emergency sleepovers or something to wear while his very muddy or wet clothes were laundered.

The toys are ones I love, and have been gotten out over the years for visiting babies. In many cases the new version is much lower quality and cheaper materials if one even exists. Some are things like the handmade wooden train Dh uncle gave Ds - Bean played with it here, but it now is gone because it has been given to Birdy. I don't expect that it will come back - Ds will probably keep it even when Birdy outgrows it as a toy he will want at his house if he has grandchildren, but if he does send it back, I will store it until I am sure no more toddlers are likely to spend the day here, or until dd2 - who is still single, but wants kids someday and loved Dh uncle, asks for it.

Some things do go to Dd1's friends and in-laws, just as things come from them. Ds's friends do not have kids, except one with twins older than Birdy and ddil's family does not have that kind of relationships . Dd1's house is very small and her budget is tight. She is frustrated that I won't store 4T or larger except in very rare cases because she wants to keep Bean's clothes for Buddy. But she sorted through them and kept a carefully curated bin of 4T at her house - sending extras to other kids and trusting that enough will come back or be available cheaply when needed.

We had a surprise overnight visit from Dh aunt and her husband Monday night. It was fun, but we are both worn out. The husband (2nd, she was widowed and he never played an "uncle" role to Dh or our kids due to timing) is very nice, but his personality is extremely exhausting to us introverts. Plus they brought their puppy. Buddy loved the puppy. Bean was frightened by its energy and enthusiasm.

I accomplished nothing yesterday except taking the bunny to the vet (ear mites). I am trying to reset today because I feel like the summer is flying by. I will report back. Hopefully someone will come by.

Lila and CM, I am still worrying about you a bit.

Hello everybody! Forgive me for not posting! Lila and SubC, WOW. Amazing work.

I've had a few setbacks. I lost my prescription glasses and I have been dizzy and plagued with headaches since. I walked and walked retracing my steps with no luck. Stopping in shops and asking groups of people. I ordered a new pair that was supposed to be ready in five to seven business days and here we are at 7 business days and customer service has no advice for me. This past weekend, I went to a different place and ordered a new pair that date is July 22. So I'm suffering.

I assembled a bag of clothes and shoes ready for donation. The building cleaning lady takes them to her church. The heels were tough to say goodbye to but a realistic decision on my part.

I see how manny decisions you have made, Lila, and your hard decisions, SubC. All very helpful. I continue to be pleased with my decision to say goodbye to mom's china. These decisions are worth it.

Cannot say for sure but it appears that my company is headed for another round of layoffs. I think I'm safe but most people think they are safe. My unit is the only unit that does what we do, so we are either valuable or a prime place to outsource. We have done extremely hard work in the past two years and we are recognized for that, so I've decided not to make myself too crazy.

As a non-grandmother, please help me understand something: why do the clothes and toys come back to you? Can these items be given to friends of your children rather than come back to your house? Sincere question.

Goodnight my dears.

Worked in the basement a little more today. Recycled some materials from classes that realistically, I am never going to teach again.

I hope everybody is ok.

Good afternoon.

I hope somebody will come by soon. I am missing your support, encouragement and general conversation.

My linens are still piled on a guest bed.

My class was meh last night. I did have enough things ready, and I liked the way one came out, but one thing broke that I had put a lot of work into, and three others didn't have particularly good results. The last one was fine, but it was nothing special.

I did go thrifting with Dd on Sunday. I bought a Christmas gift for dsil, and a little more track for the brio train. I have offered Birdy a starter set of train pieces. If his parents say yes, I will count the bag in as just one thing, if they say no, I will call it two. Since it all fits in my existing bins, I don't feel a need to count each piece of track.

Today I am focusing on not hoarding milk. I gave a gallon to the chickens that was going off and made 4 gallons into mozzarella. But now I have 4 gallons of whey in my fridge. I will use some to make bread, but probably feed more to the chickens. I'm trying to decide if i have energy for bread and/or ice cream today. I also want to do pottery, and trim beans- which I need to get blanched and into the dehydrator.

A friend just dropped by to pick up some coffee, and Dh has invited someone over tomorrow. He asked me to clear off the counter of doom. I am going to put the eggs away and give it about half an hour, and everything else is getting boxed.

Hello again!

I had a good day with Bean yesterday.

When his parents (and Buddy) came to get him, I was able to give dsil a thing I had salvaged to do a project for the boys. He wants to do the same project, so the thing is gone.

The back of my car is full of mixed recycling to drop on the way to brunch today - it has really piled up with the not teaching.

I have a tentative plan to go thrifting with Dd this afternoon, so I will pack up one bag to take for donation (of already counted out stuff, only one bag because it is hard to drive up to the donation area, and we might not go.)

Good morning again. I hope everybody is doing ok.

I didn't finish the linens yesterday. Dh asked me to help him with a project that took all morning.

Bean is coming to spend the day with me today - just the two of us, and his family will arrive for dinner.

Tomorrow I have the monthly brunch at the downtown pottery studio, and will likely stay to do work for a bit in the afternoon. I may ask Dd if she wants to go thrifting after. Dh is playing golf. Then Monday is Bean and Buddy and my class.

Good morning?,

Where is everybody? I am lonely.

I'm struggling with the heat a lot more than I have in previous years.

Today I am hoping to finish putting away all my linens. I have washed the new towels and might clean out the closet they go in.

Good morning!

(Still, barely)

I am feeling somewhat agitated and scattered this morning. Very pleased with myself about my accomplishment yesterday (I keep looking at my closet) and inspired to keep making progress on my life, but also pulled in too many directions!

Do I prioritize the overgrown garden, keep working on the house, cook a bunch of things with milk and eggs, go get groceries and maybe drop some of this stuff off, go out to the studio, start a big basement project...

Also, I am tired, because I stayed up until 11 last night waiting for Dh to get home because I wanted praise (I got it, and he is happy to let his shoe baskets go)

I know that what I do is less important than doing something, so I need to just get started!

That was a long day.

The bed is clear. 40 items are going to get consigned or donated. (I am letting go of vintage clothing from my grandmother that is beautiful, but I am just, not, going to wear. This is hard. My mom is helping me.)

There were additional items that went to the sewing bins or dress up area, so I am not counting them.

I kept one skirt that I love that is too tight. I could not face the swim wear, so the whole basket went back in.

Everything else in my closet is clean, fits, and is in good condition (well, there are a few comfortable old sweatshirts that I wear for grubby work that are not in good condition). I kept four belts. That might be too many. I did not turn the hangers around or stuff the shoes. I have sheets in the wash that are not put away, but there is space for them.

I also exterminated the dust bunny colony under our bed.

I need to go do chores. I am really tired.

Ok guys, I took EVERYTHING out of our walk in closet except the shelves, hanging bars, and wall hooks. (Things that would have required tools) Even Dh stuff.

Then I washed the inside of the closet - ceiling, walls, shelves, bars, floor.

Then I repaired and polished my favorite summer sandals (because surfaces have to dry)

Then I called my mom for support. But she wasn't home, so I'm snacking on some blueberries. Dad said sh3 would be back in less than half an hour.

Here is my plan:

1) I put back most of Dh stuff.- there are a few things that were super buried and I'm not sure he still knows he owns them. Also, he does not get to keep his nasty, filthy, dust collecting plastic shoe baskets. I don't care how much he likes them, they are going.

2) I get to keep my prom dress and my wedding gown. Every other item of clothing has to fit or be only a little tight (like I can fasten it if I suck in, or it's a little tight on the arms/chest/butt, but it isn't comfortable) because I don't think I'm going to lose much more weight. Which is ok. I am 2/3 of the way to my original goal, I feel better, and Dh says I look good. AND it has to be something I am actually go8ng to wear. As in, I can see myself wearing it during some activity that I actually do. Same for shoes.

3) I am going to turn all the hangers backwards and stick something in every pair of shoes. My goal is that anything still unworn in a year goes (with very few exceptions- I have an outfit that I pretty much only wear to things like funerals. If I'm lucky enough to not wear that, I will still keep it, because I don't want to have to buy clothes for a funeral.)

4) make decisions about things that are not clothes or shoes that have been living in my closet (sheets, swim gear, purses,... who knows. I can't see my bed!

Good morning!
White rabbits.
Happy July!

I'm getting a slow start this morning and my house is a mess from the boys yesterday. I technically had class last night, but I ended up having nothing ready to fire, so I just went, did prep work, and met my classmates.

Lila, I don't think the list is ever done.

My daughter said something yesterday that made me think of an old friend who used to base decisions on net happiness. Looking back, my house was a complete wreck for years in part because the happiness I got from doing stuff with my kids and pursuing hobbies was much greater than the happiness I would have gotten from spending that time to get a clean, orderly house. I think you can lose sight of your values in chasing goals.

I realized I got caught up in the milk again. I currently have too much milk. I tend to try to optimize the milk. But I need to remember that the milk serves me, not the other way around. If I want milk to drink, I should drink it. And I should find time to make the amount of cheese and ice cream and popovers and waffles etc that make me happy. And if the milk is still coming in faster than it is getting used, I should just feed it to the chickens and give them cracked corn and lower my feed bill. Even though milk is worth more than feed. Because when it starts stressing me out and stealing my time and happiness, it is not. - it becomes another "cost" in my life.

So, I'm home today. And I'm a little tired from yesterday. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I'm going to try to spend the day doing things I enjoy that will bring me a sense of satisfaction and progress. And maybe exercise and eat healthy food.

I worked pretty much all day, from 8:45am to 4:30pm and then took my dog to visit a few friends. Now I am tired and wondering how I am ever going to get everything done. So many things on the list and still not done.

Dd will definitely not take the chickens. And her zoning only allows 4.

I am not unreasonably anxious about things coming back, I am unreasonably anxious about things I have given Buddy being given away. Or even really cool things other people gave him. Like, what if he doesn't have any special things for his babies?

I am no help on the wax, because I would give it all away. I don't want to add chemicals or particulate matter to my air. I do warm empty glass vanilla bottles and simmer cinnamon on the woodstove, but that's it. Amusingly in contrast, I do raku firing, which I'm sure exposes me to all kinds of nasty stuff. But only me, not my babies. I shower and wash my clothes as soon as I get home.

SubC, sounds like Dd needs to be given the extra chickens! Then she won't run out of eggs in winter, and you won't have to work so hard!

I have anxiety about kids' clothes coming back, too. I hate it. I saved a lot of clothes for my grandkids, and as they outgrow them, dil is giving them back in big bags. I just stare at them and leave them in a pile. But I think I will make a rule that anything that comes back, I have to get rid of at least half of it. That's a good start for me. Let me know how you end up handling it. Maybe we can both make some progress and inspire each other.

After the Chaos of Receipts, I have not done much else. I moved the wash to the dryer and put in another load of wash. I took some packing out to the trash. Opened the big box with the furnace filters in it (my goal is to change the filter... but UGH, one step at a time.)

At what point will I just get so sick of my room being in chaos that I just go ahead and toss everything and figure if I need it I will replace it someday?

Probably never, but the thought crosses my mind.

For example, a friend gave me one of those wax melt warmers a few years ago, with like 2 different scents of wax. It is kind of cute and nice and makes the house smell nice. Then I went and bought like 6 more scents. So I have all these packages of scents, plus the warmer, and I literally never use it. I used it less than 5 times in all these years. Yet I think, I will want it when I am in my new house. So it sits.

Maybe the compromise is to box it up and move it to the storage room for now, so I can clear my bedroom and stop staring at it gathering dust.

Lila, you are making a dent. Even if it feels like you can't see it.

I am feeling a little swamped after having the boys here. I sent Dd home with 8 dozen eggs to share as party favors at the "mom's only" birthday celebration she is hosting for herself tomorrow. My fridge was unmanageable.

I told her I needed to keep fewer chickens because I have too many eggs and it would make sense to have less work instead, and she said "don't do that! We will sell eggs for you! I don't want to run out in winter!" So I don't know how that is going to go..

She brought back clothes that are too small for Buddy and told me she will be bringing back toys that have been shared with Birdy, but anything bought new for Buddy is getting handed on to dsil's pregnant cousin. That is causing me a little bit of unreasonable anxiety.

I just read a thing that said July 2 is the exact midpoint of the calendar year. I didn't really do a summer solstice reflection this year. Maybe I will do some planning based on that.

still trying...

- gathered receipts from the floor, 3 side tables and the chair and sorted them, checked against my bank (was on a trip), submitted one "mistake" and got refunded, send a few emails etc, and threw the receipts out

- cooked the trout from the freezer with asparagus and frozen fries, ate late lunch

I am struggling to get things done. I just want to watch tv and rest. I do have one load in the washer... sitting there all afternoon. Will dry.

Thank you Tatoulia!

After I posted I went into my bedroom determined to do SOMETHING. In 30 minutes I:

- vacuumed up some dust bunnies (then my hand vac ran out of power, so it is charging. My stick vac died a couple weeks ago).

- stood there looking around talking to myself
- put some "random items" in a box into another box with "random items"
- put the newly empty box on my bed as a donation box and got my trash can set up next to it
- dusted off the lid of a rubbermaid tote I pulled from under my bed

- found a box that has been sitting in there for almost a YEAR with a bundle of fresh thyme drying inside it. So I took it to the kitchen, put it on a cookie sheet, and stripped off the dried thyme leaves. It took forever and I had to pick out all the tiny twigs. I had an empty glass jar in my room too, so I put the thyme in there and put it in the spice cabinet. WIN!

(however, was it worth having a box in my room for 10 months and spending 20 minutes getting the leaves into the jar, only to get about 2 tablespoons of thyme? No. I will not do this again. If someone gives me fresh herbs, I will use them, freeze them, or throw them out).

Now I am taking a break but will go back in. That did not make a dent and took half an hour.

I will always believe in you, Lila! You can do this!

I do have the small cooling gel pads for the cats! For some reason I thought thru were weight activated! Good to learn that my little one is feeling the effects.

Off to the gym! I gave my cleaners the week off due to the heat (I pay them anyway because it's in my budget already and it's not kind to affect their income that way). So I need to change my own bedding today.

Glad you are having time with your boys, SubC!

Today is my second day off and this time I am staying home.

I am conflicted about my bedroom. It is a disaster area, very dusty in places, I can't find anything, and there are clean clothes draped everywhere again. But when I go in there, I feel immediate overwhelm, even if I look at a small area I feel great anxiety and walk back out.

How can I get myself going on this? I NEED to find things. Even thinking about it stresses me out. Do you think I have to just push through and force myself or something??

Lila, I hope you had a good day off.

Today, finally, my energy level is back to normal. My boys are coming this afternoon.

I take generic iron tablets. - ferrous sulfate. I have to take them with food. They still bother my stomach, but only for about twenty minutes, and I can distract myself from it.

Hello friends, it's my day off finally.

Tatoulia, have you heard of gel cooling mats? I had one for my dog, you can get them online by searching gel cooling mat for dogs (they do make small ones) and they are self cooling and draw heat from their body. You do not have to plug it in or refrigerate it or anything. I mention because they are not weight activated. They really work well for dogs - a lot of my friends who travel with their dogs in summer have them. Just an idea for sweet grandma cat.

SubC, what kind of iron do you take? I too am very anemic and tired. Someone told me about a liquid called SOS tincture so I bought a bottle and am taking it to get my numbers up, but it is too expensive to take long term. I want to switch to pills when the bottle is gone.

I'm sorry you miss your kitty. That is the hardest thing about pets. I have found it very traumatic to lose my animals. When I was thinking about adopting my new doggie, I looked at her and thought, she is going to die. Even if she lasts 10 or 12 years, she is going to die. Can I really handle falling in love with someone else who will die and leave me breathless with grief? Obviously the answer is yes, it is worth it. I guess after losing so many humans in my life, all parents, grandparents, closest friends etc, I am grief- exhausted, but it is what it is. We love them and that is the price. Sorry I ended up saying more about me than about your loss. I hope though, that you can feel you are not alone.

I am still drowning in lettuce and spinach and eggs, so will probably try making a quiche, good idea Tatoulia. I might just cook down all the spinach with some garlic and freeze it to eat later.

So far today I:
-fed and walked the dog
- cleaned up the dog yard and took the poo to the trash on the curb
- Took a few boxes to the curb
- put a few fallen branches in the green bin on the curb
- emptied the bathroom trash, put in a new bag, and took it to the curb
- washed a few dishes by hand
- melted some crystallized honey in hot water and poured it into the other jar of honey
- went to make coffee and saw I had forgotten to clean it out last week, left grounds in there that were moldy. So I washed it and ran vinegar through it, then water, then made coffee
- read outside
- took some frozen roll dough out and put it in a pan in a 200 oven to rise for later
- took out a frozen trout to thaw for my dinner, and a frozen salmon filet for tomorrow
- took out a bag of frozen plums from last summer to make plum bread tomorrow

Gee I am on a roll. I plan to make some egg salad today to eat with asparagus. I love the combo of eggs and asparagus!

Will continue to do things and update.

Good morning!

CM, I am becoming concerned about you. It has been nearly three weeks since you posted here. Is everything alright?

I felt somewhat awful yesterday and wasn't able to do much. I finally realized that I had missed taking my vitamins a couple of days on vacation and then five days in a row when we came home. My vitamins include massive amounts of iron to treat persistent anemia, and I think my hemoglobin levels had dropped to the point where there wasn't enough oxygen getting to my muscles and brain. I took them yesterday and 24 hours later am already feeling a bit better. Taking another dose now.

I suppose the heat didn't help, but the heat index is only a degree cooler today, and it has been hot for so long that the concrete porch floor feels warm on my feet this morning.

My almonds arrived yesterday, and I did manage to put them into airtight containers, wash the big plastic bag they came in for pottery covering, and set the cardboard box in the recycle area to collect single stream. I also cleaned the sticker residue off of some used books that had been waiting weeks for that chore and shelved them, and made custard mix. So the day wasn't a total loss.

I didn't get any pottery done though, so now I'll have to fire the bisque load myself if I want anything for Monday.

My new sheets are supposed to arrive today, so I might start cleaning out the closets. We'll see..