oh - also - I sorted my stack of gift cards and picked out the oldest ones. I took two of them to a store that might be shutting down. I had like $50 in gift cards to there, so I figured I am better off getting something I need than losing that money. (I have lost hundreds of dollars losing gift cards or putting off using them and then the store goes bankrupt).

So I was careful and wise. It is a clothing store but of course I don't need to be buying clothes and the grandkids all have more than enough. What I got:

2 packs of socks, which I DO need. I have maybe 4 pairs of socks left without holes.

a new purse, which I do need, because the one I have has a broken zipper which leaves the purse gaping open and I hate it but I have kept using it for months. The new one is cheap but cute. I will throw away the one with the broken zipper.

Ginger chews - I like these for indigestion

And something I didn't need, but will share, some cookies and some gummy bears. I will give most of these to my kids and grandkids.

Wow SubC, that is a lot to get done! I don't know how you do it. I am perpetually exhausted. I have come to the conclusion that I really must lose weight, if for nothing else, for the dogs, because I am too tired to do more for them (walk them more at the shelter, do more fostering etc). I gained about 6 pounds eating loads of junk trying to cram my feelings down lately. I need to reverse that.

I sorted my teas (wrote about it on the daily tally thread) and today I sorted one cabinet in my bathroom. I walked dogs. I am an emotional wreck thinking someone nefarious might adopt one of the dogs I care so much about. There are actually gang members who have adopted from the shelter because the fees are low, and used dogs for bad things. I keep rethinking maybe I should go back and adopt them... ugh, I really can't, I am trying to trust that a good person or family will adopt them. My anxiety is way too much right now.

Good advise about leaving the crate so I don't fill the empty space with stuff!! Very wise. Thanks.

Good morning!

I planted out a dozen tomato plants yesterday. And the muffin pans are in the dishwasher.

There are no evaluations on my task list today, but I have managed to put together another overwhelming day anyway. It includes all of the daily cat care, barn chores, milking, yoga, fixing dh breakfast, and then various unloading and loading of the car so that I can leave here by noon, run errands, stop at school for more loading and unloading and kiln firing (there are tiles to fire that go on my walls), down to the studio to glaze my pots for class tonight, back to Bean's house to babysit, and then to class in time to pop the pots into the kiln for firing. Home late for cat care and chores, and so to bed.

If I have any free time this morning, I want to work in my home pottery studio, because next week is the last time I will be able to go to class, and I currently have nothing prepared.

And so I should get moving..

Good afternoon!

It is 3:00. I have been awake for 9 hours.

I have completed today's group of evaluations. The last load of laundry is in the dryer, almost all of the small tasks I have to do today are done. I am going to rest in the quiet for a short time and then go work in my garden.

Good morn8ng!

Lila, I am sure you made a positive difference for the doggie!

I would say, leave the crate. It will keep you from refilling the space with something else and help you process your journey toward a new dog of you own in a less intense dose than the fostering.

I finished my pots and had a good day with my boys yesterday. I cleaned up after our playing and the only dirty dishes facing me this morning are three muffin pans - because I made popovers yesterday - and the ones from Dh late night snack.

I also dropped three bags of recycling and stopped at the grocery store for fruit to try to halt my upward climb on the scale.

The last of the cookie cutters I ordered for pottery work arrived from AU yesterday. They look good - I'll add them to the tally.

Today is an evaluation day and I will also try to do some garden work. It rained yesterday so I didn't try to plant anything, but I'm trying to plant something every day it doesn't rain until I'm done or we leave on our family trip. Even if it's just a squash seed.

I slept a bit late to try to catch up on my rest.

It does sound like your days are full, SubC. You are doing lots of things and making progress!

I am exhausted. Which is weird since I stayed home for 3 days plus today, just spending time with the doggie. He went back today, and I think that is what is exhausting (emotionally). I had to work through all kinds of emotions - does he think I don't love him, taking him back? does he think this was going to be his forever home? is he going to be super sad in that cage all day now? am I betraying him by taking him back? omg. Every time he looked up and smiled and wagged his tail this morning I felt a stab in my heart. And then coming home to an empty house, putting all the dog things away, was like reliving losing my last dog. So I am wiped out and teary. I did cry on the way home. But in fact, this was a great thing for him. He got a much needed break, got to relax and be loved, he looks AMAZING after the 3+ hours I spent washing and grooming him, he has the memories to dream about (no doubt he will dream of it) and he will likely get adopted much quicker. He has spent months in there but I would be shocked if he was not adopted this week. I did a write up and took lots of pictures for the shelter and they are sharing that. And, when I took him back, I got him a pup cup at sbux and he walked in willingly, went into his kennel willingly and seemed fine, just started eating his food. So I felt kind of better.

Anyway. Now I have a massive kennel in my bedroom in that empty space. I am deciding if I should keep clearing and make room for it since I want to keep fostering different dogs a few times a month, or is it worth it to take it back down the stairs into the garage? I will start by trying to declutter more and go from there. (Good motivation).

I am supposedly working from home but I am trying to emotionally recover first. I think grief plays a big part in this. And maybe this fostering bit is helping me heal.

Good morning!

I did all of those things except finish my pots. I have to get the pots ready this morning before Bean and Buddy come (their daddy is bringing them here) or I will have nothing to do at class on Thursday. (They need their first firing).

There was one dish left in the sink when I ran the dishwasher last night. It didn't fit. But there was more than one dirty dish when I got up yesterday. Progress, not perfection. And I cleaned up the tools and washed and put away the wheelbarrow after stall and garden work.

I have 50 more evaluations to do and 9 days to the due date. 4 of those days I have time with Bean and/or Buddy, so my plan is to do ten a day on days I do not have them. Today is a "no evaluations" day. It is full enough.

Good morning!

Today's goals:
Another section of evaluations
Clean out the goat stall
Plant something in the garden
Start getting June calendar in order
Put away the rest of the laundry
Finish two more pots
Keep up with dishes
Load stuff in car to take to school/recycling when I return the boys tomorrow (I have them tomorrow instead of today because Dd is off today)

Along with that I have some routine tasks like yoga, chores and cat care, and I start milking the goats again today.

I think any decluttering I do will be adding paper to the recycling as I do evaluations.

Lila, I am sooo proud of you for your clothes! Great job! You have worked so hard! And good for you for realizing that the favorite shirt is done.

I'm glad you are enjoying the doggy.

I put away some of the clean laundry, kept up with the dishes, planted a few things in the garden, worked on two pots and took care of some clay I am rebatching, met my evaluation goals and generally puttered today. I think I gained ground?

Mr.Kitty's orange fits.

I am tired and need to go to bed. Goodnight all!

SubC - 77 to write!! Goodness. I wish you inspiration and endurance!

Doggie is doing very well and having a wonderful time! He is very sweet and is an easy dog to have around.

I got everything on my list done yesterday (well, the bedroom is not 100% decluttered, but it is massively better to the point there is so much space it sort of shocks me when I walk in there) AND I did laundry, swept the deck, and dusted (some). I can now take it easy and enjoy my buddy.

The clothes - I actually have EVERY piece of clothing hung up or in drawers except for 4 shirts that are draped over the chair. I will hang them today and then, for the first time in, oh I dunno, probably 15 or 20 or more years, I will have all clothing put away.

A story of weird hoarder attachment -

There is a short that has been my "favorite shirt" for years. I loved it to the point I would try and find the same shirt in other colors or the same color on auction sites but never could find one (discontinued and from a store that no longer exists). It is a simple 3/4 sleeve button down shirt in a color I always get compliments on and the fabric is very lightweight and sooo soft. I wore it a LOT.

Well, I have noticed a few things lately. It is getting really thin, probably from so many washings. And, the buttons tend to just randomly come undone. The button thing has been an annoyance because every time I wear it, I am constantly looking down and rebuttoning a button that comes out.

So I went to volunteer 2 days ago in this shirt, and I was sitting outside in the sun. I looked down and TWO buttons - at my chest - were completely undone and my shirt was gaping open with my lovely pink lace bra shining out in broad daylight! OMG. I quickly buttoned it up and looked around. I don't think anyone saw but it was close!

Right then and there I decided it was getting tossed. And I realized that I hang onto the idea of "favorite" and "special" things lonnnggg after they have become NOT special and favorite!

Anyway I just thought it was interesting and I am going to think about that as I sort "special" and "favorite" things. Just because it was special 10 years ago doesn't mean it is forever.

Good morning.

Lila, I have two questions
1) how is the foster dog?
And
2) are all of your clothes actually hanging up or in drawers?!?

Mr. Kitty's flower was not wide enough to keep him from reaching his injury, so it is going back. Also, it was more circle like and less petally. Hopefully the orange will be better.

Yesterday I washed and dried but did not put away most of the accumulated laundry. I unloaded everything I brought home from school into roughly the correct spaces, but did not put it away. I caught up on the dishes. Dh helped clean up the kitchen, but this made the scullery worse because everything went on the counter of doom.

I did the first group of evaluations. They feel less stressful after my discussion with admin, but are still taking as long - I think. Part of it though is that I am struggling with my iPad which is too full and sometimes I have to clear things in order to upload the evaluation. Also, instead of saving everything from the class binder because I might want to refer to it another year, I took two pages of notes and recycled all the contents of the binder.

And, Dh went on a hike with Bean and dsil, and then they came back here midafternoon to camp, but actually hung out off and on in the space where I was working for the whole afternoon, so it was hard to focus. Then they cooked dinner in the house and went out to the pond to build a fire and roast s'mores. Bean and Daddy slept in the tent ten feet from our house and Dh slept in bed. Bean and Daddy joined me in the house around 6.

Today I plan to work on/in the studio, put the laundry away, and do another section of evaluations. I have 11 days to the due date and 77 to write.

Tatoulia, I had fun imagining first a real giant cat, then perhaps it was a ceramic giant decorative cat, then reading it was in fact a real giant cat on your table! Real ones are better right? lol

SubC, wow, I did not realize Mr Kitty is 15! The way you love and care for your pets warms my heart. I would like to see a photo of Mr Kitty in his flower outfit!

I am doing really well with the cleaning and decluttering. The foster dog is a good motivator. He is coming late this afternoon, so I have 6 hours to do a big push and have everything ready.

This morning I sorted my clothing drawers and donated 5 more nearly new items, then consolidated to make room - and now I have 2 empty drawers which I am filling with the clothing I have kept that is all over various surfaces. I think with 2 drawers plus a few empty hangers from donating yesterday, all will fit. Proud of myself!

Accountability - today I need to:
- pull weeds and clear cheat grass
- pick up yard
- finish decluttering my room
- bring up a dog crate and a bed for it for the foster to use if needed for short periods, like if I take a shower
- put out water and food dishes
- sort dog toys and decide which ones I am ready to let him use
- get all food and stuff put away in kitchen
- clean the counter of doom

If I have time I will also dust. And sweep the deck.

I am excited!

Good morning.

Mr. Kitty's prognosis is that it will probably take months for him to recover - if he does, he is 15. But he has gained back half a pound. He will have to wear a cone for a very long time, and will need to be inside and we will need to clean him and care for his injury.

But the vet replaced his plastic cone with a stuffed pineapple (google soft cone for cats) and he is tolerating that much better. It allows him to eat more easily and he is managing the litter box without missing now. Last night he got up on the couch for the first time since his operation. So I have ordered a stuffed orange and a stuffed flower so we can wash the pineapple when we need to. Mr. Kitty now has a wardrobe.

Teacher gifts used to be a big overwhelming thing, but they are rare now. Most of the (few) kids who brought me gifts brought gift cards, and I got a couple of heartfelt notes of appreciation - which are my favorite. I'm honestly relieved at the reduction in things and in cards to places I don't go. I wrote all my thank you notes last night by email - copied kid and parents. This morning one kid had responded "thank you for being you." His parents had sent me a generous gift card I will use, but that is a lot more.

Physical objects include a potted plant, a bookmark, three pens, a pencil pouch, a blank notebook, and a tray of lined note paper. I will put the notepaper on my desk so I stop using up index cards. I think only the plant (decorated pot) and pouch count as items in since I don't track stationery items.

Today I might make a start on evaluations, but mostly I am going to rest and try to just let my day flow where it goes. I'll report back later.

Hello everyone! I have today off, too, SubC.

I never made it out yesterday.lots of rain. I did get my garbage and recycling out but that's it.

I slept til 1 PM so here I am, just having my coffee. I'm good with it.
I'm doing some laundry now. I won't have time to go to the gym before my sister arrives. Unless it's raining, we will do a lot of walking tonight so I'll take solace in that. I miss the gym!

Laundry needs to take precedence before she arrives. I also need to clear odd my coffee table and out her gifts on it. I'm not sure why my coffee table looks the way it does but it's the only surface with stuff on it. Only a giant cat on dining room table and all of the end tables and my desk are clear from anything other than lamps and coasters.

The other cat is asleep on her chair but the big cat is busily watching the back from the dining room table.

CM! So nice to see you and hear your update! I am just stopping by to say "hello" all - hi to SubC and Tatoulia as well - and for an accountability post before I start working on things.

Today is my day off (I am off until Tuesday for Memorial Day!) so I am going to continue setting up our separate living spaces and getting the house and yard ready for our woofy visitor. We will have our short term foster arrive Saturday evening for the long weekend. I am excited! I hope it is fun and not stressful (depends on the dog) and it will give me a better idea whether I am ready to adopt yet. I need to get all food items off counters (will have to train DIL on this), make room in cabinets, get all stray toys downstairs to the new family room space for TotsFam. We need to get all toys and stuff picked up from the back yard (will supervise kids doing this) and I will walk the borders of the property and pull any cheat grass (terrible for dogs!)

Ahhh, wish me luck! I also would like to have my bedroom in such a state that the dog could come in and sleep on the floor by my bed if they prefer this to a kennel. But a dog cannot sleep in a disorganized thrift store, so things must go! This is a very good motivator.

See you all soon. I will continue to post on the Daily Tally and check in as I get breaks.

Good morning!

Hi CM, good job on the books! Be careful with the thrifting.

Last day of school! I have gotten a few teacher gifts (I'll post a summary after today) so my wrap up for the year will be thank you notes and evaluations. Also I'll eventually go back and work on my classroom, and this summer I need to fire our big school art project that got put on a back burner when the kiln broke, so it can be installed for fall.

But mostly, my house and garden are next.

Mr. Kitty has a follow up at the vet tonight. He still looks pretty bad, but he is eating and drinking and using his box (although he sometimes misses the box. The cone really makes things hard for him.

The ice cream social with Bean was nice. It was very loud though.

Going through boxes, not bixes. Don't know whether to blame autocorrect for that one or my fingers mistyping. :P

Hi

I've kept up with posts, just amazed at how fast spring flew by. Between the focus on my roommate's eye surgeries, Lent and Easter, getting started with pickleball, and this and that, and here we are with Memorial weekend upon us.

And I've gone with my former roommate friend who was without a vehicle for awhile, taking her where she needed to go and we stopped at some fun places too. There have been some items I've wanted to get rid of, and others I'm short on particularly certain clothing items with some wearing out or shrinking too short (like shirts, over time they get too short). This friend is so sweet, she pays me for gasoline and buys my items when we shop (nothing extravagant, we go thrifting or garage sale-ing).

We were at a church sale and I got a bag for my pickleball shoes and my paddle. That happened to be the day of the papal conclave when Pope Leo XIV was elected, which was exciting, and with my phone and tablet we could watch while out and about - I'd checked during brunch and saw that there had been white smoke, and then there was that interval of waiting for the "Habemus Papam!" announcement and for him to step out on the balcony. I was very surprised that an American was chosen. I like him. And I pray for him because what a lot of responsibility is on his shoulders.

Pickleball seems to be really a good stress buster and hopefully will bring a cognitive boost. Which should help me be more focused and decisive on the aspects of decluttering that I find difficult. Things like starting and sustaining momentum, prioritizing tasks, and figuring out what order to do things in. Yesterday I was going through bixes and found three books I no longer want, and that may not sound like a lot but I have a hunch I'll find other items. Certain places that I hadn't thought about for awhile so they probably contain stuff I'm not needing these days. When my friend and I go thrifting I can drop them off.

Everybody have a safe Memorial weekend.

Hello everyone from a very rainy and cold Boston. Lila! How fortunate that you and your son can have good and productive discussions. Cheering for both of you!

Goat day sounds very cute!

Friend came over for takeout last night. She also took her gifts from London and the Christmas ornaments. I'm feeling more organized. Sister arrives tmr. Cleaners were here today. I have mountains of laundry and zero motivation.

I'm out of toothpaste, oddly, since I usually have quite a bit. So I may have to run out later if the rain would just let up for half a second.

Good morning!

Lila, I am cheering for you!

Goat day was great! I got some cute pictures.

Today I am at home until mid afternoon - our end of the year ice cream social is after school today, and I am going to pick Bean up and take him. I was going to take Buddy too, dsil said yes, but I mentioned it to Dd and she said no. :(

After the ice cream social I will take Bean home and go to class.

I have 18 things on my "to do" list today. 11 of them are non-negotiable or have time slots (like giving the cat medication, going to the feed store, and the ice cream social.) it will be a good day if I do 12. Laundry and dishes are extra.

I am trying to keep focusing on positive things.

Good morning! Feeling hopeful today.

Goat day at school sounds wonderful! I wish I could come.

I am posting here for accountability. I stayed home this morning (fighting headaches) and I have about 3 hours before I have to go get gas and volunteer. I have a plan for that 3 hours which includes working on the upstairs storage room, the downstairs storage room/office, and the downstairs family room.

When I say "working on," I want you to picture me with donation boxes and bags, trash bags, and a fury in my heart to reclaim my space.

Watch the Daily Tally for updates! Maybe I can hit my Tally goal for 2025 today!

Good morning.

Lila, that sounds like a good plan.

Tatoulia, I am glad you had such a nice day!

Mr. Kitty is eating. He is staying within a 15 sq foot area in the kitchen, but will walk toward my Dh when he comes into that area. He mostly sleeps. We are taking one day at a time.

I am getting through the last week of school. Today I take the baby goats to school. Lesson plans: "return/feedback on final projects, play with baby goats, goat centered discussions, eat cookies"

The kid I am worried about did not come to school yesterday even though I sent notes to him and his parents - to which they did not reply. He is going to a different school next year, so he has been gone for a month and I will never see him again. The kid who just needed to show up in my classroom before the class period was over in order to meet the attendance requirements to get credit for the class arrived at school 15 minutes after my class ended.

I did get the kiln unloaded and the last load of the school year started yesterday. I had good last classes with my graduating seniors. (One will be by on Friday to pick up a piece that is in the kiln) one of my favorite kids sent me an email last night with photos showing me where he had put all of the work he took home. (He also has a last piece to pick up on Friday)

Dh came home last night and asked "how is the kitty?" I told him, and then said "(x) didn't come to school today." He countered with "my dad has cancer." So we talked about that. He doesn't really know very much yet.

The house is falling to chaos.

My plans for the rest of the week are: be kind to Dh, be kind to Mr. Kitty, pretend all the kids who are leaving will actually be back so I don't cry, enjoy the good moments, sleep when I can, and fall apart Friday. Probably after school in my classroom so that I can pull myself together afterwards because Dh works from home on Fridays. Saturday I will rest and begin the digging out process.

lol Tatoulia, thank you for treating me like family!
I'm glad you had a nice day.
"Stop the madness" indeed - I was crying about it last night, feeling like nothing in my life is within my control anymore. The thought of not having a dog and being stuck here for another whole year is maddening for sure. I decided last night, I just cannot do it. TotsDad is very level emotionally and has never raised his voice at me or said anything mean or rude to me... I guess I have been afraid he would feel like I don't want them around, and maybe even move far away or something and I would regret it the rest of my life.

SubC, I hated the Giving Tree too. Never have read it to my kids or grandkids. You have some very good points and ideas about boundaries there. (They call me Grandma).

So about my son's house (this is TotsDad) - we had a great plan. He needed a bigger house with his growing family. He was already renting out the downstairs to his older brother, who is still renting there. So TotsDad wanted a bigger house and I said, hey, I want a smaller house! (But I don't want HIS house, it has stairs) I asked, do you want to buy my house? He said yes. The plan was he would move in here and get all his stuff out of his house to do repairs, paint and get it ready to rent out the upstairs (he has no garage, thus all of his household is now here).

Then, he would rent it out, buy my house, and I would live here while looking for a smaller house to buy. All of this was to take about 8 months. But it has been twice as long, since he found leaking pipes and other extra things he had to work on, he had a health crisis, and had a baby... and now he no longer wants to nor can afford my house. He says he will have his house rented in 2 months. He was saving for a down payment but spent it on repairs. He has about $8k now I believe.

So, I did have a heart to heart with him and with dil tonight. Thank you for the encouragement. He has agreed to talk to a lender/broker who told me they have down payment assistance options, he has agreed to work on his house every spare hour and get it rented out within 2 months, and by then to have about $15k down payment. And to talk to a realtor and start looking for a place. He said he expects he could be out by fall this way.

In the meantime, I talked to a lender and broker and I cannot buy until I sell due to my low income. So I have to wait to move.

BUT, son and dil have agreed to what I want, to get my space back. Tomorrow, he will
- move his couch into the downstairs fam room
- move my few things down there into the storage room and office space
- take the toaster oven, food, their dishes, my toybox and some toys, all kid items from upstairs to the downstairs
- put his small table, microwave, etc into the fam room and use that primarily as their breakfast/lunch/snack area
from now on:
- if they cook dinner upstairs they eat at the kitchen table and clean up afterwards
- if the kids are sick, keep them downstairs
Also, soon:
- put a door between my living area and theirs (bottom of stairs) that has a knob only adults can open
- put acoustic barrier in his bedroom ceiling

So, I think this puts my mind at ease that this won't be for as long and I will get my living space back.

I also got an application from the shelter where I volunteer and it looks like they DO adopt out with small kids in certain circumstances. So while I cannot get the puppy I wanted from rescue, I can get a dog or pup from the shelter if I want. Which I do.

Thoughts, any other ideas?

I am taking off work tomorrow morning (fighting migraines) and will be sorting and getting rid of stuff to make space for all of this to happen.

I hope Mr Kitty is improving.

I'll soften my language. I'm asking these questions and making these statements as though I'm talking to myself, which I really should watch, Lila. Congratulations (sort of) you are now family.

Had a very successful day at new eye doctor.Through a few quirks, it turned out that everybody knows my BF. I had taken a picture of some artwork on the wall and I sent it to BF. Artwork created by the owner of the place. And BF said, I know him, he's friends with so and so and he's a top eye Dr. I was seeing a different Dr but I thought that was neat. Then I was talking to the very sweet young man who was helping me with my glasses and he was saying that his GF lived in Italy and anyway, it turns out that when she was gong to college in Boston, she lived upstairs from my BF's business. I had made some offhand comment about his business and the glasses guy said, my GF used to talk about it constantly So I texted my BF and after giving him her and her roommates' names, he said, I have pictures of her and her roommates from Halloween one year and the glasses guy said, yes, she and her roommates went as Power Puff girls. So that was pretty sweet. I felt pretty connected. He was talking about the holidays in Italy and I said, we will be in Switzerland if you want to take the train and meet us for dinner. Very nice day.

Now I'm doing laundry. I need to do a little picking up here but I seem to be doing everything but that. At least the dishes are done. Friend Emiko comes for dinner tmr but we are doing takeout.

I'm sorry about Mr Kitty. Hard to know what's right.

Lila, you need to stop the madness. You are not getting what you need out of this situation. Are you able to talk with your son? Is there a fear he blow up or get defensive?

Small point: who is using the exercise equipment and using means WEEKLY. If someone isn't using it each week, put it to the curb with a FREE sign on it. If you are thinking, when I get to a new place I'll want it, still do the above and find free or nearly free equipment on line. Exercise equipment in the home doesn't make sense for 99% of people. And yes I made up that statistic. And especially in a hoarded house. And exercise equipment has no emotional currrency. Should be an easy decision.

Thoughts?

Good morning.

Lila, have you read "the giving tree"? How do you feel about it? Because when I was a kid, it was one of my favorite books, but as an adult, I was horrified by what the boy did. The boy did not love the tree. The boy slowly killed the tree. There is an alternative ending called "the tree who set healthy boundaries."

Tell them that this is more than you bargained for and that you love them and want to support them and to spend time with the kids, but you need to make some changes because you are exhausted and you cannot keep living like this.

Pack up all the special toys and put them away for now. Remove child beds from the upstairs.

Make the upstairs bedrooms your spaces - put barrel bolts on doors if you need to.

Banish all toys, markers, playdo, etc that belong to the grandkids downstairs. Living room tv is only for when mom is cooking or cleaning upstairs or if (what do they call you?) (Lila) is watching it with you.

Food stays in the kitchen. Or downstairs.

You are creating an environment that invites the kids to come upstairs and be messy and loud. The first step is to stop doing that. You can go downstairs and play with them.

And keep working on purging those boxes! The more space there is, the easier it will be to share it.

My friend lives in an expanded mother-in-law addition on her parents house. They have two very small bedrooms, a medium sized bedroom, a small eat in kitchen, one bathroom, a walk in closet that serves as a pantry (no other closets), and a mud room. They also have six kids. Most of the toys the kids own are outside toys. Tv is only at nana's house next door. There are no toys in Nana's house unless you carry them over. Nana will carry them back if you forget them. Anything on the floor after you go to bed becomes the property of mom, who will put it on a top shelf in the pantry and let you earn it back with a chore - even the three year old. You don't get any new toys if you have a toy in the pantry.

I need more information on your son's house. Why is he working on it? What work is he doing? Why does he only have the downstairs? Are the people living in it paying rent? Is your son paying a mortgage on his house? Why is he not selling it so he can move?

And if your son has bins stored in your garage - why are they not stored at his house? He is there for only a short time. He should have with him only those things that he is actively using. Does his house have a garage?

Is he paying rent to you? Is he currently saving money for a down payment? How fast? (I think you have a right to see those numbers since he is living in your house in order to make this happen and has exceeded the terms of the agreement - you need to know how long he may need to stay with you)

Mr. Kitty is not looking good. The vet called me during the surgery to give me the option of not waking him up. I picked give him a chance. I'm not sure that was the right choice, but he is drinking milk, so I feel like he wants to live. He is on a lot of drugs right now. And he has a cone on his head - which he hates.

Today is the last Tuesday of school. Lesson plans - finish projects and pack them up, clean up room, eat cookies, play games. Additional me plans - unload kiln, stop at store on the way home for special kitty food, get home in time to give Mr. kitty meds.

SubC, good thoughts. It helps me "talk it out" and figure out what is going on.

I believe they come upstairs because: there is a TV and couch up here and big living room they like to run around in. They like to eat in the living room, which is an issue with food in my couches, under tables, spilled everywhere. A tv/couch downstairs (on tile) could help that. They also come up because I have a playroom for them up here. I created it before they moved in, with "special" toys. If the special toys got moved downstairs they would likely get lost, destroyed, broken. I could let them have the toybox and some of the less-special toys in the downstairs and make this upstairs room off limits/my office.

They also come up to eat and to be near mom as she is cooking. However then they are unsupervised which is when they make big messes (I have had the talk several times about having them do play dough or coloring etc at the kitchen table while she cooks, which is what my kids did, but I suppose her family did things a different way (let the kids have play dough on the carpet and markers all over the house) so I have been unable to get dil to change (even with a craft cabinet right by the table, it did not change). When they did not live with me, I enforced those rules when they came over but I am not home and the rules go out the window regardless of what I say.

The more I consider all of this, and as I was talking to a friend about it today - she said, look, this is unmanageable and is not what you agreed to. They are there more than twice as long as agreed already, and looking at another year, maybe more. And adding children. She told me I should just tell my son that it is more than I agreed to and give him a deadline and say please move out by x date (either in 2 months, 3 months, before the end of summer, or before the next baby is born in fall) and let them figure it out. I would do this but do not want to ruin my relationship with them or make them feel unloved or like I am throwing them out. I do love them. I just feel like it is impossible to keep doing this for another year.

Please give me your honest thoughts, anyone. Son has a good job, he does not have money for a downpayment, he does have the downstairs of his house that he is working on but would have to ask my other son and his girlfriend to move out, which, see, makes me feel like I would be disrupting everyone. (Son and gf would not trade and live here because they have 3 dogs and a cat - I already asked). Is there a way to solve this, get my sanity back, and be good and kind to my son's family?

Good morning!

Lila, my biggest concerns about your plan are that it involves the word "adding" as in adding furniture and appliances to make a second, less optimal kitchen. (Sink? Refrigeration?) And it sounds like you are trying to carve up space that is already tight.

I think maybe you could try first looking at why the kids are spending so much time in the upstairs living and dining areas. What is up there that is attractive to them? Why does the baby need a second upstairs crib for daytime? A baby monitor should cover that. I think I would continue to work on clearing out and moving things so that totsfamily can have a family room/playroom where the exercise equipment and storage are. If the toys/games/art materials are downstairs, the kids will be downstairs. If the kitchen table is kept cleared off, they can come up and do something there while mom fixes meals. Maybe a "snack station" could be installed in their family room.

The acoustic tile is the only thing I think I would add. A rug in your room might help too.

Also, I know you really want a dog, but I'm not sure a kitchenette and a door are going to qualify you as a separate residence.

I am not sure what my day looks like - I have put a hold on bean and buddy because I have to take Mr. Kitty to the vet this morning. He has an infected injury and is only drinking milk.

This really goes in the "decluttering your waistline" thread, but my weight is creeping up again because I am tired and too busy and making bad food choices.

I did work really hard yesterday to make progress on some overwhelming tasks that have been getting out of control. Only two actually got finished.

Last week of school. I can do this.

Tatoulia, I am so thankful for your opinions and everyone else's, because my view is clouded by emotions, grief, weird attachments, etc and I cannot see clearly. I would never think ill of you for trying to help me! I really appreciate you, dear friend. I wish all of us were neighbors and could sit down for tea or something.

SubC this goes for you as well! Thank you for caring enough to answer my call for guidance!

I think the advice is good to get rid of things instead of just moving them around. I also agree that the million dollars is the winning idea! LOL..

My house is split entry. So you come in and you can go up or down. Up is my level: living room, dining room (with the doom counter), smallish kitchen, then a hallway and my bedroom/master bathroom, the small "storage" bedroom which also has a crib for daytime use, and the small "play room" bedroom which has a bed in it and sometimes Tot will sleep in there (they are like 10 by 10 each). And a small bathroom in the hallway. There is a sliding door going out to a deck where you can go down to the back yard. (dogs areas)

Downstairs is a family room, with a sliding door to go straight out to the back yard, a hall closet, a laundry room, and two bedrooms. One bedroom is really big and TotsFam lives in it. The other bedroom is medium sized and youngest Son lives in it. It has a door going into the garage.

The kitchen is the big issue, but we thought maybe the downstairs family room (which is just storage and exercise equipment) could become a semi-kitchen for TotsFam by adding a table/chairs, a microwave, counter, taking the toaster oven down there. Maybe a hot plate. She could still come up and use the oven as needed... not ideal, but I can't think of a better solution. That family room has a tv mounted on the wall so if I move the exercise stuff into my sorting office downstairs, they could put a couch in and use half as a family room.

I think also they will need to install some kind of acoustic absorbing tiles on their bedroom ceiling so I can sleep.

I would never judge any of us! I have been where you are and as you know, I am still where you are. The difference is, and this is big difference, is that I have no one. No kids etc that will want my things some day. So I have no one to share the memories and the import of objects. I love my things because of the tie to my grandparents or parents. But I don't have anyone coming up the line. And this has helped me immeasurably. And therefore my advice isn't going to fit everyone. I'm also older than you, so my time seems more fleeting at this point. Making these decisions comes with the hollow feeling of knowing that I am alone but I do want to be able to have enough space in this world for me. I

When I was trying to get my mother to let go of stuff, pre dementia, she wouldn't let me get rid of books, saying she was going to reread them. The print was too small and she had a kindle. And so I'd point out if she wanted to reread, we could get the book on the kindle. One day she said, no one can say I wasn't well read, and then it came into focus. She wanted to be known as smart and well read. Poor mom. Really broke my heart.

I don't know about the sunglasses. I am wondering where they are. I have a nagging feeling that I lost them. But I'll persevere. I have two more places to look, which I've been avoiding since I don't want to face the facts that I have lost them. But not having them makes it very hard for me to be outside. I wish the drugstores still had sunglasses so I could pick up a non prescription pair so I can walk around til I figure this out.

Tatoulia, I think it is always good to have different views and approaches. I hope Lila knows you well enough by now to know that anything you offer is meant to be helpful and kind, and that if it is not something that works for her she can just let it go by and you won't judge her. It may be helpful for someone else who comes across it.

From my point of view, you calling yourself heavy handed is amusing. My biokids call me "the truth troll". Yesterday I was at graduation pushing back on a kid who was trying to tell me he couldn't do something, when a voice behind me said "I miss that." I turned and it was the kid who described me as a velociraptor in his senior speech. I laughed and said "well, you can offer him some sympathy." And he said "oh no. I genuinely miss it. Next year you get my sisters."

I hope you find your sunglasses and I am glad you are making progress.

I have another full day today!

Hoping I'm still welcome here. Please jnow I want the life you deserve, Lila, and I was being heavy-handed. Life isn't as simple as an outsider will make it out to be.

I got to the gym and I took my things to the drycleaner. I went through some of mom's papers. I will ask my sister this week if she wants mom's passports; otherwise, I will shred them. I even have I
Her international driver's license. I've made a good pile for the shredder and made a small bag of cards for goodwill. Greeting cards and other little lovely things

Meanwhile, I have my bag ready for the textile recycling and out a few more things into the cat shelter bag. Will take care of those tomorrow.

It is so humid here. I am praying that my AC will get me though another year. I am hoping to get it running tonight. This is not my weather at all and the ceiling fans are not enough.

I wish I could find my sunglasses. They are prescription and I haven't seen them in a week. I'm getting worried as it is a big expense to replace.

Hello everyone!

Posting is what got me out of this mess in the first place and will help me as I move forward with the next layers and next decisions.
Sleep is an issue, SubC. I hope you can get what you need.

Lila, remember I am not in this situation and my thoughts are just the pickings of my brain- no way of knowing what realistic. So, do NOT move your stuff upstairs. I think you need to do a major declutter. You cannot sell your house to anyone with this clutter. You can't. You need to find a way to make peace with living with less stuff. Find an online therapist and make peace with the idea of not having this stuff. I promise you that your life will be 100% better with less stuff. I cannot overemphasize this. You/we/all of us are being held hostage by memories and false attachments. We/you/all of us feel responsible for other people's futures (what if so and so has a baby and I need a gift, that would make a good project for this one or that one). Stop. That is interrupting today FOR YOU. I feel similar about hanging onto stuff with past attachments where they are ruining our today, but that can be harder.

I used to keep stuff and buy multiples because I wanted to be all things to all people. Some stranger needs scissor sharpeners? Good I bought two. Some coworker needs lightbulbs for a particular fixture? Here I am. Guess what? They can buy those things themselves at a place called a store. I do not need to STORE stuff because there are STORES.

When I was at my mom's trying to clear it out to give her better living space, she would have the most ridiculous stuff that was keeping her from having a good day today. I would call it de-sh!ting her house. Please, know that I am tough and direct but my number one suggestion is that you do not move your stuff upstairs.

Second, sell your place just sell it. If you want to buy a duplex and you live in one half and son lives in the other, fine. But sell your place. It's not doing anything for you than storing stuff. Start your new life.

Or sell your place and give your son the down payment. He needs to get realistic on his situation. He needs his own solutions.

Lastly, forgive me. I am advocating for YOU. I need YOU to be safe and comfortable.

Maybe this fires you up to fight against me and I'm good with that. Make your decisions from a place of passion and not defeat.

I love you dearly. So please forgive me.

Good morning!

I managed to sleep for almost 8 hours last night! Although I was awakened 3x - once by hail, once by Dh getting up to go to the bathroom, and once because I needed to go to the bathroom. But lately I've only been managing close to 5 hours a night. And then I am really tired, but I can't sleep, and I'm too tired to accomplish anything with my time while I'm awake. Getting older is hard.

Lila, I can't believe it's been 16 months since they moved in! Time is flying! But for you, I'm sure the next year will be a long year.

If you divide the house, how will you manage the kitchen situation? What rooms are on the bottom floor and what rooms are on the main? I don't have a mental picture of your house. Is it two story? "One" with finished basement? Split level?

I think winning a million dollars would be the best option. ;)

Tatoulia, it is good to see you posting again. I hope your weekend gives you a sense of accomplishment.

I went to the rummage sale yesterday and it was disappointing. I spent 25 cents on an accounting notepad to record cash sales for my pottery. Not even going to count that as a thing since I was already using a spiral notebook and both will get used up (the spiral much faster now)

Today is graduation. So I will be attending that. I must also fire the kiln. And check a bunch of work we hung in the hallway while I am at school. My list of "and also" is very long. I won't get it all done. My days are still too full! Hopefully I will be able to make good use of the evening since I slept more.

Step 1 - get off the internet.

hi all. Been working long hours and also volunteering long hours, so have not been home much. We are having a new kink in the plan. Can I pick your brains?

Plan was TotsFam was to live with me approx 8 months and then purchase my home and I would stay with them until I found one I wanted to buy. However, due to numerous circumstances, they have been here for about 16 months and TotsDad has decided he could not afford my home (and I cannot afford to sell it to them at half of market value, either). He can only afford to buy a duplex or similar, with immediate rental income. Okay, no problem, I can sell my home on the market. However, due to more circumstances he will not have a downpayment to buy anything for about a year.

Now we are considering moving ALL my things upstairs to the main floor and giving them the whole bottom floor so that we are not all on top of each other for another year and have more privacy, and me not catching every sickness the children get, and more reasons, etc.

I am not sure how I feel about this, but I can't just kick them out, so... major declutter time? I don't even know. Thinking about putting a door at the bottom of the stairs for privacy too. I dearly love my family but having people in my space all the time is hard, especially when the little ones are spilling juice and milk in the carpet, shoving food into my couches, leaving spills and food on the floor and counters, drawing on my walls and furniture, coughing all over me and my space when sick, etc. Plus, I would like to foster a dog, or adopt, and the rescue will not let me because they don't adopt to people with young children. If our living spaces were separate, door and all, I would not need to worry about all of this stuff. Also, I find it very hard to sleep with babies crying, hard to work from home with kids running and playing in my space, etc.

I am looking for thoughts, ideas, input as I try to navigate.

Ideally they would win a million dollars and buy a place and move out. Or, I would win a million dollars and buy a place and move out and just let them stay here for a year. Sigh...

Hi everyone! Humid today. Walked home from work and immediately took a shower. Feel so much better now.

As you know, I'm feeling overwhelmed and behind on stuff. This is my weekend to pull it together. My sister arrives a week from today.

I'll try to make progress and will report back.

SubC I think I remember the former student that needs the parole hearing letter. I seem to recall a terrible incident regarding him. Good luck finding the words. The support of teachers is never forgotten.

I have not felt like myself lately. Not a good feeling. A sunny spot was a close work friend was in town this week (she lives several states away) and so yesterday she surprised me by saying she was in the office. She was already committed for lunch and dinner but she wanted to walk home with me. So I stayed at the office until her dinner was over and we walked home. We sat here and just enjoyed catching up. I'm extremely disorganized and couldn't locate the gift I got her in Switzerland. But that's fine. I didn't get her anything in London since she's from London.

Today mid day I needed to nap. So I took the afternoon off and slept til 10 PM. Hopefully I'll feel more like myself tomorrow. In the meantime, I purchased my tickets to go overseas in December so that the BF and I can celebrate Christmas.

Good morning!

Cow moms dad built a giant wall rack with matching bins for her while she was gone, and her mom transferred all the stuff from her mismatched and broken bins and labelled everything. When I got there to milk the cows last night they were carrying empty bins down for trash pick up! So I brought home 8 that are not broken and have matching lids. Some of them will go to school. Most of my school bins are broken or missing lids.

I am starting to really itch to get into my closet. There is a really good semi annual rummage sale near school this weekend and I think I will shop the clothes this year. I will go after school on Friday and again Saturday after graduation for their bag sale.

The last week of May is my evaluations and stay home recovery week, but I may set some time aside for clearing out too.

Good morning!

Tatoulia, I think the being sick was my "hangover" from the week.

I had a very good day with Bean and Buddy yesterday. Buddy loved the baby goats. And I fired the kiln at school and milked the cows. Today I have some "class prep" to do before I leave.

It is our outdoor pit firing day so I need to fill the back of the truck with sticks (hopefully I can find sticks that are dry enough to burn) and I need to prepare a map for an epic battle in D&D. Hippos to glaze for our graduates (graduation is Saturday) "normal" teachers are probably grading about now?

I also need to write a letter for a parole hearing. Sometimes on bad days at school I look at my kids and I think "Please don't make me come to your funeral or write letters to the court on your behalf".

The student who had a baby at 15 is graduating on Saturday. She no longer looks completely exhausted all the time. And she now dresses like someone who wants a job that doesn't rely on tips from drunken men. So that's good. I didn't have anything to do with that, but it's nice to see.

I also need to milk the cows again. That's enough for today.

I hope you are feeling better today, SubC. Sometimes after I've been sick like that I have a hangover' the next day.

Just got in from the office. Have changed into a bathrobe and will shower after I've had some seltzer.

Thanks Tatoulia!

It was a strange Mother's Day for me. I did not see or talk to any of my kids. I was just so exhausted from my week, I did not feel well. I didn't get up until 9:30, fought a migraine until around 4 pm, and did very little, just trying to manage things I am behind on. - planted some things in the garden, took care of some things in the barn, and threw a couple of pretty bad pots - I quit because I was just off.

Lila, I want to say, if things were easy, you would have done them already. But really, we can also build things up to be extra hard in our minds by thinking about them and dreading them ahead of time. When we invest a lot of mental and emotional energy and nothing has changed, the job starts to seem overwhelming and impossible. But if we can shift things just a little, without overthinking it, sometimes we can surprise ourselves and build momentum.

Don't think of it as needing to clean your bedroom, just think of it as needing to process the new clothes - maybe just one item a day. Or pledge that just today you will not put anything else on your floor, and you will try to clean up one thing.

Your bin paring system sounds good too. You are doing a good job getting rid of things! Just keep working on more out than in. You will see change eventually.

Happy Mother's Day to dear Lila and dear SubC!

I'm sorry you are so sad, Lila. It will pass. I love what SubC said, about more Springs to come.

I didn't do a lot today. Some laundry, went to the gym, went for a walk. Now it's coming near 1030 and I still haven't done the dishes today. In my defense, there is a sleeping cat cuddled up to me.

I need to get my clean but no one will want them things to the textile recycling. Think pj tops with no bottoms, the button up men's style.

I also have a few things to get to the tailor/drycleaner.

I am so happy at the Y. Really happy there. Plus I have decided to lose 30 lbs by November so I am feeling better and healthier. I have decided I can fly overseas at Christmas via business class if I succeed. I know that's terrible motivation but I need something. I do not want to be heavy when I see BF. And the bottom line is, I want to be healthier. I've done this in the past and I can do this again.

Still feeling like my house is chaotic but I have empty shelves in my closet. At the last minute I brought extra stuff to donate so that went well for me

I need to keep moving forward and I am so grateful for your friendship.

Lila I wish someone would give me 50 pieces of clothing! I'm glad you found ten that can work and I love Subc's suggestions! She's so good at this! I find your approach so helpful, SubC and will go through my closet and ask myself similar questions.

Thanks SubC, I will try that. Sometimes we have to talk ourselves into (or out of) things.

I don't think I had mentioned the new grand on the way as she is only like 3 months along. But this is number 5 and they are all very close in age. And live with me. Pretty soon I will be in a tent in the back yard! lol...

I came home from church and made myself a milkshake into which I blended a handful of whole coffee beans. I figured it might give me the energy I need to get moving. No luck yet but maybe I just need to force myself, as usual. I think I will go down and get a few totes in the garage and ask Son if he will move them into my office for sorting. Then I can consolidate, label, and return the filled (and fewer) totes to the garage. This is my strategy for getting enough room in the existing, filled totes to add "keep" items from my bedroom, so I can get the clutter out. I will donate along the way as well. I am at a mindblock on my bedroom but want to create a clear floor, as well as sorting and donating some clothes.

Why is everything so hard?

Here is something to try Lila, go in your closet, chose something you don't usually wear, ask yourself "when would I wear this?" Then see if there is anything in your new pile you would wear instead - if so, the thing goes. You can use the same new thing to get rid of more than one old thing if there would be time to wash it. (If you can't come up with a "when would I wear this?" Or your answer is something like "I would wear this to tot's graduation party" get rid of the thing!) don't stop until you have enough empty hangers to hang up all the new things plus one. (Or until you can't stand it anymore. It is also ok to do one thing.)

You feel sad because sad things have happened. Grief is heavy and it takes time. I'm sorry that you can't enjoy the spring right now, but know that there will be other springs and just keep doing the things you need to do to heal your soul.

Did I know your ddil is pregnant? I have lost track of your grands. Bean is almost 5! And Buddy will turn 1 this fall and Birdy will be 2 at Christmas!

SubC, that is certainly a better mindset about the clothes! I did sort them and there had to be no less than 50 items in there. I passed on about 40 of them and the remaining 10 are draped over chairs in my room, as "probably will keep but have no room in the closet" items. So yes, it would be wise to find 10 to pass on if I decide to keep all 10. I mist certainly have way more clothes than I need, especially considering I wear the same handful of things over and over. I will work on this.

Tatoulia, I did not yet turn my brain off, but I did sort out the teas. Someone gave me a bunch of boxes of teas. I have chosen 3 to toss (expired and not flavors many would enjoy) and will sort my remaining teas and cut it down more.

I got sidetracked and wasted a lot of time today. I watched the kids for a while, which I enjoy but was not in my plans. I went to the event which was not what I expected. I enjoyed part of it and was sad afterwards because of my own recent sad events. I came home and felt overwhelmed and ate and watched tv instead of doing anything. Now I feel like still doing that but also feel very sad I am not doing anything. I will just briefly say that I look outside at the greenery and nice weather and I just feel terribly sad, and cannot seem to enjoy it at all, since my pets are all gone, nothing feels the same anymore. If I go out there I just want to cry because I am lonely.

And with that, I will stop eating and watching tv and do something useful. Perhaps sort a tte or clothes.

Lila, as you know, I'm Team Turn Off my Brain and Get Rid of Stuff. Luckily we have SubC who is more measured.

Got rid of all of my stuff today. A lot of driving due to traffic but done. Amazing. I feel a bit sad re mom's dishes but not too sad. They are going to loving homes, which is all we can ask for.

Going to allow myself to rest a bit.

So, can we agree that before the person gave you the bag of nice clothes you had more clothes than you needed (even though some of them didn't fit/weren't something you really liked?)

If so, then getting rid of net one thing still leaves you with more clothes than you need. So first - anything that was given to you that does not fit isn't actually yours, it's just passing through your hands (why would someone give you clothes that don't fit, right?)

Anything that does fit, try to find a thing you like less well and "trade" it. When you are done, add something to the bag. When the bag of clothes leaves your house, you will be sharing and INCREASING the abundance of the original giver while leaving yourself in a better place.

I incorporated my plant stand into the plant jungle on my porch. It looks better with more levels. I am going to ask Dd for a rain check on our mothers day thrift trip tomorrow. I just want to stay home. I am tired.

The jeans I am wearing are too big and full of holes. I really need todo a major closet clean out. Two more weeks of school.

SubC, I thought about that - donating one item for each item of clothing kept. I think it is a lofty goal for me, lol. But I will try. Yesterday I was able to put one clothing item in the donate box. That's a start! I also was given a large bag of books. A few of them I do want to read. I decided to donate most of them to the library, and only keep no more than 3. I will read and donate anything I don't expect to read again or use as a reference.

I am struggling to keep up with the cleaning after TotsFam. Everyone is busy and overwhelmed. I talked to TotsDad about it. He is going to try and help but he works full time. It is TotsMom's "job" so to speak but she is overwhelmed and still puking from pregnancy. I am doing the most basic things.

Part of me thinks to make anymore progress in my room, I have to get ruthless, turn my brain off and just start chucking things into donate bags and get them to the donation place immediately.

The more calm part of me says, keep sorting the totes from the garage, and moving "keep" items into the totes when they are empty or have more space from donating junk. I think that is something I could do more easily, while the Big Toss is something I would (or do) avoid.

I just need the time to do it.

This post took me 5 minutes. I will fold towels and sort clothes in my room, and then I will look through at at least one bin. Then I have to go volunteer at my event.

Lol, hello from the goats.

I can't imagine paying $1,400 a night for a hotel room! That sounds like monthly rent or a mortgage payment!

I gave myself permission to stop three times, but then I stopped six. It was too tempting.

I bought a newer, nicer pack n play (the one we have is over 30 years old, the netting is starting to fray, and it doesn't have wheels to move it when it is set up) This one also has a bassinet level.

A plant stand, two colorful fabric hammocks, some switch plate covers to replace cracked ones, and a shoebox sized bin of odds and ends I bought for the caution tape so that bean could mark off his "construction site" in my garden, but will probably keep a few other things (metal file, roll of clear tape, some ribbon..). It was 50 cents for the whole thing, bin included. I also have a bunch of vases to take to the flower farming class teacher. Hopefully she will want them. The people gave them to me along with some empty egg cartons (which I need)

Not making much progress on getting out to the garden and barn. Mostly been chatting with Dh because we have barely seen each other all day.

Ps hello to the goats!