Tatoulia, I'm sorry the toaster was so terrible stressful.

I so often "bring the ordeal." So I completely understand.

I put away more than my 100 things today (I stop counting at 100) including putting the dolls that go on top of the cabinet back and discarding 4 things that would have been obvious as trash to anyone else long ago.

I also did 13 evaluations. Not as many today, but several of these were a lot more complicated. I have 30 left to do - so fewer than half. And I will have next weekend if they aren't done.

Dd sent me an adorable video of Bean playing with a ribbon. I think he wants to do rhythmic gymnastics. I doubt I will see him this week, because dd is probably afraid I will get sick and not get my shot.

Good morning yet I see it's afternoon. Our snow has started and it's the big flakes kind and extremely pretty. I just stripped my bed because honestly I need clean sheets once a week.

Keep up the work, everyone! And SubC don't apologize! We are all trying to acknowledge each other and it's easy to miss a post or forget. I am exhibit a.

Okay, will figure out things after my breakfast. I do have a list of things I need.

I got my new toaster last night. You'd be surprised what an ordeal that's been. By the way, I brought the ordeal to the situation. I am hoping I can return the first toaster I bought. It was hard trying to find one not made in China and finally I gave up then I wanted to buy from a small retailer instead of big box, then the toaster I got from the small store was way too cheap looking and feeling and way too large for my counter, etc, etc and one I liked was nearly $200 (I kid you not), so then I ended up at crate and barrel last night and bought a toaster that looks nice, isn't super large and is under 100. What a complete and utter scene. Oh and I decided since I love crate and barrel above all other stores, I would at least do my part to keep them in business. So you see how I torture myself. Now to find where to dispose of the old toaster which is steps away from causing a fire and which the hazardous materials drop off has been cancelled in Boston.

I don't know why I didn't see your post last night Tatoulia.

I did not mean to leave you out.

I think you are a superhero for donating platelets!

CM, the 100 items thing motivates me to pick up all the little bits I would otherwise leave lying around - earrings on the dresser? Into the earring box! Because one pair of earrings on the dresser is not a big deal, or one coin, or one business card, or one hair band... but there is such a drift of little items on my dresser that it collects dust and I can't dust it. I don't have the attention span to do it all at once, but if I put the laundry away and I am at a non-multiple of ten, my ocd motivates me to grab a few little items and round it up. Eventually the dresser will be clean.

I am having a slow and lazy morning and then I will hit the evaluations. I slept really long last night.

It is very cold, and very sunny here, and the wind is blowing snow off the roofs and trees and it sparkles like diamonds!

Actually, Tatoulia, I experienced a comfort in the year my mom died having it be close to my dad's date, because from then on, February became the combined memorial month for both of them. And during and after her funeral I brought in the theme of Valentine's Day, to mark their reunion in Heaven. 💞 I'm glad I got out to do the flowers on Friday. It snowed here today; originally not forecasted for our area but we got some. I also have St. Patrick's green flowers for next month; it was my dad's birthday.☘

SubC, yes, I have definitely known about the hazmat place for some years now. My dad's illness was set off by weed killer chemicals. Plus the threat to nature. I don't mess around with noxious stuff.

I may try your 100 items thing just for fun. 😀 See how long it takes to get a hundred, anyway. Little motivators are especially good right now when we're more limited by the weather (at least for wimps like me, LOL).

Hi CM!

Sorry you are under a shadow, but very happy to see you! Good job emptying the van! And thank you for taking the paint to hazardous waste. Too many people dispose of that improperly.

We are going to have horrible weather here next week too.

I did better today. I picked up hay and shavings from the feed store, washed my pajamas and masks, put away 60 items, and wrote 22 evaluations! 22 was my stretch goal. My base goal for tomorrow is 12.

How sad to have the anniversaries of the loss of your parents so close together, CM. February is my father's birthday. He's been gone for so long. But I'm grateful he missed out on some of the terrible things in the world.

I'm sorry there's terrible house stufff, CM. I am so sorry. That must be so stressful. Sending you strength and support.

SubC! You are doing remarkably well. You have so many stressors on you. I showered twice today if you can believe it. I donated platelets so I showered before and I always shower and wash my clothes as soon as I get home. I know I say this every time but my goodness donating platelets is a miserable process.

So I'm doing laundry now.

Hi,

I have been reading your posts and was going to chime in regarding Candlemas! 😁 I had hoped to get some candles and go to Mass and have them blessed on the 2nd but the schedule for the day got complicated. The term cross quarter I only stumbled upon last year and that led me to reading about the associated Catholic holydays. Some of these traditions are being revived which I find cool.

In other news... There are still some big things weighing on me, and on my roommate as the homeowner. Again, I'm not ready to share; perhaps someday if/when they're resolved. But earlier this week I did visit my storage unit again, to fetch a few items, and though I didn't do much decluttering I looked around and assessed and made plans.

Yesterday I took a batch of paint and chemicals to the hazmat place, and a bunch of donations to the thrift shop. This makes room in the van again so when the weather ever gets nice I can do more. It's supposed to be awful next week though. 😰

I also went to the cemetery to put Valentine's flowers on my parents' grave. Mom's anniversary of her passing is today and Dad's the 19th. Yesterday was the warmest day so I figured I'd better get it done.

I am just. So. Tired.

And I have to do my evaluations.

It took me 8 weeks to reach this point with virtual school in the spring I guess it's good that I made it through the semester this time.

But I just don't have any reserves. Last night, Dh asked me to do something (very easy but time consuming), and I cried. He didn't even want me to do it right then, he wanted me to agree to do it on Monday. But right now, I can't predict if I'll be capable of showering on Monday.

Okay this week flew by!

Bf and I went for a walk tonight. I'm suffering with mild panicking. When I'm outside I start to panic. It's the mask. My dormant claustrophobia has kicked in.

I'm showered and ready for bed. Donating platelets tmr. Goodnight, friends.

SubC thank you for the lovely explanation. Very spiritual and sweet. Many thanks.

I got the garbage out!

Ok back to work.

Also, Tatoulia,I'm thought this at the beginning, but then forgot to write it after my long explanation -

I hope you beat the garbage,

And I am impressed with your valentine writing! I don't think I know 30 people who I would send a valentine to!

Good morning!

Tatoulua, the quarters and cross quarters mark the physical progress of the earth around the sun, so they divide the year into 8 equal parts. The quarters are still marked publicly - solstices and equinoxes, but the cross quarter have fallen into disuse.

Humans have been tying religious observances and celebrations to them for (ever?) for me, they both help mark the progress of the year and divide it into chunks of manageable, but not too short, size. Also, I have a strong biological response to day length.

At imbolc ancient people celebrated beginnings and renewal - right about now is a good time to start the first seeds indoors. And the daffodils are poking through the snow. It is the beginning of lambing season. Ancient people celebrated the goddess Brigid in her maiden aspect, and the early church tied the feast of St. Bridget (no relation) to the date to help win over nonbelievers. I'm not sure where candlemas came in (CM might know), but they were so successful that even though our calendar has drifted from the solar year a little, Imbolc is now celebrated on feb 1/2. - the pagans followed the church.

I am so tired that I will be doing my little bit of "celebrating" (journaling, reflecting, planning, planting a few seeds) today and spread over the weekend. Willows are also tied to the ancient festivals, but I don't cut my willow starts until the 13th. I've tied that to my grandfather's birthday as a remembrance.

Hello!

SubC you cracked me up, take a chill pill!

I confess I don't know anything about cross quarter.

I think you are doing great. I know how much the kids love you!

I did do some things today. I just wrote out the second batch of valentines (another 30), I got something packaged up for my brother, and I write out a check I've been procrastinating on.

I gathered up the garbage and kitty has a clean box.

I am woefully behind in laundry. And I should've changed my sheets today. I now do Thursdays because my cleaners are now coming on Thursdays. So since this is an ?off' week, it's up to me to do.

I don't know how I feel far behind. I'm just holed up on my couch all day.

I have some Valentine's packages to wrap up too. Need to get a box.

I'm essentially back to phase one in my life. I only have a few short months til I get vaccinated.

Okay I'll go out the stamps on my valentines. I also have to get up early tomorrow to get my garbage out. I fell asleep after work. It's ready, I just need to beat the collector.

I was over optimistic about how much energy I would have this evening.

I ate dinner and did chores.

I did have a really good day at school today.

My parents and my aunt and uncle all got their second shots today.

And the mobile vaccine unit is coming to do my school next Friday!

And my boss sent me a copy of my proposed schedule for next year. I requested one additional class (beyond the schedule - which is actually one more class than I have this year) we'll see.

Ok, I'm up, I did yoga and chores, and the dishwasher and laundry are both started.

I only put away 36 things yesterday, but I have done 12 so far today.

I was so tired last night I forgot to set up the coffe, so I had to make it and wait for it this morning.

It turns out good emotions are also exhausting.

My parents are scheduled to get their second shots today.

Bean is also scheduled to go to the doctor and get shots today, but obviously different ones.

It is the cross quarter. I know Candlemas and Imbolc celebrated a few days ago, but this is the actual astronomical cross quarter - it hits right as class ends today. So this evening I will take a look at how I did at my first set of goals and refresh for the second half of the quarter. So far the February goals aren't getting very far.

Time feels so strange these days.

Dh got very heated when I was responding to the vaccination question last night. He had taken a message while I was driving home, and he said "tell her you want the vaccine. Tell her you aren't interested in working with anybody who doesn't take the vaccine. Tell her you aren't coming in if there are unvaccinated adults in the building." Good grief! I'm going to be SLEEPING NEXT TO an unvaccinated adult for months! Chill pill dude!

I figure children are likely to be asymptomatic, so if my coworkers want to keep their risk elevated and be canaries in the coal mine to expose the possible presence of infection in the building - ok. I'm going to keep avoiding my coworkers no matter what. And I'm going to keep wearing my mask and avoiding others, because from what I know of the vaccine - while it reduces MY chance of being very sick, it increases the odds that I could get infected and not know it, and may not reduce my ability to infect other people. So potentially, it makes me more dangerous to others. Honestly, Dh should be WORRIED about me getting vaccinated, because I'm not going to start wearing a mask in the house.

Ok, going to exercise and get ready for school.

I LOVE having my kids back.

Hearing them laugh in the hall....

They are so much more themselves.

It's like when the wizard of oz turned color.

I only did 36 things today.

But I put a bunch of random items in bags for a school project. about 70 little bits and pieces that didn't have homes. I'm handing the bags out to kids tomorrow.

Today our health department contact asked my school for an exact count of staff who want to be vaccinated, so maybe we'll have a date soon.

WTG SubC! Well done!

I finished my 100 things and a few more last night.

Looking online this morning - by the end of the day, the US will have more people who have gotten their first shot than people who have gotten infected.

I get to teach kids in my classroom all day!

I am feeling better. Still really tired by the end of the day, but wanting to do things.

Tatoulua, good job on the valentines.

Our snow is at that perfect stage of on the yards and off the streets.

We had teenagers in our building today. I walked in and was absolutely giddy! My teenagers laughed at me. I just wanted to hug them! I DID jump up and down.

I have put away 75 things. I am going to do another 25 before bed. I know there are 5 towels in the dryer.

I gave Bean a bath in the sink yesterday. We have a big farmhouse sink, so I put towels in the bottom to make it soft and not slippery. Then I filled it up to his belly button and put the chime ball in. He had a great time kicking. I hold on to him so he doesn't topple over, but he's gotten to be a good sitter.

My school is supposed to be notified by the end of the week if and when we will get shots. So far I have not been able to find an open appointment on my own, but one of our teachers got vaccinated this morning.

My parents want to come here in April and meet Bean. We are hoping that I will be vaccinated and Dh can quarantine for two weeks. Dd said she will bring Bean and drop him off to me for the day and she will visit from across the yard.

Today I worked a little on the scullery counter and keeping up with spaces.

Hello everyone! Sending love to Tillie! Tillie if you need anything please just tell Cory and I can Venmo or PayPal the $$ to him. No strings, not a loan.


So I'm busy and having a good day. Our snowstorm was a dud. Definitely slushy and snowy but not a lot of either. I'm so glad we have a company doing the shoveling. I used to do it.

Okay back to work. Ttyl. Just a check in!

That is the cutest thing about Bean laughing at the dolls! That's so adorable and refreshing! I love that! And he's sleeping. You have hun today!

I write out and mailed 12 valentines today. I've done two loads of laundry with only one left to fold and out away and garbage/recycling out. I've shredded my mail. And of course, my kitty has a clean litter box. Oh and I printed out my work for tomorrow in the remote event we lose electricity the storm. I generally do paperwork in Tuesdays. I've left my printer out because I'll need to scan my work tomorrow.

So that's what I've done today. Not bad! I feel good about getting some valentines mailed.

Tatoulia, my kids think the dolls are horrifying. Well, dd2 is indifferent, but dd1 and ds refer to my "scary doll room". But Bean loves to go look at them. He laughed when he saw them all on the bed. (He is here today, but napping right now.)

I never did my pj's either, but it is February and I have enough goals. I just keep wearing the new ones and one other pair.

Dh's favorite pjs ripped when he pulled them over his head this morning. After only 37 years! Appalling!

Goid luck with your coffee mugs!

Good morning! Coffee clinks!

Cm good to know that you are here! I am sorry about the struggle.
SubC those are great February goals! Lila we set goals each month. Whatever you feel like doing or if goals aren't your things you don't need to do that.

SubC I must confess that the bed full of dolls is terrifying for me, is that okay? I had some madame Alexander dolls as a child and I loved them so. And I remember a doll I got for Christmas. So I have fond memories of dolls so who knows where any of that comes from.

I am happy with the whittling down I've been doing. I'm proud of my accomplishments in the past month. My house definitely feels lighter. I didnt sort through my pjs as I had planned.

My goals for February are to work on the bedroom closet. See what can go.

Actually that's my goal in general; see what can go. I seem to have gotten more coffee mugs along the way and that needs to be taken care of. Get rid of the excess. I'd been really good but the numbers creep back up.

Okay back to work. We are expecting BIG SNOW so I will have a tiny cat napping next to me.

CM, thanks for checking in!
Introspection can be good, but I'm sorry about the struggle.

Tatoulua, I hope you and kitty are keeping warm.

I think about everybody and wonder how you are doing. Lila?
Our rare visitors too....

I'm doing the best I can with the winter depression.

I got the changing table set up, and the cupboard moved, but the bed is still covered in dolls.

February goals:
Put the dolls away
Class evaluations
Clean off the scullery counter for my class
Start seeds for my garden
Order my rose.
Keep up with the spaces that are in good shape.

This weekend I dropped the broken Christmas lights at the recycling drop.

A time of struggle and introspection for me here. I do check on you all even if I don't feel much like posting. Wish we would hear some good news about Tillie. Take care all.

A lot of stress dreams, SubC. I'm sorry! Yay for the quick cuddle with bean! I'm excited to hear that your parents are getting their second shots!

It's been bitterly cold here. Really astounding. I bundle up warmly and I don't feel it outside. But inside, my poor drafty house!

Kitty has slept all day by the fire. Hasn't asked for a thing to eat in 12 hours. My poor old cat.

Okay I'll see you all tomorrow.

Well, the "plan to start back on the house" became "run the dishwasher and eat everything in the fridge that was put away in less than a single serving." Also cookies and ice cream.

My cousin normally posts on Facebook all the time, and yesterday she had her phone going straight to voicemail and wasn't posting - for 11 hours. I got worried, but she posted a bunch again last night, so I guess she is ok and was sleeping.

My parents had their appointment for their second shot rescheduled, but only by one day - they go Thursday now.

My grandparents had a house on an island less than a block from the beach. My cousin and I used to live with them for most of the summers. Last night I dreamed there was a tsunami coming and we had to escape. It replayed over and over - first we were going to shelter in the house, then we tried to drive off the island, then we switched to 4wd cars so we could go off the highway and drive through people's fields. The bridge is a choke point, and it kept getting longer and longer.... I'm pretty sure I know why my brain put that together.

I still haven't even put away the school stuff from yesterday. I'm tired of being a grown up.

Good morning.

There's a beautiful full moon on the snow this morning. The full moon always makes me think of Tillie.

Yesterday we got an extensive plan for the return of our teenagers on Tuesday! I will be so happy to have them back! My extra son stopped by last night to get some things from dh. He also wanted to talk to me about his rabbits.

Back at the beginning of January he and his partner were hiking when they came across three rabbits that had obviously been "set free in nature". 😡 They easily caught them, brought them home, and had the male fixed. Now he is worried because one of the females is pulling her fur out. I told him to give her a nest box because he is going to have baby bunnies. He said "oh great." I told him "the good news is that they will be ready to leave home just in time for Easter." He said "double great. That's probably where these three came from."

I also told him that if things don't turn out well, it is not his fault, the momma bunny has had a lot of trauma.

If he does get a healthy litter of bunnies, I may suggest letting me take them to visit school and notifying parents that they are available for adoption - that way they could possibly go to homes that are better vetted.

I have been a super slacker on the house the last couple of days. All of the changes and uncertainty around school are taking an emotional toll. Last night I dreamed that a bunch of the kids wouldn't wear masks and the admin wouldn't make them, so I quit. It was so real that I woke up this morning thinking about what I'm going to do in class today and then I "remembered" "no, wait, I don't teach today, I quit." I was lying in bed trying to figure out what I was going to do now that I wasn't teaching anymore when cognitive dissonance finally crept in and I realized it was a dream.

So, I'm going to teach today, and then I'm going to make a plan to start back in on the house.

Yesterday I had to pick something up at DD's house and I got to give Bean a quick cuddle.

Hello everyone! Special shout out to Tillie and Joan! And CM and SubC Anony and Lila! And everyone else! If I omitted you, I'm sorry. I'm a bit foggy.

I slept after work last night. I just needed to sleep.

I have multiple errands to run today and I am determined to do it soon, I need a shower but then I'll fall into the pattern where I don't go out so I'll just go now.

We got a bit of snow last night and it looks very pretty.

Good work SubC!

Only a couple of my older kids were able to come in today, but it was sooo good to see them! And one who has been withdrawing was much more engaged - I think having his classmates interacting on screen rather than each of us in our box drew him in.

And the guidance counselor is advocating for me to get an additional class that would meet twice a week. - a class I want.

And - I got 86 things put away before I went to school! Hair ties, loose change, pencils, random beads or stickers.... I ran a load of laundry and started the dishwasher as I left, so I will easily top 100 before bed.

Tomorrow is a long school day though, so I think I will skip the 100 game.

I hope everyone is doing ok.

🐰 for CM.

Oh I definitely like my jammies. This is not the first time I have worn them.

The light show sounds like fun.

Today is another school day. I have 72 more schooldays this year. I can't believe next week will be February!

I am doing ok with January. As usual not meeting all my goals, but ok.

I don't know if I can do 100 things today because I have very little laundry to put away and I did not run the dishwasher last night, but I have done ten so far. Maybe I will try for 50.

I showered, got dressed, then tonight we bundled up and walked to the Esplanade to see a light show at the hatch shell. It's here for four weeks. It's 15 minutes long and runs every 20 minutes. So I got three miles in. Boy I am out of shape!

Let me know how you like your new jammies!

Did you get dressed Tatoulia?

I am in my new pjs now.

I washed my sheets (and dried them, but I am waiting on Dh to help make the bed at bedtime) and I got back outside and finished the minimum that had to be done.

I moved the stuff that was where I want the doll cabinet to go (I didn't sort it out or put it away, I just piled it in another spot) and I took all the dolls out and piled them on the guest bed. I need Dh to help me move the cabinet. I found one little doll I can part with.

I also exercised (Dh pushed me on that one) and took a shower.

I am very tired.

It's sunny here today so I have my drapes open. I'm going to shower soon. I feel weird staying in pjs all day.

That was pretty weird about the dishwasher. I now remember that I had run it while I was doing mom's groceries, and then I came home and had a salad. I didn't clean out sink when I went to bed, which is an absolute rarity these days. I clean out the sink and start the dishwasher as I go to bed. So my tired mind just assumed that I hadn't started he dishwasher last night. I am a creature of habit.

I'm going to shower then make some lunch.

Hello friends!

My barn coat is soaked, my jeans are damp, my legs are cold and my back is sweaty. I am grateful for my waterproof boots.

There are beautiful icicle garlands on the trees and I have finished half of my outside work - one step at a time. Put your boots on. Go to the barn. Get the wheelbarrow. I told myself every time "you can quit after this next step, just do this one thing and see how you feel. Let's see how much you can do."

And the answer was "about half." I got terribly thirsty, and I fetched my soda, but I was so good, I didn't slam it back on the way to the house. I focused on a glass of water. Once I got in I slammed THAT back, and now I am drinking my second glass. When my temperature has evened out I will sit on the couch, relax, and enjoy my soda one sip at a time.

Oh dear tatoulia, I'm sorry about your dishwasher!

It takes me more than 5 minutes because my dishwasher is in another room. Dh thinks that is silly, but I like being able to clear all the dirty dishes out of the common/company space and just leave them for later. Besides, I get my steps in - lol.

The cold wet is holding off, but the dark cloudy is here. I started laundry, brought in fire wood and went to the feed store, and now I am sogging by the fire soaking up warmth. I really need to get out and do some barn work. Mr. kitty is enjoying the fire.

Maybe I will go work and reward myself with a soda. Caffeine! I keep the soda out in the studio to discourage myself from drinking it.

Great work, SubC! Whatever tricks us into doing things works!

Lila I usually put on some music to get me motivated. I also do what I call Five Minute Miracles. So if I'm brewing a cup of coffee, I unload the dishwasher or wipe down a counter or get the recycling ready. And each time I am amazed that it all only takes five minutes, or less.

I think a lot about emptying the dishwasher. When I had too much stuff, it was such a chore. Now that I do not, I have a place for everything and unloading the dishwasher is easy.

Speaking of which, I had forgotten that I ran the dishwasher. When I woke up today, there were a few forks in the sink and then I was feeding the cat and I became confused so I may or may not have added some dishes to what turned out to be my clean dishwasher. I was unusually jumbled this AM. So now I'm running it again. I don't know what happened.

I went to bed at an okay hour last night, before 11, but was still wide awake at 3. I'm going through something. At least I went to bed pretty early last night.

So, I did my 100 things already!

It was super easy, because once I had emptied the dishwasher and put the clean laundry away, I only had to do 5 more items.

The best part is that now I feel like anything else I do today is genuine progress.

And I feel like I gave complained a lot more than if my lust said "empty dishwasher, put laundry away"

I am very blessed.

Sometimes I feel bad that I can't do better with so much support.

This morning I got up to an almost completely clean kitchen. That is nice.

Unfortunately I put off some outside things this weekend that won't really wait and it's supposed to be freezing rain this morning and then regular rain the rest of the day. No Bean because he saw his other Grammy yesterday. Dd says she isn't eating much, which is not good.

My state now has more people who are fully vaccinated than people who have died, so I guess that's progress. Since we are vaccinating the people most likely to die now, deaths should drop off soon? A little over 7% have gotten sick (officially) and just under 5% have received at least one shot. I don't know how much overlap there is, and one shot only helps a little, but maybe 8-9% immunity? I was reading that you should start to see a reduction in cases around 20%. We're actually seeing a slow reduction in cases here. Maybe things will keep getting better at least until Easter?

I do feel better today. Better enough I think to face barn chores in the freezing rain.

I'm also going to do my 100 things again. It should be easy because I have a dishwasher full of clean dishes and a dryer full of clean clothes. It's a good exercise though. Because it makes me realize how much stuff I deal with every day just to keep things from getting worse. Some days I comfort myself that it didn't get any worse - but that's a bigger accomplishment than it seems.

I did sign up for the virtual pottery sessions, so I have a little under 4 weeks to clear the scullery counter.

What a blessing for you to have a husband who does those things! What a treasure. I am sure he loves you dearly. If I died on the couch, my husband would never notice until the dogs were skin and bones from no one feeding them. Or would they eat me first?? lol.

I am supposed to go to that friend's tonight (the cleaning one, not the rude one) and I just do not want to go at all. I want to stay home and avoid people. But I will go at least for a little while because I said I would be there. But I do not want to.

It is easy when you start with the dishwasher and count every fork.

But

I did more than 100. Mostly little things that don't seem like a big deal but then accumulate into drifts that are overwhelming because they involve so many trips - hair ties, bottle caps, single earrings, plastic bags, pens.....

And, as I was working I cleared off almost 1/4 of the moop counter (I'm going to be brave and register for the online class day to motivate me to finish!)

I also reloaded and started the dishwasher after dinner and started a load of laundry. And - the changing table for Bean that is in the basement has three levels - the top for changing and two shelves for supplies and clothes. I cleared off one shelf.

Maybe next weekend I will finish making space to move the doll cabinet.

Motivation - usually I am motivated by time pressure on something I want. Also by external rewards or censure. But when I am just trying to find the energy to do something, it is hard. Some days I just can't.

I try little tricks like the 100 item challenge, or I bribe myself with sugar or caffeine. I call my mom. I tell someone else (like you guys) that I am going to do something. I walk outside. I put on music - really loud. I turn on every light in the house.

Sometimes I break a job down into teeny tiny bits - I will go into the laundry room. I will open the dryer. I will pull the stuff out of the dryer into the basket. I will carry the basket upstairs. I will put away one shirt.....

Today with the laundry, Dh knows I am struggling right now. He asked "can you get me one pair of clean underwear for tomorrow?" That is why the laundry is going. And why I will remember to put it in the dryer. But probably, tomorrow, he will have to ask for the underwear again and it will come straight from the dryer.

Sometimes when I am having a very very bad day, he takes me by the hand and leads me upstairs and says "take a shower." He has been known to turn the water on and stand there until I strip and get in. I wouldn't make it without him.

One of my biggest fears is that one day he will realize how much easier his life would be without me. Seriously, he is good looking, he makes a good living, he is kind and handy and smart and he cooks. He could easily replace me with someone 15 years younger who has a well paid career, a better figure, and no mental health issues. Don't tell him!

100 things, wow! That's a great idea and sounds motivating. Way to go getting to 56 already!

As for someone helping me clean, I wish. I had two close friends move out of state this year and another friend pass away. Then there is that "friend" who is being a jerk to me at the moment. Anyone else is afraid of covid and wouldn't come over. There was one friend who actually did come over to help me clean 2 months ago and it was such a big help, but her commentary on my stuff/junk and disorder still bothers me. I couldn't bear to invite her back over to help (she has offered) because her face when she sees the condition is back to the way it was before she helped me before, would just be too much for me. I have one super-whiner teen who would create drama that I can't deal with if I asked for help. One son who does help me, mainly yard work, taking out the trash and carrying things up and down stairs for me. I will ask him to watch the puppy while I do some cleaning. Aside from that I am on my own. Hoarder husband would just take anything I want donating or throwing away and put it in his den to keep, which is so frustrating, so I clean and sort without him.

I feel a little better today. Question: is there something you do to get motivated and energized? Did I ask this before?? My brain is foggy. I had an energy drink this morning to try and get myself moving but it didn't help.

Ok, I brushed my hair, and I have challenged myself to find 100 objects in my house that I can put where they belong OR get rid of. I cheated by jump starting the count with the dishes in the dishwasher. I am also counting each individual hair tie that I find lying around and put back in the drawer. I am still only up to 56, but, I found three pairs of back up glasses and stuck two in "donate" and I found six books I can part with. I also fixed the knob on my lamp (since the knob has been lying on my dresser, that's one thing.)

Unfortunately, the place I drop old glasses is closed indefinitely, and the place I take books is currently on my "avoid" list. So those things are in the "departures lounge" in the corner of my basement waiting for conditions to improve.

Good afternoon everyone! I slept til about 20 minutes ago. I'm a bit upside down.

Lila and SubC. I am so sorry about the creeping depression, exhaustion and frustration. I know those feelings.

Lila how sad about the dog. I'm so sorry. Losing a pet is so tough. We said goodbye to our 22 year old cat in November and it was very painful. My sweetheart misses him every day, as the cat lived in his office and was loved by all. It's painful. Your situation is steeped in anxiety since the last time was done poorly. I am so sorry.

I know the feeling of waiting and getting aggravated. You are a good friend. Is there any way you'd be comfortable with enlisting your friend or your children to help you get the house ready for the vet? Just so you know, every one of us here will understand if the answer is NO. No judgment in the question and no need to explain a no answer!

SubC just do what you have to do. I said I'd shower last night and even though it was late, I did it. And I'm happier this AM because of it.


Ok the cat is throwing up her breakfast. I'll be back in a bit.

Hi Lila,

I'm sorry yesterday was so hard.

Things like your dog situation make everything boil down to the basics and it sounds like you had too many demands on your energy.

Good for you for getting rid of the unwanted fitness things. If you can channel this negative energy into progress - that would be fantastic!

I'm having another day where I don't even feel like brushing my hair. Meanwhile Dh is getting a lot done.

My kids took a lot out of me this week. I need to figure out how to recharge.

Dh made me a lovely dinner last night, and we had a streaming concert with cookies and port and we got to bed early. You would think all of that would help, but I just feel drained out.

Good evening. Today I am feeling very down. Last night I was up into the wee hours crying and worrying about my beloved dog who is in pain and will need to be put down in the next weeks/months. I don't know how I can possibly do that. I am terrified. My last dog was 15 and had a botched euthanasia. I have a different vet now but am still traumatized. Then I spent the day feel guilty that I was not able to spend much time with this dog today. Our time is very limited but other things keep getting in the way. So I feel like everything is out of my control.

Instead of taking the day to do what I really needed to do - laundry, cleaning, pet care, self care, sorting and decluttering - I went to help a friend move. She asked me to please help her move out of an abusive relationship so of course I agreed. I showed up at the time she gave me, and she was not there. So I texted her. She was off running errands and running late, so I literally sat in her driveway for 25 minutes. As the time ticked by I got madder and more frustrated because I could have used that time to do my own things. I don't mind helping people but I feel like they did not respect my time. Then I worked for an hour and a half moving her boxes and furniture down a full flight of stairs until I could barely walk. Came home exhausted but my daughter wanted to go shopping and she rarely wants to go out, so I went. Then home, dinner, had my other kids over and visited but really I felt so distracted the whole time.

Anyway, I didn't buy anything, but the newer Fitbit is a dud so now I am bagging that up to give away the accessories. One more thing leaving the house.

I might be getting depressed. So I did a self care thing and asked my counselor to fit me in next week. I have not gone in about 6 weeks. I feel so slow, sluggish and sad. I don't know how to pull out of this funk. But I have the vet coming to my house in a week to do a check on my dog because I can't get the dog to the vet (dog is in too much pain) so I have to clean up enough that it doesn't looked hoarded and gross when the vet shows up. I have to focus on the living room, dining room, entry, and kitchen plus the main bathroom in case they ask to use it. I am down enough that I am starting to not care bout anything which might be a great time to purge stuff.

Okay I only need one document to finish my taxes. Will hopefully be in the mail next week.

All l sundry folded and out away. Have one more load to get out of the dryer. Then I'll shower and go to bed.

My little cat is asleep next to me. It's very cold out tonight and getting colder. Fireplace is providing good warmth and she is sound asleep on a throw in my couch.

I'll go put the dishes in the dishwasher and pick up final load of laundry.

Hello hello

WTG Cm for going to the storage unit! I'm so grateful it was looking better than your memory and fears! Tea bread sounds nice, SubC!

I'm about to make my dinner and and Tim going to shock my system by doing my taxes. I did them fairly early last year, too. I got my tax documents today so I might as well do them now. I don't itemize now that I don't have a mortgage and interest deduction.

So I'll report back later. Also, I'm doing some laundry right now. Oh and I went to the post office and mailed off my packages. And then ran errands with BF.

let's talk later!

CM, I'm glad you feel hopeful about your storage unit.

I taught.
I made tea bread.
I slept twelve hours.

I'll sure continue to pray for Tillie.

I went to my storage unit earlier in the week. It's still a mess but I didn't feel horrible looking at it as I'd feared. Actually felt a bit of hope that in the spring I'll be able to figure out where I left off in the fall, and pick back up.

Lila, I think that was genius re the gift cards in the first place. You'll get them figured out now, I'm sure. With the same sort of ingenuity. We are survivors.

Tatoulia, glad your mom is not having symptoms.

SubC, sorry school is just a lot of uncertainty right now still, but glad for the times you got to see and hold Bean.