Hi CM,

Good to see you!

I'm glad you are sticking with pickleball.

On your weeds - my dad always says "God is an amazing gardener, but we often disagree on what to grow."

For my part, I have decided that dandelions look lovely mixed in with the irises. Did you know hummingbirds use dandelion fuzz to line their nests?

I did get called to babysit, and had a lovely time with my grandsons. I also spent a good chunk of my morning cleaning up my house with only a little "stollen" for pottery work and sorting through the studio mess (cookie cutters in tally thread) the house is just generally messy now. Except the counter of doom. The counter of doom is a wreck.

School today and stopping by the studio to finish prepping some pots for class next week. Also need to fire the kiln again (maybe)

Tomorrow my Dd2 flies in from CO, but Dh is picking her up at the airport, so I have a lot of the day to do stuff at home.

Very busy here too, many things happening simultaneously. Getting closer to doing some of the bigger decluttering and reorganizing projects yet needing to have a game plan so that they don't "fluff" things worse in my space or the shared space, as there are areas in both needing dealt with. Time is at a premium, and so is space (very little staging and sorting room).

Praying for the conclave, trying not to do too much armchair quarterbacking about it, though some of the cartoons and memes are amusing, for example if Cardinal Pizzaballa is chosen, some people want to know if he will address the issue of pineapple on pizza. Lol!

Roommate and I both feel the time pressure, and when I haven't felt ready to tackle big decluttering I have gone outside and pulled weeds in the yard and garden. Filled 7 big bags with plenty more to go. This frees up roommate to do her planting, and should pay off in reclaimed time for both of us soon. And it's good exercise and good to be out in the sun.

Continuing to play pickleball, have high hopes for it being good stress relief and a cognitive boost. Nice people at the senior center, relaxed, no pressure. They offer competitive play at a different time, which would be interesting to watch but I will stick with casual play for myself.

Have learned that the last relative of my parents' generation, an aunt, is almost at the end of her time on Earth. My cousins and I will be 100% "the old folks." I'm among the younger ones on either side. Some of the older cousins have already passed too. Some remaining are already great grandparents themselves. Hard to wrap my mind around. Time moves swiftly. Even just the fact that it's May already and it seems not that long ago the year was just getting started.

I better wind down for the night...

White rabbits!

Good morning! Happy May! It's very quiet here.

3.5 weeks left in the school year. The art show went well last night in spite of two minor disasters caused by me and in one case fixed by me by staying an hour and a half after school with glue, and in the other case fixed by Dh who left work for the afternoon to drive all the way in and bring me all the labels I had left at home. Yesterday I didn't fire any kilns for the first time in 8 days.

Today is my "day off" - I leave around 4 for class. But I may get called to babysit the boys if it doesn't rain (it's supposed to) because their dad volunteered to help with something at a park. I'm torn between trying to work in the garden (it may be too wet), making pottery (I need more work for my class), and cleaning my house (don't want to, but the cleaning fairies won't be coming)

How is everybody?

So, as I posted in the tally, the sale went well yesterday. I actually unloaded my car and unpacked my inventory in an orderly fashion last night!

I am now feeling very inspired to work in my studio, but I have Bean's family and 25 of their friends coming today for a belated egg hunt, live bunny photos, visits with ducks and chicks, and general mayhem. Tomorrow is a regular Bean day, and then I teach, so it will be Thursday before I can really get back out - and I promised to go watch the boys in the afternoon on Thursday.

Friday I teach, Saturday dd2 will be here for the weekend, boys on Monday, wedding Monday night.. cow milking. I shall have to steal moments and try to hold on to my motivation. So far this morning I have achieved yoga, chores, and a healthy breakfast.

I hope the day is going well for all of you!

I have my spring sale today.

I got the booth all set up last night. (Except for one last thing I'm taking today that wasn't waxed yet - some of the alternative firing pieces get a wax seal/gloss)

The person in charge upgraded my space again, which was a very pleasant surprise. I struggle with self-awareness and realistic assessment, so I am taking this as a sign that she likes me and that my sales must be fairly good relative to the average, because she could have given the extra display space to anyone and her job at the studio includes marketing. Also, I think the level of my work is improving. And my daughter stopped by with Bean right after I finished set up and didn't move a single thing on my display! (She has a good eye and always comes and critiques and rearranges in ways that help me - "see, I told you to put that up there." "But it hasn't sold." "But how many people have walked over, picked it up, and bought something else? - high end top and center mom." "Don't clump all the color together, spread it out so it moves the eye." "Think garden, not grocery store.")

And another potter told me that someone came to the studio yesterday and asked if I would be there this year!

I'm hoping we all have a good sale. The way things are in the economy right now, I'm a little nervous. If I go home with one empty box it will be good! (I took six) but I have a variety of goals for the sale and hopefully will reach a couple.

Besides getting ready for the sale, I haven't posted because my kiln got fixed! So far I have loaded and fired two loads. I'll stop on my way home from the sale to unload and fire a third. I'm working really hard to get the kids' stuff through.

House is a mess. Garden is behind. I'm just trying to get through the next four weeks focused on:
People - my boys, a friend's wedding, milking her cow, end of year events at school
Farm - garden, baby goats coming, keeping the new poultry healthy and safe
My job - winding down the last four weeks of classes on a high note (and making sure the kids help with clean up so I don't have a ton of stuff to do for the room!)

Big projects and house stuff can wait.

Your evaluations made me smile! Cm I'd also like to express my condolences.

I'm here. Just very busy at work. I've been going to the gym and I feel better both mentally and physically. I need to get a bag of things to the textile recycling drop off. Odd bits and bobs like some pj tops where I no longer have the bottoms. I might be able to really apply myself and find something to take to the cat shelter. I just need to continue to get rid of stuff. Going to go through my books again.

Good morning!

I had my end of the year review yesterday (there are four more weeks of school, but they have to schedule us all in during lunch and breaks) it was good (it's always good, I don't stress about it any more) and I finally managed to adequately communicate my struggles with evaluations. My administrator told me that because I am an enrichment class, I don't have to track and give feedback on all of the skills covered for each child, just list the class content and then add a few general comments about the child's work, participation, and growth. I don't even have to note if the child was present for a particular lesson. This is going to make it so much easier!

Example, if I was doing evaluations for this site:
(List of skills we are using)
Followed by:
"Lila has made huge progress on reducing her boxes this year. I admire the way she overcomes challenges to work on her goals even when circumstances make them difficult. She is always supportive and caring in her interactions with others and gives helpful, positive feedback. I'm happy to have her in our group."

Not "Lila emptied x number of boxes this year. She wasn't here for clean out the van week, but her car doesn't seem to be a problem. Her main focus has been on room a, She has made good progress on reducing categories x,y, and z. Her items out count is really impressive, and she was able to let go of the following difficult items. I would like to see her be less hard on herself."

I always include the stuff in the first paragraph, but it's the second one that takes forever and makes me struggle. It also requires record keeping for each project - now I will just have to make a quick note on any project that stands out for a particular child ("Lila's tally thread is a great addition to our site""CM's rabbit updates always make me smile""Tatoulia sets a great example by maintaining her space.")

Anyway, I hope you all don't mind your "evaluations" Today I need to glaze work for my sale and take the chicks to school. I am giving my classes a "work day" to catch up on projects and just reviewing and supporting because we have a lot of unfinished items and I have a teacher meeting at lunch. (They will feed me and the presentation sounds interesting)

Awww, thank you SubC for thinking about me. It was of course not completely unexpected given his age and complex health problems. There was one point while he was still hospitalized when the doctors had really thought it might be the end, and then God gave him that little bit of extra time. He got to meet the King and Queen, VP Vance, and some others, and he got to put in the appearance at the Easter Mass and take a short ride around St. Peter's. In retrospect it seems like a closure for him.

I had been up late doing a fun annual virtual Easter egg hunt thing online on one of my rabbit sites. But I didn't flip over to news before going to sleep so I didn't know until my roommate asked me this morning if I'd heard about the Pope. I was pretty sure I knew what she meant then I looked.

I think he is at peace and it does seem that he was loved by many. It'll be a busy time as the Vatican observes the lying in state, funeral, and so on, and then the conclave. I'll probably be watching a lot of TV or YouTube.

Thanks again for caring <3

CM, I am sorry about the Pope. I am not Catholic, but I th8nk he was a good man, and I know this will unsettle one of your pillars of steadiness.

Hello! Good morning! Happy Easter!

I am starting very late this morning. I had the boys yesterday instead of tomorrow because their parents were deep cleaning the house in anticipation of Easter celebrations with dsil's family. Then we went into the city for a concert. The violin soloist was amazing! We got home very late.

Buddy is very interested in music - sounds, tones, rhythm.. We have some percussion instruments he has been having a really good time with. One of them is a lollipop drum that he really likes but struggles to manage because it is so big. Yesterday I decided to order the small sized lollipop drum and a set of "boomwhackers" tubes that play different notes when you hit them on things - we used them when I taught preschool. When they come I have committed to cleaning out the toy instrument bin. We have a lot of things that are not that great, so hopefully this will turn into a net out.

I forgot my dumpster pot the last two times I went to the pottery studio. So when I go to set up on Friday, I have to take 3?

Anyway, today and tomorrow are going to be all about planting in my garden and preparing for my show next weekend. I have put a halt on big projects until school is out, because between now and the end of May I have 5 weeks of class to teach, my show, a big after-Easter egg hunt party here for my boys and their friends, many heavy firing days once the kiln is (hopefully soon!) fixed, 2 goats kidding, a wedding to attend, a bunch of days (fortunately not in a row- there is another milker) milking cows for the bride while she is on her honeymoon, a garden to plant, evaluations to write, and probably something I forgot.

Thought I would check in, it's been awhile. Getting back to routine after roommate's surgery. It added to my routine with a few things like going along on the dog walks to hold the leash and also lifting things for her various times of the day when needed, like pet stuff. Good news on her one bunny who had been having crazy sneezing fits for awhile, he would get better then worse. He had a vet appointment Thursday and the craziest thing, a couple of days before it he stopped sneezing and has been his normal self. It's like a car that stops making the funny noise when you take it to the mechanic. Sometimes we read they can get a tiny bit of hay or dust stuck in their nose and then it finally gets unstuck; that may be what happened. Whatever it is, we are thankful he is better.

Went to the plant nurseries Saturday which was fun. I only bought one plant but my roommate and other friend bought quite a few. It is a bit tricky with this drought to decide what to get or not. Many people are putting off starting new trees and shrubs because they won't be allowed to water them enough. We may get rain over Easter weekend, and cooler temperatures along with it. I wish it could hold off a couple days because I love a bright sunny day for Easter, the symbolism, but Kansas gonna Kansas. We need rain desperately. Don't need Dust Bowl 2.0 almost a century after the first one.

Anyway, mainly we are attempting to reestablish routines or establish them if they weren't there before (for me especially, routines are hard). I know roommate is eager to start her going through stuff again though gardening will cut into it. I will have a clearer head to do more with mine. Lent flew by too fast and I can't believe it's Holy Week. I will be occupied with church more until early next week. After that, I hope to establish more of a schedule and plans and carry them out. Still doing the pickleball thing which I'm hoping the exercise will continue to help me be more energetic and more mentally sharp and focused.

In case I don't get back here before, Happy Easter.

Hi everyone! I'm going to finish up work and head to the Y. Going to force myself back on track.

Good evening,

Lila, I don't know. Where have things been the longest?

Probably the garage would be a good idea. Can you separate your bins from other people's bins as you go?

My sister in law has been here (except mostly not here - she was at her son's band competition) for five days. She left this morning. She has gone straight to Dh parents house because his mom had surgery.

I posted about discarding pots in the tally thread.

I put my toothbrushes away. I don't think I told you that I bought a 4 year supply of toothbrushes. I had to - I really like these toothbrushes (they are 100% plant based, so you can just toss them in the woodstove when you have run out of other uses) and that put them at the cheapest price each. They take up two average paperback books worth of space in their box.

Anyway, I cleaned out some expired meds and empty boxes to fit them in my bathroom drawer. I'm not counting in or out on that job. I continue slowly using up lotion.

And clay - I worked in the studio and started tomato seeds (very late) today.

Continuing to try to keep up with school and ge5 ready for my sale. I have my boys tomorrow.

Lila, I'm glad you are feeling better.

Put on some music and pick up a box. You've been making GREAT progress and you'll be looking at the stuff with different eyes. Something that you could never get rid of six weeks ago might be top of your list to say goodbye to now. Plus, if you are like me, there is stuff that I say I've been through but maybe half the pile I said, I can't cope and left it untouched. You may be more disciplined than me, but I do notice that I cannot deal with certain stuff, and then I don't.

I promise you that you've been building up your muscles for letting things go, and as such, you might find that you have the strength to get rid of stuff now. Our dear friend Tillie used to talk about how it's peeling the layers of the onion. You've peeled the first layer, now go to the second. I've lived this, all the way to the near end of the onion. It's an amazing phenomenon as you become more aware of how little you really need at the end of the day.

Let me know if this helps.

Grey rainy weekend here but I made it to the gym!

Oh Lila, to answer your question, a week or so ago it wasn't so much of a lecture as a reading. David Sedaris was at Symphony Hall. This week I'll be seeing Ken Burns regarding the American Revolutionand the following week I'm supposed to see Andrew Lloyd Webber for a speech but my good friend is having mastectomy that day and I am on duty for her children and I'm not sure if I'll be back in the city by 8PM. The Andrew Lloyd Webber presentation is the last evening of the Boston Speakers Series, to which I've subscribed since its inception. Maybe 10 years, maybe longer.

Good advice, Tatoulia. Also, I am feeling much better finally.

I am, however, really dragging my feet on the sorting today because now it "feels" like I have sorted "everything" multiple times. Obviously not, since there are still things I have not found. But I walk into any room or garage and think, "I already looked at everything here!"

So, how to get motivated? I think I have not been thorough enough. I know there are bins in the garage I passed over because they are full of other junk. Part of me wants to start in one corner ad go through every single box/bin/drawer piece by piece. But another part of me is like omg that will take forever.

So I don't start.

My garage is so full of everyone else's bins AND mine and theirs are stacked to the ceiling to it is difficult to get one out. Honestly I just don't want to deal with it. It was more motivating when it was boxes I have not looked in for years.

So please pass me any advice on how to get motivated and where to even begin (again).

SubC! I am so proud of you for not going to help with your daughter's clean out! That would have caused you anxiety and put you in a position of making decisions on other people's stuff! Congratulations!

Sorry you have been sick, Lila. Good work on making decisions. See if you can drop the modem to an electronic recycling place. No one will want it at a donation center. Modems change so quickly and there is no value beyond recycling. I don't know where you live but even the internet provider or a big box store may let you drop it off. I save my electronics for our hazardous waste days in Boston. Our next one is in May so I have to look alive. They also take clean textiles and shredding and other stuff.

Hope your roommate's surgery went well, CM.

Celebrate the weight loss, SubC, even as a side effect! Although I do hope you feel better soon.

I looked around in the garage, no luck finding a box with the letter. But I found an old modem to donate.

I sorted some bedroom drawers, threw some things away, donated a pair of reading glasses in a case.

Little by little...

Good morning!

CM, I'm glad things are going well there.

Lila, I really hope you find your letter. You are doing a very good job with the things you find looking for it.

My daughter has the use of a company truck and dumpster this weekend and they are cleaning out their basement and garage. She assured me that they are donating anything useful and invited me to join the project by bring our truck down loaded with dumpster items and watching the boys while they work, but I really want to focus on making work for my sale this weekend. Anything I want to sell has to be dry and fired by the end of next week.

I forgot to take my dumpster pot to class last night. I think I am going to go by after school today, so maybe I will take two.

Right now the only part of my life where I am successfully reducing anything is my weight. That is going ok because I have a bad cold and things don't taste good plus my stomach is unsettled from drainage. Less an accomplishment and more of a side effect.

I worked today and also volunteered at the shelter.
I came home and looked through drawers for the letter. I found a big stack of cards with baby footprints and handprints on them of Teen. I thought, no one needs a dozen sets of prints from every month of babyhood. So I picked out the best ones and threw the rest away, along with a lot of random papers I don't need.

No letter, though.

hi friends,

I went to work this morning but had to come home because I was too sick. I could not stop coughing, even with medicine. So I am home, working, and feeling pretty out of it. I am supposed to have a meeting tonight and work tomorrow. So maybe I will feel better in a bit.

I also will look for the lost letter some more.

Hey, possible Life Pro Tip - I think I found a hack for the Captchas on this site if you're using a PC browser to post. Before, they kept putting up more new pictures to click on and it was frustrating. Then for some reason I thought to hold down CTRL while clicking, and that seems to make it stop doing that and let you click the 3 or 4 you see and then be able to be done. Just thought I should share that in case anyone else was having trouble. It doesn't do it on a touchscreen device; this was using the mouse or touchpad of my laptop. OK!

I know there's been a lot going on for everybody. SubC, I hope you haven't been in any flooding danger. Tatoulia, glad you enjoyed your trip. And Lila, it does sound like there's a lot of shaking up going on but sometimes when that happens good can ultimately come out of it. Believe me, I know.

Roommate is getting ready for 2nd eye surgery tomorrow. She messed up her back stepping off the porch the other day and we're hoping the sedation for surgery might also relax some of her back muscles.

I play pickleball today, which should be good for reducing stress and such. We've had a lot of disruption of schedule and extra stress with roommate's back troubles. I will be careful not to injure myself!

The bunnies seem to be doing well, even the one that was acting sick seems better. Possibly the rain we finally got this past week washed some allergens out of the air. He sees the vet anyway on Thursday just to be on the safe side. My elderly bunny is now 12 years 7 months and pretty chipper - we started giving him supplemental feedings and that has perked him up.

The rain wasn't enough to break the drought, that will take a long time. But we're grateful for it. A couple of days it got cold, windy, and not very pleasant out. This week is a milder pattern and will be easier to work on projects in, especially when I need to go outdoors to shake dusty things, rinse things off, carry donations out, etc.

Tatoulia, I am glad you had a good vacation!

Lila, I'm glad you were able to clear out papers, but I hope you find the letter!

Hang in there, change is hard! Try to find a few small things you can do when you feel paralyzed or instead of/before watching tv. They don't have to be "productive" things, just things that might shift your energy - drink some water, dust one item, pick up a book you haven't touched in a while and think about wether you might want to read it again, put on a song you like, look outside through three different windows in your house.. Anything that will move your body and shift your brain.

I slept really late today and then rushed off for a brunch at the pottery studio as soon as I rushed through my chores. I worked in the studio for a while and then Dd picked me up and we went thrifting. I'm not sure how going to count my ins, but I will tell you what I got - paper sorting trays, trays for supplies in my home pottery studio, two toys with parts - one for each in town grandson to stay at my house, a set of alphabet blocks with figures in them, a book, and a shirt.

The blocks were a set I own from when I was little and have always liked, but three of the figures were lost. The set I bought was missing a block and many figures, but had my three missing ones. So now I have a complete set of blocks and figures, but I have to decide what to do with the extras.

Obviously redonating is an option, but they are only good to someone who needs to fill in a set! Will they go in a dumpster? They are plastic, should I recycle them? What if I get rid of them and then I lose a figure or break a block.. Arg!

hi Tatoulia. You are doing some good maintenance there. I'm curious, what is the lecture about? I have not found the letter yet, but moved a lot of bins around looking. I am taking a rest and then going back in the garage to look and to try and get a few items into the Daily Tally by donating.

I am trying to sort out in my head what my life is about now. Sounds weird but it's almost like a mid-life crisis/empty nest syndrome/dark night of the soul all in one. I have taken care of people and animals for almost 40 years without any break. Now I feel confused and lost. But I am looking for good things in it. I am getting more decision paralysis where I sit for long periods unable to do anything. Or watching tv to distract myself. I'm working it out, doing better day by day. Learning a new way.

I hope you find the letter, Lila!

Today I've run a few errands. No laundry because someone has the machine tied up. Tomorrow. I still have quite a bit of catching up laundry. Would love to be able to do it today but I have dinner with a friend tonight then a lecture. So maybe tomorrow.

I'm gathering the recycling to take out. Just started the dish washer (early for me, I like to run in the vending) and I've wiped down the kitchen counters. I'll go freshen up the bathroom, which would be easier to do if I could run a load of towels but alas it is too late. I'll just put some clean towels out in case my friend wants to use the facilities between dinner and our lecture.

So I'll challenge myself for the next hour.

Thank you friends. I appreciate you and the encouragement.

The Daily Tally also keeps me motivated. I think, "what can I get rid of so I can add to the Tally?" It helps me a lot. I am more than halfway to my goal for 2025 already. However it is going to be slim pickin's once I get through the garage stuff again. Unless I have another epiphany about my bedroom.

There is a letter I need to find from about 20 years ago. It has the address and contact info for some relatives that my cousin and I would like to visit. They have a very common name and we don't remember where exactly they are. I know I saved the letter and it had photos in it.

Yesterday searching for the letter, I sorted a big tote full of papers. It was not there, but I culled about half the papers into the trash, and found some things I need, so that's good.

Today I will sort the other totes in there (the office/sorting room) and look in my bedroom as well for the letter.

Hello everyone! I have missed you.

Lila, you are an important connection for all of us! What a sad time for you. I feel sad on your behalf. I think about how hard it is to let our own stuff go, and here you are, going through the pain of letting teen's stuff go and losing teen all over again. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Subc and CM! Good to hear from you both!

I'm back from my short vacation. Had a lovely time and the weather was sunny and cool. Really perfect. Did a lot of walking. Fabulous.

I'm up early for me today. I've had two cups of coffee and my groceries have been delivered so I'll head out for a walk now. I have some things to return.

I would definitely say the depression is situational! Hopefully the upcoming visit and the clearing out and the sunlight will help!

Good for you revisiting bins and finding more things to let go!
this is why we set aside the "maybes" and keep moving - so we don't get bogged down. Once we run out of "goes" we can come back around.

We need you too!

Ok, I've survived the school week - off to buy some food and enjoy the weekend. Maybe I'll stop by the library, I have two books to return...

CM, yes, prayed for you, and I hope you have a good day today. SubC, I need to start thinking forward. I look forward to the trip to go see my oldest son and his children. I have not seen them in almost 2 years, and I am leaving later this month. Surely that is something I can feel positive about.

I am happy for you not saving the broken pot "for something else." That is a victory.

I need to do better about taking care of myself, too.

I am probably clinically depressed at this point, but if my past experiences are true, it is "situational" depression from the grief. I have tried in the past to get a counselor but they have mostly felt like a waste of time. I probably would benefit more just from being with people who care about me. Or making better connections with family.

I have even thought about quitting my job, but I think that would be a rash mistake, not to mention I do need an income. Hopefully they will ride this out with me. I am not doing as much or as well as I was when they hired me.

I am still sick so will attempt to work in the downstairs "office" space that used to be ex's den, before that it was my office, now it is really just a staging area, but a very nice one with lots of natural sunlight and a twin bed to sit on. I have some papers in there I need to find, and I think I could get rid of some things as well.

When I went in the garage the other day, I saw clear totes of things I kept last time I sorted in there with TotsDad (last year) and I was astounded at the things I thought I needed to keep. I bet if I take a box in the garage, I could fill it up pretty quickly and make room for more "keep" items to get moved out there.

I need encouragement and you all are my only connection at this point so thank you for reading.

Good morning.

CM, I hope things keep easing up for you.

Lila, I am so sorry you are so sad. I know that sometimes in our lives we just have to sit with that, but I want you to have things to look forward to!

Today is going to be a long day. I woke up at 3:30 needing to use the bathroom after less than 5 hours of sleep and spent the next hour and a half lying in bed trying to get my "list" out of my head and go back to sleep. I know I didn't drift off because I heard all the clock chimes downstairs. Then when I got up, I hadn't fixed the clock on the coffee maker from the power outage, so the coffee wasn't made yet. I have a headache already and of course now that I'm up, I'm too sleepy to do any of the things on my list.

One good thing I did last night at class - the bottom blew off of one of my pots during firing (it's raku. It happens. We had a lot of stuff break last night. Mostly everybody shrugs and says "the kiln must have been off") anyway, my classmates were all making suggestions about ways the pot could be salvaged/repurposed because the surface came out really nice. But, I threw it in the dumpster! (This does not count as one of the"100 pots out", because it never came home)

Off to look over my lesson plans and make a really clear list of my day so I don't forget something because I'm tired. And drink more coffee..

Lila, sometimes our immune systems hold out while we're still under the gun, then they crash and crash hard.

If you prayed for me, thank you very much; I'm a little less stressed now. Was able to get a couple of the things done so they can be deleted from my overly full mental buffer.

I was actually going to go play pickleball at a different senior center branch - and that wouldn't have been blowing off the things I needed to do, because that mid-level cardio helps my ADHD and I will actually be more efficient and my short term working memory will improve. However, it seemed like the Lord had other plans - I was delayed first by a funeral procession, then by what appeared to be half the city fleet of various construction and utility trucks right where I needed to go.

So I turned around and ate my already delayed lunch in the park and came back home. I think I needed the little break. It was after returning that I got a couple of nagging computer things done.

I hope you get to feeling better real soon!

SubC, thank you for the encouragement and suggestions. I think I am making some breakthroughs emotionally, but it is painful.

CM I hope things settle down for you soon. It sounds like an awful lot.

I am sick, can't breathe at all through my nose, headache etc. Why is it every time I have a slow week where I would have time to do things I want to do, I end up sick? I am also grieving still, my dog, my child being an addict etc. I am not sure where my life is going to end up. I cannot foresee anything anymore and don't know if anything would give me life again.

But I plug along.

Last night I had TotsDad take the one medium and one very large box of donations to my car, and I took a bag of "toss" items to the trash can outside. I will be going to pick up a prescription this afternoon and will drop off the donations. This is a big part of everything, since it prevents me from going diving into the donation box and taking things back out. I did go in yesterday and took out a quilt, but I also made myself add something else I was going to keep to the box. Fair, right?

The Daily Tally is coming along very well. I am going to vacuum in the little bedroom and then start putting things away. I don't think there is much left in there to donate, but I will take a look.

I don't think I have ever been this sad in my life. I watched my mother die 20+ years ago, my father died before that, and all my grandparents, I lost 2 babies in pregnancy, my best friend died a few years ago, but all of that was not as sad as I feel now.

This is really going to be brief - not just like when I say that and then it ends up long.

It feels like the spring is spinning out of control - it was sort of crazy already, but it has accelerated.

I've been praying as I'm able, and I'm sure that is the only thing that keeps me from descending into madness from the stress. I would appreciate prayers for me and roommate.

There are just TOO. MANY. DETAILS. Things big and small needing to be done. Interruptions. Difficulty coordinating it all. Not enough hours in the day. For both me and roommate. Pet health issues. Her dog killed a newborn bunny in the yard late one night. Various dramas like that just when we try to wind down, then we each end up getting to bed way too late and not getting enough sleep.

Not enough room in the house with all the clutter but hardly any time and energy and clearheadedness to deal with the stupid clutter.

We had a little rain. That is a blessing. We may get more. It will help.

Really not seeking advice, just ranting and asking for prayers. I feel like I've got a gallon or two of cortisol flowing through my veins from the stress. Surely it will get better, but right now I'm pretty frazzled.

Hi Lila, I'm here, I'm just tired.

The next 7.5 weeks are going to be a bit of a marathon for me. With my pottery sale, the garden, the end of the school year, and some extra family things. I'm trying to keep my focus on the important things and let the rest slide for now.

Amazing job emptying the closet!

I think packing up some of the things for tot is a good compromise. You can always decide later if you want to come back and add some of them to the sleepover room.

Babies only get a bottom sheet now - all the other crib bedding is considered unsafe. I use the old crib blankets as light wraps during the day, or floor mats depending on weight.

If the vhs tape is still around, grab your phone, take a photo, and let it go. The photo will still trigger the memory. You can decide if you need the photo later.

hmm, where is everybody?

I am working on the little bedroom/storage room. The closet was FULL of things that were Teen's as a little girl. Things she loved, most in excellent/new condition. I had my son text her photos of the things and she doesn't want any of it.

I am struggling with donating all this stuff. It feels like getting rid of her childhood. I wonder if she will want it "later" but I have to let that go.

I think my strategy will be to choose some of the nice, newish items for my granddaughters. There are some really great stuffed animals, dolls, decorative pillows and blankets. Part of my wants it all gone, no reminders. Part of me wants to save it for the "sleepover" bedroom for my grandkids in my new home someday. But do I want those memories in my new home? If I give them now, the babies will ruin things - but I would like Tot, who is now 6, to have them when she has her own room. Ugh.

How about if I donate at least half, and put the things for Tot into a tote in the garage? Will leave it here for her when I move? Is that a good compromise?

All of this hurts, but it is a GREAT accomplishment that I have pulled out all of Teens things from that closet. I've been avoiding it for years.

I am not sure why, but I even when I feel ready and confident, I get into the actual stuff and start having anxiety and freezing.

I went into the little bedroom/storage area with a donation box. I started moving things to the outside edges of the room and away from the closet. I started to sort. I wanted to keep almost everything. It got harder and harder, I moved from one tote/box to the next, then opened the closet and saw it packed full, looked at several things and got a wave of anxiety and had to leave the room and take a break.

I think each item has a familiarity or an attachment. I did manage to find 5 things to go into the donate box (although only 1 was easy, a duplicate). But each item has memories, people, feelings attached to it.

For example, the vhs tape my little boy begged to watch all the time, his favorite movie. When I look at it, I can hear his little voice asking for it.

I don't want to take a picture of it, that seems silly. He won't want it. I don't even really want it. But I saved it. The crib bedding from when Teen was a baby. I should have put it in the darned crib for my granddaughter! Maybe I will. I always think about selling it, which is kind of ridiculous.

I guess that is why I get anxious. Each item has memories and emotions attached. The stuff I manage to donate, usually does not.

SubC, good job on the counter! My bar/counter is in a real state, as you might imagine, and will stay that way until I am not so covered in grief and trying to cope with all the changes. For now, I think your idea of starting with the small room is best.

That little room was a guest room and space for one of the grandkids (crib in there) but they never use it. I expect it will remain a sort-and-store room until I sell the house. It can't be a guest room now that the bed and nightstand are gone. It IS really the clearest I have seen it in years, and now there is room to fully sort what is left in there. Good idea doing that before moving things in and making it inaccessible again. It was so bad I could not get halfway into the room and could not open the closet without moving lots of things. Much better now, but much to be gotten rid of.

Seeing all of Teen's things, ex's things, and my dogs' things disappear had made a lot of other things I have left feel insignificant. It is a good time for me to declutter, as very little seems to mean anything to me anymore.

I will update the Daily Tally as I go. I find my lists of what has left pretty inspiring over there.

SubC, all the things I will move with me are all over the house. Mainly because many are being used or in nearby totes for occasional use. But I will begin moving things to the garage and outside storage room (things that are replaceable if someone got in and stole) and will then move things like photos and special family items into the little bedroom for more secure storage.

I am emotionally exhausted and will just be resting today AND decluttering that little bedroom. Maybe making some soup as well.

I think cleaning the dog crate space and filling it back up from the middle of your room is a good idea.

Do you have everything you are saving for when you move in the same place? Is there other stuff mixed in?

You might want to think about starting by sorting out everything that is left in the little bedroom, so it gets emptier instead of more crowded and nothing gets buried or hidden. What will that room be in the long term?

I did not do as much farm related work as I planned today, but i cleaned out the duck pen and cleaned water buckets and watered my houseplants. I decided I needed a rest day and did some reading and puttering and wandering around the yard/woods.

I also cleared the counter of doom! (I do still have that stashed box from when I stashed everything instead of cleaning it up, but maybe I can take something out of it tomorrow.)

one more post here for today.

With all the cleared space in the garage, storage room, and little bedroom, I now can start getting things out of my bedroom that don't belong there (like tools and kitchen stuff I want for when I move). I will keep decluttering as I go.

After ex left with a car full and TotsDad's pickup load full, I move the dog crate out of my room and into the garage. It was really heavy, but I wanted to do it while they were gone, to spare youngest son from the reminder that his best friend/dog is gone. I have not gone back in my bedroom yet to see the space it left. I am a little worried it will be upsetting. It has been there for years. I will vacuum and then shove stuff into that space to clear the center of the room, until I get things sorted.

I posted loads of things on the Daily Tally as well, if you are curious what kinds of things went out of my house today.

SubC, what a lovely memory of the elephant. I love this story. And it is true. I will think of it as I am sorting. This morning I was looking at two ceramic "baby bootie sets" that people gave me with flowers in them when two of my kids were born. I have saved the "for them" all this time. I think the memory of the gift is better than the item, now that I consider it. I am going to give them to the appropriate adult children and if they don't want them, donate them.

My ex did not show up yesterday to get Teen's things. I had a whole plan in my head as I was clearing a path, putting things in boxes etc, and had hoped to move things out of my bedroom into those spaces in the evening. I am thrown off a little, but he says he is coming today at 1. Hopefully he will, and takes all the furniture. TotsDad is helping him, and I asked him to try and get all the dressers and the bed gone. That would be a relief and a space saver.

The thing with Teen that complicates is that she is not stable. I know full well that at least 50%, maybe closer to 80%, of what I give to her in boxes, she will throw away. She does not see the value in anything, has been homeless with no place to keep things, and has addictions. I have been keeping things for her for when things are better. But it is honestly unlikely she will ever care about most of this stuff. I will keep the photos and a few small things that, if she is stable later, she might treasure, but nothing that I can't fit in a 1 square foot box. Just little things, and put them in a closet.

I am hoping once things get moved, I can do better at clearing my bedroom, later today.

Good morning!

Lila, that is such good news about teen.

If you are truly saving things "for her" you need to give them to her. I have had to face that there are things that belonged to my kids that I was saving "for me." Not because my kids actually wanted them or needed them, but because they fit in to my vision of how my kids would be in my life. That isn't real. If I try to create my fantasy vision of my family, I will miss out on my real family, and unrealistic expectations just set you up for disappointment and inability to enjoy the good things you didn't expect.

If there are things that truly matter to you - just keep them and admit that they are for you, or take pictures.

When I was a kid I had a giant stuffed elephant. I adored it. I saved up my money for a long time to buy it. Then I grew up - the elephant took up a lot of space. None of my kids loved it. Eventually, I took it to a homeschool event and donated it as a prize. My two favorite memories of the elephant now are buying it and carrying it out to the car all by myself and laughing with my mom as we wrestled it into our not so big backseat, and watching the little girl - who unlike my own kids even looked like a little me - who won the elephant carry her prize off at the end of the event. I'm sure the look on her face was the same one I had the day I got it.

I am feeling a little under the weather this morning. I think one of my darlings gave me a cold. This is not so good because based on the weather forecast, today is an outside work day for the farm. I am realizing that in the spring, with weather and time commitments, I am lucky to have four of those a month, so I need to make good use of them.

Thanks friends for the kind words.

CM, yes, the dog crate does come apart and nest that way. Good idea. Thank you.

Guess what. My exhusband is moving back to town. And he is helping Teen move into an apartment. This is great news as she has been mostly homeless for 7 months. I do hope she will do well there. So, he is coming over here this afternoon and tomorrow to take her things! I have been storing many boxes, totes, and furniture of hers all this time. I hope they take all of it, but at least most. This will free up an immense amount of space for me, in the outside storage room, the garage, and the little bedroom/storage room (which has her bed in it). I will be able to get things out of my bedroom, which is massively cluttered.

I decided as I was sorting this morning, that from today on, when I find something that is Teen's but not already boxed up, I will add it to a tote and count it in the Daily Tally. I think they count because they are random items all over my house, taking up space, that I was saving for her but she has no idea they are even here. So, I won't count the things of hers already boxed, but will count what I find and decide to send to her. (Mainly because I have been so tempted to keep them and save them for when she is older/maybe more stable - but, I think now is the time to get it out of here). Thoughts?

I also started a new donation box.

I am doing better, but not sure if it is because I am healing/actually better or because I am disassociating from the grief for awhile so I can function. Time will tell. Thank you for all the support in this hard time.

CM, good luck with the toolboxes.

I think filling 5hat unused space with storage items sounds like a win-win!

I am very excited for you that you found a social exercise activity you like!

This morning was "goat spa day" (the goats are not fans)

Everyone got their collars checked for fit and wear and replaced as needed, hooves trimmed, annual shots, and a dose of wormer. The two (I think) pregnant ones also got a mineral laced treat - that they liked. The whole process is somewhat physically demanding and made me tired.

But I persevered and dug the door track free of the mud so I can stop fighting to close it (oh CM, how I wish I could give you some of this rain!) and washed up a bunch of little pots that I had just dumped under the front bushes last year so that I will be able to pot up my seedlings in them.

I did straighten up a little last night, but I did not get to bed early. Still woke up on my own before 5:30, which may not be great since I will have a late night tonight with my class.

Looking around at my house, it has backslid a little bit on order over the first three quarters of the school year, but thanks to Lila's tally threads, I know there is actually less stuff in my house. (Despite recent increases) and a lot of the disorder is just a need to clean up and organize (like the pots under my bushes!)

I am starting to get to the far side of comfortable in some areas (step one, the mess comfortable, step two, the mess is uncomfortable, step three clean, step four the new space is uncomfortable, step five the new space is comfortable, step 6 you realize the new space is actually still a mess - repeat) thinking about bits and pieces I could remove, and looking forward to some big projects once school is out.

For now - off to load the truck with sticks for our pit firing tonight.

Funny thing about the toolboxes... now I forget where I saw the smaller blue one. It may not matter too much at the moment, though. I did gather all the tools to sort through and get rid of duplicates, and hopefully the just-right amount remaining will fit in the big blue box, and I have a space for it to go. I need to back the van into the driveway (so the neighbors can't see, lol) and go through the back of it, which has gotten a bit jumbled. The small toolbox may be hiding in there. Or if it's in the house it'll turn up. Also need to take the yellow toolbox and a few misc. items to donate.

We discovered that one of roommate's kitties again pottied under my bunny's cage (the cages are up on foldable tables so about 2 feet off the floor). A lightbulb went on in my mind that if we were to use that space to store lesser used stuff in tubs, it would block access to kitty and hopefully solve the illicit potty issue. And I know just which items might work well there - bunny club and seasonal things. It's not difficult to access but it's not prime real estate either.

Roommate is doing well with her eye and will have the other surgery in April. That should be easier - this one was a little hectic with the scheduling issues, although once we got there and back it was okay. But it's nice knowing what to expect from something like that that one hasn't done before. I've been going on the dog walks still, even though she is okay to control the dog now, but again I'm in need of the exercise.

And speaking of exercise, I did play pickleball this past Monday. It was a lot of fun. I'd thought oh, I won't try to play just yet, I'll do conditioning first. But then the impulse grew, so I thought what the heck. If it's too tiring, I can stop. Turns out it wasn't. It's good cardio, and just at the level I don't feel to be grueling (like the time I had a free personal training session at the gym and he got me on the stair stepper and elliptical - yikes). There were nice people who helped me learn and nobody minded telling me what score numbers to call out on each serve (with my poor short term memory I'd been a bit nervous about that, haha).

So I hope I can play most Mondays at the senior center, and if I find anyplace else convenient offering casual pickup games I might play more than just Mondays. It just feels like what I've needed for exercise, and the socialization is good - laid back, down to earth, no phoniness, etc. and something to DO instead of just pointless small talk. I'm pondering whether to purchase my own paddle but I want to take my time. I don't mind at all using the senior center's paddles for now. My track record is to eagerly buy "gear" for any new interest I've had, and I want to be sure I can justify a purchase and another item coming in. The shoes were justifiable because I didn't really have a supportive pair for an impact exercise; my feet and joints thank me for not attempting to play in my flat everyday Keds canvas oxfords. And the new shoes aren't pricey athletic shoes, but they get the job done.

We're still kind of getting our routine revamped, what with roommate's surgery, the transition into spring (with unpredictable weather - sometimes nice, sometimes crazy, welcome to Kansas), the longer days, roommate's gardening... our area, it turns out, is still in the drought from last year and may be for awhile. We have watering restrictions again, which is inconvenient but understandable. Sometimes April and May here will bring rain, sometimes even quite abundant rain. And severe weather, I hope we don't get that - a nice gentle rain would do just fine.

But I think overall my energy is picking up and I'm getting some things done.

Lila, just curious on the dog crate - is it one of those that can be taken apart in the middle and nested so it stores more compactly? My roommate's big one is like that. If yours is, maybe that would be another alternative; it might fit in the garage or something. I'm sure you'll figure out what's best for you in any case.

That should have been "crates" of poultry.

School went well. Baby geese are so soft!

I got home while it was still light and cleared some brambles to get a dose of sunshine. Then heated up a quick dinner to eat with Dh.

In spite of being mostly awake since 4 and out of bed since five I still have some energy. We'll see how that goes in 20 minutes when the sun is down. Meanwhile I'm thinking, straighten up a little, do chores, plan for tomorrow and go to bed early.

I hope you have fun on your trip Tatoulia!

I did find the marble run! It was hidden in plain sight. (On top of a stack of bins in the part of my basement that is still a complete disaster) now I need to move it to another place where Bean can find it on Monday. He asked me not to look for it because he wanted to help me find it.

I took the new blender to school yesterday and the kids got to do slip molds.

The parts for the kiln will hopefully be in in two weeks.

I am actually ready for today except for one handout and checking some work, which is good, because it takes much longer to get to school and get set up when you have to take multiple rates of poultry.

Off I go! Have a good day all!

A marble run sounds like great fun! I hope you can find it!

I'm going overseas for a few days. I've been a bit quiet about it. Didn't mention to anyone at work. I get nervous when I travel. This is a girls' trip I'll see BF in Switzerland in December and maybe a quick trip in September.

The guy at work came by tonight instead of yesterday. The cats will be in good hands.

Tatoulia, we crossed.

I'm sorry about your friend's son.

Did you tell us about this upcoming trip? I am blanking on it.

Had a good day with the boys yesterday, but Bean said "I wish you had a marble run" and I said"I do!" But then I couldn't find it. I remember discussing the marble runs (plural!) with the kids, and downsizing to one set. I can visualize the set. I can't find where I put it!

This sort of thing is so frustrating. I guess I should be happy because it used to happen almost daily and now it is far, but I am still frustrated. One of the joys of clearing out the hoard has been those moments when I could easily lay hands on something that was in usable condition. (It is nice to have a place where I can say that, because I think"normal" people take that as granted.)

I am now distracted from everything else I need to do by a need to find the marble run.

But today is a school day, and as always - I am not ready, so off I go.

Lila, you are working through a lot of really hard things.any progress is good.

I only like snow when it is deep enough to really cover the ground and I get to stay home. Today's snow just turned into rain all day.

I did get some work done in the pottery studio though - threw ten new things, trimmed and/or burnished 5, and finished off a bag of reclaimed clay. Only a couple hundred more to go...

Tomorrow I have my boys.