Karl,
Something that just occured to me.
In all of these conversations/situations, even though they are not about hoarding per se, you may be dealing with a hoarder's need to control environment.

Hi Karl :)
I will suggest you do what I have done here.
Create a shelf space in the fridge where you store all "YOUR" food.
The rule is that "MY" food is for only me and "HIS food is for only him.
Took a while to get him to quit eating my stuff and I never had any desire to eat any of his science experiments.
If necessary keep your food in a labeled bag that states it is "YOURS".
Many people use this method to stop any squabbles about who ate what.
Good luck (((hugs)))

(Based on what little I can remember of my son's comments about college roommates and sharing a house) I suspect you will need to address the food issue, what is each others and what is shared or you will wind up buying most of the food yourself - given the environment you described. Food magically appearing in the refrigerator is really nice.

It is likely that you have some difficult decisions and discussions about boundaries ahead of you. It may be beneficial to work at least some of that out now and have the discussions sooner rather than later-the alternative being that over a period of time you are likely to feel more and more imposed upon and taken advantage of. You will have to decide where the balance of "relief at having a roof" and "reality of sharing a living space" is for you.

And with the snow, a temporary reality which you have, at costs known only to yourself, developed the ability to enjoy. Good for you.

Good morning :)
While I was trying to sleep the snow was softly falling, making the cats all freak out and they kept me up with their bickering.

Yesterday I ventured out to the road to get the mail. Noticed a sweet little cotton tail bunny has been calling my garden home for a while.
You can tell by all the bunny foot prints and little bunny poops on the snow.
Saw the bunny just sitting still watching me.
Talked to the bunny for a while.
From the window I later saw the bunny jumping high and zig zagging through the yard.
Then I noticed a huge hawk land on the fence.
Opened the door, stepped out on the porch to shoo the hawk away. He flew off and the bunny was safe hiding under an abandoned car.

I have been placing lots of tasty tidbits under the big evergreen in my front yard in preparation for the Winter Solstice.
Many beautiful little birds have started coming here regularly to eat.
Noticed lots of evidence that the Falcon and Owl have been coming by for a snack too. :/
Oh Well, the circle of life...

Need to go to the grocery store.
The only way that I am going to get to have a piece of carrot cake for my birthday is if I make the cake myself.
I have a week to get this cake made.
This birthday is a big milestone and I want to have cake. :D

Great responses Dave, good sense of humor.
appreciated "fun" thoughts.,, I keep thinking I have to have fun that others would have, which in reality are not fun for me, or take too much work to do. Makes me realize I have to identify what fun is for me.

Roxie,
Suitcase from May graduation trip still admidst the horde of containers before the fireplace.

Karl,
The significant other situation and that you had not yet made some final committments was what I thought was going on.

I don't think of anything else, except, and this because I worry too much, when you formally get yourself on the lease of the new place, what potential liability you assume for your friend's mess.

Diane,
Tell your neighbor you are working on the set for your new musical, Roofing in the Rain.

Fun: Taking pleasure in work accomplished while it was warm, drinking a cup of coffee, while looking at lights-being pleased you are not paying those electric bills, cutting the end off an evergreen branch-putting it in a pot of dirt and wrapping some crepe paper around it, thanking God you are not feeling compelled to run to every thrift store in a three county area buying christmas decorations for next week, thanking God for the peace in your heart and the gift of another holiday season. To be modified as you see fit.

It is cold so had great intentions of doing work in here, and have just sat here. I am tired from all the roof work and woke up way to early. Today would be a good day to buy some food, buy more insulation and look at holiday decorations in yards around here. Have kept dishes done since water is back on, so afraid to have a pile if lose water again. Need to shower and was hair today after it warms up in here. I have worked so many hours lately it would be good to take a day off and have fun. Not sure what fun is anymore, I will let you know when I find some fun.

hello--getting cold again. I got a lesson on keeping a hoard. Months ago I did some roof patching with black tar stuff that I had kept out in garage for a few years, not supposed to let it freeze. Well when I was on roof yesterday to "relax", I discovered it was all crumbly so from 2pm-5pm I scraped it off. Since it is raining this afternoon, I got up there, scraped more off and stayed up there patching until it started to rain. I worked 9am-4pm solid today, it was fun, but too long to work without a break, for sure. A neighbor guy asked if I got paid overtime for working so many hours!! I came in and started a fire and decided to see what you are up to today-------where are you????

On vacation?

Where is everybody? :(

Good morning :)

Hi Karl :)
Would your source of income be considered as an "independent contractor" ?
How long of a lease do you have to sign?
Six months would be better than anything longer at this point.
Sorry you are still having to deal with the old LLs along with discovering how your new room mate operates. (((hugs)))

Hi Southmess :)

Hi Dave :)
Karl's roommate is a temporary situation until he gets himself settled after having been evicted from his home.
Karl is almost an expert now in decluttering and organizing and he knows a lot about a hoarder's way of thinking.

Hi Roxie :)
I found it very hard to wake up this morning because I had a warm snuggling purring kitty right up against me.
:D

Yesterday I boiled a pot of water, brewed some herbal tea, added the juice from four lemons to the tea and sweetened it with honey. Poured it into a container and added enough water to make one gallon.
My witches brew has been doing it's job of soothing my throat and keeping me hydrated. :D
Feeling much better.
Spent two hours yesterday cleaning & tidying the house then rested the rest of the day.
My plan for today is to find some pleasant little pasttime to amuse myself with.
Have a load of laundry out on the line drying and the cats are all taken care of and have gone back to napping. They are all in hibernation mode. LOL :D
Need to brew some more magical tea today.

You should all make plans right now today to get into the Tuesday night chat!!!

Diane :) (((hugs)))

Since I first met you I have been in awe of all you have accomplished all by yourself.
All those hard, heavy, dirty jobs. All the repairs you took care of with no outside help.
Remember that you are doing 20 years worth of put off tasks all by yourself.
This is not easy and it is not fast but you have accomplished many many miracles of decluttering, repairing and organizing in such a short amount of time.

Everything that you have decluttered and continue to declutter is something you have every right to be proud of. :D

After such a hard few weeks dealing with the super cold temperatures and then having no water are BIG time stressers.
Then adding having expenses of plumbing repair and having workmen in your home just stresses you even more.

Take care of the things that can't wait right now but give yourself a break.
You need to destress.
Lots & lots of "ME" time.
Pamper & baby yourself.
Eat tasty nutritious foods.
Stay warm and decompress.

You have been through too much.
After you are all rested up then you can get back into decluttering & organizing with a fresh and positive outlook.

(((HUGS))) :D

Diane,
If you have any small plastic buckets or containers "in stock" they might be helpful with that "under sink" issue. I have a stash of plastic ice cream buckets and I keep the rubber gloves and trash bags, stuff like that in them so that when I spring a leak less things get ruined. The round shapes in the square storage spot also force me to store less stuff there.

Thanks for the kindness Dave and Roxie,made me feel warm and fuzzy reading your posts.
Started cleaning under kitchen sink this morning and found a tiny leak in pipe trap (it froze last week).. I was under there to check for leaks on new faucet, no problem but glad I checked, there was quite a pool of water from pipe trap. I just cleaned up water and wrapped a towel around it, then got on computer to avoid it. Now that I got to this site, I got my motivation back and will patch it. will finish cleaning under there and see what I can throw away or put in more appropriate place, still too much stored under there. I have to accept my first time through I did the best I could and now can go through and get rid of more stuff, each time will be better at getting rid of stuff, and stop from criticizing myself for not gettting rid of enough stuff.

Unless someone else posted while I was typing, That post right below this was directed at Karl, not Diane.

Karl, this is what my wife calls unsolicited advice and you have every right to be angry about my giving it.

I have not tried to go back and follow your story, but your name is one that I have seen on the boards from time to time. I know that the "regular posters" in this thread are concerned about you and want to see you succeed in either recovering from or staying away from hoarding, whichever is appropriate.

The little vignette you posted below ought to be in a textbook somewhere as a classic example of hoarder defense and redirection (by finding a guilt trip to lay on another party). This is not a person you are going to change.

I hope that you are able to recognize this and include it in your decision process before you make your final relationship and legal decisions.

(Who am I to say this to you? I am a person, who, over the next few days, is literally going to be standing in a storage locker weighing the value of the size, shape, and printing of empty cardboard boxes, one at at time, against the value of another person's life and sanity. The person of whom you were speaking sounds to me like a hoarder like me. There is a level of misery you will experience in attempting a relationship with a person like that that I am not sure you fully appreciate. I think you also strongly risk loosing any gains you may have made in dealing with your own problems.)

you have an avoidance issue going on there. Be sure you want to pay the price.

diane, i would have been crying digging up little red rocks while my fingers were turning blue. I am going to have an insurance adjuster standing on the roof of my house tomorrow being able to see all the mess in my backyard. Even to save relationship it is difficult for me to let go of things. I think you show great fortitude and resilince. After being fired in April, i found it quite nice to lie in the sun and listen to the cardinals.

Southmess,
You are amazing. I need to be taking lessons from you on how to emotionally release from things.
(Also, you have just experienced the two ways of dealing with the problem of clutter. One: Avoidance. Two: Looking at the problem, finding a small task you can do, doing it and then repeating that proces again, and again, and ....
Congratulations. Even though what you see is a lot of struggle and stress on your part, please know that the courage, discipline and success you just shared will encourge others reading these messages.)
Dave.

Hi everybody,

On Saturday I bought 6 cheap cardboard boxes.

The last days have been very hot here. Even though I sleep with the air conditioner on, I had a hard time getting up.

Finally got up at 3 PM (yes, 3 PM)and went for some breakfast. And stayed there until 10 PM. I didn't feel like coming home...

When I finally came home I assembled the first box and filled it with some bags with classified items.

I did 4 boxes in total. The last one was for important papers that I still have to sort out.

I estimated 4 boxes, but they come in packages of 3. I am happy my estimation was correct :)

Rearranging some things I found a paper related to my divorce inside a little book. Non important paper of course... threw it out. I should put money inside books :) (argentine peso devaluates fast... that's a problem. I must put dollars or euros)

Talking about books, my library is organized much the same way as it was when I was married. In the final phases of my decluttering process I plan to empty it and rearrange the books.

I still have things in the floor. Most of it is going out... but it is like I'm still not sure of discarding them... (CD jewel boxes, some computer cables, an old computer keyboard...)

Tillie sorry you are still not feeling well, and glad you know how to take very good care of yourself.

as I said in chat yesterday, pipes under trailer had leak so had to turn off water again. Today 2 guys came and fixed the pipe, and installed my new kitchen faucet, works great, so nice. Then talked me into having a vapor barrier under trailer, heavy black plastic over the ground under trailer. Back to Lowes, I got anxious about how much it all cost. It took 4 hours but they did get lots of stuff done and were very kind and efficient, hard workers.
I started crying by the end of it. It was so humiliating having so much extra stuff everywhere and not able to find sandpaper, garden staples, and cutter when they needed them. I even misplaced one piece of the faucet. I was exhausted when they left, just wanted to sit in the sun and not talk to anyone ever again. I actually really wanted to talk to you Tillie. I regrouped, still had to clean chimney and bring firewood up to deck, got both done. then cleaned up the mess we made working today. One guy said I really need a dumpster to get rid of all the stuff I have, this was after months of getting rid of stuff, really felt down in the dumps. He saw the boards I had in a tree to make a treehouse, that I never even started let alone finished. I have done so much and there is so much more that became obvious this week, I am determined to just keep working on it. did feel a little hopeless this afternoon

Good morning :/

The house is a mess. :(
Today I must
clean the bathroom
sweep the floors & porches
wash the floors
vacuum the carpet
dust

I am tired and have a stuffy nose & sore throat and really don't want to clean the house. :/
But I won't be able to relax till the place is clean
so......
I will clean it.

:D

We will miss you Karl. :(
But have fun! :D

Good morning :)

HI EVERYBODY! :D

I have a pot of cinnamon scented potpourri simmering on the stove. Makes the house smell so lovely.
Thousands of interesting and fun things I want to do today but need to choose one or two because there are not enough hours in one day to do them all.
But first.....
do cat related tasks
wash up some dishes
shampoo my hair

I faithfully watch "Surviivor" every Wednesday but they put the FINALE on Sunday.
So I will be leaving chat tonight by 8:00pm PST to watch it. Sorry. ;)

Diane :D
I have not stopped doing the happy dance since you posted that you have water again! :D
And HOT water too!!!!
So GREAT! :D

With that big tree cut down the sun shines through the front windows so much brighter and longer.
I believe that is the reason my mood is much more positive than in past Winters.

Have a wonderful day and I hope to "see" you all in chat tonight at 5:00pm PST. :D

Thanks Dave, yes, I worked on that little room a lot of hours, cleaned and painted walls, floors, cabinets, took hours. Threw away all the junk that had mouse poop on it, etc. Cleaned all mouse poop off floor, it was really bad. Cabinets are still empty so need to organize the stuff in the pile and place in cabinets. I really could not open door a year ago.
Dianne, thanks for all the support throughout my ordeals past month. I have SAD too and do everything I can to get enough light as the days shorten. Sorry you are going through depression as days shorten. I put 100 watt bulbs in everywhere and bought a depression light. Try to get out in sun daily, no matter how cold.
Last night I put my favorite fleece sheets on the bed, found them when I organized linen closet last week, it felt so good to get a clean body in clean sheets!!!!! Sheets I took off were so dirty from this past week of crawling under house and no shower.
Thanks again for all the help and support.
Tillie, I think I have the energy for a happy dance today. What time do you do your happy dance? Would be fun to join you in happy dance.

Diane,

The part about being able to have the repairman in without being embarassed leaped out at me. Commendations for all the past hard work that made that possible.

Thanks Tillie, I needed that permission to slow down this week, at least tomorrow. I took my first shower in over a week, washed my hair and just enjoyed the warm water. Still just feel tired, muscles sore. I hit my head several times on metal tie down things under trailer, no wonder my head hurts. So I am just relaxing, did put another load in washing machine. still have more dishes to wash but not many. Tomorrow I plan to buy some insulation and wrap the pipes that were just fixed. That is the only must do. If I have energy would like to cook more soup. Looking forward to chat tomorrow. Once again Tillie, thanks for helping me through this week and celebrating my running water!

Diane
This week just take it easy.
Rest a LOT.
Do fun things.
This is a time for self care. Pamper yourself.
I know you want to catch up on the usual, dishes & laundry & stuff but do it slowly, a little bit here & there.
Make some more soup and other tasty meals.
WAY TO GO! for having already cleaned out that room the pipe was in! :D WONDERFUL!!!

Hi Tillie, great day for you, did you sit on santas lap? What did he promise you? A new car? Hope so.
I have been lying on couch for hours, just so tired. Have to get up and shower, did do one load of laundry, but little else. I watched the Diane Keaton/ Jack Nicholson movie on tv lying here relaxing, feels good to do nothing, been a long week. I will feel so much better once I shower, just hard to move this old exhausted body.
When guy was here today, I saw lots of areas that need more work in here and out there. Also was very aware that the room the pipe broke in was packed so you could not open door, before I joined this group. Now that the room has been worked on and was clean, it was so much better, not great but good enough to have repairman in. Had to move stuff to get to pipe, but it was all clean, so was not humiliating. There was plenty of space for buckets to put dirt and rock in, for the guy and me and tools, yes hard to believe.

HI :D
Had no internet all day
He said something about something and anyway something was burned out and then he knew he had another one somewhere in his hoard but spent many hours looking for it then found one like that but still not the one he was looking for but it would "do" for now till he can locate the other one.
Then he said that his having this hoard is wonderful cause he always has just exactly what he needs right here.
Somewhere. ;p

Hi Roxie :)

HEY! Diane :D
Enjoy the water!
What a wonderful feeling....
showers, dishes, laundry and best of all the flushing toilet. :D

Today we went to town and saw Santa at the thrift shop. Then we went to the dollar store. That's where I buy many of my cleaning products but I also bought some chocolate covered marshmallow snowmen.
Then we went to the grocery store and didn't need much. I got some english muffins, green grapes & a bag of lemons.

Hung laundry out on the line this morning and it all dried. :)

Hope you all had some fun today. :D

VANISHING POSTS.......

Here is what I do to not lost my posts...
Before I click on "post reply" I copy my post.
Takes just a second to do this.
Highlight the text in blue by running the cursor over it while holding down "left click" button.
Once text is all highlighted in blue I then click control (Ctrl) and c.
Should my post not post and vanish into the cosmos I can then press control (Ctrl) v and it will reappear and I haven't lost it.
Sometimes posts do not show up on the message board as having been posted.
Just refresh the page and it will appear.

DIANE!!!!! :D
WOOHOO!!!
YEA!!!
WAY TO GO!!!!
HAPPY DANCING!!!!
:D :D :D :D :D :D

I am so very very HAPPY!!! for you!!! :D

I HAVE WATER, I HAVE HOT WATER, I AM THE LUCKIEST PERSON IN THIS HOUSE, EVEN THOUGH I AM THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS HOUSE.
I HAD TO HOLD UP THE WHITE FLAG, AND HAVE A PROFESSIONAL FIX THE PIPE THAT BROKE, HE WAS IMPRESSED HOW MUCH OF THE GRUNT WORK I HAD ALREADY DONE. SINCE I BOUGHT ALL THE RIGHT STUFF YESTERDAY, IT WENT TOGETHER WITH ONLY ONE SMALL GLITCH. TOMORROW I WILL BUY NEW INSULATION AND WORK ON PROTECTING PIPES. I HAVE A FEW WARM DAYS SO MAY TAKE IT EASY TOMORROW, I HAVEN'T GOTTEN ENOUGH SLEEP LATELY SO AM REALLY TIRED AND BACK HURTS FROM HAULING ALL THAT WATER UP HILL YESTERDAY. ON THE WAY TO SHOWER NOW, HOORAYYYYYY
THANKS FOR ALL THE KINDNESS TILLIE, DIANNE AND ROXIE, IT REALLY HELPED

I can't speak to the technology of the board, but a possible solution to the problem for you,

Use a word processor such as MS Word or MS Notepad to type your message into and then copy and paste it into this screen.

Also, I have thought two or three times that I lost a post because of typing an incorrect image verification response ( using IE ver 8 ), but found if I went back one, or sometimes two, screens, that my original message was still in the browser and all I had to do was retype the verification image with the new one showing at the bottom of the screen and post my response.

There's a serious problem with this board. If you take too long to write a message when you finish it the validation fails and you message is lost. Second time in a row today.

:(

Well, today I need help. I am seriously perturbed.

Hi, Tillie had a date!!!! Did you hold hands in movie? ok just kidding. I know you made the best of a bad movie. Roxie thanks for support and your pipe problem. I woke up anxious about repairing it myself, so afraid it will break even deeper in ground. I will go out and dig more today and evaluate the situation. I also want to go under trailer and see if any obvious breaks in sewer lines and see if it looks like water pipes are ok. If I hire a plumber, want him/her to fix everything in one visit, since they charge so much. took another sponge bath last night, with warm water, felt so good. My hair is another story, even scares me to look at it.
Tillie your crossed fingers better work!!! Thanks Tillie. Drinking hot coffee made with my bottled water I bought yesterday, feel so blessed to have drinking water. Drank so much water yesterday had to get up several times last night!! don't realize how lucky we are to have good drinking water until it stops running. sure do appreciate you gals helping me through this and the death of Molly.