Thanks Tat

House is still a whirl of unfinished maintenance work. It's unpleasant.
We're all sharing the same restroom , and there are standards differences.

I try not to say things can't get worse, because I seen things go from bad to worse. Many times.
I know what critical mass is saying , I sometimes get the feelings of being overwhelmed,
For me it's when the big picture seems like its too much effort. That today's little bit of effort isn't going to make much difference.

I've learned , that I personally am the only one whom can change my environment. I wish I could say my recent success , is a model. Keeping the trash routine, organizing the hoard in storage unit .
But that's not it was for years.

I think it was the commitment to reclaim space one room at a time. Because I was no longer getting overwhelmed by the big picture. Once it was clear enough to invite helpers over , they could use the restroom, and eat in the clean kitchen. Thing started gaining momentum. And then I call all my volunteers for a Chili party and nearly 20 people's came.
There was no sorting, as almost everything was put into tubs, photographed, and carried out to vehicles. The house was emptied out fast. In a time frame of 8 weeks , it went from hoarder central, to a full purge to storage. And another 8 weeks later I've sorted and purged the tubs of mine. And nearly all of my daughters unneeded objects. Only my wife's hoard remains in store unsorted, but it is organized so that she can view the inside of the tubs via chromecast. On the big screen TV. And if she really needs something. It's not far , and we retrieve items while we're out nearby.
Most of her valuables are back home. So that her hoard is basically worthless , or sentimental items she can't part with.

The trade off for all that effort. Is were no longer isolated and embarrassed of home. Mother in law stays in a room that was filled with clutter, there is now a caring mother in there.

A maid service comes once a month.
Her friends come on regular basis .
There's laughter and excited screaming in the teenagers room from her friends.

I couldn't get past the overwhelming feeling for years, but I finally got the chance, everything changed. Even the big picture changed, once the hoard was gone.

Warning: Whiney Pity Party Vent

I'm tired. Physically and mentally and emotionally. It gets old, having life all hamstrung. Putting the kitties in the back room which they hate, hearing them cry... but workman won't be here till later... Discovering at 6:30 the dog had pooped on the bathroom floor... Going to quilting and being teased that I'm making excuses why my quilt top has stalled out (I know the ribbing was meant good natured but even so it rubs a raw nerve)... Running on fumes hoping to make it to the gas station, and making it only to find the price has gone up which renders my 30 cents' worth of carefully collected discount points seem rather meaningless... Getting into the fridge to scrounge some lunch and seeing my bread has mold...

I know there are positives - I was able to cut the mold off the bread, at least I can afford the gasoline despite the price jump, my quilting is really a joy... and I will no doubt feel better when the home repair stuff is done and I can take a nap, whatever day I get to, and regroup yet again.

It's just that sometimes it grinds me down, the setbacks and the regroupings, it's confusing and wearying. I daresay that's one reason why it's so hard to overcome hoarding.

I think I'll be more cheerful later, and I'm not completely down in the dumps, just kinda blah at the moment.

Good Morning Everyone :)

Hi Tatoulia :)

Planning to do some inside the house cleaning today.
So dusty from the wind blowing across the dirt road out front.

TTYL ;)

LR!!!! HELLOOOOOOO! Missing you and glad to hear from you!

Cm, glad your home situation is getting sorted out--how terrible to have house repairs and the resulting tumult. Good for you to get some things done wtbstoatahe space!

Tillie I'll take a piece out of next batch of laundry from mom's for the little kitty. Good idea. I actually have a lot of her laundry here but I'll work with something recently worn. I forgot about the fire ants! But I see they have not forgotten about you.

Pain, it is so hard to be a teenaged girl and she is certainly going through more than her fair share of upset and grief. It is a long life and your bond will have times where it is tested and times where it is strengthened.

Hello Anony! I hope you have a good day!

Hello Everyone :)

HI LR!!! :D
Wonderful to hear from you.
Hoping all your farm stuff has been rewarding for you. (((HUG)))

Hi CriticalMass :)
WAY TO GO! for getting more of the storage sorted out! :D


Been doing lots of odds & ends here today.
A little laundry, rescreened a screen door, worked to stop the mean biting red ant hill from sending out all it's new queens to make even more ant hills here.
You know, just the usual kind of stuff.
Been spending a lot of time watching everything in my garden grow.


TTYS :)

Hi, LR2014 - good to hear from any we haven't in awhile.

Tatoulia, glad your mom's home and it sounds like it's going pretty well. Poor kitty, they do get distressed and they let us know about it. Cats here have had to be closed in the back room, and of course the commotion of power tools and banging noises is no fun for any of us. We'll all be discombobulated till we get back to our "normal" routines, such as they are.

The new water heater is in and the heater temporarily capped off. Gas company man came out to inspect and we passed. Our repair guy is going to do some more on the heater and also a storm door. It's chilly rainy today again after yesterday's nice sunny afternoon. I hope there's no street flooding where I need to go later.

Yesterday was payday so once the repairs were underway I went to pay bills. One was the storage rent so I went into the unit to do a little bit. Inspired by Porter I grabbed my printer so I can scan photos. Also got rid of 2 more yucky old cardboard boxes and some junky bits and pieces from here and there.

Yeah, cable isn't in our budget here either but we don't miss it. We have antenna, Roku, and Netflix. I saw there's a mobile app for Android that lets you control Roku from your mobile device. My tablet is full (I'm a hoarder of data like everything else, LOL), but my roommate downloaded it. Works better than the little Roku remote. We're just getting acquainted with all the Roku selection.

Porter, wow, what a lot of changes for you but you sound like a man with a plan. Hard to be apart from your daughter I'm sure but hopefully you'll get to see each other often enough to not drift apart. Even though the teen years and your wife's illness make it difficult for both of you, I wish you a good father daughter bond.

In the times when my living situation has been so uncertain, I had thoughts of living in an RV. But since I am female there are some added safety concerns, and I'm not sure I'm emotionally strong enough to cope with them and with the downside of life off the beaten path. But I sure wish you all the success in the world with it. It sounds like a good fit for your problem solving, self motivated personality.

Hi Tillie, Tatoulia, CM, Anonymoniker, and others I might know who are still posting! No, I didn't really fall off the face of the earth. Sorry to have been out of communication for so long. Been really busy with farm stuff for a while, for one thing.

Haven't gotten much decluttering done the past few months. My vehicle is still a mess. I'm hoping to get some work done on it tomorrow.

On the topic of cats . . . I see that a stray black cat has adopted a section of the farm as its new home. Don't know if it's someone's pet (don't think so) or if it just wandered in from the wild. Hmmm . . .

Don't have much to say, but I wanted to say something! Like . . . hi! Great to see so many people posting!

Tatoulia :)
When SO's Granma died I inherited her kitty.
The cat was heartbroken missing her so much.
I gave the kitty Granma's sweater, unwashed with her scent still on it.
The cat hugged the sweater and slept with it for about two years.
The sweater comforted and calmed her.
She adjusted quickly to living with me and was doing fine.
But she still missed best buddy,
So do I. :)

What I am suggesting is that you bring something with your Mom's scent on it when you do have to bring kitty to your house. ;)

Thank you for the kind words, Tillie. Mom's physical therapist was at the apt today and was pleased with the new lower bedframe and the other changes I'd made. I'd even attached the bed rail correctly! She was very happy.

Mom came home at 2 and I stopped by for a brief visit--her occupational therapist was there to go over how to get in and out of bed. I'd brought a cup of BF's coffee (she loves his coffee) and a piece of pound cake and a banana for her. I'd also brought the cat for a visit. I put mom in bed for a short nap and came back at dinner time. Her aide was taking her for dinner and I did a little clean up and took the cat back.

Taking the cat for a visit ended up not so great--kitty (who is normally silent other than purrs) kept yowling and pacing and sniffing once she got back to my house. YUP she was missing my mom. She carried on for an unusually long time. She'd pull it together for a few minutes then would start up again. She's been such a good girl that I didn't realize how much she's been missing her. So I won't bring the cat for another visit, I'll just work with mom to get kitty home by Sunday.

I pointed out to mom what needs to be done to make room for kitty--just one bin to go through. She was very happy about that. I know the PT and OT want me to keep cat indefinitely but I can't have my mom lonely she needs her little buddy. And now we can see how much the little one needs HER mom.

Hi :)

Hi Joan :)
I've never had cable or satellite service.
Just a big antenna on the roof and Netflix.
My Blu-ray player also plays Youtube videos on the tv, lots of movies and documentaries there.
The Blu-ray player also has a lot of music channels you can tune into.
Only thing we pay monthly for is the Netflix, 8.00.

Hi CriticalMass :)
On the bright side...
I am very grateful that you and your room mate are no longer in danger of any gas leaks. (((HUGS)))

Hi Tatoulia :)
You have been a wonderful daughter to your Mom.
You have made sure that she has a safe clean home to recuperate in ((((HUGS))))
Happy you have been resting and relaxing ;)

Hi Porter :)
I have been enjoying your thoughts about life on a boat and all the other technicalities to work out. ;D

Cats & I got up early and went outside and did lots of work.
Fun type work on my little garden oasis part of the property.
Windy and a bit chilly but not too bad.
The lilacs are loaded with flower buds, hope they don't all freeze again before they bloom, like last year.
:/

Hoping you are well Joan.

I had a knock on the door .
If was four maintenance men.
I let them and they tore the place up.
Well to my standards. They say they'll be done in a few days , but that's never accurate.
They are fixing, wiring, toilet leak, shower leak. A hole in the foundation, and finally after 4 months the interior from where the tree fell into the back room where my wife sleeps . There are working in 6 of 12 rooms. If they can get it done Great. But I suspect as that leave I get another Knock at the door from a leasing agent.

I'm doing better with the feelings of grief. When my wife said she wants to go to hospice, and my daughter with her rich aunt. Daughter is 14 and may choose whom she lives with at this age. It felt like grief .
But I'm getting on. And trying to find a positive outcome. I can think of many things worse that happen to 14 years olds , so if she's happy and cared for , then I can be glad about it. I'll miss her , as I've been the one she comes home to after school. Is why I've always worked 3rd shift. So I could better cover the her direct care. Mom works during day, dad at night.
So it will very hard for me to see her go. But if she's happy with wife's rich sister it'll be hard to find the negative in It.

So , I'm looking at both apartments. But also a sail boat. Not a new or fancy one. Just one I can tow easily that has an internal toilet and pump out. One i can stay on lake for summer. And another I can park next to an outlet in a mobile park. Or camp ground. I'm looking at 30yo range, 26ft. Something I could easily resell for the price I pay. I'm also looking at storage facilities that can house both a boat and a storage unit. Close to a lake.
My thought is for approximately $5,000 I can I can pay it off in 1 year. The second year I can rent buy a good dock slip on a lake. And put more money into a small RV type home . Instead of paying twice those amounts for rent of an apartment.
Aside from costs. I don't need lights. And heating a small boat takes only a small space heater. I already have several. Charging the tablets and phone I only need to sit out car. Cars are great In the summer because they have air-conditioning when the heat is unbearable.
I would happier being able to move around. I don't need lights. I have brass oil lamps on gimbles.

I don't know if I can do it because I would eventually try to let go of most of my hoard.
On the other hand. If it's just me myself and I.

Then a hunting and fishing life sounds great to me.
I would still work. If my sister in law wants to pay for college, sister in law lives in Bloomington Indiana. So if my daughter goes to university there she'll not have housing costs. I'm OK with that. I just put the college savings fund toward buying daughter a huge down payment on house when she graduates. Secretly I'll try to keep up on a boat and RV I can pass to her .

So my masterplan is to be happy.
But in eight years. After my daughter graduates paid for by S-I-L . I would love to give her the other things . House, car,boat,RV. Before she receives her trust fund.

My wife is leaving me zero Insurance.
I had her change the beneficiary to my daughter.
250K. Yes I could really use it.
But I could also get sued for medical bills and other things that have happened in the last five years. So what would make me happy . Is knowing my daughter will not struggle to survive like I did. I'll be fine even if you dropped me on a deserted island, or lost in jungle.
But would not be fine if I were worrying about her next decade.
Hopefully I can make the destinations I take a boat to. Places she would like to visit for vacations.

I've four people in my lifetime. Visit me on my last boat, and say it was best week of their lives.

I gave it all up when my wife became Ill. Without her,and without my daughter. I'd like to go back to where I feel I'm at home. And that's what a boat feels like to me.

Hello everyone! Good morning!


Joan, I cut the cable cord five years ago. I have roku and subscribe to Netflix and Hulu. They are each $8 a month. I have Amazon prime, which I believe is $90 a year--that gives me free shipping, access to shows including amazon's exclusive shows, and music. I enjoy all three but could easily cut down to just two services and be happy.

CM-I am so, so sorry about the set backs. The financial stress and now the worry over housemate's mother. Very difficult all around. And I know what you mean--it is a big setback. Try not to lose hope and do what you can. I am so grateful you were safe.

Tillie my dear. I can count on you to tell me to rest. Saturday was very restorative and then in the evening I worked on mom's place. Yesterday I saw brother then BF and I did some relaxing and in the evening we finished mom's apt. Very pleased. Fingers crossed she comes home today and is reasonably happy with state of apt. I need to not take it personally if she's upset. She's been in hospital for six weeks now and her protective cocoon layer of sh@t has been removed by me.

Porter, enjoy your time at the movies! Anony, how did your weekend go?

Hi,

Well, things were starting to jell, then a new crisis happened. My roommate and I smelled gas yesterday - each of us separately so we knew that was no coincidence. We called the gas company. Long story short, new water heater to be installed today and work to be done on the furnace as well. I felt so bad for her because her finances have taken several big hits and now this. Then I went out to get some supper and when I came back she had been on the phone with her sister and learned her elderly mom is in the hospital, something that could be minor or serious, they don't know yet.

I'm going to keep the faith, but these sorts of things just seem to pile on and get pretty discouraging. :( Hope you all are doing okay in your own situations. Glad as always that we're here for one another.

I'm gonna see rogue one Monday night.
I looked and it's still playing so I'll go.

Tillie, yes, Alone is on the History Channel. I think you can get it online, but I don't know exactly how.

I have the most basic cable service I can get. I need the TV every day, because of my neurological condition. I surrendered to cable back in 2014, when the cable companies got the VCR companires to rig the VCRs so they wouldn't work any more with over-the-air TV.

We need help with getting the technology to work for people. I am waiting for more developments. Some of my friends have Roku or Amazon firestick, both much more economical than cable. For now I am still subscribed to basic cable. The music channels on it are very good.

Good Morning Everyone :)

Hi CriticalMass :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! :D
Glad you enjoyed the movie. I haven't seen it yet.


Hi Tatoulia :)
Happy you took the time to nap and just relax ;)

Hi Joan :)
I would watch that show "Alone" but it must be cable tv and I only have free antenna tv.

Hi Porter :)
You have been letting go of "things"
but you have gained so much more by letting go. ;D

Cold & cloudy this morning.
Went grocery shopping last evening when the store was not very busy.
Bought stuff to make dishes with stuff I already had on hand.
Guess today I will do some cooking.
When I don't have things already cooked and in the fridge/freezer, I tend to just nibble on whatever is easiest to grab.

Going to the gym this morning before everyone gets up.
I agree Joan , they don't want day 1 losers, people that become unhinged , or to become so malnourished that they become prey. I still sign up every season. The way I see it , they put way out where no one lives ,no population, then there's a reason it's not a successful place. What I see are the successful participants have killer instincts.
Every season comes down to calories. Poor shelters make you burn more calories due to thermic loss. It can't just be structure, it must also be insulated. Or you'll be tending fire until your sleep deprived.
After 21 days the protein restrictions cause the body to cannibalize the joints, and then start into muscles and organs. Imo.
You need to enter knowing how to catch birds and fish. All along . Set traps. And fish Coral's. Create game trails . Two shelters. A hunting ground with food wastes and baits, the other is fort that's weather proof. Where smoke drives off most predators , keeps you at 72 degrees so your not burning calories to maintain .
But it's the routine that keeps the healthy emotional balance. They need 1200 calories over a 7 period . Or they will starve. So if they're routine isn't getting enough calories after 21 days. They're brains will also loss mass.
You need arrows and experience with them a game trail , bait, and the killer instinct.

No one likes eating slugs , and mice, tadpoles unless they are starving. But it's a survival challenge , no matter what's going on in your families lives if they are not able to disconnect and stay in routine they will dwell on them.

I've had my family turn their backs on me when I needed them most when I was 18 . Now 30 years later
I'll have grief ,but also resolve, because even if I win I won't get them back. If I win I'll be getting a nicer sailboat and living in Alaska in summers and Hawaii in winters. Even if I never get on that show I still aim to live on a boat.


I just don't want to hoard anymore.
I keep letting go of things.
I've been making small videos of my emotional attachments, scanning photos and adding dialogue. And as I do the objects go into a box . And I've been purging the boxes. So I'm not upset by losing the objects , but much happier with the space for relevant things to function. Friends and family coming over to help my wife seems so much more relevant than a distant past. My little videos do help feel better.

Well I'm going on and on . I hope you all have a good day.

Hi, me again. Just wanted to say I enjoyed Rogue One. The beginning seemed confusing and a bit draggy; I realize how much at home I depend on subtitles because I don't always catch the dialogue. With all the new characters and planets and goings-on I was muddled. Then they blew up something and it was off and running Star Wars and great fun.

Porter, I copy pasted the link and it worked. Your house looks nice. I like the arch doorway, my grandma's house has those. It looks very clean, light, and inviting. :)

I did actually do one small productive decluttering thing today. I sorted and neatened a bag of fabric that was sitting in the family room. I had taken some from my quilting cottons and some other types of fabric that I thought I was going to have time to make Barbie clothes with to sell. I don't have time now, so the fabric will be returned to the tubs it came from till I'm truly ready to use it.

That's about it for my day - from space opera to sewing, and now to bed.

[IMG]http://i68.tinypic.com/9qwhv6.jpg[/IMG]

I'm just seeing if posting a pick of my view from living room into my dinning room will post.

Hi everyone.

Just wwnted to say "Hi". Cannot post much because of my health issues. Things are improving, but I have to stay focused every day on just getting through.

CM, movies are surging now, making a real comeback. I used to love movies. The best ones are few and far between.

I watch a lot of TV because it is helpful to stay quiet and by myself, to minimize discomfort from my movement disorder. Last night I thought of you, Porter, as I watched the finale of the last season of "Alone". You probably wouldn't be accepted by the show unless you were very stable emotionally. It would be too much to handle. On the Patagonia series, two contestants were pulled for losing a dangerous amount of weight. One was a semi-finalist, one of the last two people left.

Tillie and Tat, love hearing aboit your cat times. I have been too unwell to have any pets for years, not even a goldfish. I visit a friend who has a cat. Her cat and I have stare-downs when I go over there.

Enjoy the coming spring, everyone.

I loved Rogue One--hope you do too CM. Truthfully I'm not a science fiction fan but Star Wars movies are something my brother enjoys so I go to all of them. I hope you have a nice time!

Wishing you a happy birthday! I generally love my birthday but this year eclipsed by mother's health. So I'll celebrate yours, CM!

Hello Tillie! Due to weather, I didn't see brother today so I took a nice afternoon nap!

Anony have a fun time tonight--so funny what Tillie said about not having too much fun!

Keep up the good work, Porter.

I'm a slug today. So nice to relax.

Hi all,

Happy April. It's my birthday month (bday on the 11th) so I'm kind of excited. I'm not the sort who always does get excited over birthdays, but sometimes I do over the ones that have a special significance. And this one does. It's my 55th, which marks my passage into official "seniorhood" - and discounts, LOL! I don't feel like a senior that much of the time. But with folks living longer, how "should" a senior feel anyway? It's like what's "normal" - a setting on the dryer!

And I'm glad to be through with March. Last few days were crazy. I still have 2 more to go till payday, and I'm pinching pennies and trying to drive on fumes. It's not that I couldn't buy any gasoline but I'm so tired of ending the month with almost no money. So I'm being tight-fisted.

The nightmares and stressful sleep, and daytime lack of focus and times of grumpy moods, have been with me off and on. It should be more on the upswing though. I'm going to go to church and go to Confession and unburden my soul! That should leave me feeling more peaceful. And next week there are some sunny days predicted, instead of mostly rainy ones. So I will have gasoline and a chance to work out at the storage unit.

Later today we're going to go see "Star Wars Rogue One" at the discount movie theater. I was disappointed in "The Force Awakens" but Rogue One is supposed to be good. It might be good for me to fly to a galaxy far, far away for a couple of hours!

Everybody have a good weekend!

Happy April :)

Hi Porter :)
Have a WONDERFUL day! (((HUGS)))

Hi Anonymoniker :)
Have fun tonight
but not too much fun ;D

Beautiful bright sunny day here.
Hoping all the sunshine will help motivate me out of this dragging, don't wanna do nothin mood.
;)

Porter,
You learned how to be functional growing up. I did not. I wasnt made to do chores, so i still cant effectively clean, or organize....im actually very envious of people who had demanding childhoods cuz it gave them a lifetime of being able to take care of things so well. Im in complete awe of that! I read your posts & it blows my mind how well you function. You are amazing! ....actually ALL OF YOU ARE AMAZING!!! :D

Porter,
You learned how to be functional growing up. I did not. I wasnt made to do chores, so i still cant effectively clean, or organize....im actually very envious of people who had demanding childhoods cuz it gave them a lifetime of being able to take care of things so well. Im in complete awe of that! I read your posts & it blows my mind how well you function. You are amazing! ....actually ALL OF YOU ARE AMAZING!!! :D

Porter, there arent many life forms more obnoxious than a 17 year old human girl!!! Its in our DNA to rebel against our parents to keep our gene pool diverse! That is science. I know it hurts, but it is actually quite normal....what id give to have my parents 'on my case' again...(sigh)
Im having my ex ex over tonight & i dont even have to clean the place or even feel embarrassed....he will laugh in an understanding way...im not sure how good that is, but it sure is a nice change!
~Happy Pagan New Year to all!~ (the early Christians made fun of the Pagans for celebrating their New Year by calling them April Fools!)
~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~

I don't I tend for this to come out the way so please forgive if it does. This little tread is a very precious place for me. So even though many things in my proximity are negative. All of you on the what are doing today thread are my rock.

I grew up as the youngest of three boys, my dad was fireman and a cement truck driver. A Fred Flintstone type of there ever was one.
So everything was about being male .
My mom had to argue for everything.

My first job was in the furniture store where my mother worked. She was top sales person, very pushy ,but very good at room decorations. Not easily intimidated and could get her customers anything even in-store credit. She was respected.

I was not. I was the backroom. Grunt. But no need to go into that. What happened was I started. Moving furniture around. The sales ladies would have me rearrange the roomlets. In favor of how the sales ladies liked it. It was interesting to me. I could clear furniture out and then put the furniture in. But it was the room accents that made a room personal. I never forgot that.
A minimalist room with only furniture is vague and boring.

But a room that has to much accessories is cluttered.
Then as emotional attachments to the clutter piles up. The room loses it functions for the furniture's intended use.

So I feel like I'm high function hoarder.
I know how it should look.
I've always pulled my emotional attachments out of the clutter . And when my wife isn't looking pull out some of the clutter. But over time I lose the battle.

Still I remember those days as a furniture grunt.
If I remove everything to reclaim the space. It won't be long before the accessories get in.
But how I choose to defend against clutter and emotional attachments will make the difference on wether I live in hoard or somewhere beautiful.


Staying home today. Playing games, listing to you tube music videos fro. The 80s and my daughter taking turns playing her music . And mixing in my wife's favorites when she's sits in with us.
Favorites on The menu. Just us three today.

Porter
She responded "whatever"
That means she HEARD you, heard what you said & meant.
At her age that is a very common way for a teen to acknowledge an adult.
It was not a grunt with a shoulder shrug, that means they are dismissing you and whatever you might have said.
A blood curdling cold stare means they heard you and resent the air you breathe.
Taking her to see the old folks was a great idea.
She may act like it didn't sink in when really it did.
For some reason teens act like they don't care but really they do.

Teenage girls are a mystery. ;D

(((HUGS)))

Well my love fest went aground.
Teenagers???
Mine told it doesn't matter what I say. She doesn't have to help if she doesn't want to. And here the icky part.
Just cause your old doesn't mean I have to help you.

I was so bothered by it. I went to this old folks home with my daughter. I mean this is where there are so many people living there that it's like stepping into another world filled with only 70 s and up. I was there by mistake. Years ago. And people ,strangers pulling to there rooms asking me to move stuff.
So I decided that's not too bad. She can handle that. I spent 3 hours today just walking through the halls with my daughter. And is was same. People complaining that is their family's don't help. I know. That was really weird right.

I told my daughter later in the car. I hope I never miss you as much as the old lady her daughter. I tried to be nice. She responded "whatever"


Tillie only you know what needs to be done and what can be done. As much as I've wanted to leave in the past . I am so grateful to be spending what little time I have left with my little family. Even if I'm at my wits end annoyed. For so long I couldn't forgive them , but can't imagine letting them go without forgiving them.

Good Morning Everyone :)

Hi Porter :)
YES! :D
Live each day with them to the fullest!
(((HUGS)))
Your daughter will need you in her life.
Maybe she won't think so now but later as she matures there will be times when she does.

Many people in my "real life" don't understand life with a hoarder.
They tell me to just clean it all up myself.
They tell me to "make" him clean it all up.
They never hear me when I say "I can't" do that.
Some call me low life white trash & worse.
They don't ever "see" the areas that I maintain.
I am all alone with this except here on the message board where I have met so many lovely people who really do understand and "hear" me.
((((((HUGS))))))

Just watched a movie called. Fault in stars.

Ugh, made me cry , made me grieve.
It was beautiful. My life isn't such a story, but I glad to have seen it. I know I need to see the therapist again. But not for the grief and and the loss , but it'll eclipse what I really need help with. Thank you again anony, tat, Tillie, critical mass, Joan. Because I'm so isolated ,I feel better after posting to my peers. In many ways better than the people I cross paths with.

Life is what we make it.
I still have today with them . So I'm going to show them love for as long as they let me.

If I had to pick only five tools for reclaiming living space.

1. Tubs because they. Because they can be stacked.
Organizing unsorted small clutter into a task stack for another day.

2. A big cart that can hold 8-10 tubs. so I can easily move stacks of tubs where the are best kept.

3. a comealong . It's like a solid rake.
This helps sweep up tiny pieces into a pile. Very quickly.
So it fits like this.
Bag up trash.
Remove big clutter
Tubs small clutter into sorted categories.
Comealong the small stuff into unsorted tub.
Grabber for what's left
Sweep or mop.

4.Grabber helps to sort papers and clutter from trash. Or trash from clutter.

5. Vehicle for transporting trash,tubs,donations, and volunteers.

Very quiet day , a lot to do, but don't feel like doing anything. It's been 27 years since I was last alone. So I'm just being quiet and enjoying the peace of us all being together.


I've started looking for another place to live.
As my wife is saying she wants to go to hospice Wether the property management let's us stay on 30 day lease or not. It's so helpless to watch my family come apart.
My daughter want to live with mom.
But my wife is too ill , so we're all a little heart broken. I guess when you love your children as much as we can . You give them everything , and just hope they continue to happy even if they go away to live with others. It hurts, but I'll keep it Inside and keep letting her know she is always loved. I choose not to live with my mom at age 17 and if hurt her. But she was abusive. And still is.
Wish I were on that alone show next season. There wouldn't be a need to come back for anything or anyone.

Hi :)

Hi Tatoulia :)
YEA! for the bed frame
but mostly because you have done a fantastic! job at Mom's (((HUGS)))

Hi CriticalMass :)
Thank you (((hugs)))
Keep giving that kitty treats and lovins when she does that and soon she will be there more often. ;)
Have you ever considered hanging up a "Dream Catcher" near your bed?
I have always had good luck with them.

That's the insidious thing about hoarding.
It slowly creeps in little by little over time and you don't really notice what's happening until it's keeping you from using your home and doing all the things you love to do.
I'm looking forward to the time when you can once again be the true domestic goddess you are. ;)

Today was a typical Spring day here.
Rain then hail followed by snow.
Winds have been raging for hours.
Never got out of the upper 30s either.
I have accomplished nothing, the cats have stayed in bed all day.
Good day overall safe & warm inside :)

Didn't realize I'd been away several days. They went by quickly because they were busy ones. I was getting my fitness time in and sitting for my elderly friend again. We are in the spring rainy season here. Glad to have the moisture but I'm going to wait on the storage unit. I can finish the spring cleaning of my bedroom here.

I'm getting ready to have another nap. Slept horribly - by that I mean my body may technically have slept but my mind was tormented by the usual bad dreams. Daytime naps are my restorative sleep. I don't need one every day, just when physically exhausted or after too many nights with nightmares.

The shyer of the two cats came in a bit ago and actually came up on my bed. I gave her a kitty treat and for awhile it looked like she might sleep with me. She has always been fascinated with my junky room! She likes to climb around on the stacks. She went over and climbed on top of a box that had a stack of clothes on it and stretched up to the TV on top of the chest of drawers. She likes TVs. Mine wasn't on, but last night and other times she gets up by the living room TV and bats at the screen.

Tatoulia, so glad things are working out for your mom. I of course cast my vote in favor of pets for seniors!

Porter, I like your methodical decluttering descriptions. I have similar attack plans, though perhaps a bit piecemeal now but I intend to implement ever more efficient strategies as I go along. Glad your inspection came out and best wishes for future resolutions. Hoping you won't have to be apart from your wife.

Tillie, sorry his junk is such a problem. I hope and pray for better times, helpers, and any other needs to be met. Same for Anonymoniker, what a relief to get the plumbing resolved.

The thing about housekeeping - I am so there. I feel like I got to the point with the hoarding where I hadn't realized how it had crowded out the simple pleasures of running a home. I'm a pretty domestic gal, and I miss being able to cook and bake and other basic homemaking things the way I used to. Even cleaning may someday be enjoyable when I no longer need to move clutter to do it! Looking forward to that time.

Good morning everyone!

Porter forgive me I meant to tell you how pleased I was that your inspection went so well. Sometimes I forget what I was going to say and Tillie's post just reminded me!

Good morning--I'm working hard doing work and then back to mom's tonight. Should be my last night going there. Bed frame just arrived.

Good Morning :)

Hi Anonymoniker :)
YEA!!! WTG!!!! for Stepson fixing the hot water line!!!
Going without really makes us appreciate it when we get it back. :D
Unfortunately, there is no kind of little get togethers in town.
Unless I were interested in 4H, quilting bees, birthing baby lambs & goats, etc.
Rural area with a nearby tiny rural town.
LOL :D
Plus I need to do whatever I can manage to clear up on the property now because if he dies I will have to start working on cleaning up all his hoarded stuff, and there is a LOT.

Hi Porter :)
Congratulations for making the property managements job to nit-pick impossible! :D
Fingers are still crossed that you all get to remain where you are now. (((HUGS)))

Hi Tatoulia :)
Wonderful job you have done at your Mom's (((HUGS)))
So, what time is dinner?
And I'll bring the dessert ;D

Rain and hail this morning :D
Have no plans for today.
Maybe I'll make some potato salad?

TTYL :)

Great to hear from you, Anony! Yay for hot water & help from a family member! Porter, great advice on cleaning.

Mom's house is in great shape. The cleaning lady will vacuum under bed tomorrow and then I have one closet left to organize. The new bedframe comes tomorrow and I'll set that up. I don't know what I've written since I'm so jumbled but mom's bed is too high and they want me to lower it. Her bed is a beautiful antique but she'll have to do without in the short term. Her house is almost perfect right now. Very little left for me to do.

Porter, we don't have any mice problems at mom's house--she's a clutterer and a touch of a hoarder (so much yarn, fabric and other stuff) but she has cleaning lady once a week, her laundry and sheets are also done once a week, and her meals are generally eaten in the dining room (she lives in assisted living and has her own efficiency apartment with own bathroom). I wish I could make the argument that the cat is there for mice! Her physical therapist doesn't want the cat there due to tripping hazards and other physical reasons. I've promised mom that once she's settled in, the cat will come back. I will also bring kitty over for visits as she is a very good companion. Tillie, Her cleaning lady has been taking care of the litter box for years now, so it's never soiled or unusable. We've been lucky that way. My mother is very kind and very sweet so she generally is treated very well.

Anony I hear you on the soothing properties of pets. My mom's cat is very good company for my mother and the two of them are generally sitting together. Very cute. The cat has definitely improved her quality of life these last ten years.

My house is not as clean as I would like it, but I can definitely have a dinner party at mom's if anyone wants to join me!

I would think having a cat would around would keep mice from gaining a foot hold. For your moms house.
When I clear an area, for family, as much as don't like too. I pick an area to make much worse, but I pick another area that is easiest to clear . This way I can generate some trust and confidence.

When I cleared my nephew's house. I knew I could count on him someday to help return the favor.

It also helped me develop some clearing and reclaiming skills . That when I finally pushed to completion. I was Confident in making things happen.

Today the property management showed up at. They were hard nosed . The house is so clean the only thing they had against me was the 30 day notice.

I won't sign a lease . It's weird they were really looking for something to claim to invalidate the condition of the house. But ;0 I've been on it!
Just about an hour or two a day.

Anony
I thought about how does it apply to hoarders like myself. If I'm constantly focused on only the next move instead of the overall management.

Make a path.
Grab as trash as is easy and big.
Make room for tubs,boxes,or bags
Get a cart
Load the cart with sorted stuff.
Lable what is unsorted.
Sort into categories.
Papers and photos.
Donations
Trash
Keep for storage
Keep in the room
Keep for other rooms
Belongs to someone.

I personally have work in a clockwise motion from the door of a room all the way around.

Wether I'm purging or just saving everything unsorted for another day.
My goal is to remove everything.
Clean the floors and walls
As I bring back furniture I clean the furniture.
As I bring back clutter clean the clutter.

Resort the remaining cutter.

But if I dont do the overall . Clockwise motion. I tend to unstack and restack clutter from one pile to next and rarely reclaim space.

I find reclaiming. A single room to the point of being reset. More liberating than reducing the hoard. So I judge my success 1 room at time .

After going through it only a few times . I realize I have spent almost as much time maintaining as unstacking and restacking.

My property management , is going to determine Wether my wife goes to her mother's ,and her and I will live in separate homes. I'm sad.

Hello, all!
Porter, thats an excellent observation about short term survival overriding creativity & other aspects of our being in life. I think that is rampant in society these days. ~☆~
CM, Slam Dunk The Junk is hilarious!!! ha ha I also dont get sports, but i get the hoarder reference!!! :D
Tatoulia, i bet your place is ready to throw a dinner party in?! Seriously! :D And your Mom's cat would absolutely be of great comfort to her & immeasurable help to her overall health! ...not to mention the cat, your cat & you! We all understand the deep benefits of pets, but many recent studies are now proving many amazing health benefits to having pets! =^-^=
Tillie, you do so much work. Maybe consider taking up something new? Like some kind of get together in town, or ??? ~♡~ Also, i remember an amazing little island we found on my boat up the Sacramento Delta! Someone had planted all these exotic banana trees & palm trees, etc. It was incredible! We were there for the Harmonic Convergence in the mid-late 80s! :D
Well, i ended up seeing my stepson's Dad for a bit, by chance & it was quite interesting. We talked through some important old issues. It was especially odd being in his house cuz it looks sooo much like mine, only worse! It is the same style of 'decor'...ha ha In many ways it made me want to improve mine more, but the odd thing is, i could bring him here & not be embarrassed!!! HA!!! Im not sure where things will lead, but it did help me to break that hung up bond on my recent ex...Venus is retrograde alright...ha ha
Also, my stepson fixed my hot water hose! YEA!!! I couldnt get either plumber to even call me back! It is sooo helpful to do dishes & laundry, not to mention showers, with hot water! Such simple things are sooo greatly appreciated! ~♡~

Hello, all!
Porter, thats an excellent observation about short term survival overriding creativity & other aspects of our being in life. I think that is rampant in society these days. ~☆~
CM, Slam Dunk The Junk is hilarious!!! ha ha I also dont get sports, but i get the hoarder reference!!! :D
Tatoulia, i bet your place is ready to throw a dinner party in?! Seriously! :D And your Mom's cat would absolutely be of great comfort to her & immeasurable help to her overall health! ...not to mention the cat, your cat & you! We all understand the deep benefits of pets, but many recent studies are now proving many amazing health benefits to having pets! =^-^=
Tillie, you do so much work. Maybe consider taking up something new? Like some kind of get together in town, or ??? ~♡~ Also, i remember an amazing little island we found on my boat up the Sacramento Delta! Someone had planted all these exotic banana trees & palm trees, etc. It was incredible! We were there for the Harmonic Convergence in the mid-late 80s! :D
Well, i ended up seeing my stepson's Dad for a bit, by chance & it was quite interesting. We talked through some important old issues. It was especially odd being in his house cuz it looks sooo much like mine, only worse! It is the same style of 'decor'...ha ha In many ways it made me want to improve mine more, but the odd thing is, i could bring him here & not be embarrassed!!! HA!!! Im not sure where things will lead, but it did help me to break that hung up bond on my recent ex...Venus is retrograde alright...ha ha
Also, my stepson fixed my hot water hose! YEA!!! I couldnt get either plumber to even call me back! It is sooo helpful to do dishes & laundry, not to mention showers, with hot water! Such simple things are sooo greatly appreciated! ~♡~

Tillie just thinking about the tiny hummingbird families makes me smile! I also am envious of being able to hang laundry. Please watch out for your back! It is a terrible shame that you don't have help or support at home. Wish I were there to help you.

Heading up to mom's soon--just for a quick stop in.

Ttyl!

Good Morning Everyone :)

Hi Porter :)
WAY TO GO! with continuing to reduce the amounts in the tubs! :D
Little by little it will get done.
There is a whole society of people living on their boats.
I got to meet many of them while I was living in my bus on the island.
Very interesting people with amazing tales of the places they have been.

Hi Tatoulia :)
WAY TO GO! with all you have done to get your Mom Back into her home safely.
I do believe the reason they don't want her cat there is because they think nobody will be keeping the litter box clean and the cat will just go everywhere and generally make the whole house a nasty mess.
Some people are VERY anti cat people and believe cats are terrible pets.
But her cat would be a great comfort and companion for her.
And we both know that cats are not naturally filthy creatures.
Good luck with cleaning out under the bed. ;)

Going out to hang laundry on the line soon as I am done posting.
Then want to spend some time cleaning up outside.
Really wish he would help, the work hurts my back.
Plus, it's a mess he has created through negligence.
The birds are nesting so I can't do much more pruning until Autumn.
Soon the Humming birds will be here raising their tiny families. :D
Maybe this year I can hang out humming bird feeders without them always being covered with wasps?

I have no idea what "ugh this" was supposed to say in adt my night's posting.

Her apartment is looking good. I brought home mom's laundry last night so I can do it here. I will take her dryckeanung out today.

I have to clean out under the bed tonight. That will be a chore.

So I don't know if I mentioned this Tillie, but they want me to keep mom's cat. I know they mean permanently but I pretend to misunderstand and say the cat can stay here while mom acclimates to being home and being in wheelchair. Mom is being cooperative with everything--except the cat. I told her I'll bring the cat by for visits. Trust me, everyone wants the cat to go home! (She's great company/just don't like the occasional outbursts between the two cats).

Tillie, what is up for today? I hope you still feel better. Porter, where do you find the strength and time in the day?

I'm back at mom's, now working on aesthetics. Physical therapist came by today--I was not here, and was very happy with all the clearing I'd done. She said I did a very good job of it but it still looks like my mother's place. Now I'm working on some other rearranging and organizing. Cold rainy. Ugh this. I love nights like this.

Hello Tillie and Porter.

.I'm glad you have a cleaning Lady.
That's very helpful , especially when yours caring for someone it helps to have friends. Wether they are volunteers or paid. I begged my wife for two years to get help , from a cleaning service sponsored by visiting nurse services.

I find myself waiting to her Show, and while waiting I try to get the rooms she doesn't clean cleaned. And after she leaves I focus on the living room .

I'm still struggling with laundry , but I've made the chore down to 1HR. I have to be present while it agitating, empty , rinse and spins. Or it'll just keep going forever.
We're having cash flow issues ,and I'm just going to keep on doing it this way.
It sort of forces me to clean . I mean since I'm stuck with the task in 6 ten minute intervals.
I go off and clean little single tasks.
Micro wave, waste baskets rinsed. A drawer. Just little things.

I'm considering bringing her hoard back. 1 tub at a time. And as the washer starts deal with her stuff at small steps everyday. I estimate it's possible to help her go through each tub . 1 a day until we move. And some don't need moved from storage at all.

So I'm on a very good path. Not full purge to minimalist, but a full sorting of the hoard.


If I may just think out loud.

After my wife passes it will be my daughter and I .
After my daughter goes to away to college.

I want to buy a boat and live on a boat instead of paying rent. With my survival skills I believe I may enjoy the solitude and the adventures of sailing along the pacific coasts.
I don't want to make god laugh at my plans . But if I get the chance I'll bounce. With social media connectivity what it is . The solitude won't be as bad as complete isolation.
.
I'm considering a long term strategy for long term storage. Because I know someday I'll want or need to stay grounded . So I'm very much desiring the boat retirement as a real way of life.

HELLO :)

Got a good night's sleep and woke up in a much better mood today :D
Cats & I went out and did some tree pruning this morning.
Just now 12 noon here and I am having lunch and deciding what I want to do now.
Cats are all taking naps, watching me tired them out. ;)
Clear sunny skies but a bit chilly.
Rain predicted for Thursday. Fingers crossed we get some.

So, what are you all up to today? :D

Good Evening Everyone :)

Hi Porter :)
WAY TO GO! with your kitchen & laundry schedule.
What a great way to get out all the garbage out for trash day.
It is very different doing housework instead of dealing with clutter.
Once you get a regular schedule/method working even if you don't do something one day you can pick it up the next time.
One problem many people have is trying for perfection, which is really unrealistic.
Decide what standard/level is "good enough" and strive to maintain it. ;)

Hi Tatoulia :)
WOW!!!!
You sure have been working hard! (((HUGS)))
With a wheelchair we will worry less about her falling.
So happy you had some help from the cleaning lady.
You have been doing a GREAT job getting the place ready, WTG!!!
;)

Woke up in a very bad mood this morning.
Even yelled at the cats. :(
It really bugs me that I do everything around here and he just sits there all weekend.
Except when he goes off to the thrift shops and yard sales and dumpster diving and brings home more unneeded useless stuff.

Anyways, I am sorta kinda back to normal again.
Trying to be positive and looking at what's right and turning a blind eye to what's not.

P.S the cats have forgiven me. :)

Hello everyone.

I ended up having to take a half day from work in order to start in on mom's place. I made four large bags of trash, took two large bags to good will and have two bags for drycleaner and one for laundry. I moved furniture and got rid of hampers and got rid of random dishes and Tupperware tops and the like. I threw out cake pans and other stuff. I combined boxes, moved stuff, cleaned under chairs, etc. very hard all around. I felt alone so I emailed a friend overseas and she called me to talk me through it. That was very helpful.

I'll have to do a few more hours tomorrow night. The cleaning lady helped me for a little while and told me to just pile up the trash and she'll take it from there.

Good work today, Pain! You get so much done in a day. It's really amazing.

Hellooo Tillie, CM, Anony, Joan, et al. Would love even a quick drive by.

Kitchen day for me.
Trash day tomorrow so I'm in the kitchen first then I go into each room and take out all trash.
I prompt everyone to take out their own trash.
But I stay in the kitchen. Until it is all done.
Since the washer is manual I do two loads of laundry multi tasked while in the kitchen.
And took over Monday as my day to cook. In the kitchen. So I spend about 4hours in the kitchen on mondays. Buy when I walk out . It's clean place that invites the Tuesday person in . .

The second laundry load is the kitchen towels and other cleaning linens . I'm trying to adjust to how things work and flow. Because I'm no longer just stacking and restacking my hoard and calling it cleaning. I'm actually cleaning and I'm not used to it. I struggle with the feelings like its clean enough and just want to sit somewhere.
But I'm trying this. Routine flow
Kitchen
Trash dinning room
Bathrooms
Floors living room
Bed rooms
Hoard
yard