Grace my heart goes out to you.
A hoarder's thinking processes are different. Your husband is compelled to hold on to those things that you see as trash. Somehow those things feel safer than a relationship with a human being.
I'm not sure how to advise you in getting past the hurt. As a recovering hoarder I can't rationally explain the need for stuff at the expense of people's feelings.
Maybe come over to the Daily Chat and start a thread about feeling discarded. Some other posters may have some ideas.