So happy I found this site today. I am 43 and am ready to admit I am a hoarder. I hate to even admit that much but I am so overwhelmed that I just want to run away and never look back.
I don't even know where to start and I have no one I can turn to because my family is extremely judgmental and I already have enough problems with them.
I have the normal daddy issues of the day (meaning my dad took off when I was 9 and only calls now when he needs something). He left my mother with 6 children. Then my mom married his best friend (who also had 6 children that I had grown up with and never liked). They had one more child together. I spent all of my time cooking, cleaning, and caring for everyone, because when I was 14, my mom broke her leg in a serious accident and was bed ridden for a year. There was a 1 yr old and a 3 yr old siblings that had to be cared for and my stepdad was drunk most of the time. We all lived in the same house for a while. I spent my teenage and young adult years drinking and sleeping around. I had my daughter when I was 26, and quit the drinking then. I didn't quit smoking until she was 8 and since then have continued to gain a lot of weight. I have gained about 100 extra pounds. I work a full time job at a family business and so the only people I see on a daily basis are brothers, uncles, cousins. I live in a small community surrounded by all of these people in a pretty rural area (15 miles from the nearest town).
I am so exhausted from dealing with family everyday and I come home and see my disgusting house and I just ignore it instead. I hate myself and am so depressed. I moved to a new house and it got as bad as the first (which I still haven't cleaned out yet). I am drowning and feel like I'm dragging my poor daughter down with me.
I won't let anyone in my house, it's too full of garbage. I don't know how I became this person. Sometimes I just want to burn the house down and start new somewhere else where no one knows me.