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Hoarding Help Message Boards : Welcome to the new board! : I'm ready but spouse is not
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I'm ready but spouse is not

Cory Chalmers
Posted: 20 August 2012 - 04:24 PM
You can make a lot of progress by yourself. You said a lot of the stuff is yours, so just start with your stuff so he has no say in it anyway. I think the dust may be an issues, but he also can use it as an excuse not to clean. Don't let him. You are right, you deserve better and only you can make that happen. Stay on here for support and we will halp guide you. Tomorrow sounds like a good day so please keep us updated!
Posted: 20 August 2012 - 04:19 PM
YEA! for tomorrow! :D

I really understand about him going through all the trash.
My hoarder did that and removed all the pickle jars and plastic stuff and filled up half the yard with all that stuff. :(

Here on this messageboard is a place called "The Daily Chat".
There we can talk about decluttering and cleaning issues or just talk about anything under the sun.
This way you will never feel so all alone again.

You can post about your daily progress there and we can cheer you on. :)
Posted: 20 August 2012 - 04:09 PM

Thank you so very much for your kind reply and encouragement.

Tomorrow is garbage day. As long as I can bag up some trash after DH goes to work and get it out of here before the truck comes. Otherwise he always wants to go through everything in the garbage/recycling.

Okay, tomorrow morning I begin.

Yes, I will continue to post. Already I don't feel so alone :)

Posted: 20 August 2012 - 03:50 PM
Hi Sherry :)

Since I live with a hoarder I had to take drastic measures to save my sanity.
I decluttered and cleaned the common areas of the house, bathroom, livingroom, dining area and made these "No Clutter Zones"
I bagged & boxed up all his stuff and put it in his bedroom, garage and carport.
He had a fit but I stood my ground.
I told him that "I live here too!"
Every day I make sure to keep these areas clear of clutter and after several years now, he has quit trying to reclutter them.
Can you do your one room there? When he is away so as not to bother his dust phobia.
It would really help with your peace of mind to have one room where you could relax in comfort.
Slowly start by gathering up one bag of trash or clutter at a time and moving it out of there.

One thing that helped my hoarder to see himself was my playing episodes of "HOARDERS" on Netflix on the big screen TV. He has done a lot of decluttering since then.

Good luck & best wishes.
Please keep posting here :)
Sincerely, Tillie
Posted: 20 August 2012 - 02:01 PM
My spouse and I are both hoarders. I suffer from chronic health problems since an accident and don't have the stamina I once had to stay on top of things here at home. I spend my days in front of a computer as that's the only chair to sit upon in the house. 12 years ago the house was clean. Now there are trails. Every time I manage to clean out an area DH fills it up with his important papers, posters, stuff to be recycled. I have a large hoard of arts/craft supplies, clothing, and an entire storage unit filled with my household belongings that DH didn't have room for when I moved in with him 15 years ago.

The house smells. No one can come in. DH refuses to let anyone help us clean. He insists everything must be taken outside carefully in small amounts and dust blown off before sorting. Dust incapacitates him. He tells me the doors must be open when cleaning so the dust will go outside. Cleaning can only be done on very nice days. I'm more concerned about the nasty mold in too many places.

My tiny grandson offered to clean my house when he saw the inside. My heart is breaking and I feel very isolated. I want to get started cleaning out at least the computer/craft room where I spend my days.

I've spent a lot of time in therapy dealing with the issues that led me to this point in my life. I'm worth having a clean home and one that our family can visit. DH is not there yet and refuses to talk to anyone, even me, about it. He's still at the very defensive stage. He also is gone a good amount of time. Doesn't come home after work. Volunteers at several venues and would rather work on the yard when he is home.

I know I need to start but I'm so afraid that when I do I'll be met with all the same old obstacles that my DH continues to hang onto. They twist me up and leave me feeling worthless and guilty as if this is my fault for being physically broken.

I really need help. Please...

Or am I just finding excuses?

I can't do this much longer.
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