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Hoarding Help Message Boards : Welcome to the new board! : I desperately need help..
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I desperately need help..

Posted: 13 October 2012 - 06:12 PM
I feel you. I am in a similar situation, but alone with my parent. Have strength, your post helped me
Thank you
Posted: 03 September 2012 - 02:02 PM
Check with your church to see if they have counseling services. Some churches have church groups where people can discuss their problems. They also get together for social events as a group. They may even be willing to help you with the decluttering. If your church does't have this, check with other churches. Even if you don't go to church, this might be an option for your. They will not turn you away.
Posted: 10 July 2012 - 11:12 PM
its cory chalmers not chambers ...sorry
Posted: 10 July 2012 - 10:37 PM
i would get into contact with cory chambers on here maybe he can give you suggestions and point you in the right direction to help you get your father help....... alot of hoarders get sentimental attachment to their clutter witch makes them hard to let go of things so they can become stressed and angry and offensive if someone trys to take that from them...
Posted: 06 July 2012 - 12:00 AM
This will be long, but please anyone who's reading, I am desperate for help!

My father has always been a hoarder. He fails to see that what he's doing is wrong and is very sensitive about the topic of his things. I'm new to this, so please bare with me if I don't use the right terms while I try to explain my situation.

I think my dad means well when he buys all of his junk. In his head, he will need this someday or this will be very good to have. He's like an impulse buyer. One time I wanted to go out to buy sesame oil for some cooking and he said we had some already. And when he got it for me, it came from the bathroom and it was a HUGE 2L bottle of sesame oil (unopened). And when I asked why he got it he said "I was thinking of rinsing my mouth with it to clean it out cause I heard it's good once in awhile." Obviously, at the time he thought "Yeah this will be good!" and then just forgot all about it.

He loves to go to pawn shops/thrift stores and just load up on just about anything. He'll buy mugs, lamps, speakers, desks, and we won't need a single one of them. Anything that's CHEAP or on sale, he will buy. It's like he CREATES a reason in his head to buy it.

Now I'll talk about our home. We have 3 rooms upstairs and we each have one for ourselves. My dads room, next to mine is FULL of junk. And it kept building and building. It got so bad, my dad bought tools and equipment to build a shelf for his bed. Picture a bunk bed but with just the top part. And that's where he would sleep, with his face inches away from the ceiling. Why? So that he could store more things UNDERNEATH.

After my mom and I went on a little trip, we came back and the kitchen was FILLED with rocks, plants, and little knick-knacks. I wanted to cry. Not only that, he had filled his bedroom up full of things and has moved to the basement to sleep. So now, he has his room downstairs and the basement itself is filling up. There's bags and boxes of things everywhere (since our move) and even a gigantic SINK that he says he will install, but honestly it was probably cheap at the thrift store so he got it for no reason.

Don't even get me started on when we moved in. My mom and I just had our rooms and then the kitchen to pack away. HIS THINGS took 3 DAYS to pack away. They took up a whole moving van AND he had to leave some things behind because it wouldn't fit. He says he'll come back for them someday. And the scary thing is, if he did, it would take up ANOTHER whole moving van. When we were unpacking, it was so depressing having to help him haul his junk into the garage. Yay we got a nice big double garage at this new house! Yeah right. What good is a double garage when you can barely fit one vehicle inside?

After awhile, we got a new car and so we had to make room for it in the garage. So we moved a bunch of his things outside into the backyard where they still lay to this day. So to conclude: my father's things have taken up 1 bedroom, the whole basement, the kitchen, the garage, and the backyard.

Now here's the difficult thing. I've read some stories about other people's hoarding situations and I'm not sure if they're just leaving this part out or not, but my dad gets very, VERY angry when we even TALK about his things. I hear hoarders can be stubborn or they just don't care. But my dad has some serious anger issues. It's like his things are all children to him. Honestly speaking, if someone pointed a gun and said it was either me or his things, I would break a sweat cause I wouldn't know which he loved more.

He gets FURIOUS if my mom and I ever throw away his things. I know, it's no the best approach but it was driving my mom into depression. He claims that he is just looking out for us and he's not a baby who doesn't know how to control what to buy or not. But he's clearly BLIND to the problem. I only just found out that this was called "hoarding" and that it was a legitimate mental illness. Before, I just thought my dad was the only person who lived like this and that my mom and I were hopeless.

So please, what can I do for my mom? I'm worried about her well-being and she's been working so hard all of her life for me. To see her suffer is what makes me suffer and I just wish my dad would change. It's gotten to the point where I ask my mom to file for a divorce. What kind of child would encourage a divorce? I feel terrible for saying that. I feel even worse when I just wish my dad would leave and let my mom and I live alone.

He's my dad and I care about him. But he's unreasonable and will scream at the top of his lungs if I were ever to touch his things. How am I supposed to deal with this? How am I supposed to stop this? Where can I find help? Does help even exist? Will he ever change? I honestly feel so lost. I feel so small when it comes to this because it feels like I'm trying to cure cancer or something. In my heart, I just feel helpless because I don't think he'll ever change. And my mom will have to live like this for the rest of her life.

To anyone reading, thank you so much for sticking through. Any suggestions or support will be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.
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