my condolences and sympathy go out to you and your family for the loss of a great man your father.. your father would want you to keep pushing yourself to get things done and im glad your keeping that alive. i hope things start looking up on your end . thanks for the advice .. we are soon to be moving to a 3 bedroom house im happy yet worried since it is a fresh start and hoping i wont fall back into my hoarding habits in the new place .. plus now i got less than a month or so to pack and get the old place back into shape.. god this is going to be overwhelming but it must be done,, wish me luck,,

Somehow you must find a way to enjoy the people around you (hoard or no hoard) before they are gone. People do die, and quicker than you think. Don't brood on impending death, but what you take for granted today (your health, their health, plenty of time...) may change in a flash. We buried my father yesterday.

While I am working on my hoard yet, I am in the process of throwing many things away and giving things away. He was helping to support me and I will have to move. Putting things off until tomorrow doesn't work so well. Telling Dad "I'm trying to clean" means nothing now". Time is not eternal. You will be called to task, in one way or another. I'm sorry if this sounds depressing, I have just learned a very harsh lesson and mean to better myself from it.

catherine im am sorry to hear about your father being sick .. i lost my godson/nephew just a few months ago and now i see my parents getting up their in age and it scares me that i will lose them someday and it scares me . those kind of things stick with you and make you feel sad and empty inside and then you start to fall back in old habits ..at least me anyways i havent had much progress..but i do try and get a few things done as my fiancee is sick of my hoarding and how the apt looks ..im surprised he hasnt walked out on me yet.. but i hope you keep striving to do things.. ...i just cant seem to win this war of the hoard :(

The "online support group" is starting now.
5:00pm pacific time Sundays.
Just click on the red "online support group" box directly to the right and join us.
All are welcome. Hoarders and others who have a hoarder in their lives. :D

I am not a hoarder but I live with a hoarder.
We have been together 30 years, the last 20 he has hoarded.

Inprisioned,

Yes the message boards are for Hoarders. But people who are married to Hoarders, or are related to Hoarders, or are friends with Hoarders can also get on and ask questions too and get support from others too. So you can go ahead and ask any questions you have on these message boards. I am not a hoarder but I have a friend who is one.:)

IS this help for people married to hoarders?

Yeah I know what you mean. I never should have mentioned that I was raped. I should have just said "issues" like I did in my other conversation when I mentioned that I was going to start therapy soon. Sorry if I scared anyone off. :(

May May,

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who has difficulties socially when a major event happens that should bring people together.

But please remember this is a hoarding board, not a Psych board. Some of the things DO fall hand in hand, (do we hoard to isolate people, or does the hoarding isolate people?) we need to be careful how much we talk on here about our specific Psych issues.

I don't want to scare anyone off because of them. Know what I mean?

Catherine

Catherine, I am kind of the same way when it comes to people too. Normally after a tragedy or a trauma I don't like to be around people or talk about what happened either. I was like that right after I was in my car accident and also right after I was raped. I didn't want to be around people and I also suffered from PTSD and started having some social anxiety. I still do have a little bit of social anxiety from it and I'm not as outgoing as I used to be. I also started cutting myself right after it happened because it made me feel better.

May May, thank you for your thoughts. It is difficult as a hoarder who has spent much of her time avoiding people and relationships and family. I have been very successful at turning everyone away (except my children) during this time of grief. It seems natural. I can clean my house, but some habits are really hard to break and somewhat shameful to try to repair.

Hey Catherine. I'm so sorry to hear about your father.:(

Thanks for asking, progress has stopped, my father is very sick and we are pulling the proverbial plug on him today. Housekeeping is not on the menu.

But I still have no dirty dishes in the bedroom, and make my bed every day. Guess that's something.

Yes, thank you Cory and Catheirne for your support and advice. It feels good when someone encourages you. Shanon I know how you feel when you don't want to tackle the problem. Like Catherine I work hard when I'm energetic and take breaks. The days I can't go through one more box I do something to reward myself for the work I did get done. I know eventually I will get it all done and I will have the house I want to have, but it's frustrating that it's taking so much longer then it should. I too have delt with unemployment and think that is one of the main reasons I was unable to let go of thing, in case I needed them. I too have had panic attacks while letting go of things, but once I've gotten rid of them, I seldom miss them. Sometimes I do get rid of something and then I miss it. But then I look at how much better the room looks and how I can find things faster, and it is worth it. (But I still miss it!)

thanks cory and catherine for the advice.. catherine im hoping your progress is going good as you havent posted in awhile ..im trying to keep pushing myself till i get into a schedule of sorts to stick to that wont overwhelm me.. i hope all is well with you hope to here from you soon,,

Shannon,
You CAN do this alone. First, and I like to remind people of this...the more painful and difficult it is, the more you will remember it when you start thinking of acquiring again. Second, work within your strenghts and limitations. You must set smaller time limits on your cleaning. It is extremely important to stop working while you are still in a good mood. Why is this important? Ask yourself why you can't fin the motivation to clean after you spend several hours doing it. It is because it is a negative experience. None of us like to do things that are negative. However, if you stop while it is still a positive experience, your brain will remember that and you will be much more motivated to start again the next time. Remember also that most of the difficulties people have with hoarding are more obstacles in their own mind, not the actual physical aspect. Learn to control the anxiety, fear, and frustration, and you can make more progress. PLEASE remember to see progress as progress not matter how small. Don't clean a small area, then get overwhelmed by how much is left to do. Each day, or few days if you can make a small dent, it will all start to add up, I promise. We walk by taking one step at a time to eventually get where we are heading, and this is no different. One step at a time, and eventually you will get there! If more is going out then coming in, the math will add up to eventually having a clutter free home...keep it up and thanks Catherine for all the support you are giving while tackling your own clutter. You are awesome for helping to motivate others :)

Oh, Shannon, my cleaning is all about starts and stops. I do something, then reward myself with a break. I eat and play on the computer and think about what easy thing I could do next. Perhaps it would't be so hard to take the recycle bucket around, fill it, and set it outside for the trashman to pick up. I have a garbage can around me at all times, that way if I see something, finish something, or decide no matter how much I diet I will NEVER fit into a size eight jeans again, I throw it away.

Don't think I'm doing so great, I"m focusing on the positives. My kitchen: all the dishes are dirty. We are doing science experiments in the fridge, right next to the food we eat. My son's room smells like cat pee. The living room is stacked with storage bins and milk crates I didn't know where else to put. Although the bathroom SINK is clean, I have not scraped the kitty litter off the floor (hey, I change the dang box once a week) nor have i cleaned the outside of the toilet in years (I live with 3 men. Think they could hit the INSIDE??? Heh.)

My windows have never been cleaned, my ceiling fans trail dust. I can't find the vacuum cleaner and my boyfriend doesn't see the big deal. Pffft.

Right now I'm unemployed. Boyfriend, Unemployment, and Parents give me money to live. I do as little spending as possible.
I would /should have a rummage sale, but ACK, I just need the stuff OUT.

There's a saying. Motivation doesn't last. Neither does lunch. We recommend doing it often.

Don't beat yourself about the times you are NOT doing anything. Take a GOOD look at what you ARE doing, what you HAVE done, and work to maintain those areas. Then stretch them just a bit. Inches even. Please let me know how the motivating motivation thing goes, your story helps me.

i wish my will was as strong as yours to stay motivated ive been seriously lacking of wanting to do anything,, but my mind keeps telling me to do it but i just ignore it and keep putting it off...ggrrrr otherwise i have a day when im full of energy and i start for a few hours and then i stop and it sits for weeks ...ugh i dont know how to keep the motivation going, any suggestions i guess i need a good boost...

Well, another stellar day. Two panic attacks and five bags of garbage out the door. Found some baby photos that I forgot about and didn't find any bugs or small mammals living in the corners of the house. Didn't even see any droppings.

So the question - is it even possible to clean the house by yourself? The answer for me is yes. It takes a lot of time. A lot of starts and stops. I have to remember to eat or I get dizzy and growly.

After eight hours today, I've had quite enough. Although I will probably do something to maintain, I plan on sitting on my bottom for the rest of the day. I'm so glad I don't have the TV crews and all the helpers here, not sure I could go at their pace.

I am hoping that having a clean house will help both my depression and my anxiety. Hmph. Cleaning the house, CBT, medications, endless self analysis, it all gets tiring. But my dogs love me.

Betty,

AWESOME work. You should be proud of yourself. I haven't gotten to the point where I can recycle, I've thrown away a lot of clothing that is stained or doesn't fit anymore (me or the kids), candles, photo frames, kids school work, old bills, even books. I went in a whirlwind.

So far I've managed to keep my bedroom clean. I'm now working on laundry. I dry it on the line outside. I took hangers out there, it's much easier to get things that hang hung up out there. I have been putting the clothing away within hours of bringing them in, rather than adding them to the pile, digging through the pile, having the pile fall over and get full of dog hair and get walked on ... and having to rewash.

I still have my "bad" days where I don't do a damn thing. But now I feel bad if I leave food items in my bedroom (I'm still doing everything sitting on my bed) and have managed to maintain my bedroom. I never thought I could.

I'm so glad you wrote Betty, it helps me keep on keepin' on, even on the bad days.

Catherine

I used to clean my kids room first and they would mess it up within days. I did that because it was easier for me to clean out their stuff them mine. Now I am going through my stuff first and making the very hard decisions I have been avoiding. My family room is completely decluttered, escept for the magazines I take in there to go through. So I have now started working on my kitchen. Over the last 2 weeks I have gone through piles of papers and stuff on my counters and desk. I was so happy when I found this forum as it is nice to hear of others' progress. It encourages me to continue. I cannot talk about this with anyone I know personally so it is nice to be able to "talk" to someone with the same problem. As soon as I decide to get rid of something I put it in a box and inmediately put the full box in my car so I don't change my mind and keep it. As soon as I have a few boxes I run down and donate them so I am not tempted to return anything back to the house. I have made a lot of progress but this week am very stressed as school will be starting in a few weeks and I did not accomplish half of what I intended. I too watch Hoarders for inspiration!!

catherine that is awesome news!!! :) your will is strong to keep going and motivating yourself too do more and more and progress is starting to show kudos to you i am very proud of you:)keep up the great attitude and work it may take time but youll get their. just remember only buy necessites that you need and keep the clutter out its a good motto..lol keep us updated as i love reading on how your progress goes it keeps me motivated thank you .

Ok, cleaning the house, emptying the house is exhausting work. I have been at it for 4 hours now, have taken out 5 bags of trash (yes, trash day is tomorrow and it will GO), have 3 boxes of books to sell, 1 grocery bag of stuff to give back to my parents, dusted my book shelves, and found shoes hiding in the bottom of my closet. It's taking me weeks to get through my bedroom. How utterly intimidating. EXCEPT I am very pleased with my progress, I have been able to maintain the progress (I make my bed every morning etc) and I feel more comfortable in this room.

BUT it's time for a sprite and a game of solitaire on the computer.

:-)

My parents were neat freaks and made me throw away toys I loved. The talked me into making a great sacrifice and giving them to kids who don't have toys.

I think that's where my hoarding begins, not having a choice about what goes and stays. Even if my room was neat, they still took things away. I'm not say ing you do that with yoru kids, just be careful.

*hugs* hang in there, it's a long road.

Catherine

catherine your things learned today has some pretty good tips in it which i will use ... i just got motivated to rearrange my daughters room they have so much junk i make them go thru it and toss what they cant use and donate what they dont want anymore ,, sometimes i think my bad habits are rubbing off on my kids one is a toy hoarder i swear and the oldest has a million knicknacks and junk she will never use ... i clean their room constantly im just tired of cleaning it and not a day later its trashed its like why bother,,lol ugh frustrating to see progress go out the door.. i havent even finished the other 4 room yet..just frustrated with my kids not being motivated to help clean exspecially their own messes.. but alas i will not give in i will keep throwing ,donating and keep trying not to shop as long as i can .. im glad your making so much progress catherine !! :) it may not seem like much but it will definately lighten the load off your shoulders keep it up your doing great..

Congratulations Catherine, welcome to my world too - i discovered enuf cat hair to sculpt a cat under my sofa of 40 yrs. Now that my beloved pet at 19 has moved on, i found the wicker couch i always said i would have. Should have seen me in the process of clearing room and switching out that ole leather and vinyl for beautiful classic wicker - by myself! who i'm a let in? I'm 5'2, talk about comical! Anyway, what you think is one pile, has more all day levels than you can think about... so i just don't focus on the time, i keep moving, my goal is at least 1 hr a day on progress, yeah right, went out watering plants in my garden and sweeping off the porch, hello?? how about the kitchen??! oh, that's the kitchen talking, ah well, tomorrow ...

Things I have learned today in cleaning out 30 square feet of house today.

Dog and cat hair is everywhere. Sweep, vacuum, brush.


Starting with the mess in the FAR corner of the room creates its own problems. You then have to drag stuff OVER the precarious piles and get dust and dog fur over the sorted piles.

A garden rake can be your friend. A shovel may be your friend if you are careful of the wooden floors. At worst, use a really big dustpan.

Never fill an entire 55 gallon drum trash bag with paper and books (unless you have some good soul to come move it for you).

Forget about the recycle pile. Forget about the donate pile. Those are services able to be performed by responsible citizens. You are not YET a responsible citizen.

Sorting through baby photos will not only make you cry and possibly sap the remaining energy for the day, it will EAT up time that could be used doing something else. Put them in a pile (neatly in a sturdy box on a shelf) for later.

Every cardboard box, basket, bin, Tupperware continer, trash can HAS pet fur in it. If you are storing anything in it without a liner, take it outside and shake it out.

It is cheaper (time -wise) to buy new socks than the six or seven times you'd have to run them through the wash to rid them of pet hair.

One shoelace? Really? Perhaps Bear Grylls would consider this a real find, but until I'm willing to repel down a cliff with it, or eat grubs for dinner, it's getting thrown out.

10 hours is enough for today. relaxing with my son now.

Ok,I can explain the door reference.
I decided to tackle the space between my bed and the wall.
HOWEVER, this is the farthest possible point from my bedroom door.


As a hoarder, I have piles of things decorating the lovely meandering path to the bed. It is quite difficult to drag full 55 gallon bags over those piles to successfully get TO the door. It is more like obstacle course training.

So now that i have found the floor in the appointed space, I am going to work on the chair next to the door, it is overflowing with a combination of clothing that is clean, dirty, some fits me, some doesn't. Not quite sure what I'll find in there.

Thanks for the encouragement Cory.

Catherine and others, if you can make our Sunday night support group it really helps. If you can't try posting your goals for this week on this page and we will check in with you on your progress. Often times, a little accountability to someone else goes a long way! Keep up the good work and remember, the closer to the door, the better (nobody else will get that) :)

Thanks Tillie.
The best part of cleaning, is finding the stuff I want buried under all this crap. I'm putting stuff away, and when that overflows, I rethink how much I need, toss some, or find a different home. I'm not just setting boxes of books next to the bookcases anymore. I've been working all day and I"m tired.

Sleep well
Catherine

:D
Sounds like you are doing a GREAT job!
Defend those cleared areas. ;)
As much as I hate doing house cleaning my only reward is that I get to live with a clean bathroom, clean floors, clean kitchen, etc. and I deserve to have them. You do too! :)
Keep up the daily decluttering and eventually you will begin to see the wonderful progress you are making, one step at a time. :D

i have adopted the motto, no more items in the house (excluding essential food, etc)

each day i get rid of and take items to charity/thrift shop.

i am decluttering not to make other people happy but myself!

after i have reached my set target of at least 5 items, i am very pleased with myself, because i know i have made it better and not worse! and i know i would love it all to be done in one day but that is unrealistic!

it took me a lifetime to accumalate all of this stuff, its not going to go away overnight!

good luck, be chilled and enjoy the declutter xxx

thanks shannon. keep up the good work.

hi catherine im tryn to tackle things myself i try to do a little bit each day ..i have been battling depression as well ive always been sad inside since i was little ..so im a feel good shopper i love dollar stores and thrift stores it makes me feel like a million bucks buying new things i dont really need ,, but im tryn to change for myself and my kids ..i hate coming home to a messy cluttered house and being broke from buying useless items to feel good ,,, keep up the good work catherine your doing great pushing yourself to get daily chores done even thought you dont see the progress it is their and you will eventually see an improvement just keep the motivation alive ..

Posting my goals for the week so I don't forget:

do the dishes (which includes putting them away) and clear one counter entirely. I guess i'll have to wash the counter too once it is clear ;-)

make an appointment with the Psych people my new insurance covers.

actually go to the appointment at the Workforce Development Office on Thursday ... have an appointment with the Dep't of Vocational Rehabilitation and a counselor who helps handicapped people find jobs they can succeed at. My depression has been bad enough it is considered a handicap.

That's enough for the week. Not big goals, but attainable. I may do more, but that'll be a bonus.

Thanks for the support from my Sunday friends, the people who gather for the Online chat. That really helps. Gives me accountability and encouragement.

I'll check in as I complete tasks - just to keep myself accountable.

Catherine

Catherine,
Still loving your enthusiasm and new found zest for life. Show yourself and everyone what is possible. I know you can do it. 30 years or 30 days, change is possible and you control your destiny. You can make your life happy or you can make it miserable. Cut the anchor that has kept you down all these years and continue down this road to a new life. We all believe in you and love how hard you are working. Your progress is not only told by you, but we can feel it in your energy. So proud of you for tackling this head on and finally realizing you come first, and you are WORTH more than you have ever given yourself credit for. Keep up the incredible transformation of your home and yourself :)

Cory