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Hoarding Help Message Boards : Welcome to the new board! : Break up or stay
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Break up or stay

Posted: 20 November 2021 - 02:21 PM
This might sound cold, but if you don't have kids together I'd personally leave. It is no fun and very difficult to deal with hoarding in a partner. It drives a wedge. I am a lower level hoarder and husband is a high level hoarder. I am working on mine and decluttering but he will not budge on his and keeps filling up my cleared space with more stuff. If we did not have kids I would have left and am sure I would be much happier and more mentally healthy. Good luck.
Posted: 26 October 2021 - 08:19 PM
Hi Jan,

You don't say how old you are. If you are 30 - run!

If you are in your 60's , are you content to never combine houses and spend time with friends or travel on your own including him only when he wants to come along?

A lot of your decisions are going to depend on what you want out of life and can reasonably expect.

I'm not sure about letting him drive your car also.

(FYI, I'm in my 50s and am the hoarder in my relationship.)
Posted: 26 October 2021 - 05:53 PM
I'm aware that my boyfriend of 12 years has a hoarding issue. Everything to him has value so can't be discarded. Recycling cans, bottles, etc is part of it because he collects them until you no longer can get in a room. If it does get cleaned out it only returns to a mess again. The real issue for me is I would like to be together more and spend time traveling a bit or with friends. I've decided I will not go to his place anymore because he doesn't have a shower, no hot water and now the water is undrinkable. When it rains, there is rain coming in everywhere. Pans and buckets sitting out to collect rain water. Stove moved away from wall to keep it from getting wet. The electricity to the house is sparatic (off, on, off, on). I know the rafters are rotted. He absolutely won't fix the roof but says, "I'm taking care of it". It's been 12 years he's "been taking care of it". He has upwards of 30 vehicles rusting because they "all work" but he's now driving my car because his 30 vehicles need "maintenance". He has a huge shed and several smaller sheds that are completely full to the top of stuff he keeps collecting for purposes like putting a new roof on but, 1). He can't get to it or find it to use it or 2). It's so old, bowed, rotted and/or out of date that he can't use it. His excuse is he can't find a roofer to work with him. So many excuses and he's always "working on it". He won't except help. Problem is he is super nice and kind to me and I love him. I don't see anything changing and I feel stuck and missing out on life. I don't want to be selfish and leave because I want a better life and I don't want to hurt him but at what point do I realize that I am being co-dependent and maybe should try for a better life.
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