Hello Stephanie :)

You are certainly not alone.
People have been blaming me for his hoarding here.
Telling me I should just clean it up, toss out all his stuff, forbid him to bring home more, make him clean it up...
He is a grown adult male who makes his own decisions.
But yet people think I can do anything to stop him from hoarding.

WAY TO GO! for you and your sister cleaning one room! :D

Bet it's fun having your own apartment now.
Doing things your own way there.

When people start blaming you and getting angry please don't listen to them.
Tell them to either help or be quiet. Walk away if necessary.
Do not take to heart whatever they have to say.

Have you read "Digging Out"?
It is a very helpful book on the subject of helping a hoarder.

Seems that your Mom and Sister are on your side and know and appreciate all you do.
So just listen to them and ignore all the mean angry talkers.

Good Luck and best wishes.

My mom has been a hoarder since I was about 10. She recently had a stroke and I am finding that I am absorbing the blame for her actions. I've been told By family that I should have taken her money away from her, that I should have physically forced her to get mental and physical help. These same people do nothing to help with her day to day care or with helping to clean up. My sister and I have made a start by cleaning one room, and that was like pulling teeth.

I think people feel bad putting the blame on her now because she's sick and I have become the abuse proxy. I work a stressful job (Nurse) and I have my own health problems. I simply can't take this anymore..everywhere I turn there is blame and anger directed at me and no help.

I am almost 50 and only now am I starting to break free. I recently got my own apartment and am being vilified for that. Surprisingly, my mom doesn't think it right that I'm being blamed either and she supports my move to a new place. I am not abandoning her..even with her hoarding problem, she is still a good person. But, I can't go on doing this. I feel like if I do, I am going to have a nervous breakdown. I feel so alone.