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Hoarding Help Message Boards : Welcome to the new board! : Hoarder father
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Hoarder father

Posted: 26 December 2018 - 09:07 PM
Hi Scott

How is your Father's physical and mental health?
If he's doing OK then I suppose you should tell him but if he's not then I suggest putting it off.

Is he happy in the retirement community and does he have all the things there that he wants and is not missing things he left in the house?

Having three deaths so close together would definitely exacerbate a hoarding disorder.
But if he has dealt with his grief, he may be over needing to hoard so much.

Was there anything in the house that you know to be sentimental to him?
Did you keep anything from the house?
That might help him to accept the clean out.

Has he accepted the fact that he would not be returning to the house?
He may be at peace with leaving it all behind.

A very good book to read when we have a hoarder in our lives is
"Digging Out".
One thing I learned from the book was that we are allowed to minimize hazards.
The house sitting there unoccupied was a hazard.
You did the right thing cleaning it out.

You may want to talk to a family counselor and ask them to help you and your sister talk to your father.

Good luck and best wishes

Sincerely, Tillie
Posted: 26 December 2018 - 08:02 PM
So I have a long story to tell but I will try to shorten it to get advice on how to approach a situation needing to be addressed.

My father is a horrible hoarder. When my mom and grandparents (his parents) all passed away within 6 months of each other approx 5 years ago, my dad became devastated. His hoarding became much worse. He could take care of himself. Water heater broke and spray water for a month before I finally noticed a ton of water in the driveway and went inside to find the garage full of mildew.

Around 2 months later my father had a 90% blockage in his heart. My sister and I decided to move him into a retirement community. The house sat vacant for around a year with all the things in it.

About 4 weeks ago, the house was broken into by vagrants. Some items were stolen but the majority remained intact. Sister and I had no choice but to clean out the house so that they would not return. We knew if our dad was involved he would have slowed down the process. To today, he still does not know what happened.

We must tell him the whole story but are both afraid of his reaction. Any advice would help.
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