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Hoarding Help Message Boards : Welcome to the new board! : What do I do NOW?
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What do I do NOW?

Posted: 21 May 2019 - 10:50 AM
Hi Ellen

Something that I have done to get some of my cast-offs out is to bag/box them up and take them away when he is not around to see.
Since they are my things it's alright for me to do this.

One thing I have learned is I must choose my battles very carefully.
I can't fight to have everything done.
I choose the one most important decluttering area and work to get him to address just that one thing.

Right now it's the driveway he has recently piled up with lots of random stuff.
So much so that it is hard to park the car and impossible to get out of the car or carry in groceries.
I will keep on him to get all that stuff moved out of the driveway.
He will get angry and he will drag his feet but I will be persistent.
Maybe I will win?
Posted: 21 May 2019 - 01:44 AM
Thank you for your reply Tillie, I've done the same with kitty litter!

Thanks for the book title suggestions, might read online, so he cant hoard it!
Posted: 20 May 2019 - 10:27 PM
Hi Ellen

I live with a major hoarder.
I am not a hoarder and he gets upset seeing me toss out/donate anything of mine.
He will add all my cast-offs to his ever growing hoard if I'm not careful.
I tried dumping used kitty litter on top of the household garbage to try to discourage him from rummaging through it and taking out things.
It did not work.

Some good books for you to read are
"Digging Out" and "Buried In Treasures".
They can give you some insight to the hoarding mindset and ways to try to get him to declutter.

Good luck and best wishes
Posted: 20 May 2019 - 09:13 PM
Hi, I always thought that being a hoarder meant you bought/collected things and couldnt throw them away just in case they are needed sometime.
I have a room that is full of 'stuff' and needed to clean it out because my elderly mum needs to live with us. Thing is I am trying to get rid of 'The stuff' but my partner of 23 years wont let me throw anything away, because I spent my hard earned money on it and its too good to throw away. (we are talking about stuff like craft magazines etc that are over 10 years old) Whilst clearing it out, he started yelling at me that I had too much stuff and that I was hoarder and that I needed help.

Thing is, he is the hoarder, he wont throw out newspapers, plastic bags, containers etc because we may need them one day. He has thousands of videos, DVD's game console games that are in his shed and our home. We are supposed to be renovating our bathroom, but the tiles to be used are stacked n the lounge room, you cant get to the sofa because of them

How an I get him to see that we need to get rid of this stuff as soon as possible, give it away, have a garage sale etc
Posted: 29 May 2018 - 09:25 PM
Hello :)

People who hoard CAN change.
They just have to really want to.

From what you have written sounds to me like you need to "downsize" your expenses.
That would mean also having to downsize your house and all your possessions.

Also sounds like all the things you have purchased to make you feel better aren't doing what they're supposed to do, make you feel better.

Have you read the book "Buried In Treasures"?
There is also "Hoard No More" advertised on the left side of this message board.

If you would like you can join us in "The Daily Chat" thread here.
There we work together, give emotional support and suggest ways to dig out and clean up our homes.
We are a friendly group and I promise that none of us bite. ;D
Sad Girl
Posted: 29 May 2018 - 01:33 PM
I met a guy, bought a house with him that was only 2 yrs old in a nice development 18 yrs ago, everything was 50/50 split. Seeing I was a single parent with 2 children (fathers not in picture, were abusive to me or my child) and always wanted a house, I went for it. Worst mistake. I then lost my job of 25 yrs, my mother went into a nursing home with dementia, my joined the military and my reformed alcoholic BF started with the verbal abuse. "I'm no good, no one likes me, even my son doesn't like me (who has become estranged from me b/c I didn't make it on the show), he wishes me dead, etc. I guess feeling unloved, unwanted, I bought things to make me feel better. My feel better is now stacked up to the ceilings. SO now I either buy him out and try and clean this place on my own (b/c seriously, who can afford hiring someone) and hope that the home doesn't have structural damage or someone turns me in. Or do I walk away from it all?? (U know hoarders don't have the mindset to do that!) I just hate renting and don't know where my life is going. I'm not too sure I like/trust people anymore when they used to call me smiling. I do talk a lot, been diagnosed with ADHD and OCD recently but there is NO ONE is the area to help. And man, IDK if I can make it on my own. Oh and my Dad passed last year but I couldn't take time to grieve. So I lost my job recently. But I will admit I did mess up with all the work stress on top of the home stress. NOW what do I do? I have a few distant friends that have made it alone but they don't hoard or are financially set. I just don't know what to do? It is so hard to get rid of stuff when you've paid money for it. Ugh, anyone want fabric from the 90s? I read articles and they say HOARDERS will never be "fixed." I want to prove them wrong but it is so hard working alone. I feel like I am losing a battle like my Mom.
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