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Hi Caitlin,
You just got started by coming here. Congratulations! I came here about a month ago and read all the posts. It is so helpful to know there are others who have the same feelings and troubles you do. It's good to read online articles and books about hoarding too.
How many people live in your home? Is the rest of the house pretty clean? Is anyone there kind enough to talk to about help? For instance if you told your Mom you really wanted to make an effort to start cleaning your room would she agree that some things belong in other places, like the dvd's?
It sounds like your family members don't respect you very much and that makes life even more painful and difficult. Realize that you ARE worthy of respect no matter what your life is like right now. But right now the respect may have to come from only you.
Try to remove things from your room that are pure trash. Put them in a trash bag and in the trash can. You'll feel better, no one else will have to deal with it and it gets some action going. Some people have trouble deciding what is pure trash. Like used paper plates, soda cups, empty snack bags. If that's what happens to you is there a friend or family member who can guide you thru it?
It's my opinion that when a person is starting to clean, churning (I have always called it shuffling) is not such a bad thing. It takes a lot of time but in the process of going thru a pile if you can put some items together, like all papers in a box, all personal grooming items together, dirty clothes in a bag then you have a little more control and can go back to it later. While doing that if you handle anything that you can easily let go for trash or donation do it.
Some people start out with boxes that are labeled ~ keep, discard, donate, think about. That's too many decisions for me at one time but I like the organization of grouping like items, hence my shuffling method. Each hoarder will find a method that works best for him/her if the time is available. Some people need to move at a faster pace if there are outside pressures.
Do you have the time to commit to some action every day? Even 5 minutes and then a break may be the way to start. The first level for me is fairly easy ~ pure trash ~ but as I get deeper into things and need to make emotional decisions that takes a lot of energy out of me. My breaks are to go on the computer and read something encouraging. www.positivityblog.com and zenhabits.net are 2 good ones.
I also keep a list on my computer of daily maintenance areas and project work (the hoard) and keep track of every single minute I spend working. All those things add to my self-respect and self-esteem. The days that I just can't deal I at least try not to make things worse by going out buying something. And I tell myself it's ok, every day, sometimes every hour, every five minutes can be a fresh start.
I love the tangibles that trigger memories too. Most hoarders do. My brother took pictures of what he loved before giving it to someone who could use it and would appreciate it. Maybe you could make a memory box. Get colored index cards and write a few notes about the item and why it was meaningful to you. Then let it go to donation with the thought that it will definitely be used and loved and provide memories for another person. I'm very low tech so I do things old school. :)
You mentioned depression and anxiety. Have you been treated for that? Depending on the severity you may need talk therapy and meds. That's been a problem for me for decades. I'm 61. If you can't do therapy or meds for whatever reason try to do the basics of healthy living. Try to eat healthy, not so much junk, walk and get fresh air, try to keep a regular sleep schedule, find one thing that gives you pleasure and do that. Find another person who needs a little help and do something for them. The other day an old woman was sitting on a bench in Walmart, trying to bend over to tie her shoe. I said, "Let me do that for you." So simple but I felt good and it gave me a little boost of energy.
Most of all remember Caitlin that you are a person capable of loving yourself and you deserve that love. Even if the people in your life right now aren't the best, you still can be. Hoarding, depression and other disorders are lifelong problems. You have recognized that you need help at a young age. You have courage and strength and the desire to better yourself and that is exactly what it takes. Take things one day at a time. Keep coming back here and all the best to you.
Dianne :)
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