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Ok Hannah I'll try again :)
I'm new here and still trying to figure what font works for me to read so please excuse if it looks weird.
I really admire you for recognizing a problem and addressing it so early. Just that alone indicates that you will get a handle on this before it gets extreme. I'm 61 and have experienced how long-term hoarding can ruin lives. So again you're young, you are right on top of this. Take heart.
I know how important things from childhood can be. My mom gave away most of our stuff because there was no room to keep it. I have two dolls from my childhood. When I had kids I saved everything. I have their umbilical cord stumps and little notebooks of how long I breastfed on each side and what color and texture the poops in their diapers were. I just wanted to make sure I was being a good mom and keeping track of everything.
My young aunt had a bedful of stuffed animals. Because I shared a bedroom with 2 of my brothers there wasn't room for me to have that many. Now I have thousands. We could only have 2 pairs of shoes so now I have hundreds.
I know what you mean about an object being magical and neat. I have lots of those. And they truly are very special.
Of course looking back I would do so many things differently. So if you were the young me here's what I would say ~~
Take care of your health. Eat healthy food, drink a lot of water and get some fresh air every day. That seems so basic but boy is it true. Decades of not taking care of my body has taken its toll. Try to keep a basic routine. Good sleep is vital and too much doing whatever you want can set you up for a lifetime of sleep problems. Having a simple foundation in your daily life can give you a helpful security when the really hard stuff hits ~ death, loss of a job, etc.
The knowledge that you can take care of your basic needs can help you feel strong. So maybe you don't need as much stuff surrounding you for protection.
Try very hard not to buy anything but what you can use and dispose of, like food or toilet paper. I don't even go in stores anymore because there will always be something cool that I have to have. If I really have that itchy feeling that I have to buy something (it does calm me down) I try to make it tiny like a bottle of nail polish in the grocery store that will lift my spirits. I know being young that will be so much harder for you. You do still need clothes and stuff I don't. Try to only take cash with you. Never a credit card.
The other thing is money. I have blown hundreds of thousands of dollars. Having that money now sure would have made me feel more secure as I get older. So maybe switch up the obsession to seeing how much you can save. I have a ceramic jar and everytime I have a strong urge to buy a particular thing and resist I take the cash I would have used and put it in the jar. I never use change. I use bills and put the change in a big plastic pretzel jar. Every so often I take it all to the bank and put it in a savings account. That's a hoard worth saving.
If you can develop the discipline for not overbuying for yourself now it will be easier when you have to buy later like for kids or a home.
To handle the emotional side of this read about hoarding and read a website called zenhabits. You're young enough to really benefit from small changes. Sometimes I figure damn I'll be dead long before I could change all the stuff I want to about myself. Had I started young it would have been so much easier. So again Hannah, you are so smart to do this now. You'll be great!
This website is exactly what I needed too. As my life deteriorated I cut off all friendships and most family members. I have always enjoyed solitude but the need to be understood is strong. This feels like a safe place to be.
I started reading almost every post and the stuff I found to be helpful I copied and pasted to a document I'm keeping in Word in my computer. A women named Catherine had some great tips and I just love how she is plugging along and can laugh about it too. A lady named Tillie is good to read too. I need lots of daily encouragement. I keep a folder of my insights and favorite quotes and read some first thing every morning and in bed at night.
Don't add anymore animals to your household. Two cats is just right. I have always taken in animals and although I love each one dearly the destruction and expense has been something I would not repeat. I currently have 9 cats and 8 dogs. I have been holding fast to refusing to take more in. They are all healthy and kept updated on vet checks and vacs but even with a huge discount the upkeep is crazy expensive. What helps me from taking anymore is my commitment to care for each one til they die. As I see death closer for me I don't want to leave any furbabies without their home.
To address what you have now ~~
Again you have youthful strength and time on your side. That plus your awareness are HUGE helps! I have always needed to purge on my own. The pressure of having someone else there is overwhelming. To help make a decision think about how fortunate you are to have such control over your life. YOU get to decide what is important to you and how you can help someone else with your extras. Get one little area clear and clean and fresh. It doesn't even have to look that way in somebody else's opinion, just if it pleases you.
Look at that area (it could even be a beautifully organized drawer) and say damn, that feels good! And I did it! Each day make one little project, the one that causes the least stress and spend 5 minutes on it. I have some obsessive fun with a little timepiece. The watchband broke but of course I kept the watch part :) Every single minute I work I keep track of and see if I can beat my time from the day before. Since I have all the unused stickers from when I used to motivate my kids I give myself a gold star or a cute puppy in a spiral notebook. Or I get a little reward by playing a round of bookworm on the computer. I need to constantly tell myself what a good job I'm doing.
I've been in and out of therapy for decades and on meds for depression. The most important thing I learned is that I am the only one who can make the change. Again seems pretty basic. You can go for talk and meds if you're clinically depressed and that helps but when things begin to pick up the only way to move forward is to be ready to make the needed changes. Then you figure what support works best for you ~ face-to-face or online friends, a healthy routine, reading good books, spending quiet time with your kitties, a simple reward system.
The other major thing I learned is that it is absolutely fine to have setbacks. Things get better, things get worse and they will get better again. At one point when I was laying in bed for weeks afraid that if I got out I'd kill myself no one in the world could have convinced me that life would get better. It does. Now if I need to stay under the covers for a day I don't beat myself up. I say hey I didn't spend any money today. I got some rest my mind and heart and soul needed. And I know things will turn around again. Google Desiderata. It's a good way to look at and deal with life.
SO long-winded!!! Remember Hannah, you are young, you are smart, you will get and stay on top of this!
God bless ~~ Dianne
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