Thanks Tillie and Subclinical for posting. I am glad I found this site.

Hi CF,

I'm one of the hoarders. I have a very patient husband of 27 years. The hoarding has been getting better (mostly, with backsliding) for the last ten years. It's a long process. I think for about the last two dh has been able to see the difference. Before that the progress was so slow and so focused on areas he had pretty much stopped going into that he couldn't really see it.

Hoarders need to be the ones making the decisions and unfortunately, they also need to be the ones wanting change. Most of us need a ton of positive feedback too, which can be exhausting and frustrating for the non hoarder (I'm supposed to be happy you tossed out the bottle cap?) which is what makes this board so valuable to me.

In "what are you doing today", Along with my goals and progress, I sometimes talk about the things he does that help me (and the things that frustrate me) so maybe that could be useful to you.

Hi :)

A great book to read is "Digging Out".
It was written for people like us.
It's also good to read the links at the top of this page, especially "HELP FOR FAMILIES".

The most active thread on this message board is "The Daily Chat".
Meeting and talking to the lovely people who tend to hoard and following their journey to declutter is one of the best ways to really understand.
Come post with us there. :)

Also wondering what I can avoid doing/saying that is the most hurtful, as the non-collector of this broken-down relationship.I am hoping to hear what I need to understand about what it is like to be him, but also need to protect my healthy boundaries. Any advice to a newbie on how the over-collector needs to be treated/respected/heard?

Tillie, thanks for your reply. Zones is a good idea, might give that a shot. I have wondered about asking for a sq footage that my rent gets me. I have to be very careful because I raise show rabbits and if I push too hard he could throw us all out on our ears, you might imagine how hard it is to find another place to rent that will accept us all.

HI :)

I know too well what you are going through because I too live with a hoarder.
Because of my health and financial situation I am unable to move out so I started to fight back to gain some space here.
It has been a very long rough road and it's not over with yet.
But I made zones, places where he can no longer clutter.
Wishing you the best of luck with whatever path you choose to take. ;D

Every time I look at the long scar on my leg I am reminded that my roommate is sick and needs help. Finally I told him that I had searched for my last object hidden in all his stuff, tripped over my last discarded thing of his left in a walkway, witnessed him focus on my very limited amount of belongings as the problem, gave up and rented a storage unit and told him I was moving out. It is bad enough living on top of all of his things, but I am forced to live on top of my own items because there is literally no where else to put them besides in the tub in my bathroom and the space where I need to walk to get into my bed. He can't see any of this and continues to choose his stuff over our relationship. Looking for support for myself, hoping to find it here.