Hi,

I picked my name because Of how I'm struggling with a lot of issues besides hoarding, but they all tend to be related.

I've actually made really good progress on the hoarding, to the point where people who didn't see things when they were really bad dismiss my confession of being a hoarder. Even some of the people who did see the really bad parts will say "oh, you weren't really a hoarder" - because there wasn't mold or dog poop or anything and you could always walk through the main areas of my house safely, even if you did often have to move a pile of books to eat or sit.

My oldest child confidently supports the designation however having lived through and been traumatized by the worst years.

She and dh also tell me I have OCD. I don't think I have OCD. I mean, I have OCD behaviors, like not stepping on cracks and washing my hands a lot, and lately scratching, but I really don't think it's clinical.

I also exhibit a significant number of aspergers traits. Again, there is a debate among those who know me as to wether I "qualify" for the diagnosis with the most saying no, but a couple of yes and a lot of "I could see that." I teach and I definitely relate best to the students on the high functioning end of the autistic spectrum.

And I've always struggled with SAD, Although the way I react to light levels it can look like manic depression. I try to deal with that with light exercise, and diet, and my success varies.

Lately things have been hard even on the good days. In the last year my oldest married and moved out for good, my son - the child I'm closest to moved out of state, and the bulletin board of moms who have been my source of support for the last 16 years finished it's slow transition to shallow Facebook accounts and was deleted.

I'm an introvert and have very few real life friends. I work part time. Too much people time exhausts me, but I need support and reinforcement. Sometimes I feel like the freezer case in the grocery store that only lights up when someone walks by. I've stopped making progress on the house because I feel like no one cares. I try to face the areas I still need to work on, and it just reinforces the depression. I'm still moving forward in baby steps and no one is impressed anymore. When I turn to my family for support, they make me feel like an 8y.o. Who still wants people to clap because she used the toilet.

I'm wondering if I could jump into the daily thread here and get some positive reinforcement?