Having been married for the third time around. I was trying not to be a nag. I didn't want to argue or pick a fight and have been advised from the very beginning "to choose your battles". It's been sixteen years and I have basically been shutting the world out. I'm embarrassed by the way my home looks and smells. The first few years I tried to keep the house clean and clear of clutter but my husband doesn't see anything wrong with it. He loves dogs but doesn't keep them bathed. He likes nice things but doesn't keep them neat. He loves his yard but doesn't keep it weeded or trimmed. I've lived with trying to do it all for a while, than not doing it at all. then going on tang eons to reclaim my space only to repeat the cycle over again. I've thrown out the dining room table because I couldn't keep it clear of clutter. I've filled up a dumpster only replace the with cluttered again. I cleared out spots to claim for my sanity only to lose the spot I claimed. I'm slowly suffocating. I don't feel I can beat this. I don't know how to manage living with all this stuff. I don't feel like cleaning anymore. Sure could use more than advice. I could use a new beginning.

Hi Linda:)

I too live with a man who has lots & lots of stuff.
Please do read "Digging Out", it was written for people like us.
What I did was clear out the living spaces and now they are "normal" with only the things that belong in these rooms in them.
It took a long time and I must defend them daily to keep him from just dropping things in these empty spaces.
The rest of the property, huge garage, 3 car carport and his bedroom are over stuffed but at least now I can function in the house.
Come visit us in "What Are You Doing Today?"
Where we talk about however our days are going.

Best wishes :)

Ive been married for 35 yrs to a wonderful man. His only real problem for me is the ADHD and OCD.I never really thought of this as mental illness. its was just his quirk. when we met, he had a tractor trailer full of stuff his previous spouse wouldn't let him have at home, I presume. it was never spoken of.
over the years, i have been the one to clean up after him. every place we ever lived was filled. when we lived in an apartment, he had 2 storage units. now our basement is full, parts of the house are full, a 30x50ft barn is full, the whole side yard, areas where i use to have my kennel business. yes, he filled up my dog kennels.we have lost house insurance 2x because of the clutter.but he doesn't see it and I didn't know how to stop it. I didn't fight with him because I didn't want to fight in front of our daughter. well, she is grown and out n her own now. so im working on myself, working on reclaiming my space. its extremely hard.
just started reading "Digging Out" and "Buried in Treasures" . So Im just reaching out. My therapist found this web site for me.
thanks
Linda