Hi Steve. Im sorry sorry youre being pulled into all of this scary, difficult stuff. Id love to have someone care that much about me right now, even if they were angry at me....i had a very detailed & frightening dream about a very real danger that impedes my progress with my place. There are many similarities to your story. When i told my boyfriend i was gonna stay home for a bit till i felt stronger, he broke up with me. He even has a new girlfriend already. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but at least you have a family.....

hi steve.
sounds like the best thing for the two of them to seperate and part ways. I rememberfeeling like i couldnt go home again. after my parents seperated and tries to harm eachother in front of me. if it werent for my brother and I . one of them qould of perishes. that was a prozac morbid thoughts moment. The aftermath was unforgetable.

ive been around mental health for a small of time, i can not give advice, but can speak from my own experience. anytime someone talks about death. look into their meds. find out if they are on right dosage and if they are seeing a therapist. someone that may be able to adjust or change their meds.

I've learned to embrace thoughts of postive outcomes.

my mother is a hoarder. my wife is a hoarder. my daughter is becoming a hoarder. i cannot deny that im a hoarder. i have only been able to get it all cleaned up four times in my life. i adopted the idea that a little mess is ok . but a large mess is unacceptable.

I had to help my mother move. She wouldn't let go of enough. I learned a personal hatred that a hoarder can use to keep things. The emotional rollercoaster of them unable exact change and being in the middle of what they feel against what they need. I hated having to move her out. A week later my father moved me out as well. Was 18. I was on the street with nothing. Nothing.
That was 30 years ago.it feels like yesterday. I felt like there was no home to back to. They be are different people met other people and lived on.
Over the years they call on me to help. I can go through stuff with their emotional attachments.
I demand that when I help.I allowed to be alone. That I can remove it all , 1 room at a time. Without them present. I always save sentimental things. But I just eliminate the entire contents of a room . Clean it. And only put back in furniture.
Then I let go.

I'm reaching out to you. I hope you're having a professional to talk to.

Thanks Tillie.

I did have another dream last night, but it was very short. Just a postcard image really. I saw the front of our house, with a few things put out in front for someone to pick up. Nobody was in the dream. That was it, just the postcard image.

Ironically I did have other intense dreams last night. I have no idea where they came from. I dreamt I visited an old high school friend I haven't seen in about 20 years, and then I dreamt about a B-17 World War II bomber that was flying into the neighborhood. My background is teaching history and I have toured and even flown on B-17's so it was possible for me to dream this, but a bit surprising.

Some days ago I had a dream where there were seven large t levisions in one room in the house. I imagine after today there is a good chance I will have 2-3 dreams this week.

I now have some kind of PTSD over this. The shock of seeing my childhood home destroyed by the hoard has been enough to affect my own mental health.

That's why I want so much for hoarders to read this. I repeat again, I don't hate hoarders. I don't even hate the hoarder ex of my brother's who brought in more than two truckloads of stuff into MY house without either of them informing me or getting my permission (not to mention three pit bulls that nearly killed our dog). I worried to death when I thought he'd killed her. I didn't want her dead. I just wanted her happy, alive, and getting treated for her own problems, and yes out of the house because it couldn't take another hoarder.

But I want other hoarders to read this because, due to the condition, you aren't always aware of how much what you do hurts and pains your family. It can literally drive them mentally sick.

I didn't have PTSD before this. Now I do. Who do I thank for this wonderful gift (sarcasm)? Now I dream all the time about a hoarded house. Really, thanks, just what I always wanted.

Sorry, but I am facing the most terrifying thing today and I just want to get the trauma over and done with.

I am so sorry Steve :(

I understand ((((HUGS))))

Ok, first off I've had a nightmare past week or two. I dealt with the anxiety of a missing person unrelated to any of this is another part of my life (they turned up ok but I still don't know what happened), and then I dealt with my feelings and thoughts, which completely ran away because I was already under pressure from the above, regarding my brother's now ex girlfriend.

I'm not going to rehash the story. You can go to my other posts for that. Suffice it to say they are both hoarders but she is also bipolar and in different ways they both said they would kill each other. With her it was the threat to sick her three pit bulls on him. After that he told me he'd kill her if he had to live with her long enough for the eviction process to work itself out. And it said it with deadpan seriousness. And as a former crack addict, in another state he once nearly strangled a man in a drug deal gone bad.

So, the past few weeks his ex was missing. This was only a couple weeks after he told me he'd kill her. Then to add to it all I learned the police showed up at the house, since someone else (likely her mother), couldn't get in touch with her.

I did have his word that she texted him a couple times, and he seemed genuinely to not know what happened. But my mind ran away with it. I didn't approach him about it of course. I confided in just one friend, who tried to assure me. But for about a day or two I was completely terrified. After that I started to come to my senses, and now I've learned that she is at her own home. I learned that some days ago.

So that's the recent history. That's what I have had to deal with. I mean really, brother saying he would kill his girlfriend, he nearly killed somebody years ago after wanting crack cocaine, she turns up missing, and the police show up at the door asking where she is. Before you judge, what would YOU think when your mind put all those facts together? I couldn't help but think the worst.

So now, all that aside, I am supposed to go to the house tomorrow. I haven't seen it in months. Be aware I would rather live the rest of my years on this earth and DIE without seeing our family home again unless I can see it fully free of hoarding. It would be better if I never saw it again.

I'm not a hoarder hater, but I want anyone who is a hoarder to read the rest of what I have to say because this is what can be done sometimes to family members. Tomorrow I will be hyperventilating in the hours leading up to seeing our house of horrors. My hands will be shaking. I could very well have a dream tonight about cleaning up the house, the 22nd since late last year. Yes, I now have some degree of PTSD over this thing.

The only reason I agreed to my brother's request is because our trust lawyer is going to be there and she is going to arrive there first and then call me to inform me of the condition of the house. Supposedly nearly all his ex's hoarded stuff is out, but that still leaves plenty of stuff from him.

Granted, I'm not going to make mention that recently I'd wondered if he'd killed her, but I don't know how I am going to take seeing the place. It is going to be absolutely terrifying. I don't even know why I am doing this. Support I guess, I want to help and support him, but I feel forced. The only thing that is keeping me sane is knowing the lawyer will first call. She is not only a lawyer but a friend of the family for decades. She was my own divorce lawyer years ago.

And you know hat is so crazy about tomorrow? After that I will be going to my Goddaughter's birthday. And guess what? Her father is a hoarder too. Only his is not my family and not my home, so the same level of junk that terrifies me in one location doesn't bother me at all in another. But tons of people will be there, and his hoarding was environmentally learned growing up. None of the negative emotional baggage so common to many cases is involved. With him it's just a way of life. So when I am there it will ironically be the greatest solace after what will be a terrifying, possibly horrifying experience.

I fear suffering such severe trauma tomorrow. I fear most what new horrors I will see that I do not yet know about.

Sorry if I use such strong words but that is how I feel. Terror and horror. That is how I describe, for me, what my brother's hoarding and destruction of our childhood home has put me through. Nothing but terror and horror.

Please, for people who hoard who are reading this, please understand that clearly.