GG,

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I think the first thing that is great is that you did not become a hoarder. I wish I could say the same for my siblings and me. I go over to clean my mom's house and end up bringing half the junk home with me.

Secondly, you cannot control another person. Your mom is in denial and sounds like she is living in dangerous conditions. I really don't know what you can do. If you clean up and repair the house, she is just going to mess it up again. She has to want to change. Not everyone has that strength. It is a process. I really don't think there is any quick fix.

I say concentrate on your own life. If you mom is in mortal danger, I would maybe call some type of adult social services. However, you can't fix this, but just cleaning her house out. She won't let you and doesn't have the skills to remain clutter free. Keep coming to message boards and see if you can get some help for yourself.

Hello!

My mom bought our house in 1993, I was just shy of 2 years old. The day we moved in was probably the best memory that I have in that house and I don't remember it. From that moment on, the clutter grew and I should have been sent to the Olympics for all of the hurdling that I accomplished. Every time that my Dad or myself tried to clean we were met by the "trashinator" as I called her. Even when we had the items out on the street waiting for the garbage trucks, she would run our and retrieve her crap. I broke down multiple times and suffer from panic and anxiety attacks due to that house. Fast forward to when I got pregnant with my son, I had unusually bad morning sickness and even passed out from dehydration, which I found out was from an allergy to mold that was dormant until I was pregnant. I couldn't live there and I was bounced from one family member's home to finally end up with my son's father in his mother's home. Eventually we moved to Georgia and my cleaning plans were stunted once again. In the time that I was gone (2 years) it only got worst. The roof dipped over where my room used to be and the water main ruptured. When I moved back I had plans to fix the house, but again I was given the excuse that she will clean it and she doesn't want anyone in the house. I recently asked her if she would just sell it and start fresh, which she responded "there are too many memories there". That line through me over the edge and I pleaded with her and explained how I have no memories because of her and that house. I have my own apartment and I am literally going broke trying to keep up with my expenses, I know that I should not ask her for anything, but all I want is this problem to be fixed so that my child, her grandchild could have the childhood that I couldn't. It is to the point that I do not want to see her because the anger just bubbles over. I am very spiteful towards her and when she comes to visit, she leaves bags and buys me unneccasry knick knacks, which I throw in the garbage the moment that she leaves my house. I'm just tired and short on funds to do what I would really want to do with her home. I wish I could give up, but she is still my mom and as much as she caused me pain, I still feel the need to care for her, even with my full time job, full time school, and a child.

Any suggestions or agencies that anyone knows of that will potentially help for free, cheap or on a payment plan is appreciated. I am located in the NYC area.