I'm not sure how to use this "sounding" board, but I feel overwhelmed. I think I myself was in denial for some time. We have (had) three sons who are very shy and don't have much social life. They've always had lots of stuff and clutter in their house but for a long time I just thought they were not good housekeepers and were messy. It appears the situation has gotten worse. We seldom go to their house - they visit here almost every evening after work and usually have dinner with us. They needed someone to let the exterminator into the crawl space for annual inspection so my husband did (you have to go through the house to the garage). He came home saying it was a total disaster. The irony is that he is a hoarder, too, just that he 'only' has a few rooms/areas filled - garage, a corner in the yard, and an extra bedroom upstairs, whereas, theirs is the entire house. (I've finally convinced him to do something about the corner of the yard though I don't think it is complete.) The reason I said we "had" three sons is that we lost our oldest to a brain tumor 6 years ago - very traumatic for all of us; the three brothers were very close, best friends, owned the home together. I think this trauma exacerbated an existing problem. I believe they all suffer(ed) from anxiety/depression or something similar and have for a long time so this was likely the beginning of the hoarding problem. I'm feeling overwhelmed now that we've realized/admitted that they need help - that is, need to help themselves, want to change things, but it's hard to know where to start. It almost seems the more I read the more overwhelmed I become. I am on medications for a form of bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression. And all sorts of mental illness runs in both mine and my husband's families. It almost feels as if it will be "the blind leading the blind." The last couple days I've been paralyzed with depression and that is in no way helpful! We tried to broach the topic with them very cautiously and tentatively, knowing you need to show compassion and understanding. The result was the older son said "I'm just lazy." Of course, even if he is that is likely a result of depression. Also I saw looks on their faces that showed such a combination of feelings - it seemed like fear, depression, closing off, embarrassment, anger...and at the same time their faces were vacant. I don't know how much sense that makes! Since there seemed to be anger mixed in, I said "please don't be angry with us ...it's just that we love you and worry about you." They said they weren't angry. In some of the articles it indicates some people aren't helped by treatment or help, so I'm worried they won't care enough and that it is hopeless. I don't know if this was the right thing to do or not, but we agreed to let them see if they could get something started, to create a plan/goal - small! - to try for in two weeks and then we'd come back to it. In the meantime, my husband plans to talk to them about going to the doctor and encourage them to be honest with him and indicate they probably need medication for depression and anxiety. (He goes to the same dr. and has been on Paxil for several years and it made a big difference in his outlook, though he didn't completely overcome the tendency to hoard that I mentioned earlier.) We also plan to talk with the only psychologist in the area who has as one of his specialties hoarding to help us with finding a direction. I have my doubts that they would be willing/able to see a therapist regularly. There is a kit listed on this web site. I wondered if anyone has had any luck with it, avoiding the time and expense of seeing a therapist? ANY help or suggestions appreciated.