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I have read digging out. there really is no safety issue, only mental on my part for having 2 rooms that are piled by husbands stuff, and it bothers me, not him. will try to find and read buried in treasures, to see if that helps. he doesnt want help with the rooms, i wish he did. cannot make a horse drink so to speak. thanks.

Hi AJ :)

My advice is that you read two books
"Digging Out" and "Buried In Treasures"
"Digging Out" is for people like us, living with a hoarding person.
It will teach you methods that work and those that do not.
Most important is it will teach you what you can do to improve your home life, things like safety issues.
"Buried In Treasures" was written mainly for people who hoard and has a lot of great instruction for changing the behavior.
Use the knowledge you will gain from it to help direct your husband to better understanding his compulsions.

:)

I have purged some things that i do not use or need. my husband collects way too many of media items (books, tapes, movies, cd's) and i want him to have smaller quantity to easily access and enjoy. any advise from Tillie i would like, as i hear you and i are alike in respects. hubby will get rid of some things, but one room is piled way too high for easy access.

So true Dave
I can only change myself.
The first change was to educate myself about this hoarding disorder.
Since everybody is different and responds to different tactics/ways of relating to people and situations
I have been trying everything I have learned to try to help him see the home situation for what it has become and for him to want to improve our lives here.
Also, I have learned that there are some situations where I must demand action be taken due to severe danger.

Marie Kondo method?
As for my discarding of my own possessions to try to get him to follow suit...
Years ago I donated, tossed and burned most everything I owned.
All my photographs, every souvenir, every childhood keepsake, books, movies, music, many dishes and kitchenware, clothes, etc...
Anything not necessary for my lifestyle.
I was living like a refugee with only the bare essentials.
He did not stop acquiring or hoarding one single thing.

These are comments, not recommendations for action.

I have been listening to a CD of Marie Kondo's book which I have checked out from the library. As it happens, Mrs Dave's hold of the printed copy came through at the same time so I can copy the quote below.

P52 To quietly work away at disposing of your own excess is actually the best way of dealing with a family that doesn't. She then describes how her brother, sister and parents all reassessed their possessions after Marie tidied her own possessions.

The counterpoint to that is that Mrs Dave, Tillie and wife do not seem to have seen their significant others change their hoarding behaviors as a result of Mrs Dave, Tillie and wife discarding their own items.

In regard to your hopeful comment/question below, remaining in the life of a person, remaining in proximity to their stuff, does not necessarily mean that one has found a way to "make" that person discard stuff.

The change which you can control is within you. You can change the way you view yourself, the world around you and the people and things within it. Some people are also able to change their placement in relation to the people and things in the world around them, if they wish to do so.

T- after 2 am- that's what I've been struggling with for the psst hour- whether to make a post in wife's thread about what Mrs Dave has been through with me. Not sure I want to get that personal and also it becomes a long way to say what you just said. It is just that the hope underlying the posts is so heartbreaking.

When I find out I will tell you.

If they do NOT want to change, they won't

i was told tillie and i have in common, wanted advise on how to adjust habits of spouse that has quantity issue.

what do you need to say about them?

lets chat about loved ones that have collections of exceeding quantity, and unable to easily access books etc for enjoyment.