Just wanted to let the group that I'm still above ground. Nothing much has changed for the better. My future with my hoarder is looking dismal. My heart/faith tells me I should go to the grave with this, but my head tells me that I need to free myself from an abuser who does not consider me at all except for a pay check and as a dofer (do this fer me, do that fer me). Can't remember the last time she did anything I asked of her. Sure, every once in a while she throws me a bone and does something civil which I used to look at as a sign of hope. I've come to learn that THAT is what folks dealing with Stockholm syndrome do. Tired of living in a cell. In the "real world" I would be eligible for probation by now.....
Best,
Ed

Thanks again Lizzie. And thank you to all in this group who have helped support me. I'll try to be in the chat session on Sunday. I missed Tuesday because I was dealing with the storm. New York is a mess. Some of the area where I grew up has been disfigured to the point that maps may no longer be accurate. Folks are dealing with sewage in the streets and in their homes. I've been lucky. But I know many who were not....

I know this isn't what really happened, houses don't have hearts and minds, but when I talked one of my best friends, someone who has helped my clean up my house before, and I told him the story, and the the dryer had stopped making the thumping noise and the I gotten the kitchen drain flowing and working again ... he said "Your house was trying to save you" and I had had the very same thought, an irrational thought, yes, but ...

Still need to have the leak fixed and the dishwasher repaired, and I probably should have someone look at the dryer, appliances don't heal themselves ...

And I am not solid yet, I haven't overcome the hoarding yet, but I am trying, though, I probably could try harder... but I have at least acknowledged that I have this problem and I am trying to get help.

I hope very much that your hoarder will have an epiphany too. For both of your sakes.

You cannot help someone, even when you love them, as much and as willing as you are to help them if they are either unwilling or unable to even acknowledge and accept that they have a problem and then, are unwilling or unable to even acknowledge and accept the help you offer them.

I learned that lesson with my brother, who has other issues, serious mental health issues, and it is a painful lesson to have to learn.

Thank you Lizzie.

Thank you so very much LizzieG for sharing with us.

Best wishes, Tillie :)

I can tell you exactly when my epiphany happened. Standing in front of the utility sink in my kitchen. I had had a leak in the roof that had worked through the master bedroom ceiling for a while.

I didn't get anyone in to fix it because of the hoarding. I was too embarassed and there was no room for them to work because of the hoard.

Then my dryer started making this loud thumping noise; no one in to fix that either, for the same reasons, though I kept using it even though i probably shouldn't have;

then my dishwasher conked out, same story, not fixed, so I had to do my dishes by hand in the sink and the sink drain started running slow, then not at all. Not fixed, for the same reasons.

So, one night, when I had to walk through about six inches of crap on the floor to haul my dishes over to the utility sink on the other side of the kitchen,


I was standing there, filling the utility sink up with hot,water and I suddenly thought: This is how it happens, this is how it starts, at least this is how the beginning of the end starts, how you end like one of those people on T.V.

I had some structural damage, in the bedroom, two appliances that weren't working, a stopped up sink and I wasn't, at that point, going to get someone in to fix it all because of the embarrassment of the hoard and because people who fix things need to be able to get to the things and need room to work.

That's when I knew I needed help, that I need to fix the hoarding. I felt that I was at a real turning point, that this was at the beginning of the end.

But Ed, I don't know if every hoarder has an epiphany. Hoarders are, in general, experts at denial and excuses. I am just grateful that I realized what was happening to me and was willing to acknowledge it.

Ed, I'm sorry I have no answer for you (other than my suggestion that you contact Cory).

For me, it wasn't a sudden epiphany, but rather a gradual one - an internalization of the intellectual knowledge that I was going to die. In that my hoard consists largely of my parents' (mainly mother's) belongings, I didn't want to leave it for someone else to deal with. There are some items of value involved, so it's not just a question of junking it all. I have no children or siblings, so the task would probably fall to my ex-husband. It's my responsibility.

As for impetus, watching many episodes of A&E's Hoarders and TLC's Hoarding, Buried Alive was inspiring. I'm not an extreme hoarder, but I strongly related to the issues of emotional attachment to objects and difficulty with decision making. Then, I was very lucky to find a live support group near me, and that, along with the chats on this site, has really helped.

Be well, Ed :)

Hi Ed :)

Sorry I don't have an answer for you.
My hoarder still does not really "get it".

Hoping others who read here will tell us just what was that "final straw" that made them want to change.

I need to try to help my wife have one. What do you recommend? I don't want to loose my mind!