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Posted: 19 October 2012 - 01:04 PM
Hi Belinda :D

That is WONDERFUL! news.

Many times the family member closest to the hoarder can't do this and someone more distant can.
I have that problem, being the closest to my hoarder so he resists my efforts.

So very happy for you! :D

(((hugs))), Tillie
Posted: 18 October 2012 - 10:32 PM
Hi Tillie,

Not sure if my message went through a minute ago.

My mother is seeking professional help!!!
Tomorrow is her appointment.
I think she got upset with me when I called one of her friends. Heck, if none of us kids could get through to her, I figured one of her friends would. I called one of them. That evening when Mama and I sat down to talk, I told her who I called & needless to say, she was mad. But it didn't bother me in the least!!!

I will keep you posted!

I AM SMILING A LOT MORE and less sick inside.

Thank you, Tillie so much! Thank you!!
Cory Chalmers
Posted: 08 October 2012 - 12:24 PM
Hi Ed and anyone else needing help. Yes, you can always call me for advice, guidance or any kind of help. My contact information is below and I will always do what I can to help those in need! Thanks for the heads up Tillie :)

Cory Chalmers
1-800-HOARDERS Ext. 111
(1-800-462-7337 Ext. 111)
Cory please reply!
Posted: 08 October 2012 - 12:20 PM
Ed has been posting on the messageboard and was in chat.
His situation is a lot more serious than I can help him with.
Is there any time that he could speak with you?

Sincerely, Tillie
Posted: 07 October 2012 - 10:58 PM
You sound so positive and motivated now.
Keep posting and let us know how things are going.

Posted: 07 October 2012 - 07:00 PM
Thank you, Tillie for putting a smile back on my face!!!!!! :) :) THANK YOU!!!

Oh yes, I HAVE taken QUITE a number of pictures AND actually, I plan on calling Mama's PCP tomorrow asking for her email address. I want to send her the pictures, along with a note! Like I said before, the bedroom for her is packed. Other areas effected, behind both my recliners have a pile, under my sofa, in my computer room, in the garage and outback are plastic bins and black garbage bags full of clothes (with tags), shoes, you name it, she's got it!!

How right you are! Mama did manipulate my brother and she messed up a nice room he provided for her in his home. When I went out there to move her back here, I was APPAULED of what I saw what her room looked like. IT WAS LOADED WITH 'STUFF'! She slept on a sheet, on the floor, that she made her bed. The actual bed was stacked high and full from one end to another.

Yes, I have noticed my husband has come out with comments to her and he's pretty sick of this mess.

Anyway, you do NOT sound harsh to me! I prefer telling it like it is!!


Posted: 07 October 2012 - 03:50 PM
Hi Belinda :)

Since you are the proper owner of the property you have every right to insist on your rules being followed.
You have the right to evict her and all her stuff.
Or you can keep her and evict all the stuff that escapes her bedroom.
You can evict her off the couch.

Remember, it is your home. She probably feels entitled since the house formerly belonged to her Mother, but it is yours now.

Since she lies and will lie to anybody about the hoarding situation, take pictures.
Lots of pictures and send them to her doctor.
One picture is worth a thousand words.

You have a right to photograph and distribute these pictures of YOUR home.

If she says she has nowhere to put all her stuff tell her that is not your problem and she has 3 days to get it all off the property.

The storage units are not your problem and all her stuff is not your problem.

Maybe your sister's four dogs won't be an issue for her once she realizes you mean everything you say.

It is not like she has nowhere else to go. You are not throwing her out on the street.
Hoarders are very manipulative and will do or say whatever it takes to get their way.
Be firm and reclaim your life.

You have a husband, will he stand firm behind you?
You have worked hard raising your sons and taking full time care of your Grandmother.
You deserve to have the life you and your
husband have worked for all these years.

I know I sound harsh but I want you out of this mess.

Sincerely. Tillie
Posted: 07 October 2012 - 02:42 PM
It's me again! :)

My mother has a home, which my youngest sister & her family live in. Before coming home, she said she was not going to live with my sister because they had 4 dogs. I told her, why not have my sister buy you out and you can live in an assistant living or small efficiency. I told her she could have money if she stopped buying this and that and shoving it in a corner. The home I live in WAS my grandparents and they willed it to me. I guess my mother thinks the ties are still here. I don't know. Recently, mama said, she's thinking of willing the house to my sister, since all of us kids have a home. I have spoken to my sister on 3 occasions. In conclusion, I said, 'I need your help!' Hope she pulls through because I'm really on the verge of tossing everything out the door.
Tillie like I told you, I took care of my grandmother, my mother's mother. The last two years of her life she was incontinent. Talk about hard and make sacrifices!! I have two sisters, one brother, a mother and an aunt, husband and 2 married sons. My mother had moved out of state with my brother & his family to take care of his children. Now that his children can do for themselves, my mother came back home. So, my brother was out of state AND my mother; my aunt came once a week to help her mother and I had no help from one sister & very, very little help from the other sister. My husband and sons did they best they could with Granny's situation. I'd get so disgusted with my mother running away from her responsibilities... her own mother!

Yes, in my post last time, I mentioned the storage:

Five and a half years ago, she moved out of state, taking a few things but putting most of her belongings in storage (still there today). I took her to the storage a few weeks ago; she didn't want go there but I forced it on her. I wanted to remind her she has THIS stuff too! She says, the stuff at the house, I can take and put in there. (There isn't any room to fit a spoon in there!) I said, NO, you get rid of what's at the house! You're NOT putting it in storage; there is no room!! Like I told my mother & youngest sister (the one I keep referring to), when you die, it will be my sister & me going through your crap! And if you died tonight, guess where your things will go ... bye-bye!! Tillie, I am not an introvert or mild and meek person. I have told her everything I can think of pertaining to this situation and in different tones. I am now at the point where, I do not want to talk!!! I'm depressed, tired and want to sleep!!

The hallway and two other bedrooms are ok to walk in; it's only the room I had for her she cluttered up!!

She lies to her friends and says, yes, I'm going to bed, my bed. She's on the sofa for crying out loud.

Lies, Lies, Lies ........ 95% of the time, she cannot lie to me. I KNOW things and it surprises the heck out of her. I have also told her, the things you taught us 4 kids, you need to practice what you preached. Lying was totally out! I cannot stand a liar!!

Honestly, some high school friends and I get together every other month, be it at a restaurant or their home. Well, I told her, IF IT EVER COMES TO, IT'S AT MY HOUSE, THERE IS NO WAY!! I WOULD BE TOTALLY EMBARRASSED BECAUSE YOUR CRAP IS HERE AND THERE! I also continued with, you do not respect me and you don't care about me. If you did, you wouldn't do this too me! She said how can you say that? I said easily; I just did!!

Thank you so much, Tillie for replying back!!!!!! I DO GREATLY APPRECIATE IT!!!!

What I would like to know, since this is my house and those are her belongings, do I have any rights to start pitching? Yes, she can tell me, these are her things. I can also come back with and this IS MY house. Just as she used to tell us kids we had to do our chores & clean up before going out ... same applies to her & then some!!!!
PS ... She has seen her PCP for help. I cannot be with her 24/7 but I think (not sure) the doctor referred her to someone. BUT, if she goes and is not honest with whomever, then what?

Posted: 07 October 2012 - 09:06 AM

Interesting articles on hoarding.

The best way to help yourself when you have a hoarder in your life is by reading every article and book written by professonals working with and studying hoarders/hoarding.
Posted: 06 October 2012 - 06:40 PM
Hi Belinda :)

I am just going to throw out a few suggestions here.
Why is she living with you? Can she get a small place of her own?

Can you set down strict boundaries?
Make "No Clutter Zones" areas where nothing is to be placed there except the things that belong there.

Make a rule that the livingroom is community space to be shared by everybody and no one person is to camp out there at no time. ?

She has storage? Have her get more storage and anything that does not fit in her bedroom goes there. And that she must sleep in her bedroom too.

Make a safety plan....
Clear access to all doors and windows.
Clear hallways and passageways through the entire home.
No build up of hazardous fire trap items.

It is your home and I don't know all the specifics but you do have a right to use and enjoy your home in a safe and sanitary manner.

Good luck & best wishes,
Tillie :)
Posted: 06 October 2012 - 01:29 PM
My mother became a hoarder nearly 22 years ago. BUT, before then, she always enjoyed shopping. My grandfather passed away almost 22 years ago and simultaneously, my mother lost her job. Her husband was in poor health too. I suppose as a result she became depressed and began compulsive shopping, then hoarding. Five and a half years ago, she moved out of state, taking a few things but putting most of her belongings in storage (still there today). Mind you, these things had been built up MORE than five and ten years, plus! Four months ago, she came back home and now resides with my husband and me, WITH all her wordly possessions and then some!! I cannot stand it! I've tried talking in a normal tone; I've tried a few octaves higher and I went as far as screaming and shouting, only to lose my voice for a few days. I HAD a room for her to sleep in but since the room is jammed pack with her things, she has been sleeping on the sofa .. every night! We cannot watch tv as we once did. Since she sleeps on the sofa, she watches tv most of the day, eats constantly, goes to the store and buys extra food we don't care for AND don't need (when told her NOT to)! Granted, it's her money. I'm tired of the buying and pushing things in a corner and I'm tired of the bold face lies to my face. I know she's slick and lies to me and I do confront her. What tone of voice or action must I do to put a handle on this? I am seriously thinking of taking all of her stuff and throwing it on the lawn and say, 'live out here'. Enough is Enough! I cannot take anymore.
PS 1. Yes I have siblings ... another subject;
2. I took care of my grandmother (her mama) until she died (with NO help). There is more but this is the basic.
Thank you!! Any help is greatly appreciated!!
Posted: 05 October 2012 - 11:23 AM
Many hoarders are health care professionals.
Many other hoarders are professors, teachers and other highly educated intelligent people.
The more intelligent the hoarder the more they can rationalize to themselves reasons why they should keep things. Ways that the items could be useful someday. How they may come in handy.

This is the problem I have with my hoarder. His constant rationalizing as to why he should keep things rather than the logical reasons to toss and clear out the clutter.
Posted: 04 October 2012 - 10:44 PM
Tillie, thanks for the link.
Tina, wife denies there is a problem and doesn't believe in therapy. BTW She is a licensed health professional.
Posted: 04 October 2012 - 10:14 PM
Hi Ed,
You said in another post that you are currently in therapy to help you cope with her issues, but I noticed that you didn't mention her being in treatment? Is she not willing to get help, or is she maybe in treatment but not making any progress?
Posted: 04 October 2012 - 09:53 PM
On the A&E hoarders messageboard over the years many doctors, organizers and extreme cleaners have posted answering questions from the viewers.

I have gotten a lot of insight from reading their posts.

Here is the link if you would like to read through them.
You don't have to read all the threads just the ones started specifically for these professionals.
Posted: 04 October 2012 - 09:37 PM
It has been the personality changes that have upset me the most.

He used to be carefree, polite and very interesting and pleasant.
He used to always be intelligent and logical.
Posted: 04 October 2012 - 09:04 PM
Been laboring over questions for ages. My wife seems to have had MAJOR personality changes over the years. Has anybody experienced this?
Posted: 04 October 2012 - 08:22 PM
i am confused. what are you asking?
Posted: 04 October 2012 - 08:10 PM
Go ahead and ask your question Ed.
Posted: 04 October 2012 - 07:51 PM
Not sure if this is the correct way or place to do this. Wanted ask permission before I proceed. Do not want to offend anyone.
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