Hi Eve. I've had the same thing going on for years. Been in therapy myself for a year trying to understand and deal. She doesn't see anything wong!

Hi Eve, :)

By being and acting mean he controls the entire situation.
The meanness is a way to manipulate you.
I had/have that same issue.
I was afraid to clean all the clutter out of the living spaces because I knew he would get very nasty when I disturbed his crap.
But after too many years, I had had enough and did bag & box it all up and moved it to his room, the garage and carport.
The livingroom, dining room, kitchen, bathroom, hallway and porches are now
NO CLUTTER ZONES!
I keep these areas clean and clear.

A hoarder will be mean so you will continue to leave their hoard undisturbed because you are afraid to make them angry.

A word of warning though....
when I did clear his clutter out he did retaliate.
Best to get a hoarder to agree to getting help/therapy before disturbing the hoard.
But a hoarder will not change until/unless they are ready to.

Best wishes

if i leave something of mine out of place i get yelled at. every room in the house if full from wall to wall with his stuff and that is ok to him but if something of mine is where he can see it he has to complain about it.
like last night i was folding laundry and i left my laundry basket in the livingroom when i went to bed and this morning he got mad about it.
he always complains about the house being dirty but how am i supposed to clean when i am not allowed to touch stuff or move it? why should i dust off boxes and piles of stuff? i do try to vacume the narrow paths on the floor i can reach with a hose becuse they are not wide enuf for the vacume to fit. i dust the fans and around the ceilings and windows that i can reach with the broom. i do laundry and dishes. i keep the kitchen clean and i take out the trash. but i am only allowed to throw away what he puts in the trash cans. i am not allowed to throw anything else away without his permission first. i dont understand. what else am i supposed to do? it is so unfair. why are they so mean?