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Hoarding Help Message Boards : Welcome to the new board! : Hoarding/ elderly Mom/denial
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Hoarding/ elderly Mom/denial

Cory Chalmers
Posted: 05 March 2015 - 10:09 AM
I am sincererly sorry you find yourself in this position. As you can see, on a public message board, you will get all kinds of input and responses. First, no matter what anyone tells you or posts on here, this is not your fault. We know most family members have tried relentlessly to clean a loved ones house, but simply are not allowed to. If it was that easy, you wouldn't be posting on here, just like if it were that easy for your mother, she would have cleaned it already herself. These situations are extremely sad because until the person struggling with these tendencies and behaviors want to get help and change, they are not going to. We can rush in and clean out a house, but that is just the symptom of the true problem, so without addressing the problem, nothing has changed. Just like we don't take a bottle from an alcoholic and leave thinking we cured them, becuse they will just go get another bottle. So cleaning is not the complete answer, working on the issues that are causing the hoarding behaviors is the real solution. If she refuses to get the necessary help, there is little anyone can do to force her. A city/county can condemn her house, but again that ends in tragedy and failure and still doesn't stop the behavior. The only way for her to figure out why she has this issue and then work on it with professionals. I would be happy to speak with you more if you ever want to talk. You can find my info on
Posted: 02 March 2015 - 10:53 PM
Sounds like your Mom has had a tough life with now a tougher retirement. We have meetings in chat on Sunday and Tuesdays and hope you will come join us. We were talking about your post tonight and feel a social worker should get involved, maybe local church would be willing to help and animals possibly spca since too much. Not sure what to advise or offer, although we can give you support and feedback while you are going through and finding your way during the challenges that lay ahead. Take some deep breaths and just go day by day. Overwhelming is what many with clutter issues have and you do to, as your Mom's clutter and it seems sil is now somehow yours. Hopefully there is a solution that can help resolve, improve or relocate your family ... whatever is best for them and you. You CAN do this. Please keep us updated and do join us in chat.
Posted: 02 March 2015 - 10:10 PM

I'm sorry for what your Mom, sister-in-law and you are having to go through. I am not sure what resources are available. If there is a large church in your Mom's area you might contact them to see if they at least have a list of resources.

Do not blame yourself for your Mom's condition. If you are able to help her yourself that's great, but you may not be. I am hopeful someone will respond to you with something that helps.
Posted: 02 March 2015 - 08:56 PM
you need to talk to a women ive come to know through hoarders. i was in the last phase for them to come n help me but they said i wasnt bad enough. Good thing though i still need help but email me n ill connect u to them ok love in CHRIST paula ill b praying for you n yours
Posted: 28 February 2015 - 02:58 PM
Maybe you should go in and clean it? Have any siblings that could help? Perhaps years ago when you noticed it starting to decline, stepping in to assist would have been kind and helpful.

Now it seems she is being blamed and made out to be like a dirty old lady who does not care.

It is sad to see people on here who complain about a family members living conditions, yet some are not interested to help. Imagine if it was you and your kids just let your place get like that due to whatever reason you were unable to do it.

Sadly, neglecting it is now a BIG problem and YOU as her daughter should help. Maybe you can move her in with you while you and hopefully some others can clean it to her specifications and with her staying in control.

She is not a bad filthy person and it sounds like the help and maintenance she needed, is too little to late. YOU can either help now or wait till she dies(not very nice).

Hire a company if it is NOW too much for you.

Take good care of your Mom and get some good support and be ready to learn some challenging skills, as even if you ARE won't be easy. Obviously when it was not like it, it was already impossible for her and likely not due to mental problems.

Do you have a spare bedroom? Maybe you can look after you Mom and she will no longer live in neglectful conditions.

Good luck and while I do wish you all the best, is in support of helping your Mom...
Posted: 23 February 2015 - 07:20 AM
I am in the same position as many of you. I have been trying to get my Mom to clean her house for years. Recently the sherriff caught wind (the smell in her house) and wants to condemn it if she does not get it cleaned. She will not let anyone touch a majority of it. The carpets are destroyed and stink from years of pets, there are some sort of moth cocoon's all over the ceiling, trash and papers she is saving and I do not know what else. I only visit her on holiday and birthdays because I cannot stand to see her live like that. My mom is in her 70s and does not have the energy, desire or the money to hire professionals. No one in our family has the money to have it professionally cleaned. I am sad and worried for her. She sleeps all day and when she eats she is eating expired and old food. She raised us kids on her own without child support and her house is all she has left from her years of hard work. If she loses her house, she will have no place to go. I don't know what to do. My sister in law also lives at her house and she has many health problems and an oxygen tank for her breathing issues. There are also too many pets in that house that nobody wants to give up. It is a terrible situation and I am desperate. If there is anyone willing to help out there I would be most grateful. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Thank you.
Hoarding Help Message Boards : Welcome to the new board! : Hoarding/ elderly Mom/denial

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