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Dianne
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Posted: 15 December 2014 - 09:27 AM
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Hi nwoodrum,
It's good that you're getting the care your need and bed rest in a hospital. Your sweet, tiny ones will have a safe, solid start in this world! :)
You can use this time resting to really pry into your reasons for hoarding and perhaps have some good talks with your husband.
I saw your post on Why Do You Hoard. Your genetics, environment and traumatic experiences sound like many others. I's put myself in that category. Although it doesn't make sense to people who don't hoard I totally understand when you say your stuff makes you feel safe. Hard to explain but it does. I remember my grandmother stuffing her purse with all the little freebies at restaurants too. Once she took the whole bowl of after dinner mints in the lobby area and dumped them in her purse. I don't think it ever occurred to her that it was odd.
While you're in the hospital read as much as you can online about hoarding. I always recommend books too but don't feel you have to. Let your husband know this is very much a concern for you as it is for him. Encourage him to read about living with a hoarder so he can get some understanding of how to help you. Right now you're only going to be able to do the head work.
Is there anything you would trust him to throw out without you? The used food containers, glass jars, bread bags and cereal bags? Those seem like things that take up space, would seem to be trash to him and are very easily replaceable. It would be better if you don't replace those but the idea is to understand that those items will always be available to you. It would also show your husband you are willing to work on this and you trust him.
I understand your need for free samples, bargain shopping and couponing. With a large family those are good money management things. But they may not be so good when it comes to time management and space management. You need to have a system of rotation to use the things you bought first. I used to hoard shampoos, toothpaste and lotions thinking they would never expire. But when I would look at something years old I'd think do I really want to take the chance that this hasn't spoiled somehow and would give me a chemical burn?
Also look at the strong need you have to use those coupons. That takes a lot of clipping and sorting making sure you pick up the right amount or size at the store and then you might be stressing about whether or not the cashier is giving you all the discounts you worked so hard for. The savings can be a thrill but all the work involved may not be worth it.
One of my daughters has twins. I remember being out of my mind with excitement one time while shopping at an outlet center 3 hours away. It was a store with beautiful, classic children's clothes and the discounts were insane! There were the racks of out of season clothes but I just picked out larger sizes they would grow into. It was Tuesday so seniors got another discount. I had a member card so that was another discount. If you spend a certain amount there was another discount. I was like a kid in a candy store. Or a compulsive shopper out of control. By the time I was done and figured out all my loot I had gotten several thousands of dollars of clothes for a few hundred. I was shopping for 2 year olds up until they were 8 or 9. It was an insane high that made glorious sense to me but in reality most of those clothes were never used by them.
You have so many more important things to do with your time then figure out sales. Of course you know all that in your head. It's just the thought of actually putting the changes into action is what is overwhelming.
When you go home with the twins you're going to have to tend pretty much to their needs and yours first. There won't be a lot of time for dehoarding. Use this time in the hospital to form a plan of action. There will be some things you can do pretty easily when you get home. Stop bringing things into the house that will not be used quickly. Let your husband do the shopping. Don't look for or accept any free samples. Just try to keep your everyday life balanced. It may not be until next September before you and the twins are settled enough for you to do some real dehoarding work. Try not to get too discouraged by being held back for awhile. You're young and you have a husband and children who can help you get things out of the house before it gets totally out of control. When your 1 year old and your twins are taking their baby steps you will be too.
It's an ongoing process to figure out why we get so attached to things and how we can let them go without too much anxiety. With your very busy life give yourself lots of time. You're going to do a fine job!
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nwoodrum
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Posted: 13 December 2014 - 10:16 PM
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And with the yarn, I crochet alot but I have enough to last me a year or two. The free samples do get used, its mostly shampoo, soap, etc. I should also add I'm a bargain shopper and borderline extreme couponer. :/ I do sympathize with my husband, I know it has to be hard dealing with me and my 'issues', but he lacks patience in times when I need it most. He offers to help me, but his solution for everything is throw it out, burn it, get rid of it and I have a terrible problem with those terms also.
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nwoodrum
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Posted: 13 December 2014 - 09:56 PM
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Hi Dianne.
I am actually in the hospital right now on bed rest because I am pregnant with Mono Mono twins. (Twins that share the same amniotic sac and same placenta.) It's a very rare type of twins and very high risk. I have been here for a month now and have about a month and a half to go. My other kids are 12, 11, 6 and 1.
The plastic containers I tend to save are the food ones, like cottage cheese containers, sour cream containers, etc. I also save glass jars and bread bags, or cereal bags as well. As far as taking out trash, my husband takes care of that, and I don't have a problem throwing things out that's obviously trash. I get my free samples online for the most part. I'll also take anything that's free. Which that part has gotten better, before we got married, I used to live in town and I would take things that people had out by the street for free if I was interested in it or had a use for it. Now that I live in the country, it has curbed that habit alot. I have hoarded things for somewhere around 15 years ago. Although I wouldn't say that everything I have is 15 years worth of stuff, but it started by saving magazines and papers when I was younger and has graduated to 'useful' things. (to me anyways.) Not only do I hoard for myself, I hoard for everyone in my family also. Our house is very much livable and each room is fully functional, but closets burst at the seams and our basement is full of things. As far as if I need professional help, I do think I need it. If anything just someone to sit with me and help me rationalize why I'm trying to keep things or why I can't get rid of it. Sometimes I have phases where it makes me absolutely crazy and I'll get rid of things, but that doesn't last long and it has to get out of the house right away or I'll start second guessing what I was going to get rid of and end up keeping half of it again.
It's a vicious cycle and I feel like I'm about to be overwhelmed with newborn twins and 4 other kids.
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Dianne
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Posted: 13 December 2014 - 06:52 PM
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Hi nwoodrum, welcome!
When are your tiny ones due and how old are your other kids? You really have your hands full!
You say your husband realized you need professional help. Do you think you need it? Are you able to see a therapist?
It's hard enough with the anxious feelings hoarders have. Add to that an angry spouse threatening to throw out your stuff and all your mom responsibilities and your stress must be thru the roof.
You can definitely get support here. How are you doing getting regular trash out of the house? How do you get free samples? Are they things you really use? Are the plastic containers kitchen size for food or larger ones also for storage? With the yarn how much knitting are you getting done?
I have a million questions. :)
It really is important to work on this now. You made a great start asking for help. Looking forward to hearing more from you!
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nwoodrum
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Posted: 13 December 2014 - 02:28 PM
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Hi Everyone.
I browsed the forums for a little bit and decided to introduce myself. I'm a 32 year old mother of 4 (soon to be 6)! I am a hoarder. It is starting to drive a wedge between my husband and I. It's difficult for me to let go of things and I have 'collected' things for a LONG time. The worst was probably when I worked at a thrift store and we were able to have first dibs on things before they went on the floor for sale, which resulted in accumulating alot of things that way. I hoard clothes, shoes and purses. Also among my hoarding is free samples, plastic containers, plastic bags, my kids' artwork, my father's belongings and yarn.
I have alot of anxiety and discomfort when it comes time to try to get rid of something or let someone borrow it. My husband used to be understanding and supportive and realized I need professional help, but now he's just angry all the time and threatens to throw my stuff out while I am gone and burn it which really makes me panic. He doesn't understand why I can't just get rid of stuff and why I have such a problem with things and feels like I choose my things over my family.
Anyways, I just wanted to introduce myself and hopefully I can get some support from people here.
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