| southmess | Posted: 12 December 2013 - 01:57 PM |
Hi, I'm not from the US, but I'm looking for help. I'm not a native English speaker so forgive me if my writing is faulty. I'm a 44 yo man who now lives alone in a very small apartment. I don't want to make this long. Since long ago I've had problems with dealing with mess. Recently I've been in a relationship with this woman I could not invite to my house because I feel ashamed of the mess and dirt. You must know... After some months this is something that eroded the relationship. When I realized this (last week) I started looking for help. Even though I am in therapy, there are no professionals nor institutions in my country offering support for this condition. This is how I ended up here. I started a full scale declutter of my apartment on Sunday. I threw out papers and not useful objects, and somehow classified useful stuff. It has been very hard for me to do this. I'm mostly alone at this. I have a good friend in the US I have been texting with. Even though she has been very (very) supportive I am afraid she will get tired of me. And today, right now I'm stuck. I feel bad, and I feel I need help urgently. I can't go through this alone. Thanks for reading. | |
Replies (12)
| southmess | Posted: 13 December 2013 - 08:34 PM |
Hi Dianne, I think I will be changing my sheets soon. I have a dog, but he is not living with me now, he is at my mom's since last year. I miss him a lot. He's a mini poodle and even tough poodles are not supposed to shed, he sheds a little. My dog is not living with me since I was hospitalized for a month... Then I spent some months at my mother's, and when I came back to my messy, dirty apartment, I did not want to bring him here, I think he deserves better. | |
| Dianne | Posted: 13 December 2013 - 10:29 AM |
Hey southmess, I didn't change my sheets either for years. Every once in awhile just layered another sheet or blanket over the space where I slept. The pillows were filthy, the bed was filled with all kinds of crap, mostly books. At one count it was over 80. I recently got a new mattress and treated myself to new sheets and pillows. It was a huge mess to try and clear spaces so the guys could get in and get the old one out, the new one in. So embarrassing. It was worth it because my back isn't as sore in the morning now. One thing I noticed with the new sheets that I never noticed before is the amount of cat hair that I have to clear from the bed every single day. It is totally blowing me away! I cannot believe all that was building up in the old bed and I just didn't really see it. How could that be? I could feel fuzzies on my nose and sometimes I'd run my hand over an area and brush it off. But without all the junk and with clean sheets now the least little bit of dirt is noticeable. As we start to clean it brings up old feelings (I was divorced too) but no matter why we got into the messes and the filth we deserve to get out of them. It's so nice to have a place here where we are not shamed or disgusted with each other. Just supportive. 🙂 | |
| southmess | Posted: 13 December 2013 - 09:29 AM |
Thank you Dave, I will be checking out the blog later. | |
| Dave | Posted: 13 December 2013 - 09:05 AM |
Clutter busting blog. http://brooks-palmer.blogspot.com/2013_12_01_archive.html There are two books that have been helpful to me as I have made efforts to deal with my clutter. The author of one of those books is also the author of this blog. I think the December posts in the blog give a nice spectrum of the advice and help he gives to people. | |
| southmess | Posted: 13 December 2013 - 08:10 AM |
Roxy, Thank you for your words. | |
| southmess | Posted: 13 December 2013 - 08:08 AM |
Dave, Sure I want. Thank you! | |
| Dave | Posted: 13 December 2013 - 07:56 AM |
Hey Southmess, | |
| Roxie | Posted: 12 December 2013 - 09:32 PM |
Welcome, Southness. Recovering from hoarding and its messes is not just about throwing things out and cleaning. It is an emotional journey, too, as you are discovering. And that is okay, and necessary. I am glad you are tackling it head on. So far, so good! You have a lot of support here any time you need it. | |
| southmess | Posted: 12 December 2013 - 07:05 PM |
Thank you Tillie, I'm home now. Didn't make big progress today. I feel guilt. Just got a nice brown plastic bag for my hair clipper. Put it in the bathroom. I am needing some boxes, but I was not able to come to a decision about the size. But I've made a "big" discovery. I was concerned about what was going inside the boxes, and thought and thought (improductively) about some kind of "optimal" space. My discovery was realizing I should not be worried now about what's going inside the boxes, but the boxes fitting my environment and even more, becoming a part of it. This way all I need to do is measure the space where I will put the said boxes and then buying them according to this easy to get information. I feel kind of stupid making this sort of discoveries at 44. I think a 10 year old child can do better than me. Now I am working on my small living room. Next step is my bedroom. Bathroom and kitchen are not badly cluttered but are far from clean. More on this later. About my bedroom, now I am sleeping on a messy bed. Not only messy, but also dirty. I do not remember when I last changed the sheets. Pillows are all dirty. I think I need new ones. I also think the current sheets won't be ok after washing them. Yes, I am concerned about health issues. I don't like sleeping in this condition. I hate it. The bed is also loaded with stuff: clean and dirty clothes, some papers, headphone, some plastic bags, may be some books and perhaps something else I don't remember now. This is all at my left side when I am laying mouth up. That was the place of the bed my ex wife used when we were married (we divorced in 2006). Well, today I am not doing big progress with my work here, but I am glad I found you guys. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 12 December 2013 - 04:40 PM |
Welcome Southmess 🙂 Stay here with us and we will give you lots of emotional support and advice as you do this difficult work of decluttering and learning ways to keep your home from getting out of control. | |
| southmess | Posted: 12 December 2013 - 04:18 PM |
Thanks Dianne, I am not at home now. I am at a Subway nearby because I needed to be out. Yesterday I threw away many things. I'm way past the point of throwing out garbage. That part was kind of easy. But now I have to decide about more or less useful things and the hoarder in me is giving me a very bad time. Its 7PM here. I was thinking of buying a couple of things I am needing. Some bag for a hair clipper I have never found a place to keep in, and a pair of boxes to put things in. About the boxes it's puzzling I am worried about getting something too big or too small. The quest for the *perfect* size keeps me stranded at "messy beach". | |
| Dianne | Posted: 12 December 2013 - 04:00 PM |
Hi southmess, You may be alone physically but you have many friends here. Please keep posting and get the support you need. Sounds like you're off to a good start! | |