Thank you SubC. They were released to come home. There are still major concerns, but I am hopeful. I am trying to be super kind and supportive, have a quiet environment and provide anything that will help. God's in control of this one. I am doing all I can. Praying for a good holiday season.

Just checking this.

They have you. I know you feel lost sometimes, but from what I see here, I think you are amazing.

Thank you. They are still in a safe place but probably released in a few days. I wish someone around them was as kind as you try to be.

Oh Lila, I am so sorry. And so glad that teen is safe.

I don't know what the answers are, but I know there is so much that our society is still doing wrong.

Yesterday I had a hard day with a boy who reminds me a lot of the one we lost. I came home and tried to talk to Dh about it, and he said "you know you're a school, not a hospital." I told him "I am a human being, and this is a child." He's a good person, but sometimes he makes me so angry.

I hope that you find some answers for teen.

Well, this is not meant to hijack your thread, but I have a really bad thing too that I don't want to post in the daily in case it would be too upsetting for people. But Teen tried to end their life a few days ago. It was terrible but after a day and a half in the ER they made it through, not sure if there is damage longer term but they are in a safe place now at least for a week. It is shockingly hard in my state, and maybe everywhere, to detain an unstable person even if they really should be in an institution. Freedom, rights, and all that.

I am so sorry, SubC. That is so hard. Hugs.

I went to his celebration of life today. It was amazing. So much art, stories, home movies - I got to hear him laugh again.

His mother said he saved everything he made in my class. And some of it was there. And his friend told me that I made a difference - to both of them.

It still hurts just as much that he's gone, but some of the other pain is better. The little voice in my head that has been telling me I needed more time is quiet, and another one says I didn't fail him. I couldn't save him. And I'm not naive or conceited enough to think that I could have. But I didn't fail him.

This morning I woke up, and c being dead wasn't the very first thing I remembered. And when I remembered, I didn't start crying.

Last night I slept.

I found a picture of him holding a baby goat I brought to school.

There is a thing in my classroom that I use that reminds me of a day that was hard for him. Yesterday I thought I would throw it in the dumpster today when I go in to work.

But today, I think it will be ok to keep using it.

I am heartbroken for this young man. I am heartbroken for his family and for you, SubC. I'm so sorry.

I don't want to post on the daily thread because I know this can be triggering for people and because sometimes our own pain is all we can handle.

So please, feel free to stop reading now and go.

It's about a student.

Ok.

Out of all the years I have been teaching, there are a lot of students I loved and miss. But there was only one that I desperately wanted more time with. The last day of his senior year he had me last period. He was having a horrible day. Not because he was sad to leave. It had been kind of a horrible week. I called him out into the hall to talk to him half an hour before class ended, and he started crying. I asked if there was anything I could do to help him and he said "can I please just go home before classes get out?" I said "yeah. If you need to go, go. You know you can always come back to visit, right?" And he said "I am never coming back here." And he left. I watched him walk out of the building crying and felt completely useless.

Over the last couple of years I have tried to get news of him - other students, google, I hoped he found his place in the world. I hoped he was happy.

On July 14, he took his own life. He was 20 years old. He was smart and funny and had incredible creative talent. He felt things deeply. He wanted a relationship but no kids. He wanted to move to nyc or la. And I know that even when he was a kid, it took everything he had just to get through the day.

The first thought in my mind this morning was that he is gone.
Nothing tastes good and sometimes it's hard to swallow or breathe.