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Hoarding Help Message Boards : Why Do You Hoard? (NEW!) : Helping A Friend
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Helping A Friend
   

Pani
Posted: 28 January 2017 - 06:16 PM
Hi
How nice of you to offer help.
The term hoarder is a label.
Just like adhd, or bipolar.
Though labels seem like negative words.
They are meant to help. Once we're identified and diagnosed a lot help can occur. So a label will help much more than help.
Please read the book. As Tillie suggests.
I'm a hoarder. I don't like being called a hoarder.

I do finally just got used to being called add'er .when they changed to adhd. Thing is many mental disorders overlap. So while my adhd is glaringly obvious. My hoarding isn't as prevalent. After a long time of neglecting my ADHD treatment. I fall I to hoarding and the hoarding nudges me Into a spiral of depression.
Keep reading, keep watching the hoarder shows.
This might help you see where we hoarders are alike , but also how were individually different.

I cannot give advice. I'm not certified to do so.
So my suggestion isn't a solution . Maybe a piece or part of one.
Trust is a big part. Trust is Almost everything.
If you invest your time and energy into getting In there then her getting upset with you. Don't say anything back to her where she'll loose trust in you.

If it's that bad. She'll be weary that if anyone Comes to help. She'll be condemned. A fire or a fall. And placed somewhere else. That's a real fear.
Many hoarders get their valuable mixed in with trash and fear that it will all get thrown out.

So I'm not going to make a suggestion.
I'll say what I would do.

Keep showing up on Trash day. Or the day before. Consistently. Show up. Earn her trust.
Start with a room near the exit doors.
Leave when she asks
Come back on the trash day.

You what label normal people have. NT'ERS
Normal Thinkers.
You may find things an NT'ER will find un acceptable. Especially In the kitchen and bathroom.

My wife isn't a hoarder. I am. But about 8 years ago she had a mild stroke. For a reason I do t understand she went from a little messy to completely neglectful. It was hard because when I would try to help her she became like a demon to me. Well from an exaggerated point of view.
I've had to overcome my own hoarding tendencies. And clear out the mess. It always come back.
It won't help to try and relate.
It always comes back.

The only thing that's kept me from losing our child.is the saying
A little mess is OK. A lot of mess is unacceptable.

I'm so weird. I wish I could come help. I don't even know you or who that person is.

My point is there is more help out there than people realises. I thank you for wAnting to help one of us.
Best wishes.
Read that book :)
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Tillie
Posted: 13 January 2017 - 09:51 AM
Hello :)

I recommend that you read
"Digging Out".
It's a book written for people who want to help a person who hoards.

Good luck
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S Smith
Posted: 12 January 2017 - 11:05 PM
Hello,
I have a friend who is definitely a hoarder ( I really dislike calling people this) who needs help cleaning out her house. She started gathering items after her mother passed. Her home has officially gotten so bad that the only place to sleep is above ground level on a bunk bed. I keep asking to help her but she doesn't want anyone over to see her place. Not even strangers who help clean homes like this for a living. I keep telling her to start with one room at a time and just bag everything up don't think about what it means to you just through it away. She says she knows but never does. shell get 3 gallon size bags and do that but then leave the rest for another year ( exaggeration) I care about her so much. She is like a mother to me and I want to help but i don't know what to do. She's very stubborn.

Does anyone have any idea what i should do?

Ive thought about starting a GoFundMe account for her and just saying its to help with a homing issue.. and using that money to pay for a guy to come take that stuff away.. but i can't get her to pack it all up.
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